Democracy Under Siege

Every day I think I have seen it “all” with the demolition of our federal government and the rise of authoritarian rule in America. Then either Trump, Barr or the GOP Senate does something even lower and more illegal, more against the “rules” we’ve always operated by, and more evil to the people of the USA – particularly those already busting ass to make it work any way they can. It’s like they are enjoying tearing our country apart; relishing the cries of the citizens and ignoring ALL that is clearly turning us away from democracy. It’s terrifying. And it SHOULD terrify EVERY American citizen and all of those living in America legally or illegally. EVERY ONE of US need to be fighting back, it’s time to rise up in defense of American life, liberty and our vague pursuit of happiness.

The American dream has now become a nightmare and Trump & Crew are happily pushing the boundaries, breaking down the laws, and taking authoritarian control of what used to be the Federal Government in the USA,

I don’t know where to start to even think about how to fight this; what my part needs to be and where to begin to exert any influence I am able to exert. We need hard leadership, we need to come together as citizens and show our power – and we DO have power. We actually have far more power than they do, they are just scaring all of those who are unaware of the actual powers that citizens in a democracy have and can use to end sieges such as this. They were carefully and copiously fitted into the US Constitution and the Federalist papers explain things very articulately.

I think that the candidates vying for the Democratic nomination need to have a BIG meeting of the minds. They need to regroup, come together as a solidly unified fighting force to beat the Republican assault on Democracy, ignorance toward our laws, and illigitimate stances on vital issues of national security. We must eliminate their lock step advance toward full autocracy NOW; form an inpenetrable wall and bring all of us supporters together as one unified body that will return integrity, respect and LAW and ORDER to the USA. I do not believe that any one of those running – and 3 of them are spectacular – can do this alone. Unifying the Democratic party into one solid grouping is vital to beating the GOP’s drive and eliminating the threat of a fascist take over of the American government.

Many groups have formed since 2016’s horrible election and it’s disasterous results, to fight the threats to all of our prided insititions, such as the Congress, National Security, Ecology, Pollution, Corporate greed and rampant corruption being played out by the Republican party in every way, shape and form they can think of to destroy us, to weaken our will and to keep us from revolting, speaking out and rebuffing their plans. It is hard to know at this point whether this is a internally coordinated sabotage effort or if this is being fueled by foreign influence, such as Russia and Putin or China, No.Korea, Syria and the Saudi Arabian murderous regime.

The continued effort on our parts, as American Citizens alarmed and affected by this whole mess, to form legitimate groups and fight back is essential. We must build on these groups, work together and stay united against the GOP rise to fascism and autocracy. I am imagining a central entity will arise from our efforts that will assist in aligning us all for the proper, non-violent fight ahead of us all.

As Rachel Maddow said on her Wednesday evening show, “What do we do NOW?”

My suggestions are:

  1. Remain calm, but vigilant, aware and educated on every move they make.
  2. Join you local chapters of “Resist” “MoveOn” ACLU, and make sure you are registered to VOTE!
  3. Pick an institution or two that are under attack by the GOP and co. and get behind them, write letters to your Senators, Congressmen, local officials and anyone in any position of authority or power associated with that institution. Example: We must inundate Pelosi with demands for the impeachment of Bill Barr, current AG, and Mitch McConnell. Call for their censure, investigations into their activities that are favoring King 45, etc.
  4. Call your Senator daily. Switchboard number is :
  5. Go to local and regional protests. The GOP administration is calling for elimination or limits on protesting in 18 states thus far! This is a direct attack on our 1st Ammendment rights.
  6. Write Op Ed pieces for your local news sources, online or print. Submit them! Contact good reporters at those organizations, ask them to write on various stories that are related to the destruction of our vital institutions in America, such as the courts, the DOJ, judges, election protection, women’s choice rights, etc. Get behind your journalists
  7. Support and protect our nation’s journalists everywhere. They are being retaliated against and directly attacked, many fear for their lives and the safety of their families because the GOP Administration is super hostile toward journalists – especially those who report the TRUTH and not the “fake news” or made up “facts” that come out of our White House – YES OUR White House – not theirs!
  8. Attend as many local gatherings concerning the most vital of issues.
  9. Join Facebook groups – local, regional and national, to stay on top of what is happening.
  10. Create your OWN local groups, hold house meetings, church meetings or find free space to meet and discuss what’s happening and what we all can do. Review current words from the WH and news reports, organize local protests, or organize trips to Washington DC for larger protest events.
  11. Before reposting news articles remember to fact check through Snopes.com for truth and accuracy. Try NOT to repost or fall for any untrue, FAKE news reports.
  12. Don’t repost ANY video of #45 telling LIES to the camera and thus the American people, this just promotes his FAKE NEWS and ignorance, hatred and hostility.
  13. Don’t argue with his supporters, in person or online, they just don’t listen and will not change.
  14. Take care of yourself and your loved ones. Make time to disconnect weekly and just be in quiet space to regroup, maybe take a nature walk, or go to the beach, a museum or art exhibit. Just get away.
  15. Remember, we are ALL going to fight this evil TOGETHER. You are NOT alone in your angst and concern for all that is happening to America.

I would like to get feedback and input from everyone. Tell me what’s going on in your neck of the woods, what are you doing to stay aware and prepared? What concerns you MOST? Are you registered to VOTE? Please like this post if you ARE registered!!!

Much Kindness to ALL… ~ MB


Deep Thoughts and a Look Back on 2019


“No one is ever promised and easy path through this snake infested swamp…and then it’s suddenly our turn to cross that black water, or become lost in the past, perpetually locked in suspended states of illusion. Just where are you going? What’s the purpose of your journey? Do you know? Or have an idea? sigh ah, and there it is…the never-ending stream of unanswerable, internal, silently screaming questions bombarding our brains, commandeering our thoughts; demanding answers — for which we have none…yet.” {asl 2019}

If I died alone, never meeting the one for me, so be it, that’s what was meant to be. But I found the one for me, my soulmate. She is my partner, and my best friend. The mere thought of not being able to talk to her again, discuss science, argue about politics, talk of the obvious existence of extraterrestrials, the chance to make each other laugh…. these things fill me with a dread and sadness I can’t put into words.

It really all comes down to this though: tell your loved ones you love them. Don’t let things end on bad notes. Don’t go to bed angry. Take the blame during a fight even if you’re right, because life is so much more fleeting than you realize. Do nice things for people, express your appreciation. Be romantic, be kind, be optimistic. Do not allow fear and anger to rob you of your happiness ever. Be bold. Take chances. Love hard. Do not let go easily, be resilient. And always, always say ‘I love you’ upon parting.

2019 was an upside down year; one of those years where you learn the hard way to roll with the punches of life events and try not to let that bad taste in your mouth linger for too long as it will slowly poison you from the inside out. It’s one of the years that presented me with a HUGE learning event and some MUCH needed wisdom and guidance around life and living with purpose – not just sliding by from day to day. While that method seems to somehow make sense at times, it’s not really any way to live every day. We each need purpose and we each have desires. Those must be fulfilled or we end up just empty and floating aimlessly in the sea of darkness, alone, afraid and feeling quite useless. Nothing makes sense. No one makes sense. It leads us often to the quesiton “what is the point?” — never a good question to be asking oneself.

I haven’t been myself for a couple of months now. I was losing ground. Feeling stupid and not taking care of myself as I should have been doing. I had let myself become heavily invested in someone who came into my life 2 years ago; someone I believe is a real soulmatch for me. What I did wrong, in hindsight, is I allowed myself to let down my walls far too soon, and far to low.I lost touch with that one major Butch rule: “Never let your life be control or guided by pussy – anyone’s pussy – ever.” Until the day one of my Butch brothers slapped me on the back hard and said those words right into my face from about 10″ away, adding “Get a grip, man. Get a grip!” He was right on the money too. I had given over too much while not taking what I needed in return. I was over-confident that she loved me as I loved her. I let my guard down because of that and I am paying dearly still. Perhaps for a long, long time to come. Guess that’s to be determined.

I’ve been rolling these thoughts over and over in my head for weeks on end now. Trying to make sense of which way to go now. How to I reclaim my power? How do I find my worth once again? Who the hell AM I now??? I am not even sure of that anymore. This really took a LOT out of me. I never, ever saw it coming. Completely blindsided by someone I trusted more than anyone I had ever trusted in my life before. THAT fucking HURT the hardest.

I know that I have to continue to work through this myself. I know that I can and will do it; I’ll be damned if I let this keep me down or change my positiive attitude. I don’t want to live with doubt and fear. Nor do I ever wish to become so involved or over-confident in someone like that ever again without a very specifically laid out contractual agreement of the rules between us. I didn’t move on doing that with this person, because I was taking it “slow” and now I see the very, very big error in that way!

I also see things like making sure that both people have a really good idea of thier personal desires for the direction of the relationship – before becoming overly invested or even tossing out the “L” word. Relationships are great support for anyone, if they are healthy and equally tended to by both parties. One cannot “give” more than the other in the emotional department especially. Both must be willing to be equally vulnerable and thus trusting.

