The Aftermath

TimeOnlyPasses

Summer of 2018 will go down in my memory banks as one of the BEST ever, I am sure!  And the best part so far has been the extended visit of my girlfriend and her daughter.  They spent about 24 days with me…and it was so awesome that I can’t even find the words to exclaim my exuberance  I was feeling over the whole time they spent here with me.  There is just something about having the woman I love so deeply right here with me.

Taking them to Boston’s Logan Airport last Thursday was a bitch.  I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t get upset, but before I even made it to the interstate highway I started to choke up and tears came to my eyes.  I told her I didn’t want to take them to the airport, but I knew that I had to do it.  They have a life and people in Texas that the two of them needed to return to and my time was over.  It sucked, but it had to happen.

She’s been gone a number of days now and I miss her badly.  I admit it, I’m a fucking sap.  I’m trying very hard to keep my game face on and drive forward.   It’s a good thing that I am adept at compartmentalizing my life because I need to keep this in the right perspective.  While I wish that she were here with me, I know that’s not a possibility because of her home and professional life back there in Texas.  Sure, if she lived closer to me it would be easier, but easy isn’t always convenient when we need it to be.

Long distance relationships are hard as fuck.  And this particular relationship has a couple of other slightly challenging angles to it as well, but my intense love for her makes me determined to try to keep this together; to continue to see her as much as we can manage, while trying hard not look too deeply into the future.  You never really know what will happen down the proverbial road.  While it is hard sometimes not to wish into the future, it is more realistic to stay in the present.

 

I’ve been slowly reorganizing my house.  Put the antique highchair away, out of my sight so I don’t see it and think of little Bean’s face and her infectious giggles.

I slept the first 3 nights after my girl left on my living room couch, being in denial I chose to avoid my bed and the memories it silently held.

Yesterday I cleaned my car out and while vacuuming the back seat one of Bean’s red plastic balls rolled out to say hello.  And her wipies were in the way-back area…little subtle reminders of some very wonderful days and a super sweet little girl.

Doing laundry I spotted a tiny sock…then found some of my girls clothes in the dresser where I usually store the dog’s bath towels.  Sigh.  The clothes even faintly held her scent.

There’s one helping of blueberry cobbler left in the fridge that I’m reluctant to eat because I know it’s the last thing she made for me.  I just want to open the fridge and remember her delight in making something for me that I love so much.  I’ll have to finish it today, or it will become a science project in the near future.  And I don’t want that!

So, yeah, I miss her wicked, wicked bad.  I haven’t let myself cry about it or get overly emotional.  I keep trying to just stay in a neutral space in my head.  Don’t over think it.  Easier said than done, but at least I’m giving it the good ole Butch try!  I can’t always control what my heart feels, but I can choose how I am going to deal with it.  I’m still figuring that out right now – the dealing with it part that is – so stay tuned.

———

In other rather mundane news of my life…the dogs are doing great. They were stellar little souls while my visitors were here.  I am pretty proud of them.  Lulu is growing up and maturing quite nicely.  She finally gets it when she’s outside and I tell her to “go to the house,” she runs right up the porch stairs and to the door.  She’s about 75% responsive at this point; it’s a work in progress for sure.  Nola, of course, is VERY well trained and generally knows what I am going to tell her before I even speak.  She’s intuitive as fuck.

I got the house all nice and clean this morning, I just need to wash floors and it will be completely done…for another few days.  It’s a bitch keeping up with it sometimes, but I do like a clean and functional living space.  I can be a little neurotic about it sometimes, but generally, my mantra is “clean enough to be healthy, dirty enough to be happy.”  And that’s basically how it works out.  But today I even washed the covers to the dog’s stair units and some rugs.  It’s always something and never really feels “done”.

I took the last week that my girl was here off from work.  Started back last Friday and it’s nice to see everyone again.  That job keeps me on track.  Without it I would have endless time on my hands that I don’t need to have!  It’s not my long-term plan to stay with that job, but for now, it’s working to my advantage and it’s good for me – gets my ass up in the morning and makes me think.

I named the marijuana plant I am growing Hilda.  It’s doing magnificently.  I’ve been taking photos of Hilda daily, marking her progress to maturity.  I am thinking I may print a chronology out and make her a book…my first grown since I was a young hoodlum.

It’s been a lot of fun watching the plants grow.  There are actually 2 of them.  But Hilda has really gone crazy with growing!  I haven’t done anything special, just put them into my veggie garden after fertilizing it with cow manure compost earlier this Spring.  They looked pretty pathetic for a couple of weeks and then the magic started to happen.  It seemed they were sprouting new leaves and gaining in height and width daily!  Here she is yesterday…

2018-08-19 21.57.28

She’s just started getting her silvery hairs near the tops where the buds will soon begin to form.  I have a buddy who’s going to come by and give me some pointers and help with cloning 12 plants from this one, plus will also walk me through the next couple of months of the process, including cutting the buds and processing the plant.  I’m fucking excited as hell!

I hope all of you, my dear readers, are having just as fantastic of a summer as I am having!  Fall is coming soon, my girl visits again in October – sans child this visit – and I’m looking forward to that very much.  It just feels so right when she’s here with me; by my side and in my every day.

Peace.  ~  MB

Advertisements

Start August Rambles…Life is Good!

