The Aftermath

TimeOnlyPasses

Summer of 2018 will go down in my memory banks as one of the BEST ever, I am sure!  And the best part so far has been the extended visit of my girlfriend and her daughter.  They spent about 24 days with me…and it was so awesome that I can’t even find the words to exclaim my exuberance  I was feeling over the whole time they spent here with me.  There is just something about having the woman I love so deeply right here with me.

Taking them to Boston’s Logan Airport last Thursday was a bitch.  I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t get upset, but before I even made it to the interstate highway I started to choke up and tears came to my eyes.  I told her I didn’t want to take them to the airport, but I knew that I had to do it.  They have a life and people in Texas that the two of them needed to return to and my time was over.  It sucked, but it had to happen.

She’s been gone a number of days now and I miss her badly.  I admit it, I’m a fucking sap.  I’m trying very hard to keep my game face on and drive forward.   It’s a good thing that I am adept at compartmentalizing my life because I need to keep this in the right perspective.  While I wish that she were here with me, I know that’s not a possibility because of her home and professional life back there in Texas.  Sure, if she lived closer to me it would be easier, but easy isn’t always convenient when we need it to be.

Long distance relationships are hard as fuck.  And this particular relationship has a couple of other slightly challenging angles to it as well, but my intense love for her makes me determined to try to keep this together; to continue to see her as much as we can manage, while trying hard not look too deeply into the future.  You never really know what will happen down the proverbial road.  While it is hard sometimes not to wish into the future, it is more realistic to stay in the present.

 

I’ve been slowly reorganizing my house.  Put the antique highchair away, out of my sight so I don’t see it and think of little Bean’s face and her infectious giggles.

I slept the first 3 nights after my girl left on my living room couch, being in denial I chose to avoid my bed and the memories it silently held.

Yesterday I cleaned my car out and while vacuuming the back seat one of Bean’s red plastic balls rolled out to say hello.  And her wipies were in the way-back area…little subtle reminders of some very wonderful days and a super sweet little girl.

Doing laundry I spotted a tiny sock…then found some of my girls clothes in the dresser where I usually store the dog’s bath towels.  Sigh.  The clothes even faintly held her scent.

There’s one helping of blueberry cobbler left in the fridge that I’m reluctant to eat because I know it’s the last thing she made for me.  I just want to open the fridge and remember her delight in making something for me that I love so much.  I’ll have to finish it today, or it will become a science project in the near future.  And I don’t want that!

So, yeah, I miss her wicked, wicked bad.  I haven’t let myself cry about it or get overly emotional.  I keep trying to just stay in a neutral space in my head.  Don’t over think it.  Easier said than done, but at least I’m giving it the good ole Butch try!  I can’t always control what my heart feels, but I can choose how I am going to deal with it.  I’m still figuring that out right now – the dealing with it part that is – so stay tuned.

———

In other rather mundane news of my life…the dogs are doing great. They were stellar little souls while my visitors were here.  I am pretty proud of them.  Lulu is growing up and maturing quite nicely.  She finally gets it when she’s outside and I tell her to “go to the house,” she runs right up the porch stairs and to the door.  She’s about 75% responsive at this point; it’s a work in progress for sure.  Nola, of course, is VERY well trained and generally knows what I am going to tell her before I even speak.  She’s intuitive as fuck.

I got the house all nice and clean this morning, I just need to wash floors and it will be completely done…for another few days.  It’s a bitch keeping up with it sometimes, but I do like a clean and functional living space.  I can be a little neurotic about it sometimes, but generally, my mantra is “clean enough to be healthy, dirty enough to be happy.”  And that’s basically how it works out.  But today I even washed the covers to the dog’s stair units and some rugs.  It’s always something and never really feels “done”.

I took the last week that my girl was here off from work.  Started back last Friday and it’s nice to see everyone again.  That job keeps me on track.  Without it I would have endless time on my hands that I don’t need to have!  It’s not my long-term plan to stay with that job, but for now, it’s working to my advantage and it’s good for me – gets my ass up in the morning and makes me think.

I named the marijuana plant I am growing Hilda.  It’s doing magnificently.  I’ve been taking photos of Hilda daily, marking her progress to maturity.  I am thinking I may print a chronology out and make her a book…my first grown since I was a young hoodlum.

It’s been a lot of fun watching the plants grow.  There are actually 2 of them.  But Hilda has really gone crazy with growing!  I haven’t done anything special, just put them into my veggie garden after fertilizing it with cow manure compost earlier this Spring.  They looked pretty pathetic for a couple of weeks and then the magic started to happen.  It seemed they were sprouting new leaves and gaining in height and width daily!  Here she is yesterday…

2018-08-19 21.57.28

She’s just started getting her silvery hairs near the tops where the buds will soon begin to form.  I have a buddy who’s going to come by and give me some pointers and help with cloning 12 plants from this one, plus will also walk me through the next couple of months of the process, including cutting the buds and processing the plant.  I’m fucking excited as hell!