Don’t you just wish like a motherfucker that we KNEW all of these little tidbits of relationship tips before we stumbled into someone we wanted to love with all we’ve got inside? Wouldn’t that just make love so much easier? Ah, but the unknown of ‘love’ is part of the mysteriousness that makes it so damned attractive and alluring. The discovery process is so intoxicating that in our drunken love state we often lose sight of reality and throw caution to the wolves. It’s almost comical -but really NOT – how foolish we get over lust and love as well as how often we confuse the two states completely.

I can still shut my eyes, lay my head back on the pillow and see every curve, every hair, every mark on her body in my mind. I knew that body very well. And I showered that body and mind with love beyond anything I had given to anyone before. That’s pretty fucking deep to even say, but it’s fucking right as rain. Yes, I have lots of photos I could refer to, but I have boxed them all up and stored them away, out of sight to try to keep the visions of a minimum. It hurts to look at her photo and those eyes…those gorgeous eyes. With my eyes still shut I can inhale and still find her smell lingering in the recessed depths of my brain. I still feel her laying next to me, finger tips tracing across my chest, my jawbone, sweeping into my short hair as she leans in to kiss me passionately. Yes, I have all of those so very real memories driving me insane nightly. I wish so hard to be swallowed up by those thoughts and memories and be forever lost in space with only her as my company; my sustenance, my survival until that final heartbeat goes still and I can forget. That is the only thing that will make me forget. The only thing.

Everyone has their own reality in this life. No two are the same. Most aren’t even similar. Often our immediate life circumstance is the basis for most of our reality based choices and decisions. For example, my life as an older, single Butch with no children or major responsibilities at this point in my life is vastly different from my recent girl’s circumstances with having a special needs child that needs 24/7 care, a husband who is there in the picture daily to support the two, and a professional life she tries to manage around it all, and what I thought was a desire for a lesbian partnership too.

Once, in the not-so-distant past, I thought that these two different realities would mesh together and be very good for all involved. I thought, and was willing to, I could provide much physical and emotional support to her and to him as well with the kiddo. Because I love her so deeply – and grew to adore and love the child as well – I believed that I would be good for them all; be a good fit and be a very loving partner in the sphere of things. I personally still actually still believe this could be true. I had reached a point where I am fully willing to change my physical situation in life to be close to her and continue the relationship into whatever the next phase would be. We were close to making something close to that happen when the world fell apart for us. So close.

It’s no longer of any use to rehash the events that lead to the demise of our relationship. I don’t even care about those things anymore. It’s useless to keep even thinking about them, so I have basically forgotten about 90% of it now. I wish it had never happened, but it did and I didn’t know what to do, how to handle it, or which way to turn to figure it out. I found myself standing very alone on the precipice of darkness, without the anchor which had held me happily steady for almost 2 years. It was the saddest day of my life to date. Hands down, saddest. I felt true loss and had no one who understood or to lean on in that time. That’s when I truly learned how fucking strong I am inside. I weathered the most serious storm of my personal life by myself, unassisted and did it with the most dignity I could muster. Maybe it wasn’t perfect, but I never claimed perfection…but I’ve weathered all of it as good as I could.

Our lives happen in chapters. This is close to the end of chapter 5 for me. Generally I’ve experienced the chapters to coincide closely with decades and milstone marks. Childhood, teen years, 20’s (insanity), 30’s settling, 40’s realizing what I was missing something big, and the 50’s trying to find that more stable, decent life I desire, more purpose and a partner I can count on to be at my side. Maybe these chapters are similar for many of us. I know through conversations that I share much with many of my Butch counterparts. And sometimes we even have to refer back to a previous chapter, a specific page perhaps, to help us through the current chapter a bit easier. There’s no set “road-map” of this lifestyle, just a gut feeling and some pretty honestly ethical ways and rules to things. I dislike hard rules, but there are about 5 Butch rules that I find I have to be guided by always or I get off track and all fucked up! Ha!

Insanity is the ritual of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. This is the most true of statements ever spoken. Yet, we all do it. We all try to get what we want in the ways that we are comfortable and used to using…even if it doesn’t work this time, maybe it will next time…where that fucked up thinking comes from is beyond my comprehension.

Ok, enough deep thought for today/tonight. It’s been a pretty good last-Saturday in 2019. IT was a super sunny, warm (50 degrees F!), gorgeous day to be alive. I got tons done, preparing myself and my home for 2020’s arrival on Wednesday.

2019 will definitely be a memorable year- if not for the right reasons, then for some of the more bleak or perhaps less attractive ones. Hey, nothing is guaranteed or promised – ever. Not in life, loving or living on this planet in this time dimension. WE ALL struggle to roll out of bed every morning and do it all over again. Some days we literally stop and ask ourselves, “Why?”, and some days we just pretend we are enjoying it as we slurp down coffee and race off to the office or work site for the day. Whatever we have to do to make it work; to keep us going in a somewhat forwardish direction, and to try to live our best lives, as our most authentic selves, we just do it. Over and over. Lather, rinse, repeat. Whether we are happy or not…THAT is literally up to each one of us personally to determine and make it so — or not. Choices.

Peace. ~ MB

Sunday Musings

I watched quite a bit of the Global Pride 2020 and saw the ads for World Pride 2021 in Copenhagen Denmark…wow, wouldn’t it be so cool to go! I attended World Pride and the Gay Games years ago when it was held in NYC and it was an incredible experience. That was when the United Nations was headquartered in the Twin Towers in NYC and we marched for world equality on the UN.

I also caught a lot of the Global Goal broadcast, where many artists and most world leaders all spoke or performed to raise awareness and money for Covid-19 vaccine. I found it the MOST informative piece about what exactly IS being done around the world to find a vaccine by Johnson & Johnson and with all the major counties of the world. The counties NOT represented…USA, Russia, China. Wouldn’t you know it. Our government hasn’t told us shit about this giant collaboration because Trump has this idea that if he can find a scientist to develop a vaccine HE can sell it and grub all the money for himself. The vaccine being developed by J&J will be provided to the world in a non-profit way. It was a really good show and I recommend everyone watch or listen to the show, you’ll not only gain a lot of knowledge of what IS being done, but the music is also awesome! Global Goal video link.

So, yeah, you can see that I had an exciting Saturday night at home with my dogs. I got stoned and did some personal writing, research and other stuff to get ready for the coming short week. This morning I woke up refreshed and ready to tackle some house tasks today. I’ve been repotting house plants and changing furniture around in different rooms. I am going to get rid of a few small tables and some other things. I try to purge a few things every time that I clean. It’s just amazing the shit that one accumulates! I have an extensive pocket knife collection that I want to sell to an interested collector, save for a few select pieces that I enjoy edge-play with on occasion. And I have an incredible collection of miniature things, I don’t think I will part with those just yet, but I have lots of other things to get rid of around here! Either I sell it, donate it, or throw it away!

The coronavirus-19 pandemic has laid bare all of the short-coming of the United States. Poor healthcare programs and insufficient insurance coverage, deficient – even derelict -care of our elderly and those living in group settings, no cohesion or healthcare management for existing programs, a very poorly prepared federal government and barely operational institutional systems, a failing public education system, deficient stock-pile of emergency supplies, broken social systems, and abusive police practices – including murder by police. That’s just a partial list I am sure. Not that ANY country is ever “perfect” for every citizen, but we used to be much better before we got complacent and the GOP got control of things. Somehow I believe we can work together once #45 is out of the way and rebuild things better than ever, updated for 2020 and beyond.

The world is changing right before our eyes and none of us are promised tomorrow, so we push for each other today. I am very proud of my two eldest nieces who are activists like me. Seeing all of this generation in the protesting and making their voices heard in the streets, all together, is so awesome. Some of us work behind the scenes doing research on various people, watching hard, pushing candidates, working the phones, door knocking and manning the polls, and the youngsters are doing night after night in the streets! THIS is Democracy. WE ARE MAKING CHANGES!!! Us Dems held on for 3.5 years and went thru hell, but in the end I really believe that the good and honorable will prevail! Love always wins.

Now I’m about to relax for the evening on my couch listening to music or watching something interesting…viking related no doubt. 🙂

Peace ~ MB


I had to do some paperwork over the phone today and got asked about how I identify, as in gender identification. I’ve heard it before, but this time for some reason it was different. I really didn’t know how the fuck to answer! And that led me to a pretty cool, honest eye-opening conversation with the person I was talking to.

The gender question, how I identify comes up occasionally. I brush it away and go on. This time I actually stopped and thought deeply about it. I know I am biologically female, but my brain thinks in very males ways most of the time. I do not feel like I am female. Maybe I’m somewhere in between, I don’t really even know for sure myself.

She asked about pronouns. That’s what made me stop and think. Then we had the conversation. I told her I answer to most all of them, haha. So, I had her indicate that I’m non-binary on the paperwork. But I’m still stewing about the questions obviously.

Thought you all may like this Brene Brown quote. It kind of fits with the current state of affairs in our country and the Black Lives Matter movement.

“Only when diverse perspectives are included, respected, and valued can we start to get a full picture of the world: who we serve, what they need, and how to successfully meet people where they are.

