Role Models

So, I got up on Monday and made the decision in my head to drag my ass out of the stupid funk that I had gotten into, change my attitude and to have a good week.  And…it worked.  I’ve been very upbeat all week.  And tonight I even invited my parents over to my place for a small backyard cookout.  It was awesome.  They even seemed to relax and enjoy themselves.  The place looks mighty good, and they were pretty impressed with all the work I have done and how it looked.  That made me very proud and put a big smile on my face.

For my whole life I have been trying to please my father.  I don’t know why; perhaps it’s because he is my father and I have the utmost respect for the man.  As a young person I envied him, emulated him and secretly wanted to be just like him.  Of course I was too young to understand all that that really entailed – like now I know I don’t want to be just like him.  He’s politically my polar opposite, and I could never go there.  But as a man of principles and eithics I always put him on a pedestal and tried to live up to what he wanted…or what I thought that he wanted from me.  In my 30’s I realized this constant need to please my father had been a real problem for me all of my life.  Therapy opened that door for me and taught me a lot.  Yet, still today it gives me much pleasure when he is pleased with me for some reason.  I’m sure the therapist would have a lot to say about it still.  I also fear the man immensely.  I fear his anger, his disapproval and his hate.  I avoid him most of the time, but there is a part of me that would really like to be closer to the guy.  It’s an emotional rollercoaster for me, one I am sure I will continue to deal with until the end.

Role models are important to young people.  When I was growing up I had my parents as role models.  Like any child I watched them intently and copied those things that I admired in them.  My Dad was a super strong dude, a Marine, then a cop, then a builder and business owner.  He is the epitomy of masculinity.  As a youngster I already understood that I was attracted to women, I thought at the time that I was supposed to be a boy and some mistake had been made.  I felt like a boy.  I acted like a boy.  I tried to copy the masculine traits of my father.  Many times I remember standing in the bathroom door watching him shave.  Is there really anything more masculine than shaving your face?  I think not.  Each pass of the razor over his face would make this “szzzh” sound as whiskers yielded under the sharp blade.  I always wanted to shave…to make that sound and feel the razor on my skin.  Of course, this desire kind of dissipated as I grew older.  I eventually became aware that I am female and that wasn’t going to change, but that I could still be as masculine as I felt and that it’s okay to just be me.

I get notes from younger LGBT people occasionally talking about how they need good role models in their lives.  Often these kids are secluded in more rural parts of the country where there isn’t a visible gay community of any kind for them to reach out to.

I sympathize with them because when I was growing up I didn’t have any other lesbians around me to reach out to either.  Always knowing that I was different from the other girls I hung out with, and hiding it like hell.  I wish that I had had role models, that I could have come out at a younger age and not had to go through all the crap that I put myself through when I was struggling with my own sexuality, thinkin I was going to hell and that I was some kind of freak.  It would have helped me to know that I wasn’t alone in the world, like I felt I was.

In today’s world we have the opportunity to BE good role models for those young LGBT people coming up behind us.  They are watching us.  They want to know what to do, how to do it and what needs to be done.  They want to carry on the legacy, the pride and the fight for equality.  We need to be aware of them; encourage them and nurture them.  It is our job to show them the way and to explain to them where we have been; where we came from.  We need to remember that the world has become more open than it ever was when we were growing up and coming into our own as adults.  There are new dangers out there now with the internet and globalization of things.  But there are still the old dangers too…the hate, the hippocracy, the homophobia and the violence.  Keep them alert, aware and yet don’t embed them with unnecessary fear of being themselves.

We each have a story, a history, and a way of being in this crazy world, it’s important to pass that knowledge on to the future.  In being role models we need to tell our stories, tell how we dealt with things, how hard it was and how rewarding it is.  We need to pass on the pride of the LGBT community; pride in overcoming so many obstacles and in living loving lives despite much of the world being against us.  And show them that you can lead a great, productive and contributing life no matter who you identify as.

So that is what I think about when I think about being a role model to younger LGBT individuals.  I want our community to be more cohesive, to come together and to be a stronger voice for all.  And I want those who are younger to realize that community is important and supporting one another is vital to our mutual survival.  What do you think?  Are you being a good role model for those who look up to you in life?