Damn…it’s Friday again!  While I absolutely LOVE it when we reach Friday each week, this week is different.  This Friday my Babe is here and I want time to stand still.  She’s here vacationing with me in Maine, with her 3 yr old daughter, as I’ve said previously.  So, I am wanting time to stop and wanting to spend all of my time and energy on her.  We’ve had a great time thus far, she’s been here about 9 days already and I am loving every minute of our days and nights.

It’s so different for me to get up in the morning at 5am and creep around the house getting my coffee and feeding the dogs in as quiet a manner possible.  I don’t want to wake the baby or disturb my sleeping Sweetheart.  I love watching her sleep; studying her face and stroking her hair while she’s off in dreamland somewhere.  It’s comforting to me that she’s here.  That she’ll be here when I get home from work and that she’s still going to be here for another 13 days.  I’m trying not to think about what I am going to feel like when it’s time for her to leave and return to Texas.  I know it’s inevitable, and it’s the way it is for us, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.  I only accept it.

I haven’t been in a serious relationship for many years now.  This relationship with Bones (what I affectionately call my girl) is new and different for me.  We’ve been talking and getting to know one another better since just before Christmas last year.  So, like 8 months now…and our feelings for one another have just grown stronger and stronger with each call, text and in-person visit we can make happen.  This current trip is her 3rd time coming up here to see me and we find more and more that we like about one another.  It’s a great feeling.

We had a night out together to play some pool and just spend alone time together.  My bestie babysat for us, we put the baby to bed and went out fairly late so it was easy on the sitter.  I took her to the old dive bar I used to frequent in my younger days.  Wow, has that place’s clientele changed, much younger crowd but it appeared to me the same things were going on…lots of drinking, game playing, and drug distribution.  But the atmosphere is basically the same; same old bar decor and same watered down drinks. It was funny to revisit the place and it reminds me of why I gave up hanging there and gave up drinking!  Then we checked out Legend’s Billiards for a long 3 games of us whacking the balls around on the pool table.  I’m sooo out of practice plus the tables are the 8′ regulation ones.  I am used to the 6′ bar tables so it was a lot of green space for me to deal with.  She kicked my ass.  But I had a super good time watching her do it; her ass in those sexy jeans was quite intoxicating.  Yeah, that. 🙂

My voice still isn’t back.  I saw a speech therapist on Thursday.  Looks like I am going to be quite some time like this.  My vocal cords are damaged and not working properly.  There could be a few explanations.  I smoke, so there’s that.  Reflux is their best guess at what’s caused the damage mostly.  Atmospheric pollutants – like the exhaust att he truck stop could be contributing as well.  I started taking Nexium as they recommended.  I’m not supposed to whisper or yell – both are bad for your vocal cords.  Voice rest as much as possible, Nexium, loads of water intake are basically what I have to concentrate on.  I have to do follow up appointments with the therapist for a while.  Hopefully, I can regain some of my old voice at some point.  It’s super aggravating.

Monday, August 6, 2018:

Summer in Maine this year has been really great.  The weather has been sunny, hot and humid.  Just like summer should be.  It’s been a banner year for my vegetable garden, with me being able to harvest produce about every other day for the last 3 weeks.  I’ve got ample supplies of blueberries and herbs like basil, thyme, rosemary, 2 types of oregano, cilantro and lavender.  I have harvested yellow summer squash, the over-abundant zucchini, awesome Straight 8 cukes, bell peppers, jalapeno peppers, and – of course – tomatoes!  Yep, the garden goddess has been good to me this season!

The marijuana plants I purchased as clones from a known mother strain are doing amply well.  I am so surprised that for a first time try on growing this slightly picky weed that I’ve managed to not only keep it alive but have been able to get it to THRIVE in my well fertilized Maine soil.  I’m looking forward to going through the bud process soon and harvesting it.  It should be a good quality weed and I should get quite an abundance of nice sized buds.  I’ve been studying up on High Times as to ways of harvesting and curing the plant and buds.  There is no “one-way” to do this, so I am allowed to choose how and when to harvest and finish off the product.  I am hoping to learn how to make some decent potency edibles.  I believe that edibles have a better shelf life and are easier to consume in my opinion.  It was mentioned that edibles have a better acceptance as well, that people sometimes resist at the thought of “smoking” this wonderful herb, but eating it to gain the benefits seems to be more acceptable mainstream.  Not sure if that is true, but it sure sounds like it could be!

I backed off in a MAJOR way watching the news and events of my country.  My daily news intake was pretty high there for a long time.  Right now I am distracted from this barrage of negativity by the presence of my girl and her daughter visiting, but I see that this is a huge benefit to my sanity and a major stress reducer.  It’s important to me to know and understand what is happening with the horrible Trump regime, but I was definitely watching too much and over thinking the situation.   I have some strong views of what I believe is happening to our country.  From what Trump is doing himself, to what is happening that I believe is partly happening BECAUSE of him and his hate-filled words.  The mass shootings, the bigotry, the racist attacks and killings, police brutality, protests, division of our people and damage being done to our environmental laws and our environment.  NONE of it is “good” at all.  Our Canadian friends are horrified and upset at the treatment they are getting because of their close relationship to America and I am VERY upset and sorry to them for this as well.  They do NOT deserve what Trump is doing or the ramifications of being our closest ally.  So, my Canadian friends, remember HE does NOT represent me or most of America’s good citizens.  His views are skewed, slanted and hateful.  For this, I am truly sorry.  One day this will pass and we will rectify all of his ill-thought moves.  We will get him out of office or he will die from stress and old age.  Remember, Trump is only a man…he is NOT some sort of permanent fixture and he will meet his end eventually.  Then we can reverse his stupidity with some extended work and by being kind to the world once again.  Most Americans are good, upstanding people with hearts of gold.  Trump represents that 24% of America (evidently) that is radically racist, nationalist and hateful – sadly.