Daring leaders fight for the inclusion of all people, opinions, and perspectives because that makes us all better and stronger. That means having the courage to acknowledge our own privilege, and staying open to learning about our biases and blind spots. It is also listening, centering, and honoring stories that reflect experiences that are different than our own.

Courage is listening, learning, unlearning, knowing when to lead, and knowing when to let others lead.”

I hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Peace ~ MB

Watching This Unfold

I am very concerned with all that is happening across the USA, far more concerned than I have ever been about current events, and far more concerned about this than anything else right now! Our basic survival and freedom are threatened by several things, without survival and freedom nothing else in our lives will matter one flying fuck…not one thing; nada. If you’re dead from convid19 you won’t give a fuck. If you’re in prison for opposing racism and police violence you won’t give a fuck for a while at least, and if you’re not free period, why even bother?

It’s easy to get depressed, but don’t. Don’t let this shit get you down, make it force you to GET UP! Raise your voice in protest. Register and plan to VOTE in November! Support your candidates – all of them!!! And join those of us who are working, often against the tide, to create the gigantic BLUE WAVE in November 2020. Even if it’s sending money to local, regional or national political activists or groups, working doing outreach to voters on the computer, urging your family, friends, employees, bosses, and everyone else to VOTE on Nov. 3, 2020! Hopefully we can get most to vote BLUE and be rid of the child currently fucking up the Oval Office with his grossness and igorance. We also need to remove all of his cronies holding offices that are up for grabs around the country; those silent GOP members got to go!

I watched pieces of #45’s “rally” in Tulsa last Saturday night, in between doing other things. I actually left a party to watch it. I’m completely convinced if he’s re-elected he WILL destroy the remnants of our Republic..every. single. one….and we will become a Russian province. Laws will change, more journalists and writers will be harassed, beaten and killed. Racism will get even more dangerous with the eventual rise of his right wing supporters that are waiting in the wings with those M16s they need so fucking badly for jacking off self-defense. The LGBT crowd will be hiding in the shadows trying once again not to be noticed thus the beating shall begin. It will NOT be GOOD if he wins again. And we must also prepare for the possibility that he will not leave office voluntarily. That’s a whole other angle.

Maybe I SHOULD go off-grid, deep into the Vermont mountains, or maybe Arizona’s. Belize is always an option I suppose. Ya know, I say that but in my mind I start constructing what I would HAVE to HAVE if I did something like that in order to live in a happy kind of way. I wouldn’t want to completely disconnect from the world. I would want a good 4G or better internet connection, I could generate electricity via solar/wind and generators, but I like indoor plumbing – unless it’s someplace warm year round, then I love showering outside, oh the memories! Cell phone service would be great, and if you have a good internet connection you can tie it to that and it would work fine. I’d write, take pictures, grow things, and figure life out from there. It would also be nice to have a girl to share it with for a while.

Trump is just letting coronavirus19 roar through America like an out-of-control wildfire. He doesn’t mention the 120,000 dead, the 30K + a day new cases in the USA and we don’t ever hear from the CDC anymore. This is a serious heathcare disaster happening in slow motion. Hospitals are at 70% ++ capacity for ICU beds as case numbers are rising exponentially. We got to get a LOT more SERIOUS about this crap and SOON. We lack ANY national leadership or guidance, Fauci and Birx are silent, I hope they start to feel VERY guilty about holding back what they know is happening or coming down the road.

Attny General Bill Barr has fired (forced resignation) of a bunch of top guys at the Department of Justice. He’s trying to protect Trump and his buddies from investigations that are still hanging around the system in the Southern District of New York. He helps Trump interfere in prosecutions. Barr is out-of-control, taking the title “General” literally – even to the point of ordering federal troops to fire tear gas and pepper spray upon peaceful demonstrators – he’s THAT out-of-control!

The fucking soap-opera of our leadership across this country is pathetic and sickening. So many must be removed and replaced with people with common sense, integrity and honor to country. The idiots currently in the republican party are staying silent, watching #45 ruin America and saying nothing. Send them home in November!

There’s so much more going on, but I’m exhausted for today, it’s been a very full day. I was woken up by a phone call that my closest Uncle died last night – on fucking Father’s Day, damn! And the day just picked right up from there, resulting in a productive day and some interesting conversations. Hope you all are following along…it’s getting deep!!!

What’s next? Fucking aliens???

Peace ~~ MB

Angst and Agony Across America

What a week…we hit the 100,000 dead milestone, Minneapolis cops killed George Floyd by kneeling on his neck…symbolic?…you have to wonder. Then some crazy white chick in NYC was filmed almost choking her dog to death and accusing a black bird watcher of threatening her all for him asking her to put the dog on a leash. Then Wednesday Larry Kramer died. Larry started ACT UP back in 1984, he led the movement of the last pandemic – the fight against HIV/AIDS. I knew Larry, and he was a great guy, a hero and he leaves a true legacy.

…it’s just insane, people are angry as fuck and wound tight, you can feel it in the atmosphere.

Maine’s covid numbers are rising suddenly. It’s the influx of out-of-staters as well as the government trying to open up too soon. I’m personally sticking to my routine of staying away from places so I don’t have to risk going through the virus and probably dying from it. Now even the Maine Response team has gotten exposed and many on it are infected. It’s so difficult to know what to do. I don’t want the infection to spread, but I want people to be able to work and make ends meet. Therein lies the dilemma.

Minneapolis is burning. Atlanta is burning. Lousiville is burning. LA is burning, and more major cities are on fire this morning…..my country is bleeding from the gaping wound of endemic racism. The riots have started. Remember, this country was STARTED by a riot and by looting and burning…the colonists rose up against oppression in 1774 and the first man to die in that war was a black man. Four hundred years of brutal oppression of blacks in America, brought here by force.

We have a leadership vacuum in Washington DC. A President tweeting about shooting looters in Minneapolis and now 1700 military personnel have been brought in with more standing ready in the wings. I fear we will witness civillian bodies lying dead on the city streets before tomorrow morning. The majority of the protesters are peaceful and fighting for justice but there is a faction of antifa, anarchists and white supremists mixed into these protests. They don’t leave when then rest do, rather they stay and cause chaos.

It’s far past time for equal justice in America. We are at a turning point…what side of history will we be on? I stand solidly with the protests across this country.

No Justice. No Peace.

Peace. ~ MB

60 Days

60 days of chaotic weirdness, unlike any other 60 day period in any of our lives.

Trying to figure out what we should each be doing that is safe or not safe with NO leadership or guidance from the very top echelon – the US President – is a challenge all by itself.

60 Days and we are STILL stuck on talking about “testing” – or lack thereof – and the lack of PPE.

60 Days of daily “updates” which are more like political rallies sometimes and like #45 having his very own little boy’s birthday party with everyone slapping him on the back and telling him how great, wonderful and perfect he is in everything he does.

60 Days of watching good people being either fired, moved to the basement office, slandered, ridiculed and outright insulted by Donald J. Trump. His reasons are all because each of the people – one, Dr. Bright, was even HEAD of the lab that is working on the most promising vaccine – disagreed with or spoke words that Trump didn’t agree with or approve of himself. Yep, firing people for speaking TRUTH and NOT agreeing with Trump’s fluff or misinformation. THAT is how it works in communist countries! There are actually some countries where you “disappear” or are found dead of suicide (yes, this is what is happening in China to ANYONE who speaks of the virus outside of their laboratory.) No one around Trump is allowed to have their own opinion or speak truth that doesn’t match HIS idea, so you KNOW they are ALL LIARS!!! You can’t work for him if you are NOT a LIAR.

60 Days of watching Trump slowly become more and more confused about what he’s trying to talk about. Sometimes just completely unable to reply and make ANY sense at all. He’s shown us how much he hates women, how horribly he treats them – right on TV for ALL of us to SEE – and how much their intelligence, which is obviously higher than his, scares the shit out of him. He basically RAN off stage a couple of days ago when being simply asked WHY he believes it’s so important to be competative and continually state who’s doing better with testing – us or China – he couldn’t even answer the question.

60 Days of watching our federal government – and our own president – work feverishly AGAINST the individual states and local governments. Bidding against them for PPE, seizing testing parts that the states might acquire on their own and even forcing some governors to hide the supplies from the feds, and disputing state statistics, disparaging individual governors who may not “agree” with Trump (again, that agreement thing) and showing NO EMPATHY for the families of those 90,000 people – US citizens – who have lost their lives to coronavirus19, many due to the slow, slow response of the Trump administration in the beginning of the pandemic hitting American soil.

60 Days of piss poor, lazy, sub-par attempts at basic leadership skills. This guy can’t even keep the people who hand him his meals safe from this virus – his personal valet, who gives him his meals, tested positive for the virus last week. Trump had a melt down and of course blamed those around him for “not protecting him”….while he disputes and completely blocks CDC guidance on HOW to protect ourselves! That is the CDC’s fucking JOB! And Trump refuses to let them do their jobs and says publicly that he believes HE knows more about this because he can “feel it in his gut”…folks, we are listening to a fucking feather merchant trying to ice cream in Antartica – with no takers. Idiot, just a plain IDIOT – the epitomy of the word actually. I want to add his picture next to the word “Idiot” in Wikipedia.