Peace.  ~MB

Our Stories…an inspired post

I have been blogging now for so many years that I really have to stop and research when I first started…I think it was sometime around 2005 that I first started blogging on AOL.  It’s been a good amount of years for sure.  I printed out all of my AOL blogs when I stopped using AOL, so I have them in printed form – just not in digital form.  I am thinking about this because I have been reading MiddleAgeButch’s blogs on writing our stories, which are really excellent blogs!

Telling our stories is an important thing, especially to leave marks on the history of the LGBT community.  I write because I love to write; it’s an outlet for me and if I can tell my story and it helps even one person along the way then I will have made a small difference in the world.  Everyone has their story.  I have mine and you have yours.  Sometimes we can relate to each other through our life stories; finding common threads and experience.  We can all be storytellers.

My story is about growing up feeling very “different” and not understanding exactly why until I became more aware of sex and sexuality.  Then it hit me that I was lesbian.  I remember looking the word up in the dictionary. “Ah Ha! That’s me”  My story is about holding that secret very closely, with a lot of fear and anxiety, for many years.  It’s about coming out in a time when it wasn’t cool to be gay.  And about life before we knew what HIV &  AIDS were, never realizing that life was about to completely change for so many of us.  Some chapters are about dealing with emotions and feelings in all the wrong ways, about drinking, drugs and wandering in the wrong directions.  Then you get to chapters of growth, acceptance and realization.  All of the stories of my life have brought me to where I am today.  And today is a good day.

I love reading the other author’s blogs on WordPress.  There really are some super writers on here.  I follow quite a number of them, and while I don’t get to read every entry every day, I do catch up with my favorites every week or so.  Some I do read daily when I can.

I think it’s really great that so many LGBT people have taken to blogging and writing down our stories for the world to read.  It’s important to the coming generations to be able to find us through our stories and to understand the history of our people.  I know it has been life changing for me, in many ways, to read the stories of those who fought this battle before me, of the Stonewall Riots, the Butch-femme histories of the early 20th century.  I always look to read as much from other Butch-femme lesbians as I can.  Some of my favorite reads are “Stilettos and Steel,” “Stone Butch Blues”, and “Butch is a Noun” and “Tomboy Survival Guide”…all of which are stories that address various periods and what it’s been like being Butch during them.  All have made great contributions to the history of the LGBT movement, in my opinion, and I would highly recommend them to young readers looking to know more about our history.

I was also reading another blog about people we admire and the qualities that they typify that we admire in them.  I found it to be really intriguing.  So I made my own lists of people that I admire in my life, and what I admire about them.  Because those are the qualities that I want to have myself, to make myself a better person.  I think it’s important to occasionally take a personal inventory of ourselves and do some hard thinking about how we are presenting to the world around us, and if it’s enough or if we need to tweak things up and make some changes.  Changes are not always easy, but they are a necessity in life.  AND you can always make the choice to change.

So I made a copious list of the qualities and traits that I personally want to have.  I am going to post it on my desktop where I can see it everyday and be reminded to live up to them.  I’ll let you all know how it goes.  I like to think that I already have many of these qualities, but it’s good to remind oneself.

I was talking with someone today about how everything happens for a reason.  I think that’s kind of a lame old line actually, but there is some truth to it I am sure.  Where I am in life today is exactly where I have put myself.  You get no more than what you put into something.  I’m pretty contented, but will always strive to make things better, and to be a better person for it all.

What makes me think of all of this is a very close friend who is having some really tough times right now and conversations that I had today with her.  She’s saying crazy things like “I’m done.” and “I am giving up.”  Words that scare me into thinking she’ll do something crazy.  I would be devastated if anything were to happen to her.  She’s very special to me, and someone I depend on in my life.  Right now she’s having some financial troubles and I am sure she’s feeling overwhelmed and under a lot of pressure because of it.  I am not in a position to help her out or loan her the money, which makes me feel bad.  I wish I could help her in some way other than just giving her advice and trying to help her get through it.

I want her to look at her life and see all of the positives and not just the current negatives.  I know it’s hard when the negatives are staring you right in the face though.  I been there too.  But you can’t just give up and throw in the towel.  You have to work things out, and sometimes it’s hard and you don’t want to do the work, I know, but it has to be done.  Hopefully she will get some rest tonight and will have a new outlook in the morning.  I am hoping that she will come by for coffee in the morning so that I know she’s okay.

It’s all part of the story of our lives…these day to day happenings and problems.  Hopefully better things come in the future.

 

 

 

 

Hot, Hot, Hot!