Bones and I took a cruise on the MV Challenger out to the famous Isles of Shoals out off of the coast of the Maine/New Hampshire shore.  It was a perfect day, sunny with clear skies and out on the water the temperature was perfect for the cruise.  We saw the 5 forts that guard the mouth of Portsmouth Harbor, some pre-dating the Revolutionary war and all playing pivotal parts in our nations defense history, from Fort Constitution (at one time Fort William and Mary) to the Fort McClary – named for the first Maine man killed in the Revolutionary War.  The forts played roles in the defense of America from foreign sea invasion right up through the second World War and remain in defense stance even today.  Portsmouth Naval Shipyard – the oldest continuously working shipyard in America – consumes much of the Maine side of the Piscataqua River shoreline and is quite something to see, from the nuclear submarine overhaul facilities to the old Naval Prison that stand like a haunted castle.  The last man executed in Maine was held at that prison.  It closed in 1979…I remember when it was still open and in operation during my senior year of high school.  You could see it from the high school windows…eerie.

The last 12 days of having my girlfriend here with me and spending most of my time – except for work hours – with her has been terrific.  I still have here until the 16th when she will return to Texas which is her home.  I am imagining that it will be difficult for me to let her go and that I will be sad on that day.  I’m sure I will take a week or two to readjust to being here alone and having her once again 1900 miles from me.  I’m only human and it is natural that I will feel this way.  I am sure she will feel similarly as she returns to her life and work back there.  I’m going to miss waking up with her days, miss having coffee and starting our days together.  I’m going to miss the 3 yr old sweetie that she’s raising and teaching about life.  That little girl has also stolen my heart with her infectious smiles and hearty giggle.  I have gotten up before my girl every day, and some days I have managed to get the baby up and get her day started, allowing Bones to lay to bed a bit longer and relax more in rising to meet the day.  It’s been a true pleasure to have them both here in Maine with me.  And I look forward to future visits, both with my girl alone and with her daughter.

We try to take things as they come because it’s not an ideal situation that we live so far apart.  Long distance love can be challenging and requires work, compromise, and understanding by both parties.  We’ve decided together to put the effort into this because our love and desire to have each other in daily life is so strong.  Sure, I’ve had other relationships with some great women, but this one takes the proverbial cake for me.  This woman is everything I’ve ever needed and wanted in a partner – and more.  Our connection is deep and true.  I’m loving every minute of loving her and being loved by her.  I’m really super glad she reached out to me back in December and we made this awesome connection.  It wasn’t anything either of us planned, it just happened and felt so natural for us to be together.  I just hope that we continue on this path together and can move through any obstacles the world throws at us because she truly is my piece of heaven on earth.

I hope YOUR day is good, dear reader, and that your summer has been as good as mine.  Yes, the summer of 2018 will definitely be fondly remembered and thought about for many years to come as the summer of new relationships and new adventures, as well as a summer of love and affection that cannot be put into words.

Have a super August.  And remember, be kind, you never know what anyone you encounter in your day is fighting or going through.  So be kind to each other and let the bullshit go.

Peace.   ~MB

 

 

Happiness and Dreams…

Dreams are so fucking strange sometimes.  This morning I fell asleep on the couch and had the strangest dream about being part of this really screwed up sort of “intervention” bunch.  But no one would listen to common sense.  And it was going really badly.  Then the phone rang and woke me up.   Now my day is off to a later start than I wanted…grrr.

It’s Tuesday.  July 24th, 2018.  l

We all have life stories.  We have what happens to us; what we tell ourselves happened to us, and what reality says happened to us.  We can deny the story, but if we accept it then we are given the gift of being able to change the ending for ourselves; by our own rules and ways.

I heard from someone who I care very deeply for today.  She had many words of wisdom for me, telling me to ignore some of what the Russian Puppet Cheeto is doing to my country at the moment and take the time to find happiness in my world – which now includes my girl and her daughter, the loves of my life today.  I was quite touched by her choosing to reach out to me to say those words.  Very touched.  I appreciate her so much.

I’ve got the house all set up for the extended stay of my girl and her little princess.  The little girl has special needs; rett syndrome, which is really heartbreaking, but she’s such a happy little tyke.  Just gotta love her.  It’s so incredibly hard on my girl though, I feel so helpless for her sometimes.  It’s frustrating, it makes her super angry at times – just the fact that this is happening to her little girl.  Rett impairs fine motor skills and walking is something they learn usually very far down the road.  The baby is 3 now, she chatters but doesn’t form words, she cannot walk or feed herself.  There are treatments for this type of genetic disorder coming down the road, but the wait is horrible.  This is also why I am so pro-science and modern medicine.  We need genetic research and development of genetic modifying therapies. I just want a therapy now that will unlock the world for this precious little kid and others like her.  Rett is pretty rare, only about 300K and is mostly seen in girls.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what the world must think of America right now.  It’s really just off-the-charts craziness happening here in our White House.  Trump is a tyrannical bastard, and a moron to boot.  He’s slowly ruining all of our relationships with our allies, and shooting firey texts at our enemies.  Yet, he’s also coddled up to Putin like a purring kitten in Putin’s lap.  It’s sickening.  It’s wrong.  It’s NOT normal!!!