60 Days of “the plan” changing every 3 days…infuriating as hell.

60 Days of face masks, social distancing (6′), limited patron food shopping, and astronomically soaring food prices.

60 Days of my friends and some family members being out of work. Waiting STILL on the arrival of unemployment funds while running out of cash to keep things afloat. We’re all in this together, so we’ve all been trying to help each other and also help our local assistance organizations as well, keep things going. It’s stressful and it sucks. This is one time I am glad I am on a fixed income – while it’s not much at least it pays the basic bills. Gas for my car was a whopping $32. last month (I track it in my Cumbies app), down from about $120 a month during a regular month of moving around, so that is quite a nice little savings. Of course, it was just spent on food instead – eating has gained a whole new appeal during the lock down! I’ve managed to keep my weight steady, but I can see the reason some are gaining a little! It’s pretty easy to sit down and binge on Netflix and Doritos! hahaha

60 Days of Gov. Andrew Cuomo being the only sane and believable political voice I hear. While Anthony Fauci started out bold, telling us the honest, raw truth he’s been forced to “dumb it down” to make his idiot boss look smarter. You can tell Fauci is annoyed as fuck with having to put up with Trump’s idiotic, uneducated stabs at being a medical genius, but somehow he’s doing it – FOR US! Without Fauci in the room I believe NOTHING being babbled, NOTHING! Birx is in the same position as is the head of the CDC (name escapes me, it’s like Redman, or Rightman). And when Mike Pense opens his mouth I want to put a bag over his head – a plastic one, with a zip-tie necktie. He annoys the fuck outta me.

…ok, so those are the main “60 Days” of annoying, inconvenient, bullshit items. I know that some are made to protect me and my loved ones and I am really okay with that, but still it’s just not all fun and games being in one location most of the time. I know I could “cheat” but I like to live by what I say and do what I say I am going to do or am doing. So, yes, I am maintaining my “stay-at-home” protocol and I believe that I am doing the right thing, as many, many others are as well. Open up, go out, do your thing, but please, please, please be SMART! Wear your facemask, social distance, stay outside as much as possible, maintain your temper and try to be kind to those who HAVE to be out there working and putting themselves in the line of fire for Covid19! PLEASE!!!

Tomorrow I will write up the “60 Days” of things I’ve done, learned, created and enjoyed during this pandemic shut down.

I hope you are all staying safe, healthy and thinking smart. Preparing for the 2nd wave would be smart of you as well. Don’t be foolish and believe that this is “over” by any means! It’s not! So stock up on weed, water and chocolate and you should be fine for the next round as well! My love to all of you!

Peace ~ MB

…And DAYS of thoughts…

Ahh…another day of physical distancing coming to a cozy ending. I’m a bit tired tonight from being very active all day. It’s 8:45pm and I’m just now sitting down with a cup of coffee and the intent to write a bit, read a bit and plan the next couple of day projects. Since we are anticipating clouds and rain for the most part of our weekend weather I figured I would gear up to do inside projects, like cleaning and repainting all of my lawn and garden statues, chachkas, bird baths, feeders, etc. I like to refresh them every other year, and this happens to be the year! Keeps them looking decent. Some are ones that my mother or other special people have gifted me through the years, all knowing I love my gardens and am smitten with cute garden thingys.

Listening to Maine Public Radio, 90.1. I absolutely love and fully support our entire Public Radio program across America. They really try their hardest to get the real news, the truth – no matter how it hurts – out to us so we can decide how we feel. Yeah, they’re empathetic so you’ll see a bit of a left lean there, but it’s better than the alternative in my book.

I’ve had a realization – probably a bit slow but at least it’s finally hitting me – many, many more people are now listening to, watching, reading and following the NEWS every day now!!! THIS is epic! It means that MORE Americans, those that have been busiest and maybe didn’t have time for news every night, or who’s sleep pattern is all screwed up from pulling weird, long, draining shifts of an essential position during the pandemic. For whatever reason it may be, I am very pleased that more Americans are paying closer attention to what the hell is going on around the country – and maybe becoming more interested, leading to more personal individual involvement, more concern for how things are being done and more focus on what is right for us as citizens and what is not – what ONLY benefits the richest, foreigners, and huge entities that do business in America – some NOT EVEN AMERICAN but hoarding OUR money quite successfully these last 3+ years.

More people will become aware of all these weird, politically charged appointments, special offices and jobs given to wives, sons and daughters, uncles and 5th cousins 3x removed, all in the name of “draining the swamp” of good, career diplomats and replacing them with uninformed, inexperienced, fake papered friends of the family or large campaign donors…yes, perhaps MORE Americans will SEE what the hell is happening – not JUST with Covid19, but with EVERYTHING being done by this administration and those tied so tightly to it – like Moscow Mitch and Pimp Pompeo, oh and lest we not forget beady eyed Jared Kushner – no one KNOWS what his real job is, only that he does EVERYTHING COMPLETELY SECRETLY thru personal emails, burner phones and off-the-books monetary transactions. He has back door access to Israel, China, Saudi Arabia, Russia, Turkey, as well as a few other very rich countries and powerful people around the middle east.

Yes, this is a very good thing I believe! We really need everyone to be paying attention – even just a little more – so that when November rolls around there is no question who they need to be voting FOR – the PERSON MOST FOCUSED and DEDICATED to the 70% of Americans who are NOT millionaires, billionaires, huge off-shore account holders, or mean/evil greedy people. We all need to vote in a leader with REAL, TRUE and EFFECTIVE leadership skills. Those skills should be directly related to and influenced by the previous work the individual has done and what they are good at, like statesmanship, oral argument, truth telling, the ability to motivate and inspire people to great heights. I believe that we all know right from wrong when it comes to things done by our President. We each may have an “opinion” of it, but we can readily see the “gray” slimey area, where the snakes slither into between the two; laying and just waiting for a “loop hole” to appear where he can slither thru and do something not so right, then challenge anyone to disagree.

#45 himself DRAWS people to the TV everyday at 5:30pm so he can pat himself on the ass, brag, pump up his ego and piss people off as much as possible. He LOVES chaos. He loves to cause a fight, to disagree even with FACTS that he KNOWS are right, but he wants to PROVE he can change with his sheer will and command.

He is a science denier – thus this pandemic science is FAR beyond his minor ability to understand in any perceptive way at all. He just doesn’t have what it takes to “get it” when it comes to science, so he just does what comes natural – decides it’s FAKE – he denies that anything scientific is real. This is dangerous for so very many reasons, especially in a country leader during this very time in the life of this Democracy.

Daily he spout inaccurate psuedo or “trumpian facts” which are words originally based upon something that is a fact, then he twists it all up to fit HIS needed definition, and CONVINCES his “base” (please look at just WHO that base is, who makes up most of them such as miliatas, KKK fanatics, Tea party leftbehinds, gun gurus, violent racist hate goups, and “some” good people I am sure….yeah. Anyone who even stands on the same side of the road with that type of “base” is NOT a good person, does NOT have good things going on upand has NO idea what the hell they are even doing anymore. Just where do they think Trumpy is taking them all? Is he going to gift each gun-toting male with a planet and 99 virgins for following his dumb ass over the cliff?

Interesting evening I have had tonight. I took a chance and ventured out – in my required PPE of course – to Walmart for a couple of grocery items (gotta have half n half for my coffee or the world just is NOT right!) and I am going to be doing some painting tomorrow of yard decorations that need sprucing up, so I got a reasonable set of acrylic paints, which work far better on outdoor items that the regular craft paint does. Paint them with the acrylic and then spray them with a top coat of preserver and the job stays looking nice for a couple of years.

I haven’t been to any thrift stores or places I like to hunt around in to find weird or unique treasures, for quite a few months now! Really since before Christmas now that I think about it. I did stop in with Mom a couple of times to the Somersworth Goodwill to look around, but bought nothing. So I splurged and spent $50 on myself in art supplies tonight, well supplies and materials both. Since we seem to be stuck in the pandamonium of this shut down and with boredom setting in a little deeper each passing day I figured it was time to get some project type activities out and start working on those for a change of speed. I’ve been more focused on either outdoor work, shed work or reading/writing. It’s time to get my hands moving a bit more and pretty things up.

I’ve been talking to a couple of friends on Facebook video chat and the such. It nice to at least be socially connected with people. I heard one of the big radio personalities here today say “don’t socially distance, but PHYSICALLY distance and stay SOCIALLY connected!” I thought, now that makes one hell of a lot of sense! While I have been keeping myself physically apart from people, I have actually become MORE socially connected. I’ve had some pretty deep conversations with a few; conversations that were just waiting for that right moment to be had.

I also filled out the dreaded living will thing I’ve been avoiding for years. It’s kind of time to make sure that people around you, those closest to you especially, know what you would want for treatment should you become incapacitated by corvid19 or some other thing, and need doctors to know what your wishes are so they are fulfilled as closely as they are able to be. It’s not a fun subject, talking about prolonging life mechanically or letting go naturally…everyone is different.