Whoa!  It was some fucking hot here in Maine today!  It got up to about 95 here where I live in little town southern Maine.  And that is not only very hot, but very unusual for this part of the country.  We generally don’t see temperatures in the 90’s until late July, early August, and even then they are short lived.  Good summer temps here are generally in the high 80’s and the humidity can vary depending on rainfall and how close you are to the water.  I get a lot of ocean breeze here where I am, which is kind of nice.  You can always tell when the tide is rolling in because you can smell the salt in the air.

My moods have been fucked up lately. But I am feeling better overall.  I know that the moods are affected by my various medications, and that’s to be somewhat expected, but still it can be aggravating to me.  I am going to try a new product, called Kratom.  I’ll be doing a bunch of research on it this weekend and hopefully finding some quality product to try out.  It came as a recommendation from a good friends in California who uses it for pain relief and a mood booster — which is close to exactly what I would want to use it for.  It’s an herbal productr from Asia, and isn’t FDA approved, but it’s legal and it has been shown to have significant benefits used in the correct manner.  I’d love to hear from any one who has any personal experience with Kratom as to how you like it and what kinds of benefits it has brought to you.

The house looks pretty good.  I am getting ready to paint the font and back porches, spruce them up a bit.  They could use a good coat of new paint.  I did get the skirting done on both porches, so that animals can’t easily get under there and bother me.  We have some resident ground hogs that live under our various neighborhood sheds.  Hopefully they will stay out of the veggie garden!

I been catching up on my blog reading, so if you are seeing comments from me suddenly on your blogs it’s because I am playing catch up.  This last month I have been really not reading or writing much.  I just needed time to THINK without processing every little bit through my writing.  I have been going to group still, but I think I am about done with that for now.  I’m not feeling like I am getting much out of it personally.  And it’s expensive, as it’s an out of pocket cost for me every week.  I’ve done well, things are still right on track and I feel that I can drop the group therapy thing with no problem.  I will continue with one-on-one therapy for a bit longer, until I feel that I am solid in my recovery.  Plus, hey personal therapy doesn’t hurt one bit.  It’s actually been good for me, helps me process some of the fucked up shit I have had to deal with lately.  And that is good.

Linda and I are going to take the dogs to the doggie event at the Raitt Farm this weekend.  They are having a big event to promote adoption and support for the local shelters.  Ought to be fun and interesting.  Food, games, dog stuff, dog fun events, etc.  I’m looking forward to Saturday for this reason!

I’ve been working a little more than usual lately.  It’s really gotten wicked busy at my place of employment.  Like today, we sold TONS of water and ice, seemed that everyone who came in was stocking up on hydration and ice.  We have many customers who are local landscapers and construction workers, so they need to stay hydrated as they are working ou in the heat and sun.  I still enjoy the job, enjoy the people and seeing all the locals on a regular basis.  It’s nice when people come in and know my name, greet me with enthusiasm and make small talk about townie stuff.  Yeah, I don’t foresee leaving there anytime soon.  It’s really a perfect little part time job for me.  Keeps me with a weekly schedule, holds me responsible to others and gives me a little sense of purpose and security.  The money isn’t great, but it’s enough to make a difference in my budget…I would not stay if it weren’t.  I also really like the people that I work with, and that always makes a difference to me.

On the political front…I have been keeping up per my usual habits.  I keep a very close eye on the imbicile in the White House, aka the UGLY ASS ORANGE ONE who is our “fake POTUS”.  I have had to temper my reactions a bit.  I was allowing myself to be negatively affected by the news, and that’s not good. It’s important to have good information and a measured response.  I can’t do anything about the situation on my own, thus I cannot let it eat at me like I was previously allowing.  Staying informed, watching and contacting my representatives every chance I get is how I am staying involved.  I think you will soon see another big march on the White House, especially with things getting a super hot as they are there.  Just in the last 10 days alone things have begun to spiral out of control in the White House.  Trump is feeling the pressure and doesn’t like it one bit.  While he likes attention like no one I have ever previously seen, he is not as fond of “negative attention” – even though it still serves it’s purpose in getting him to the front and center of everyone’s minds.  He would rather be adored than abhorred, but he’ll take whatever he can get at this point, I believe.  It’s AMAZING how he can lie daily to us, and yet there is still a loyal following that actually believe what this asshole is dishing out to them.  They are like hogs slathering at the feed though, sucking up his vile words like they are candy.  Yep, he is quite the con artist for sure. I am just really saddened that so many people have been  bamboozled by his insanity and daily lies.