I hope all of you, my dear readers, are having just as fantastic of a summer as I am having!  Fall is coming soon, my girl visits again in October – sans child this visit – and I’m looking forward to that very much.  It just feels so right when she’s here with me; by my side and in my every day.

Peace.  ~  MB

Advertisements

Mid-July Update

I have several blogs half finished.  So fucking much goes on that it’s hard to get one out before something else goes on and distracts me.

Let’s do the updates:

I’m doing pretty good.  I currently have laryngitis.  Went to the ENT doctor today and had my throat scoped to see what’s going on.  He says inflamation.  DUH.  I could have diagnosed that one myself!  Anyway, a course of antibiotics and prednisone, and hopefully I’ll have my voice back!  Other than that I am feeling strong and good.

My gardens are thriving.  Everything is producing!  Blueberry bushes out front are loaded with ripe berries that I’m picking as fast as I can!  I froze some today.  Going out to pick more in a little while.  I have two types of bushes, both high bush types.  One is a super fat berry, the other is a regular wild blueberry strain.  Oh, and my weed clone is doing well too, as you can see!

The dogs are doing great.  Lulu shed in a major way this year. She looks so different !  Shed out her undercoat, it just came out in fist fulls.  I attribute it to her being spayed recently, the hot, hot weather and it was just time to shed!  She’s perfectly healthy.

Nola is doing great too.  She’s in her glory on her daily squirrel hunts.  If she ever caught one I don’t know what she’d do! In the pic above she’s diligently on guard at the bird feeding station.

My girl and her daughter will be here in a few days.  They’ll be staying with me thru mid-August.  I’m very excited to have them here, and for a good long visit!  I’ve got a few outings planned for us, like a trip up to the White Mountains, a picnic day at the lake, fishing locally, a trip to York’s Wild Kingdom (zoon and amusement park), day trips to the beach and go-carting.  I’m sure we’ll all have a blast.

The long-distance relationship thing has been working out pretty well for us.  We talk daily, text alot, and Skype frequently.  It takes energy and commitment, but I believe we’ve both got that.  This woman treats me like gold, it’s just awesome.  I completely adore her.  And I’ll do whatever it takes to keep us happily together.

Those are the personal updates…you all know I am active in politics…and I am so ashamed of the performance that Trump put on in Helsinki with Putin.  He’s a traitor.  That’s all I have to say.  I only wish he were treated and persecuted as a traitor, as he should be right now.

It’s a gorgeous night, I need to go enjoy it.  You all take care.

What’s been the best part of your summer thus far?

Peace.  ~MB

Nola is Turning 10!

2018-06-07 17.33.58Tomorrow is Miss Nola’s birthday.  She was born on June 10, 2008, so she will turn 10 tomorrow.  The obligatory McDonald’s breakfast will be served to her, and she will be hyper-excited when I wake up and say “Happy Birthday Nola!”  She KNOWS what those words mean:  cheeseburger and fries….and a ride in the car!  And Lulu will be just as excited, they will both jump all around on me on the bed and bark for me to get up.

Nola has been with me since July 31, 2008…the day I found her inside of a cardboard box, with the words “Free Puppy” written on the outside.  I looked inside and saw 2 tiny eyes and a puppy about as big as a guinea pig.  She was tiny, adorable, shaking and scared.  I fell instantly in love, and scooped her up right there. She and I became partners.  The deal was sealed, I told the young woman with the box I would take her and she told me that Nola’s mother was a dashound and her father was a chihuahua…thus she’s a “Chiweenie”.  Funny name for a funny little tiny puppy.

First thing I did was go to the pet store and buy her all the necessary puppy equipment.  I was in New Orleans Lousianna…so I named her NOLA, after the city she was born in.  It fit.  It was appropriate.  I also call her “boo-boo” affectionately.  She likes it.  Nolie-boo-boo.  She traveled with me, loved the car, trucks, u-hauls – anything that moved.  I even took her for rides on my motorcycle when I had it.  The dog just loves to BE with me, wherever I am going, whatever I am doing.

For those of us who have chosen not to have human children, a pet can become the “child” that we need to nurture.  Nola has been my best friend.  My confidant, and my sole source of comfort in times of sadness or grieving.  She’s loved me unconditionally; no matter if I was a good person or a bad person on any particular day. She just loves me, period.  And I never take that love for granted.  I make damned sure that I love and pet her as much as possible.  I keep her near to me all the time.  If I must leave her home, like when I go to work, I tell her where I am going and when I will be back.  Perhaps, you think I am nuts.  It’s a dog.  Yes, it’s a dog, but she has feelings and instincts.  She knows when I am preparing to leave and she likes the reassurance that I will be back.  She’s smart.

I love my dogs.  Nola has given me a great 10 years of unconditional support.  Lulu joined our family unit 3 years ago, and she’s just as important!  She’ll be right next to Nola tomorrow morning, celebrating Nola’s AWESOME 10th Birthday!!!!

Peace!  ~MB

2018-04-10 15.33.51

Ice cream love.