My own preference is that if I am not going to live a healthy, productive, enjoyable life after treatment – if I survived it – then I wouldn’t want to be treated. I do want to be kept as comfortable as medically possible and I want a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) order at the foot of my bed. That’s probably the simple part, the hard part is even thinking that if this happened you are going to be going through it on your own, alone, except for medical personnel – who I know are doing their best to be respectful and loving toward all of us who are dying on their shifts, alone and afraid, they know…they’re trying. My heart aches for those front line people who are caring for our people through this all, they are the most honorable, valiant and respectable people on this green earth. Everyone owes them a debt of gratitude.

Wow…It’ Friday again! I woke up to hear that the great Orange Buffoon has suggested injecting or ingesting disinfectant – like lysol – to cure coronavirus19…I’m waiting for HIM to try it first to show us all how certainly SAFE this is to do…NOT!!!! Don’t do it peeps! Peeps don’t let peeps shoot chlorox!!!

Every day is just another amazing jumble or nonsensical words coming from the Great Pumpkin’s pie hole. It’s so frightening that so many of his “base” will probalby DO what he’s telling them to do, or suggesting that they test out his theory of the injection of disinfectant, like WTF? (Update: YES, some of his covidiot basers DID try out his disinfectant injection/ingestion theory and are now laying in what are considered to be irreversable comas of brain-dead bodies….sadly. ) How would you “test” this theory? I say let Donald be the guinea pig of the injection idea, yeah, let him go first and show the world how BRILLIANT his idea really is…as he turns blue and starts foaming at the mouth while having seizures on the floor, just before his heart explodes and he ascends the stairs to hell.

….WEDNESDAY May 7, 2020….days after the above paragraphs were written….

I am just fucking astounded, overwhelmed, very disillusioned and I don’t trust ONE damned thing our government is attempting to tell us to believe. THEY do not know how to deal with ANY of the crisis or chaos that has been brought upon us by Trump and his Coronavirus19 debacle. Yes, HIS! Had he been fucking AWAKE back in Decempber and not on the fucking golf course or getting his dick sucked at Mar a lago by some imported teenage sex slave from his Chinese salon owner buddy (can’t recall her name at the moment, but she’s a regular implement at Mar a lago). And she is KNOWN to be involved in bringing young girls into America for who knows WHAT real reasons.

Our country is currently in the deepest bucket of liquid shit its’ EVER been in during it’s 240+ years. We have TWO major factors playing out here: Coronavirus19 and Trump & Cronies maniuplation of the response to it, their DIRECT LIES and SMEAR campaigns against the doctors (Dr. Bright, Fauci, and others) who DARE to speak TRUTH to their corrupt power plays. Trump & Co. are MORE of a DIRECT THREAT and DEFINITIVE ATTACKS on the United States of America and EVERY single citizen and/or resident of this country and her lands.

WE, as citiizens MUST NOT be lulled – or forced – into complacency by the LIES and hopeful DISINFORMATION being disceminated by Trump himself, his administration and any one ( or all ) of it’s allies, employees, lobbiests, appointees, and sychophants of Trumpism.

And China…omg….China…who the fuck KNOWS if ANYTHING they are telling us is true or not. I doubt any of it has ANY real truth to it. I believe that Trump and Pompeo KNOW much much more than they are disclosing to any of us – who are the ones directly AFFECTED by this pandemic. Of course they WANT to blame China, but for all WE know Trump and Pompeo personally DELIVERED the vial of this virus TO Xi and China and knowingly infected their country so they could BLAME China when the shit hit the fan. That is probably FAR CLOSER to the truth of this than any of us realize…FAR closer. Now, I say all of this paragraph in hypothesis…but think about it. Think about what we all KNOW about this administration and their penchant for avoiding truth at all costs. If something IS true they will claim to high-hell that it is NOT, and visa-versa. They CANNOT – or do not understand HOW to – tell the truth about anything.

This is a BAD situation we are in. I know I am not the only one that is thinking that we must organize to remedy this whole thing. Starting with Trump and Steven Miller. Those two MUST be dealt with and MUST be removed from American soil as soon as possible – in ANY way possible at this point.

NOW is when we most definitely NEED the “deep state” to step in and begin to right this sinking ship. We need to begin to come together locally, on the state level and on the regional level to not only save each other from the effects of the pandemic in America, but to fight this administrations assault on America and Americans that is currently underway FULL TILT!

Our federal government is encouraging ARMED PROTESTERS to attack state governors and their attempts to save the lives of their citizens. THAT is not only WRONG but it’s ILLEGAL to incite a riot or incite violence!!!

Our federal government is SEIZING the state’s paid-for medical supply orders when they arrive on the planes or trucks! They seize them and take pocession, and they are NOT telling any of us where these products are then being taken and what is being done with them. WHY???? And they are using the FBI and military troops to do this to their own CITIZENS!!! This is hurting the medical response to covid19.

Our federal government is downplaying the NEED for covid testing. They are seizing test kits and test kit components so that states are UNABLE to test for the virus! WHY??? For some very specific reason Trump and associates DO NOT WANT us to be able to do proper TESTING for CORONAVIRUS19. They KNOW that without proper testing and tracing we cannot possibly stop this virus….they KNOW this…and they are doing EVERYTHING possible to thwart all efforts to test and STOP covid!!! Our FEDERAL GOV’T is trying to KILL off American citizens that THEY believe are of no use to society – specifically those in nursing homes, prisons, rehab facilities, immigrant camps, etc. You’re NOT hearing about the out of control viral deaths in those places BECAUSE the Feds have COVERED THAT UP. They don’t WANT us to know, or to realize, what they are REALLY DOING!!!

Now our federal government and specifically President Donald J. Trump, killer in charge, is pushing like hell for everyone to go back to work. To not wear protective masks. To ignore social distancing. Trump and Co are telling us (citiizens) to ignore the medical professionals, insisting they don’t know what they are talking about. Insisting that our “economy” is more important than any American LIFE is. What the fuck is that all about????

The WH lays out “guidelines” then encourages business owners and leaders to ignore those guidelines. The guidelines are ONLY to “protect” Trump and the federal government from any backlash that comes their way once people UNDERSTAND and REALIZE what the hell is going on. When we ALL wake up and SEE that the government is trying to reduce voter populations and reduce medicare pay outs to care for those in nursing homes and prisons, and to rope the rest of America into “obeying” the president and WH no matter WHAT they tell us to do. Soon he will have us jumping off the Golden Gate because it will somehow cure homosexuality…oh they’ll believe him too!

F/V Wendy Leigh May 5, 2020 Sunrise

,,,FRIDAY, May 8, 2020….and the beat goes on…..had a very late wake up today, the gummy last night really hit the sleep button hard! And wow, was it fucking great! Slept like a baby!

Tonight I decided to watch “Becoming” the story of Michelle Obama and her book tour, talking about her childhood, life with Barack and living in the White House…it’s GREAT! I highly recomend that everyone who is able to watch it do so! I am now on internet plus streaming TV only, no more cable, so luckily it’s on my Xfinity Flex streaming app. Anyway, Michelle is so inspiring.

Speaking of inspiration, there have been so many great music videos by just us regular people floating around on the internet! I’ve seen some really awesome stuff! Being without mainstream cable has brought me to a world of much better content for my eyes and ears. I’ve watched things I may not have watched had I still had nonsense TV – much BETTER stuff! The stuff I watch is probably pretty weird and out there for some, it’s mostly history stuff, Vikings are a favorite of course and mid evil stuff, knights, kings, warrior women, queens of power, and that kind of stuff. Then I get into animal programs, specifically about endangered or rarely seen creatures or new discoveries. And on some days I get completely involved in alien stuff, aliens building the pyramids, aliens invading, we are all aliens…you get the drift! haha..

Artist listed on photo…GREAT shot of downtown Portsmouth NH FROM the Kitery Maine side of the river.

Other days it’s Brene Brown and delving deeper into my own vulnerability, shame, worthiness and my own interactions and reactions to life in general. One day I WILL meet her. One day I WILL attend one of her live talks. She inspires me. She’s taught me a lot about teaching myself how to listen, learn, understand and accept things. Things have shifted in me, some due to listening to and thinking deeper about the topics that Brene speaks of so passionately. She’s taught me to listen more to those more passionate voices in my head that take me to much better places and choices while allowing me to ignore the doubting Thomas, that hangs out in there too, waiting for me to allow him the opening to pound me and my dreams into the ground.

I’ve learned that we live in a vulnerable world, and along with all the other raw emotions, we try to numb them. But you can’t numb one emotion – good or bad – without numbing the others as well – good and bad – like joy, happiness, purpose, meaning…and POOF ! We are truly unhappy.

I just watched this interview of her with Chase Jarvis…it was perfect message to me for the day. Bingo. Her stuff always make such perfect sense.

Ok, time to close these eyes for another night…it’s supposed to fucking SNOW tonight…yes, the 8th of May/ 9th of May it’s going to SNOW in Maine. My flowers are covered – yeah, I’m weird like that – and everything is battoned down because we are also having 40-50mph gusts off the water. Nasty day ahead! I’m going to chill at home, do some more work on my projects, listen to NPR and stay warm!