Ah, it’s 4:21 am and the birds are starting to sing outside.  I have all of the windows and doors open, am sitting her in just my boxer briefs enjoying the coolness of the air upon my skin.  Yep, semi-naked blogging, hahahaha.  I love this time of morning, the peace and quiet, save for the sounds of nature waking up to this new day.  I feel like I can think so much more clearly and without noise pollution and obstruction from outside sources at this time of morning.

I am working at 6am, until probably about 1pm today.  Depending on how busy it gets there, I will stay as long as I am needed.  It’s going to be a bit more normal temperature wise, in the high 70’s, today.  Plus it’s air conditioned at work, so it’s not so bad hanging out there and working instead of being at home fighting the heat at high-noon!  Today is Friday, payday and errand day!  Linda and I will get together after we are done with our work/jobs.  We will go to town (Portsmouth) and take care of our weekly Friday errand lists.  Generally that entails a stop at the grocery store, smoke shop, gas station, Walmart and wherever else we need to go.  It’s become a ritual with us on Fridays now.  We team up in one vehicle as to save gas and wear and tear on our trucks.  We alternate vehicles each week, one week using mine and the next using hers.  I gassed up yesterday evening, so today I am sure we’ll use Linda’s truck so we can gas that one up and do our stuff.

I spent last evening cleaning up my house really good, getting organized for the weekend and so I won’t have any of that stuff to do today!  I like this feeling of accomplishment that comes with having a clean, organized and well maintained household.  I’m so excited for a good weekend, which I totally plan on having, that I even got up earlier than usual this morning.  I was up by about 2:45am, and raring to go!  I went to bed pretty early, so I got plenty of sleep I am sure.

Ok, Happy Friday!  I do sincerely hope that each of your days are good ones!  Everyone have a great weekend, and I may even write more tomorrow, depending upon time and how I am feeling.  Thanks for reading!  Thanks for following!  I sincerely appreciate you, my dear readers!    Peace!  ~MB

 

The Gender Revolution?

It used to be so much more simple!  It used to be that you were either gay or straight, period.  Or at least that is how it was in my world growing up in the 60’s/70’s and partying my ass off in the gay bars in the 80’s…it used to be easier I believe.  I’m not knocking anyone’s gender or orientation choice here, just saying that it’s gotten VERY confusing for me.  I was just reading this article on npr.org titled “A New Generation Overthrows Gender” by Jon Brooks.  It was posted on Facebook, thus I clicked the link and knew I was in a world of word trouble immediately. 

First word I came across that is fairly new to me is “agender” – which according to the article means neither ale nor female.  The particular person in the article used the pronoun “they” instead of he or she.  Ok, so I am really, really trying to be okay with this.  I am really trying not to be internally phobic, or form an immediate opinion – because I know I don’t like it when people do that to me.  BUT I just don’t get it. 

Second word I came across related to this is “Transgender”.  Thank God.  A word that I know and can understand to some degree.  Transgender meaning someone who has changed from one gender to the opposite gender.  Transitioned.  More on this later. 

Third hurdle here “gender-fluid”…which means (according to kid in the article) that you feel like a guy or girl at different times.  I can somewhat relate to this.  There are definitely times for me that I get this twinge of feeling like a girl, but normally I just feel like a guy – although I know I’m a girl.  Confused yet? 

Fourth stumper “non-binary gender” meaning not female and not male according to the binary gender scale.  I’ll see if I can locate a picture of that old scale before I publish this.  But it’s like if you give Female a 1 and Male a 10, and you rate where in the scale you may fall or feel that you fall. 

Near the end of the article they bring up “gender non-conforming” – which I can definitely fully relate to.  I am one who does not conform to the gender norms of female.

And of course we have the weird word “cisgender” meaning you identify as you were sexed at birth – either male or female.   

Then it dives into Gender Vs. Sexual orientation Vs. biology….yes, it gets very in-depth for a minute here:

“Gender identity is different from gender expression, being different from biology” says Adam Chang, a consultant with Gender Spectrum, a provider or gender identity resources and services in Berkeley, CA.  “Identity is what you know in your heart and mind, and expression is external – hair, makeup, roles you take on in society.

“Biology of course, means physical attributes that have always been used as a proxy for gender,” Chang says.  “And all of those are different from sexual orientation.”

((HOLY SHIT BATMAN!))