I’m like any other concerned American.  I watch the news, try to stay up on what’s happening – which is insanely hard as he keeps throwing new stuff into the mix to distract us from the real deals.   He’s gone after Iran with words to provoke them this week, he’s got new “tapes” just released with him discussing payouts to porn stars for sexual favors, and he’s now threatening to decimate our Endangered Species Act, putting many animals and wildlife in danger of extinction. He’s also threatening politicians; if they are not swearing absolute loyalty to him he is pulling their security clearances.  He is turning into a TYRANT.  He thinks he’s fucking King of America.  I don’t know what the answer is other than to somehow get this guy out of the office of President and behind bars where he and his corrupt family belong.

It’s become a little different, more strained and scary living here and being openly Butch lesbian these days.  I find myself more conscious of my surroundings once again.  I’m more tuned to peoples’ reactions and the verbage used when speaking to me.  I do get “sirred” quite often – at least 10 times a day at my job.  Working at a truck stop it is inevitable that I am going to be mis-gendered by mistake, hell I look a lot like a guy with my flat chest and crew cut…and I never correct anyone, just take it in stride and shrug it off.  I guess I’m just used to it.  I’ve noticed an uptick in hostility towards anyone “different” than the fucked up redneck, white guy and his pollyanna wifey.  I’m sick to death of reading about active Nazi groups, and white supremacist rallies around the USA.   Today we read in Newsweek that Sean Spicer reveals that Trump’s embracement of the LGBTQ community during the 2016 Russian election was false and misrepresented intentionally to garner votes.  Fuckin Liar.

The LGBTQ community has always come up strong.  We’ve fought some pretty fucking courageous battles along the way.   From Stonewall forward, it’s been an uphill battle, and now we have a big fucking orange Cheeto pushing us back down the fucking hill.  Yet, we will continue to press on and live the lives we’ve been given.  Live our truth.  Live our way and flip off the world. It’s awful that I’m made to feel that I am somehow inadequate in my society; that my being Butch lesbian somehow makes me less-than and thus the object of ridicule, harassment and sometimes violence.  Our society just isn’t right.  To object to and fight against the power of love and human compassion is to truly be a tyrant.

I read where Ivan Coyote got called a “dyke bitch” up in Moose Jaw Pride Festival in Canada.  That’s so typical in today’s world for many of us more Butch lesbians and FtMs I believe.  I’ve been called the same before.  It’s something stupid people choose to say to me and guys like Ivan.

I’ve been trying like fuck to recover from laryngitis and it’s been almost 3 weeks now without a good voice.  It flakes in and out and is very raspy and hoarse, so I try not to talk as much.  And when I do talk it’s a real strain on my vocal cords.  I’m on prednisone and a major antibiotic for it.  Yet, nothing seems to be happening with getting my voice back…and there’s no other discomfort or pain.  Just no voice.  Huh.

I emailed my doc today, hoping for maybe more tests or to see another specialist.  I think I’m going to call the ENT tomorrow and try to get back in to see him quicker for follow up.  In the meantime, I’m seeking alternative remedies if anyone has anything to share for antidotes to help.

Thursday, early morning….very fucking early…

I’m up; awake and raring for the day to get started.  My girl arrived last night and I’ve been on cloud 9 since.  It will take us a couple of days to settle into a comfortable routine together I think.  We have little trips around the area planned; day outings mostly.

We picked a couple of pints of blueberries off of my 2 bushes last night together.  I now have a freezer full of frozen berries off of these bushes to use in recipes over the fall and winter.  My blueberry bushes did SO GREAT this season!  The harvest has been epic!  And with just TWO bushes!  It’s freakin amazing!

2018-07-10 12.11.19

I have to work for 4 hours this morning, then we don’t have any real big plans for today.  My girl and her daughter need a nice day at home to rest, they’ve been vacationing in Bar Harbor for the last few days and have been on the road quite a lot.

2018-07-25 15.58.482018-07-18 10.49.26.jpg

Have a GREAT Thursday!  I hope you go out into the world with open minds and happy hearts today!

Peace.  ~MB

Mid-July Update

I have several blogs half finished.  So fucking much goes on that it’s hard to get one out before something else goes on and distracts me.

Let’s do the updates:

I’m doing pretty good.  I currently have laryngitis.  Went to the ENT doctor today and had my throat scoped to see what’s going on.  He says inflamation.  DUH.  I could have diagnosed that one myself!  Anyway, a course of antibiotics and prednisone, and hopefully I’ll have my voice back!  Other than that I am feeling strong and good.

My gardens are thriving.  Everything is producing!  Blueberry bushes out front are loaded with ripe berries that I’m picking as fast as I can!  I froze some today.  Going out to pick more in a little while.  I have two types of bushes, both high bush types.  One is a super fat berry, the other is a regular wild blueberry strain.  Oh, and my weed clone is doing well too, as you can see!

The dogs are doing great.  Lulu shed in a major way this year. She looks so different !  Shed out her undercoat, it just came out in fist fulls.  I attribute it to her being spayed recently, the hot, hot weather and it was just time to shed!  She’s perfectly healthy.

Nola is doing great too.  She’s in her glory on her daily squirrel hunts.  If she ever caught one I don’t know what she’d do! In the pic above she’s diligently on guard at the bird feeding station.

My girl and her daughter will be here in a few days.  They’ll be staying with me thru mid-August.  I’m very excited to have them here, and for a good long visit!  I’ve got a few outings planned for us, like a trip up to the White Mountains, a picnic day at the lake, fishing locally, a trip to York’s Wild Kingdom (zoon and amusement park), day trips to the beach and go-carting.  I’m sure we’ll all have a blast.