Have a great weekend. Stay home and stay healthy please. I lost another Facebook friend from one of the groups today…52 yrs old. Sucks. I cannot wait for things to begin to look better. I believe the more of us that stay home the better chances will be that the time is shorter. Going out now is just going to cause MORE infections and MORE time like now….don’t do it…stay the fuck at home. Be Patient.

Peace. ~ MB

Sunday and I’m A Bit Off Kilter

Dang I need a haircut BAD! But I can wait!

Sunday rolls around again…they seem out of context these days during our “stay-at-home” lifestyle. I slept late today, got out of bed around 10ish to feed the beasts. They were even groggy and sleepy. I think the slow pace we are stuck in right now is exacting it’s toll on all of us creatures, human and animal. I get up in the mornings now and feel like I don’t have a schedule that makes sense right now – and I don’t. I am going to work on that today in my bullet journal to try to develop a plan for the coming week, our last week of April 2020.

Having given up cable television has meant I have had to put together watchable stuff on my computer and 4K smart TV to keep me happy with watching something when I feel like it. I recently subscribed to Disney+, Curiousity Stream, and CBS All access so between those venues and all of the free stuff by Flex and PeacockTV I have plenty to watch. And my bill is FAR lower now, I just pay for internet and the subsription prices for the various apps – which are all on free trials at the moment. But watching mindless TV and news programs is not the only thing I want to be doing! I love to read and research. I watched a great show on the rise of Vikings across Europe and I watch a lot of animal shows. This morning it was a show on the Galapagos Islands and the pollution arriving there…sad, but we need to be aware so we can continue to figure out how to combat the problem and eventually solve it.

I really commend the broadcasters who have stuck with us through this whole pandemic. They are part of the band of heroes, those continuing to expose themselves more than those of us staying at home, so that less people become infected and end up in the hospital, or worse. All of the media outlets have really pulled together to continue to bring us the news – good and bad – but I do want to say this: vet your news sources. If you question something is true or not go to Snopes.com and do a check on it. I tend to stick with the big ones, CNN, MSNBC, Huffpost, The Guardian and The New York Times for my daily stories and to follow what’s going on with the pandemic. They’re not always exact, but they’re closer to true than some of the far-right conspiracy outlets that are working overtime to disperse fake and worse “news” and the like. I would say the #1 violator of that in the USA is the infamous FOX channels – steer very clear of them!

Railing box #3 and the Grape Hyacinths that I need to find a permanent home for in my perennial gardens.

I got stuff to make some cool face masks this week. Going to spend some time with my Mom who’s been isolating at her home with my Dad for weeks now. The doctor said he believes that it’s safe for me to visit her since I have been very cautiously self-isolating as well. He encouraged it even, saying we all need a little social support now, and if we are cautious and following protocol of the 6′ distancing and wearing masks as necessary we should be ok to see family in SMALL increments and no groups of more than 5-6 people in a space. He did say that outdoor visits were best, maybe having a picnic outside or taking a walk together.

Crafting area and some supplies April 24, 2020
Going to try making some colorful face masks April 24, 2020

So, yes, I will visit with her – out at the picnic table by the pool – and we can make some masks, have a little lunch and catch up a bit. I spoke to her this morning and she seems a bit down. Says she has no energy which indicates to me (knowing my Mom like I do) that she’s teetering on being depressed. My mother has never had depression issues that I am aware of, she’s always been upbeat and enthusiastic about life. So, seeing her get down worries me. She misses me and my siblings and her grandchildren very much. In the course of “normal” life goings-on she would see one of those people every day. Coming from a large, closely connected family this “stay-at-home” self-isolation order we are still under is more difficult in some ways for us. We are just so used to having people around all the time. Thus, it’s fairly important for each of us to make a little extra effort with Mom and Dad to keep them safe, happy and feeling loved during this very trying, unsure time in the world.

I got the pansies and ranocula in my railing plant boxes yesterday. They look pretty nice. I want to insert photos here…but am STILL trying to decipher how to bring them from Google Drive cloud into the WP platform…it’s got to be something I am doing wrong.

Grape hyacinths April 2020

Here’s a photo of Nola giving me a kiss…wanting me to get up and take her for a walk most likely! She and Lulu have just been stellar isolation partners throughout all of this. They keep me sane and give me lots of love and laughs. I don’t know where I’d be right now without them by my side every day. And I know so many of my friends and family members are also very grateful for their pets right now, the soothing love of an animal who depends on you for food, warmth, love and safety is just irreplaceable. On Facebook you see so many awesome pics of everyone’s beloved animals. I am specifically fond of dogs, so the dog pics make me extremely happy when I see them flow thru my timeline.

Getting a Nola smooch….

No really knowing what to write about lately has kept me from publishing some of my daily musings. I have them saved as drafts and I do go back to them and pull out chunks here and there to add to other blog posts. The world is just so jumbled. So chaotic and just a complete mess. There is so much to write about, yet so little that makes good sense. I find subjects fleeting through my thoughts, but nothing really sticking with me to delve into very deep. So, this is what I’m doing – writing just about the current day for now.

Railing boxes #1 and #2 Pansies mostly

It’s April 26, 2020 and the weather here in southern Maine is predicted to turn cooler tonight and get this – SNOW! Of course it will not stick on the ground, it’s been too sunny and warm. The ground is nice and warm and ready for spring, not more winter! I’m ready for more outdoor time, more garden time, to actually get to PLANT my garden for the summer! I’m ready for more picnics and outdoor cooking. Walks in the big open field over on Lewis Road and into the public trails that they have opened to everyone now. The dogs and I all love those areas! So, yeah, I am DONE with winter weather! I am happy every day that I get up and snap the furnace to the “off” position and don’t have to turn it on except at night when the temps are still dipping down into the upper 30’s some nights.

I’m grateful for my good health right now. I am grateful for the overall good health of my family and friends. And I am overly grateful for the love and friendship of my dogs and Frankie the cat. Yes, she’s still here…living large as the cat queen of the household. She teases the dogs and they tease her back, but overall things are quite cozy now. No one is fighting, that’s all I ask – no fighting!

Here’s a shot I just took of me starting a newly inspired Bucket List…I have actually NEVER kept a Bucket List before, so this will be a new experience for me. I have done a lot of things in my life, some I have great photos and stories about and some are just mental memories. I want to make sure I do a few more things before I move on to the next life of adventures. The first item I added just now is “Yellowstone by Camper with my dogs” I think that would be the ultimate in awesome for a trip.

April 26, 2020
At home in Maine

I am making this Bullet Journal a journal of lists. Lists like the Bucket List. That is a “long term” idea list to me. Then there will be “To Do” which is current things that “need” to be done. So there will be both a practicality and a fantasy part of this journal. I like that. Everything should be like that.

I have always loved to travel. I especially love “slow” travel, such as car and train trips. I’m a gawker, a rubba necka, I see a squirrel every 13 seconds and my thought process is abruptly altered…haha…laugh, sometimes it’s not funny, but yeah, sometimes it IS really funny! Hahaha, I can laugh at myself, I’m fucking hysterical sometimes…or I think of some pretty insane kind of funny stuff at least! I manage to find myself laughing at myself 2-3 times a day…and when you’re alone except for dogs and a lazy cat, you know you’re a little off kilter…haha…who cares anymore!?

I have this vision of buying a decent used camper – preferrably one that I can drive instead of tow behind. Taking a year to renovate it and put it into the kind of shape that I need to do a cross-country, meandering kind of trip with my dogs. I’ve been to The Grand Canyon, Hoover Dam, drove the Old Rte 66 from Oklahoma to California (while reading “The Grapes of Wrath” outloud with my wife). I’ve been down the bob-sled track in Lake Placid New York at 90mph, and I’ve witnessed some incredible wildlife, such as gray whales coming up to the whale watching boat I was on and proceeding to scrape barnacles off of their backs – using the boat ! That lasted for over an hour before our guide had to have us pull away – reluctantly! I have some incredible photos of that – IF I could locate them now it would be close to a miracle. I may try, since I don’t have a lot of other things to really “do” these days! eh.

So, planning and making the trip out to Yellowstone from southern Maine would be a real dream come true for me, especially if I can make it happen in a camper that I am driving! I’m not interested in the fly out and fly back viewing, plus I could do that realistically anytime, no, doing it by road worthy camper is the ticket for this seasoned Butch! Hell, there may come a time that I choose to LIVE in a trailer like that, parking it in various different states as I see fit to move around. Hey, it COULD happen, especially because I would really LIKE that kind of lifestyle to tell the truth. I think I am nomadic at heart. It’s been hard the last 10 years to stay here where I am, but I made a commitment to myself and to my family to be here with them. Perhaps the future will bring different circumstances at some point that will draw me away geographically. I can never be drawn away emotionally. I do love Maine.

Regal 12 yo Nola
Lu and her chewie
Enjoy the nice weather!!! And better air quality!

I wish you all the very best as the new week begins…yes, tomorrow is Monday – again – and I am into another safe week of stay-at-home activity level. I’ll be doing masks tomorrow, some editing tonight, photo books on Tuesday…and the time flies by….not…

Love and hugs to all of you – we ALL need them badly right now! Hug your dogs and cats and kids extra for me tonight, I need to feel that love!