Chang goes on to put it this way:  “Sexuality is in and of itself not enough information to reveal a person’s gender identity.”

I am 55 years old.  I am Butch.  I have said before that Butch is my identity.  Lesbian is my sexuality. Female is my gender.  Even THAT feels confusing at times.  I’m SURE it is confusing to those who don’t know me, or anyone like me.  Simply put, I’m a Butch Lesbian.  Lesbians are women (females) who prefer relationships with other women (females).  Or so it is in my world today.  There are so many new words that I can’t possibly keep up anymore.  Especially living in rural America where most of my contact with the rest of the LGBT world is via the internet.  Where we have no real “formed community” to fall back on or to learn alongside. 

I have seen a LOT lately about our youth and transitioning genders.  It worries me a little because the human brain is not fully developed until around the age of 25.  This is part of why we make so many stupid choices and dumb decisions when we are in our teens.  I’m afraid that if kids (under 21) are looking at things like transitioning physically with surgery and drugs that they will be doing things that are not reversible in their young futures.  AND I personally just don’t think they are old enough to be doing things like surgery or hormones. 

THAT is my personal opinion on it.  I understand that we are seeing a sort of “gender revolution” happening, that kids have access to all sorts of information that we did not have when I was growing up.  I never even knew the word “transgender” existed or that people could even change genders if they wanted to.  Sure, I was a tomboy, and there were times I am sure that I wished I was a boy, but I am happy with being a woman today and who know what I would have done had I known or had the means as a kid to change my gender.  It would have been a tough one for me I bet.  So, in many ways I am happy to have grown up when I did before all of this revolution and changing stuff came to the surface. 

I have young female friends who are considering transition.  One, in particular that I am thinking about.  I have been trying to be a good Butch role model and influence, answering questions and being a bouncing board for her venting.  But she is edging closer and closer to transitioning.  She’s now 17, I’m just not convinced that she should make that kind of a life altering decision before she’s 25.  Now, saying that I don’t see any harm in her presenting as she wishes.  I am just against early surgery or hormones. 

I know some will disagree with me.  It’s the elephant in the room sometimes even.  I am not anti-trans, and I have many trans friends who I love dearly for exactly who they are.  I respect their choices and decisions.  But most of them that I know made those decisions in adulthood, not in a pre-pubescent fog of “who am I?” or on a whim to fit in with the “in” crowd, or do the new fun thing. 

My fear is that the kid does this, transitions, and then at 25 the kid looks at every adult in her life and gets very angry at them for not stopping things until she was really old enough to make that kind of life-altering decision.  Know what I mean?  Adults are supposed to protect kids from themselves; from making irreversible mistakes, and what if transitioning turned out to be just that mistake that the kid makes and regrets at maturity?  I would hate to be in those shoes. 

Kids are maturing way faster than ever in todays world.  Information travels at lightening speed through the internet and across the world wide web.  We know things that we never knew, and probably never would have known, had it not been for the interenet – some good and some bad.  I think it’s great to explore sexuality and gender and to discuss our views based on the information at hand.  I just hope these kids today are doing their research and not just following a fad that could leave indelible marks.

The rest of the article goes on to talk about suicide rates (40% of trans-identified people attempt suicide), sexuality, and society.  It seems that while many more people are adopting identities of various names across the gender spectrum, that fewer are actually physically transitioning now.  Perhaps that is because we are making it okay to be who you are without having to completely change your body.  All in all it’s a very good article that everyone should take 20 minutes to read and gain some knowledge from.  I do think it’s very cool that kids are encouraged to live as their authentic selves, to express themselves and to be who they ARE in the world.   

So, check out the article and let me know what YOU think.  Peace.  ~MB

This is a highly controversial topic and I respect that everyone has their own opinions and views.  Please be respectful of everyone reading if you comment, which I invite you to do, below. 

Trump PROVES He’s a Total Idiot.

Yes, as if he could get any worse, this imbecile has gone above and beyond stupid.

And it only takes him a mere few hours to make himself look stupider than EVER!

Remember, it’s ONLY TUESDAY morning and so far he has:

called our Constitution “archaic” and “bad for the country” – meaning it’s bad for him because he can’t fully extend his totalitarian rule with the Constitution standing in his way.

Wishes to change the 1st Ammendment of our Constitution so that no one can criticize him.  Says “no one should be able to protest” him at all.  This is his attempt to silence the press – a VERY NAZI move and the move of a fascist.