The long-distance relationship thing has been working out pretty well for us.  We talk daily, text alot, and Skype frequently.  It takes energy and commitment, but I believe we’ve both got that.  This woman treats me like gold, it’s just awesome.  I completely adore her.  And I’ll do whatever it takes to keep us happily together.

Those are the personal updates…you all know I am active in politics…and I am so ashamed of the performance that Trump put on in Helsinki with Putin.  He’s a traitor.  That’s all I have to say.  I only wish he were treated and persecuted as a traitor, as he should be right now.

It’s a gorgeous night, I need to go enjoy it.  You all take care.

What’s been the best part of your summer thus far?

Peace.  ~MB

Twisted Tuesday

WavebyNelsonLinscottA mid-May Tuesday afternoon…I’m sitting here feeling really mellow and accomplished for the moment.  Yeah, I find myself in a really good place in life right now.  And I am dong all I can do to keep it this way for the long-term.  My attitude has definitely improved, as well as my outlook on life in general.  So much has happened in the past year, it’s difficult to put a finger on exactly when all this change started for me; I know that having Bones in my life has been the biggest enhancement for sure.  She’s the biggest reason I keep a nice comfortable smile on my face every day.  I like that – a LOT.

I’ve been struggling with writing lately.  What happens is that I get watching and listening to news pundits and my brain goes crazy trying to take in all that is happening in my country; with my government.  It’s just insanity.  Anyone who is trying to keep up with the daily tweet storms from the idiot in the White House is probably a bit stresses like me.  I’m an activist, it’s in my bones.  And I cannot just ignore what is happening; the destruction and degradation of the United States being done by one man and one party – the GOP.  Plus, ignoring what’s happening is not going to help move us toward any solutions, we all must continue to keep abreast of this “situation” and stay well informed so that we can speak out and stand up to his bullying ways.

I don’t care to spend this whole blog talking about his dumbass tonight.  I’d rather discuss other things, but I just wanted to remind you all that it’s all-fucked-up here in the USA right now, and it’s affecting everyone – even if they deny it.  Nothing is right.  Nothing is safe.  Every one and everything is being changed…and not for the good.

Work has been going great!  I complain a bit to my girl about my job sometimes; about a particular person I don’t like working with, but for the most part I really enjoy getting up at 5am every morning (except Wednesdays) and going in to work.  The truck stop is a really bustling place, with people from all over stopping in to fuel up their 18 wheelers, or their RV’s and cars.  We are also a full gas station, convenience store, and take-out bistro.  The place has shower facilities for those looking to freshen up from their long travels.  Yes, it’s busy.  We sell about 380 cups of coffee every morning…yep, 380….that’s a lot of fucking coffee!  🙂  Thankfully the coffee bar is self-serve!

I run into many of my local friends who come in to the store to pick up incidentals, fill their cars with gas, or get a pizza for dinner.  It’s nice, I can chat for a few minutes, get the gist of the local news from their end of town, and not have to visit overly long as I have to get back to my job.  I’ve been there 2 1/2 years now and I have no current plans to leave there any time soon.  Last week I actually scored a bonus from one of our product reps for doing a good job pushing their product line.  That was nice for my checking account!  And it felt great to be recognized for the work that I do there.  I know I only work part time, but I give it my all when I am there.  I am dependable, reliable, courteous, and friendly with the clientele.  It’s not rocket science work, but it’s steady and keeps me occupied part of every week day.  Working part time fits me well.  My back is sore – that’s a given – but I can deal with it.  And my co-workers know my lifting limits due to my back condition, so it’s not a problem.  Once in a while I try to work 3/4 or a full shift, but my back starts to really get back around hour 5, so I try to stick to my 4 hour days for health reasons.  Also, working early mornings gives me the whole rest of the day to deal with medical appointments, home maintenance, housekeeping, the dogs, and my gardens and other responsibilities.  Oh…and especially time to see my Mom at least once a week for a few hours!  So, yeah, work is good.  No complaints!

My girlfriend visited again at the beginning of the month, I may have mentioned that in a previous blog…hmmm…yes, I did.  I wrote about what we did.  Anyway, I miss her terribly in between her visits.  We speak on the phone a few times a day, and are in touch via text and messenger.  We Skype a couple of times a week – which I really love to do and look forward to doing.  Modern technology makes a long distance relationship (LDR) much easier.  Before cell phones and computers I would never have thought about dating a woman who lives in Texas!  And we are both very well established in our respective homes, so neither of us is moving any time soon.  We will keep doing the LDR thing, keep having visits, and make it work.  She’s stolen my heart…something I never thought could happen again like it did with her.  She’s magic to my soul.  And she makes me incredibly proud, happy and enthusiastic about life!  She’s also very low maintenance to me, she doesn’t give me a hard time about anything (except maybe smoking, even then she hasn’t been too bad…but I KNOW I should quit) and makes it really easy for me to be with her.  I try to reciprocate those same things to her.  I just want to be a really good influence, a good lover, and a happy part of her life.  As long as we are those things to each other then we’ll stay together as we are now.