Regards ~ MB

Four Twenty

HAPPY FOUR TWENTY my tokin peeps! Light up if you got it! Or ingest if you’re into edibles. I did both.

Insanity. Global insanity. Chaos in every country. Disbelief. Distrust. Lies. Truths. Hypothesis. So many, many ideas and opinions. This really has become the weirdest time in modern human history. The last pandemic like this one (not counting HIV/AIDS) in 1918-19 was during a time of no technology, many didn’t even know how to read, no daily reports, slow information dispersal…a VERY different time from 2020 thus a very different world reacting to something no living person has encountered in their lifetime on this planet and only has historical record and research to fall back on for previous responses to pandemics.

I have no fucking idea anymore of how to think or reason with this virus and it’s horrendous effects on all of us. It has changed all of us. Some in minor little ways, some in major ways. Some are finding good in learning about themselves; taking this unexpected time on our hands to do some inner inspection and to have some fun, do crafts, write, hobbies, and perhaps persuing other things you may be interested in that you now have time to look into or bring into your life sphere.

Then there’s that special time with household members you’re with 24/7 right now and how that may be affecting you and your relationships with those people – for the good or no so good, whatever it may be or come to be. I am betting the divorce rate shall spike after this is somewhat over and lawyers are back in business. And of course there will be tons of new babies, corona-kids, born in the next 9 to 11 months. Let’s vote to start all of their names with a “C” in commemoration of this jolly time….eheheh.

I’ve been staying home 99.9% of the time. Only going out to the grocery – which is Walmart lately – and stopping at the pharmacy and the bank’s drive up windows when required. I try to tie all three of those things into ONE single trip out about once a week. I also try to pick a time that is NOT popular with other people, which can be a challenge as everyone is attempting to do that same thing. We’re all a bit scared of this virus, I know that I certainly am.

I’ve had all this great time to focus on improving my house, yard and gardens. It’s just getting warm enough to start planting. I’ve got a ton of seeds left over from previous years, so much of my plantings this year will be started as seedlings. I’ve ordered clones of my special recipe plants which should arrive by mid-may – delivered to my porch. I think I can even order live plants and have them delivered from the nurseries…they MUST be doing some kind of business as most of them offer landscaping services as well. I must check on that!

I’m ordering paint to touch up the porches and possibly paint the front siding. I did look into a good paint for painting vinyl siding and I may attempt it. I also have to deal with painting the oil tank this Spring..fun, fun, fun…not. I don’t mind painting, but it’s not really my favorite thing to do. I’m focusing on exterior from now until late August, then I will start to plan my fall interior renovations, painting etc. I like working on my home, it’s rewarding and gives me a sense of accomplishment in making it look and feel better and more comfortable.

I finally cancelled cable television. I switched over to Xfinity’s new Flex program, which is internet and a giant selection of streaming apps including Hulu, Netflix, YoutubeTV, PlutoTV, PeacockTV, and a raft of others. I get just about every channel I got with the $80 a month Performance cable package! And my bill dropped to about $92. monthly instead of $178. monthly. Big savings. I like it better actually. Been playing around with it for a few days and I get a zillion free movies between this and my Amazon Prime account’s video service.

So, yeah, this “lock down” has given me plenty of time here at home to change a bunch of things, to do some work on myself and my relationships and to learn about myself, especially about my coping skills while facing the challenges of staying at home and taking really good care of my health during this frightening time. I got to say, I haven’t felt this physically healthy for a while and it feels great.

I’ve stayed very socially interactive with friends and family around the country via video chats, messenger, texts and phone calls. And I started adding things to my Pinterest and Instagram accounts again after some encouragement by others. I do enjoy social media. I’ve been doing a LOT more reading – both books and online – and research of Viking and Celtic cultures and history (a favorite of mine). I have discovered a few GREAT podcasts that I really love! I like to do projects in the art area or in my shed while listening to a podcast in the background – or even good old NPR, another favorite of mine.

Over the last week or so I have cut back even further on news consumption, taking in only what I can handle and shutting it off. Trump is one evil son of a bitch and he’s doing some very despicable things to our country right now…and it’s going to get worse I know. I just stay up to date on what I NEED to know and kick the other shit to the curb. I watch Gov. Cuomo’s briefings when I want the real truth of what’s happening. Trump’s words are ALL LIES and misinformation designed to gin up anger, revolt and death in the end. He knows his election chances are shit now so he’s going to implode America on his way out. Sucks. But it is what it is. We might be able to save some of it after he’s gone, but don’t put all your chickens in THAT basket either, as it may NOT happen. The world may be very different by November of this year, VERY different indeed.

I’ve been doing some other writing on various personal topics that I haven’t decided to publish just yet. I’ve received some questions via email that I am composing my opinion answers to and the such. Also doing some more in-depth writing on living life as I have, fast and furious with a screeching halt added here and there to take in the view for a while. I’ve written out a few stories of my more interesting exploits that are both interesting and amusing. So, watch for some of that coming soon.

I have a new website but desperat ely need some help setting things up…I’m looking for someone I can work with remotely if possible. I have some great ideas!

Ok, that’s my update for this 4/20/2020. I’m getting sleepy so I need to get my ass into the sheets and off to dreamland! Good night my sweet readers! Hugs to all!

Be Safe. Be Well. ~ MB

What to DO…?

News stories from around the country glide across our computer screens, scroll down the cell phone screens, some informational, some interesting, some funny memes, lots of sad notices of deaths, and reports of lack of medical equipment, medicine, ventilators, hospital beds and just SPACE for people to lay their weary, coronavirus19 infected bodies down. Then there is the stories of Trump and his inept handling of ALL of this mess. And the morbid stories of how we are going to contend with disposing of the dead bodies of our loved ones with morgues far, far over capacity,, refrigerator trucks lining the lots behind the big hospitals in NYC, a vague proposal to temporarily inter the bodies in a park in NYC until they can be exhumed and properly buried in family plots after this health crisis is over and it’s been determined just HOW to handle the infected corpses. No one is even sure if it’s “safe” to touch them, to bathe them as is usually done before burials, or to even cremate them – for fear of releasing viral particles into the air around us. No one is sure.

No one wants to think about this. No one wants this to be happening at all. Yet, it is happening, sadly and frighteningly for all of us. ALL OF US….because we are all in this together. And we are in this for the long haul. It’s not over until it’s over.

Never have I felt so small and disoriented. I don’t know what to do, any more than ANYONE knows what the fuck to DO! I am not speaking of what to do with my time, or my days of solitude but what to DO about this coronavirus19, how to help, how to stay healthy, how to think, react, just BE with all of this grief, fear and death that is surrounding all of our dreams as of late.

I can find plenty to do as far as keeping myself busy, art stuff, cleaning, fixing stuff, writing and such…it’s the more important “DO” that seems to be nagging at the back of my brain. Like I should be DOING something more to help my fellow Earth inhabitants through or out of this dark time. I’m not a doctor, I have minimal Army first aid training, CPR and setting splints…nothing like knowledge of blood pressure, temperatures, ventilators, etc. – the stuff needed medically in this health crisis. And, unfortunately, due to my being HIV positive it would be extremely dangerous for me to be in any kind of contact with the virus – probably a death sentence. So I have to find another avenue of “DOING” something that will help in some way, shape or form.

When the state “stay home” orders were issued by Gov. Mills I created a Facebook group page for the neighborhood that I am part of so that we had some area-specific information, ideas, thoughts and just a place online that we could connect with our neighbors on if we so desired. My neighborhood is mostly retired couples and individuals. There are a couple of younger families with children, but not more than 4-5 families. The management designated this a “55+” community on July 1, 2019, with anyone younger “grandfathered” in by state law. I kind of like it this way, quieter and the homes are kept very nicely because we retired dinks have lots of time to pretty up the yard and gardens. And if you’re going to have a “planned” neighborhood, with everything laid out a certain way at least it can be well kept and as nice looking as possible.

We actually enjoy and have fun exchanging plant bulbs, helping one another set up bird feeding stations, sharing pictures of wildlife we spot meandering through the park and having summertime barbeques and porch sitting parties. It’s sweet to sit out on the front porch at crepuscule, taking in the sweet evening sea air and just enjoying the end of the day! Yeah, I really like this little spot of mine; my butch cave with sweet gardens of veggies, weed, and flowers as well as a lot of species of wild birds visiting my feeders and living in the nearby forest areas. I even get the occasional visit of the local turkey flock with their offspring as well as hawks, various owls, water birds flying over heading to the nearby water bodies and some 4 leggeds like raccoons, possums, squirrels, chipmunks, skunks, and snakes. Keep your eyes peeled and you might even spot a pair of deer near the wood line or a moose – very rarely – if you’re lucky! Yeah, I like it here. Right here – for now.

Well…I started this blog on a much different note and it seems to have turned a corner more toward thinking about the things I love about my isolation station! Nice. I wanted to let go of that bad gut feeling I was having when I started writing and it worked. Writing always helps me in some way to process things; to figure out what is really going on in my head that’s being covered by me being stubborn and trying to ignore pieces of my reality.