Says he would be “honored” to meet with Kim Jong Un, the leader of North Korea, and that Un is “smart”…yes, a dictator with blood on his hands, the killer of his own brother, he’s some “smart” alright, and just who I would like to see meeting with the leader of my country – NOT.

Invites a mass murderer to the White House – Duarte.  Enough said.

Has put into action the dismantling of Michelle Obamas healthy school lunch program.  And is ending her “Let Girls Learn” program as well.  He just cannot stand anything that was anyone elses idea, especially if your name is Obama.

Praised Andrew Jackson up and down, saying he “didn’t want the civil war” to happen.  THEN he finds out that Jackson had been DEAD for 16 years when the Civil War started, so he changed it to “wouldn’t have let it happen”.  Of course. Jackson was a slave owner, he forced Native Americans from their lands, thus starting the “Trail of Tears” and was an ignorant fuck.

THEN the Idiot in Chief says “Why did the Civil War happen?”  WTF???  He doesn’t even realize what he says anymore, or understand basic US history.  The Civil War happened to stop people from owning other people; to stop slavery.  It’s pretty simple, but he wouldn’t get it even if you tried to explain it to him.  He WANTS to own other people and thinks it’s perfectly alright.  Asshole.

I am just beside myself.  Just what HAS to HAPPEN before Americans wake up and get this fool out of office?  When will he get irritated enough with not being adored and admired by all, and RESIGN?

I do not fully understand what is happening with my country or my government.  We have this Orange Buffoon in charge who is trying to hold a coup and flip us to a dictatorship.  Yet, I see NOTHING being done politically to get him out of office or get control of him.  Republicans are cowed to him completely.  They just choose to ignore him, because as long as they have ANYONE who will identify as a Republican as their leader they will deal with the guy being a fool.  They don’t care about the American reputation or the American people one fucking bit.

It’s very early on Tuesday morning here, so we have the day to see what else will happen with this guy and his posse in DC.  I don’t predict that it will be anything good at all.  More of the same hateful rhetoric and destruction of the American life.

That’s your update…pray for us!

Peace.  ~MB

Rainy Wednesday…

It’s a rainy Wednesday, hump day, and I’m bored.  This morning I spent 2 hours in the chair at the dentist’s office having the rest of my upper teeth repaired.  I’m pleased with the work, I think they look fucking great.  It’s such a nice thing to look in the mirror and not see any blemishes on my teeth!  They’re all pearly white, well as white as they’re gonna be for someone who consumes lots of coffee and smokes.  I do whiten them periodically, and after my deep cleaning/scaling is done I will have them professionally whitened to finish everything off.   I’m super happy that I decided to tackle this task now, before summer, and get it all done right.

If I could go back in time and talk to my 18 yr old self I would stress two things about physical care – take care of your damned teeth, brush a lot and floss and see the dentist regularly.  Secondly I would tell myself to take care of my feet.  Feet take a beating, and mine have been through a lot – to include ill fitting combat boots in the early 1980’s, when you didn’t get to wear running shoes to do PT in the Army, you wore your combat boots and your uniform, except for your outer top shirt.  You ran like you would if you were in a combat situation, not like you were on vacation and running for pleasure!

I laugh when I see soldiers doing PT now in their fancy workout clothes, matching shorts and T-shirts, and running shoes/sneakers.  Like the enemy isn’t going to stop and wait for your ass to get changed!   I believe in training in the same type of gear that you would be wearing in a real life situation.  I’m sure that they changed it, a while after I was enlisted, because of all of the foot problems caused by running long distance day after day in those old style Army-issued combat boots.  The boots were STIFF leather, mass produced for efficiency – not geared for comfort at all.  They had no interior support or comfort what-so-ever.  The boots were made for one thing, for a soldier to wear on his/her feet.  We would put them on and wear them into the shower and do squats to break the leather in a little bit.  Everyone got blisters and sores from them.  I ended up with bone spurs / calcium deposits on the TOPS of both of my feet from them.  The condition has never really hindered me or given me any kind of problem, other than it’s tough to pull on cowboy style boots over them.  But it looks a little weird.    After basic training was over I bought a pair of jump boots.  They were after-market black boots that we were allowed to wear if we chose to buy them ourselves.   Man, I LOVED those fucking boots.  I had them the entire time I was in, and when I was with the training unit in Virginia at the end of my tour I had put metal “taps” on them so that the trainees could hear me coming down the hall.  I thought it was only fair to warn them a little!  lol.  When I finished my tour, and I knew I wasn’t going to continue with the Army, I passed those boots on to a young female soldier who had really admired them, and who they would fit.  She was very proud to have those awesome boots.  It makes me smile even today to fondly remember the boots, the times I had wearing them, and the passing on of them….cool memories.