So, Bone, my girlfriend, is returning to Maine in mid-July for a month!!!  YES!!! A MONTH!   I am really stoked for this upcoming extended stay!  She’s bringing her daughter with her.  Babycakes is 3 yrs. old and just a beautiful child.  She has challenges, but she lights up the room, and I love her to pieces – it helps that I am mad for her Mom!  I set up my spare room to accommodate the little girl, and before they arrive I am planning to paint that room and then Bones can decorate it as she likes when they are here.  Right now the room has a queen size bed, a dresser, desk and night stand.  I may have to remove the desk to give her a little more room in there.  We’ll see!  It’s all so exciting!  I have not lived with anyone in years, and not that we are going to be “living” together, but her being here a month is pretty damned close!

I have need for my own “space” sometimes.  I get into moods where I just want to be left alone to do whatever it is that I feel like doing.  Bones seems to be kind of the same, she needs her alone time too.  So, it’s good that I have the 2 bedrooms, and the back room that used to be my office is now another sitting room.  I call it the “Zen Room”.  I put a couch and coffee table in there and some plants and cool stuff on the walls, so it looks nice and is a really relaxing space.  We have plenty of room to do as we please.  Damn…I am so fucking lucky.

While Bones and Babycakes are here it will be the dead of summer, hot and humid I am sure.  My parents’ have a great in-ground swimming pool, which we will be taking full advantage of using!  It’s out away from their house, so we don’t even have to bother them if we go over and hang out around the pool.  There’s a pool house, bathroom, changing room and recreation area with outdoor games, too.  I’m anticipating a lot of great water fun with Babycakes, who really loves the water!  And I’m sure my parents will have some poolside parties, BBQ’s and the such while they are here.  I’m looking forward to all of that, and to showing my girl off a little.  (I’m bad, I know! haha!)

I’m also planning a trip up to North Conway NH to do some camping and to kayak a 7 mile stretch of the Saco River up there.  My siblings usually go several times during the summer, so I imagine we will tag along with some of them one weekend.  My youngest brother already has his 40′ RV set up at a campsite up there, so we have a sort of “base station” with that, from which we can go anywhere.  And there’s plenty of room on the site to either pitch a tent, or we’ll get a couple of bunks in the RV if they’re not all full.  The thing sleeps 8 people!  It’s crazy cool.  I borrowed it once to live up at the fair grounds while I was working an 11 day fair in Massachusetts a few years ago, made me want a small one of my own.  Maybe someday I’ll get more serious about that desire and look into doing it.  Wouldn’t travelling around with an RV be so wicked pissah cool!?

I can just picture myself doing something just like that: travelling coast to coast in an RV with my dogs.  I don’t know if I would sell everything big that I owned and do it, or if I would make it sort of a seasonal excursion.  That’s a chapter of life that’s yet to be written, but it’s on my list of things I would like to do!  I should do a new vision board…and that is something that I should put on it for sure.  Perhaps I will do that while it’s raining this coming weekend!

I’ve planted my flower gardens, as I do every year.  Those who have followed me, or who personally know me, know that I love to garden.  I like to put in new perennial flowers and plants.  I moved into this house near the beginning of December 2015, so like 2 1/2 yrs now…this is the 3rd summer here at this place.  The gardens were kind of pre-established when I got the place, and the only “new” one is the veggie garden out back that me and Charlie have (Charlie’s my neighbor who’s house is behind mine).  Charlie also has a MEGA garden tilled up on the top of the hill behind his house, it’ plateau’s and he tilled up a great big rectangular area where we are going to locate all of the vining plants, like squash and pumpkins, watermelon and some cucumbers.  Charlie also likes to plant gardens of cutting flowers, so he’s putting things that flower in among the veggies too.  Today I picked up some small starter plants from Walmart’s selection, which was on sale even.  I got: cucumbers, summer squash, watermelon, pumpkins, green peppers, red peppers (both the sweet style), jalepeno peppers, basil, lavender, and rosemary.  I think that’s the whole list…did that from memory as the plants are still in the back of my car, where they will remain until tomorrow.  It’s raining outside currently, and has been on and off all afternoon, so I am planning to get them out of the car and into the ground in the morning.

2018-05-20 17.05.00Speaking of morning….tomorrow is the “day” for Lulu.  Yep, she’s going to get spayed.  She’s over 3 yrs old now (turned 3 on Feb 17th) and it’s time.  I also will not miss taking extra care of her during her heats.  She would get puffy and sore, and she would cling to me even MORE than she already does!  Wanted her belly rubbed constantly.  (Like any woman…LMAO)  And she needed baths every few days during her 2 weeks of misery.  That’s supposed to happen again in June…so I am pre-empting this show…cancelled due to lack of interest, and the star has to have some downtime….LMAO….I wonder if she will lose interest in her “humpy dog” stuffed animal that she seems so sexually attracted to during her cycle?  Hahaha…it’s funny as hell, and while I DO have a short video of it -BECAUSE  it’s so friggin FUNNY! – I am not going to post it here.  I’ll  spare you the Lulu show!  Haha.  And for anyone who is now wondering…YES, female dogs DO hump!  I have had several and every one of them was caught doing it at some point.  Some are sneakier than others – I had one that would hide and hump – while some, like Lu, have no shame.  Hey, they’re mammals, it’s natural!  (Ok, I’m laughing to myself here….)

I picked up a couple of new coloring books a few weeks back and they’ve been laying here on my table ever since.  I’m thinking that I may do some quiet coloring – maybe with a nice soft background music from Alexa – after I am done with my blogging, reading and watching the final episode of The Middle.  (Yep, I’m a known sit-com junkie…haha)  I’m feeling great; very laid back and relaxed.  As long as I don’t tune into CNN or MSNBC I’ll be super til morning!  So, after sitcom’s are over I am turning the TV off for the night.  I downloaded a sleep sounds app and am going to try out.  Maybe something in the list will inspire me in some way.