So I have about had it with this longer hair crap.  I’ve been keeping it like thisPicture 132016-11-22 07.01.43But really want to go back to my shorter cut for the summer, like this.  Ok, so arranging those two photos was a bitch, hope they look ok.  I just took the one with longer hair a few minutes ago.  The dog scratched me in the lip and chin, so my face is a bit of a mess today, but you get the idea.  What do you think folks?  Longer or shorter for the summer?

I miss my barber, Johnny.  He was cutting my hair for a few years, but he got himself back into some trouble, and disappeared from the barber shop.  I tried going to the other barbers there, but none were as cool or accepting of me as Johnny was.  We would sit and talk about women, sports, fishing and that sort of stuff.  He was well aware of my sexuality and that I am Butch.  He knew how I liked my hair cut, edged in and shaved up.  I miss that.  I’ve been just going to Supercuts, I figure they really can’t mess it up too badly at this length, if they do I’ll just go have it shaved up at he barbershop and start over.  I don’t mind it a little long on top, just not as long as it is right now.  Anyway, this Saturday I am going to get it cut, and I’m waffling between going to the barber shop or going to Supercuts.  Barbershop is $14., Supercuts is $24.  which makes NO sense to me.

I love it when I see the “men’s” cut at $10 less than the “women’s” cut….like your genitals determine what they are going to charge you?  I think it should be based on hair length.  Longer hair, more money – because it obviously takes more time and labor.  Short hair less, and crew cuts should be no more than $12. in my opinion.  I always tip too, at least $3.  I figure that’s good for the 20 minutes it takes to cut my hair.  I never have them wash or dry it, I take a shower and wash my hair before I go so that I show up with a nice clean head for them to work on.  Generally when I have my hair cut I also get my eyebrows waxed.  Sometimes not at the same establishment.  Supercuts is always good for getting that done, so that adds $10 to the price of my spiff up.  I think that it would be cool to have a barbershop that offered waxing and manicures.  The one that I used to frequent, Boston Barbers, had a pool table and a tattoo studio…I used to talk with Johnny about opening up a more upscale barbershop for us more masculine people of the world, where we could be comfortable getting things like waxings done, and manicures.  I won’t go to those foo foo places to get a manicure, but I’d really like to have one.  Currently I do my own manicuring every few days here at home.

Guess this blog has turned into a “grooming” blog for today.  My mind just wanders and this is where I ended up today.  Personal grooming is important.  It’s important to always look your best, so that you also feel your best.  I know that for me if I am looking good, then I am feeling good.  When I’m down I don’t give a shit how I look.  I try to not get to that point.  I’ve been on a roll lately with getting my teeth spruced up.  Now on to the haircut and maybe a couple new pairs of jeans and some new shirts this weekend!  I could use a clothes shopping trip for sure.  I’ll be one sharp looking Butch…maybe I’ll attract me a new femme….hey, it could happen!!!

We are approaching the 100 day mark for Old Orange Ass in the White House.  The last two weeks have been completely chaotic across the board.  He’s scrambling to make SOMETHING happen before Saturday.  He’s trying to beat the clock now, and I’m just afraid that he will do something irreparable like start World War III with Noth Korea, China and Russia.  He’s signing executive orders one after another, dismantling everything good that he can possibly destroy.  He’s gone hard after the environment and ANY protections for it.  From allowing coal companies to dump waste directly into rivers, to allowing endangered species to now be hunted.  He’s put a bill forward to close the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) completely.  The guy doesn’t BELIEVE in science or scientific proof / data.  That is very sad for the hard working scientists, like my niece, who are working to find disease cures, sustainable methods of fishing, air and water protections, etc.  Orange Ass would rather have our country as polluted as China is, with no regulations, where you can just dump raw waste off into the environment.  I say we start by dumping it right in Mar a Lago, on his golf course!  I am still so fucking angry that this asshole is our POTUS.  And I am very disappointed in my government for continuing to allow him to remain in office, despite his flagrant self-promotion and range of illegal activities.

Our country is very divided.  There are those who think that Orange Ass has done a good job thus far.  Then there are the rest of us.  He has done nothing.  All he has done is sign the multitude of executive orders.  He is trying like hell to run the USA like a dictatorship.  He doesn’t want the courts even to tell him when something he does or wants to do, is wrong.  He thinks that the judges work for him!  It’s fucking astonishing how stupid the man is, and how stupid those guiding him are too.

I make damned sure that I read up every day on what he and his cronies are doing in DC.  I watch the news every night and try to keep up.  Right now he’s busy telling everyone the 100 day thing doesn’t matter, that he’s done “great” things for America already.  he says he is “bigger than 9/11″….omfg…yes, he said that.  He “congratulated” a soldier for losing his leg in Afghanistan, yes, congratulated him…not said thank you for your sacrifice or anything like that, but “congratulations” for earning a Purple Heart.  Sick Fuck.  He is just totally clueless.  He wants to cut corporate taxes by 20%….which will please all of his rich buddies, and his own companies, but do nothing for the other 99% of America.  And he’s using all of this stuff to try to distract us from the fact that her is STILL BEING INVESTIGATED FOR COLLUDING WITH THE RUSSIANS!

Rant over.  I sure can get myself wound up about this guy and his destruction machine.

Cooking myself some frozen French bread pizzas for dinner tonight.  My mouth is slightly sensitive, but I think I can eat them alright.  If not, Nola loves pizza so she and Lulu will have a little pizza snack!  You all have a great night!

Peace.  ~MB

 

 

 

Under the Weather

I am starting out the week with one helluva summer cold.  Coughing my damned brains out, and got a stuffy head.  This sucks, considering that I am scheduled to have my bad tooth repaired tomorrow morning at 8am.  I am PRAYING that I feel way better and am not coughing, I really need to get that tooth fixed so it will stop cutting up the inside of my cheek.  So, I’m guzzling liquids, taking cold meds and sleeping quite a bit.  Been down since Saturday.  I am feeling slightly better today than I was yesterday, so I am hopefully on the mend.

I am trying to have a new attitude about life.  I have just been sort of sitting with thinking about a lot of things over the last 2-3 weeks.  I’ve decided that the majority of the problems with my life are self-imposed.  Yup, I am the problem.  Thus, I must change.  No more waiting for shit to happen, I am now on a mission to MAKE it happen.

I’ve also been giving much thought to setting goals.  I have mentioned this before, and it’s still weighing heavily on my mind.  Without goals in life you stay stagnant, you settle for the status quo.  I need change, so I need goals.  Because of my ADD I have to break the goals up into steps, but that’s okay, at least I can see the progress toward the goals with that approach.  I am a habitual list maker, I work well from lists.  So what I have done for each of my current goals is to make a list of the necessary steps  to achieving the goal.  It’s working nicely thus far!  My goal of having my dental work done is already underway, with several appointments already scheduled.

I am working on expanding the front porch so that it’s large enough for the patio set and grill.  It’s going to be really nice to be able to sit out there on nice days!  Right now it’s just sort of an “entry” porch, with not a lot of room for relaxing.  I am going to double the size of it outward toward the driveway.  I will also be painting the whole thing to spruce it up for the year.

The gardens are slowly coming along.  I’ve put in lots of bulbs and  am going to be putting in seeds as soon as I think the cold weather is behind us.  I’m skeptical right now, some nights are dipping pretty close to 30 lately.  We are currently under drought conditions here, we could really use some good rain.  No matter what I do I am going to have to water every night – not my favorite activity – to keep things growing.  The lawn is just about high enough for a first cut.  I am thinking I will crank up the lawn mower tomorrow and give it a once over – before the stupid office sends me a hate letter telling me to mow.  They are famous for harassing me lately.  I recently got one to slow down driving in here, fuckers.  Now I CREEP along like an old lady.

I’ve opened up the house today, all the windows and doors, to air it out, get the germs out of here and make myself feel better.  I even spent about an hour out there putting out my garden ornaments, getting the new bird feeder pole into place and filling the feeders.  It was good to get some nice fresh air in my lungs.  And tonight I am not coughing very much at all.  I have also begun taking my antibiotics, just incase they’ll help!

I’m off to bed now, nice clean sheets – sans cold germs!  Ah, it will feel good to sink in to those tonight.  I have a long day tomorrow with the dentist in the morning and a renal ultra-sound in the afternoon.  Hopefully everything will be fine with both.

Peace.  ~MB