I had a couple of major health check-ups over the last month.  I’m doing excellent still.  My T-cells are 970 and my VL is >30.  It even showing could be just a blip from the time or the day it was drawn.  I’m damned lucky and damned healthy!  I also met with the kidney specialist, we’re doing more testing on what’s going on there.  There are signals that my kidneys are diseased and/or weakening.  So, I’m drinking lots of water and waiting for my next appointment.  This particular doctor is very had to get in to see, she’s top notch and her services are in high demand, so I’m willing to wait. I will see her later June again.  And I’m having testing on my liver done (a scan) first week of June, meeting the doctor on that one the following week.  If that scan goes well, which I’m sure it will, I’ll be starting on the Harvoni  – an 8-12 week treatment – soon as I am able.  I’ve been dragging my feet on this drug for years.  The only treatment prior to this was by injection…and being a recovering junkie playing with needles isn’t something I should ever be doing.  Even with the animals it bothers me to use the syringe.  Gives me the willies.

Tomorrow I’ll be getting up a bit early, so I can get Lu ready for her trip to the vet.  I’m going to finish this up here.  I hope you all are doing well, staying healthy as possible and happy as permissible.  Haha…

 

Peace   ~  MB

“What can’t be cured, must be endured.”

TimeOnlyPasses

Tales of Love…My Girl’s Visit…

I’ve been insanely busy lately.  My girlfriend visited me, with her 3 yr. old daughter in tow, from last Thursday until Monday afternoon when I drove them back to Logan Airport…they missed their 5:30 flight, but luckily made a 6:00 flight.  While they were here we had a terrific time.  Having her child here made this visit a little more complicated, but it was still completely awesome.  The child is just a peach, so sweet and easy going.  Having them here made my house so much happier; filled with laughter and fun times.

We spent more time at my home and less out exploring around the Seacoast area.  Although, on Saturday of her visit, we took her little girl up to the Maine Wildlife Park in Gray Maine and spent the day learning about and viewing all of the animals of Maine.  The place is a refuge for injured or orphaned animals and birds, some of which are rehabilitated and returned to the wild while others live out their days at the park in super nice habitats built specifically to accommodate their special needs.

Before her visit I was busy getting the house ready, putting the playpen together for the baby to sleep in and trying to inform my two little hellion dogs that we had visitors coming – specifically one very small visitor!

Last time she was here, at the beginning of March, there was snow on the ground.  We were in the midst of enduring 4 northeaster storms in the span of 10 days.  She got a full experience of Maine in the snowy winter.  This time it was nice, warm and sunny.  The daffodils outside my front steps were in full bloom and the grass was greening up real nice.  We visited Wentworth Greenhouses during this visit and I got a bunch of new perennial flowers for my gardens.  Wentworth is an experience all by itself.  It’s a massive store, with every item, plant and idea you can think of for gardening – inside and outside.

Our long-distance relationship is going great.  I’m stunned by the depth of our connection, on so many levels.  We get along so well, having many common interests.  And she is super smart, and I’m so turned on by intelligence!  I think it’s super sexy when a woman is not only very easy on the eyes, but is super smart to boot!  Does me in every time!  🙂

Saturday night we hired my niece to babysit Little Bit while Bones and I went out to dinner and to the local gay club to do some people watching.  We had a really nice time, just the two of us, out on a real kind of date for a change.  Being long-distance lovers, we don’t get much of that time for just going out together, like on dates.  So, I really tried to make it happen this time around.  I wanted to show her off, having a pretty girl on my arm and knowing it’s me she’s going home with…there’s just something about that that makes a Butch try just that much harder.

We stopped on the way to dinner at the Old Goal in York, Maine.  It’s the old town jail, and out front they have an authentic set of old stocks…for public punishment and humiliation.  We laugh about them all the time, and I put my girl in them and took some pictures…funny as fuck!  She was dressed so beautifully…in a gorgeous teal blue dress and heels.  So she looked pretty funny stuck in those old stocks!

After dinner at the 1652 in York Beach, we rode up US Route 1A through Cape Neddick and into Ogunquit Maine.  We stopped in Perkin’s Cove, which was basically deserted at this time of year.  It’s a beautiful little fishing village and tourist attraction, complete with a wooden walk-over draw bridge.  The fishing boats were all silently moored in the cove, quietly waiting for their owner/operators to arrive at the next high tide to go out lobstering.  Such a sweet and romantic kind of setting.  We hung out together on the bridge over the water for a little while, then went to the club.

So, it was a GREAT date!  A super nice 5 day visit and I couldn’t be happier!  I had a terrific time.  We both love bird watching, so we did ALOT of that!  I have my feeders set up outside the big living room window at my house, and I have a squirrel that I call “Herbie” and tons of song birds, wood peckers, wild turkeys, and finches that visit.  This morning I even had a humming bird at the feeder!  Bones loves watching too – maybe even more than me!  And she got lots of great bird pictures.  I’ll scam some and try to do another post on bird sightings soon.

The long-distance thing is challenging, but totally worth it.  The memories we are making together are priceless.  We’re both pretty rooted in our respective homes, so don’t anyone get the idea I’m renting a fucking U-Haul or anything crazy like that!!  But I do miss her insanely when we’re not together.  Thankfully we have Skype, messenger and all of the beauty of today’s technology that keeps us connected pretty much constantly.  It’s been a few months now, and we are doing pretty damned good I believe.

We have such a great thing.  We talk about everything, which is really kind of new for me in many ways.  I’ve always been so protective of my thoughts, but I feel like I can tell her anything without being judged or without her running away.  She’s just so perfect for me.  *sigh* So, I’m going to roll with this as long as I can…cuz I just can’t imagine any other woman besides her being in my life like this.  Crazy, I know, but it’s happened.  And I’m all good with it!

I hope everyone has a great week!  It’s hump day and I’m trying to catch up after my long weekend!

Peace!   ~MB

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Crazy Spring Feelings

I get crazy for her some nights, that urge just won’t quit.  I lay flat on my back, which is how I sleep anyway, stretch out and try to imagine…oops, did I turn off the stove…? Fuck.  And, yes, I generally get up to check if that thought, or a thought about the heat being turned down crosses my mind.  After getting back up to check on things at least once, I settle into my bed, one dog laying by my side and the other laying on my chest.  This is how I sleep every night.  I’m a back sleeper, flat on my back.  I wake myself laughing quite often, and can manipulate my dreams if I try hard enough…it’s a gift I believe.

I got up this morning, turned on my computer and resumed watching a movie that I had started last night – before my eyelids wouldn’t stay open.  The movie was “Below Her Mouth” and is very erotic, sexy and one of the best lesbian movies I have seen done.  Generally when you watch any movie with two women getting it on it’s staged and done by straight men, thus it’s not realistic or true to form.  THIS movie was very realistic, true to form and a great depiction of lesbian sex.  Didn’t look fake at all, which made it even hotter.  So, if you’re looking to get yourself a bit sexually aroused this weekend, check out “Below Her Mouth” on Netflix.  I can just about guarantee you won’t be sorry!

The high winds last week got so bad one night that it blew my bird feeding station pole down, and it’s anchored by a piece of marble…so it has weight, but the wind was so ferocious that anything without deep roots was flying around.   Luckily, I only lost one feeder.  My finch tube feeder was crushed by the pole when it fell.  I just put everything back together and the local birds are now happily snacking once again.

Spring is very slow coming here in Maine this year.  It’s April 7th and it’s 38 degrees, windy, but sunny.  It’s just been a weird ending to winter for us.  Keeps snowing, about every other day we get snow.  None of it is “sticking” or building up; generally it’s gone in a few hours of sunshine.  But it’s annoying as fuck.

I am anxious for warmer days, sunshine and gardening!  I have even mapped out my property in planning out my gardens for 2018.  I do love my gardens, and being outside working in them.  Even weeding has a sort of zen feeling to it for me.  And I’ve been watching some DIY videos about prepping the vegetable garden soil for better growth and production.  I haven’t added compost to that garden since I built it the first spring I was in this house.  So, compost is being mixed in this season, so things should grow good.  And I am planning a long garden down the side of the trailer, coming out about 6′ or so, I bought a bunch of wildflower seeds and am going to prepare that area and over-seed it with a mix of four types of seeds: hummingbird attractor, flowering perennials, flowering annuals, and a butterfly mixture.  This next coming weekend it’s supposed to be warmer, so I am planning to do some outdoor work; raking, trimming and laying some stones I have procured from the nearby quarry.

April 10, 2018.

My girlfriend and I are doing really great, despite the distance.  My heart is really happy about this.  It’s strange to take such a big chance on love again at 56…I seriously thought that this part of my life was pretty much finished.  I never expected to meet Bones.  She’s changed my whole outlook on some things, and I was obviously very ready to make the changes.  I don’t exactly know where we are taking things, it’s complicated in a few ways.  She has a life in Texas, a business and a child.  Right now we are just trying to stay connected daily, enjoying the moments, and not making any future plans.  Living and taking things day-by-day, as they come.  She’s coming back in May to spend some more time with me.  And she’s bringing her daughter to meet me.  I am really looking forward to this next visit!

I’ve really gone out on a limb with this woman.  I’m pleasantly surprised at how well things are going and how deeply she’s affected me.  I’m allowing her past many walls and letting her through the barriers to my heart.  It’s been scary, but worth every wince. She just looks at me and I melt into a puddle inside…the feeling is outrageously delicious.  I long for her touch when we are apart; and I know she’s feeling it too.  That’s the best part.  I feel for people who settle for anything less than this feeling, it’s the best feeling in the world to connect with another person on this level of depth, emotionally, physically and sexually, it’s just phenomenal.

I have opened a new website for anyone interested in Butch-femme connections and conversation.  It’s just getting off the ground.  It’s a membership only site where you join up and create a profile.  I am going to link it here in this post.  Anyone who would like to contribute, participate or even just lurk around until they feel more comfortable, is welcome to join.  The site has been created for women who prescribe to the Butch-femme dynamic mostly, but there are forums for other things as well such as LGBT news and articles.  The site is called Butch-Femme-Perspectives.  Please join me!  I feel that with some effort on all of our parts we can make the site pretty damned cool!  We’ll add and subtract from it as necessary, creating our own unique safe place on the web.

Alrighty, let me wrap this up.  The day is burning away, I need to get some things done outside and am lingering inside just waiting for it to warm up a tad.  Hell..I could be waiting til Thursday at this rate!  Haha…

What does your week hold in store for you?  Any great things happening?  What are you looking forward to?

Peace.    ~MB