Tonight I was feeling inadequate in my personal response to the coronavirus19 pandemic. Feeling like I should be doing MORE somehow, someway. Maybe it’s not doing more; maybe it’s giving more in some ways, writing more and researching/investigating more of what is happening that many people are just too busy dealing with having their kids home, being out of work, worrying about sick family members – maybe I need to be helping them see that we ARE going to come through this period of darkness; together and when the time comes we will all together find our way through the anger, grief, and healing that will follow. We will need each other then more than ever!

That’s it for tonight. I am thinking of everyone. Please hang in there. Stay at home and only go out to the grocery or pharmacy if ABSOLUTELY necessary! The social distancing IS working, we just need to KEEP IT UP! The better we are at it, the shorter this will be!!!

Hugs to all.


As the Hoax Turns….

I currently, like most, have a lot of free time on my plate right now. How to use each day has become a bit of a game. Usually at some point each evening I make a “list” of things that I “think” I will do the next day. Now, what I should do when I finish said list is to ball it up and send it into file 13 via a 3-point jump shot from a sitting position on my couch half-way across the room. Can’t you just picture it? The grace of a couch potato during a pandemic? Yeah, I know it’s a dumbass picture, but I’m attempting to entertain you here and squeak a smile out of that frown; trying to make some sort of morbid lightness out of a dark situation.

You get my drift, the list is useless. By morning my mind has wandered half way around he world and decided to do completely different things than were on that suggestion list. Yeah, that’s what it was a “suggestion” list. Ha. Sure, those things on the list should be, or perhaps even need to be, done at some point but I can think of nothing that needs to go on the list that is anywhere’s near critical to complele, thus the list will hit the trash can and I’ll do another one tonight for which the same fate will apply. Now, why do I do this weird thing? Because I have every good intention, but my follow-through sucks. By the time morning rolls around five thousand other ideas have meandered through the forest of my mind.

Each day this grows more and more sobering. Each day new fears arise. Each day something new about this virus is exposed making even more frighening. Each day the stories of the brave, the helpers, the frontline people trying to save lives are told to us in news outlets attempts to bring some “feel-good” stuff to us before diving into the worst things they can tell us about various viral “hot spots” in different countries. Each day new governmental guidelines are issued; not direct orders or mandates here in the USA, but “guidelines” and “suggestions”. Each day I wonder when the fuck thisfis going to end and who I will hear has been infected or is waiting for test results. Yes, each day it’s something new, different, updated or changed about the world’s war with Coronavirus19.

This morning’s “biggest news” thus far is that Italy sadly reported the death of the 10,000th person from CV19. News centers have continued to report that the United States is 10 days behind Italy in what we will experience eventually. Scary as fuck when you can literally SEE what is in store for us in just a few short days. t

It doesn’t matter how many are tested, how many ventilators there are or what our leaders’ say, the death toll continues to rise, doubling overnight in some places. The time for testing, procuring enough medical supplies and equipment, having emergency hospital spaces lined up and ready for full use as well as other preparations in readiness, that time was TWO MONTHS ago. Unfortunately, that window of opportunity was shut long before US citizens were aware it was even open.

This aforementioned “advanced notice” that Trump and his administration thugs actually got from Chines leadre Xi and China’s top scientists/doctors was NOT something our lovely leader wanted to have mentioned to us, his constituents, yes US Citizens – those whose interests he is supposed to be working for until his contract expires. Yes, come November, he will more than likely be replaced with a newer, up-to-date, faster, sleekler, more efficient and effective model. Time to retire the old stuff; it’s time has come. Everything wears out eventually as it grows old and tired. Then old, tired things must be replaced because of age, or being broken or out of date – which ours is all THREE now. He’s just out of date and cannot perform in today’s fast paced, techno-savvy world – or in any world containing human beings. No, this particular specimen is best suited for installing basic ATM machines for Deutchebank until his final expiration date rolls around and the big man calls him up on the carpet.

I’ve come to my own conclusion that it’s useless to argue politics during this in-progress pandemic of our lifetime. This is THE EVENT that each of us WILL remember where we were and what we were doing when Coronavirus19 came into light of day, brought to us not by our “fearless leader” (from which it should have come in a special talk to the nation, no it was simply reported to us like any old news of the day on most news and media platforms.

Trump was informed of this Coronavirus19 back in January 2020 and made a conscious choice to keep the warnings of the virus and how dangerous and contagious it is to himself. He did not immediately do or say ANYTHING. He went on about his personal business, which is what he does daily in the White House, and he ignored scientific evidence and medical advice to prepare the United State for the arrival of coronavirus19, which he was TOLD was inevitable and could be devastating. It was at that time thatTrump made the decision NOT to use the Pandemic Playbook which was compiled by experts in diseases and their control. This playbook contained step-by-step guidelines for dealing with all of the logistics of an epidemic / pandemic; all of the direcitions, protocols, and results of tabletop exercises that helped deal with pandemics. Donald J. Trump’s complete bumble-fuck of this national security crisis and world pandemic has been nothing – NOTHING – short of abysmal.

The United States of America, richest nation on earth, had NO PLAN in place to deal with any disease breakout, epidemic, pandemic or bio-weaponry – which we KNEW at least one of them WOULD eventually happen. The Pandemic Preparedness team from the National Security Counsel was disbanded by Jeff Sessions and Donald Trump, right after they fired the team leader, Tom Bossert in April 2018. Why disband this vital part of our homeland security? Because Pres. Obama formed it and Trump didn’t believe we needed it because “that will never happen here”. No, we needed a wall to stop illegal immigration way before anything that would directly protect ALL Americans. SMH. Go figure. NOW which is needed more???

This complete lack of preparedness at the federal government level and the utter failure to disseminate Coronavirus19 information to state governors and state CDC leaders and those who really needed to KNOW so they could prepare in advance, has directly resulted in this consistently botched response to handling it by our government.

First they failed by prolonging ANY response whatsoever. Then they failed in testing by having NO testing kits. The WHO offered Trump 250 million tests way back at the begininng, but he said no. He wanted US companies (probably $$ in it for him or someone in his “circle”) to develop one to use. So, NO testing for the first THREE weeks after we KNEW we needed to start testing IMMEDIATELY. Testing is CRUCIAL to slowing any epidemic – let alone a PANDEMIC. S. Korea tested 66,000 people in ONE WEEK, and it took us 3 weeks to get anywhere near that.

Trump continued to sabotage efforts by our scientists and doctors to sound the alarm about this deadly virus by taking to national television and calling the pandemic a “hoax” that Democrats cooked up to hurt his re-election chances, he claimed it was no worse than the common flu – NO it’s TEN TIMES more contagious and more potent than the flu and may have a kill rate even higher (that number will be unknown until the first round of this novel virus Coronavirus19 is finished. We should have a better idea as we enter the bounce back round, which is inevitable. He told us that he has a “hunch” it’s not really “that bad” and it will “miraculously” disappear, “….one morning we will wake up and it will be a miracle.”

Trump has very limited understanding of science, we all KNOW that from all of the previews into his brain that he let’s out occasionally, like him making fun of the disabled reporter, or his claiming h can and will do “whatever he wants because Article 2 gives him ultimate authority, or the claim that our Revolutionary forces took Britain’s airports over during our war for independence. It’s right up there close to his unbelievable knowledge of US or World History….good ‘ole rocket-scientist he is! Ha! His complete ignorance, refusal to acknowledge the truth and FACTS, his convincing ways of deceiving the public with baseless, made up statements and “alternate” facts….yeah, he’s still using those! Trump REMOVED our chances here when HE FIRED Tom Bossert and the Pandemic Response Team and yet he say he has “No responsibility” for any of this or for any lack of response. He claims it’s the “China” virus’s fault. Ignorant useful idiot.

So, it’s useless to talk politics. so I’m not comparing our current president to anyone else, but I am just stating the obvious in my above words. I think it’s fantastically ironic how this all is playing out and how absolutely STUNNED the rest of the civilized world must BE at watching the greatest country on Earth’s response – or actually LACK OF RESPONSE – to a crisis right on our own soil, with our own systems, products, people, corporations, and American Dollars backing us, our federal government, with all it’s boldness of thought, action and speech has responded LIKE THIS? What a joke…which is NOT funny because as the USA is still playing catch up our death toll rises, doubling every 3 days now.

It is not Trump’s fault really, the blame for this big ass mess of non-response belongs to his entire administration. It belongs to all of those GOP Senators who have fiercely defended him, even when it’s come to paying off prostitutes or buying services from foreign governments to interfer with our elections. It belongs to Sessions and whoever else let Trump think that disabling our Pandemic Response Team was in any way a good idea – they SHOULD have fought him to the ground on this one. UYet they have continually allowed Trump and his family to jeopardise the security of the United States and I don’t believe that ANYONE really understands what it IS about Trump that has the old Republicans so scared of him and so willing to defend even his most illegal and immoral actions. Something is fishy in Denmark.

I am so sad for the world. Sad for my country and for those who are fighting battles with this virus, either themselves in their personal health or as a front-line healthcare worker or essential services person putting their lives at risk so the rest of us can maintain the “social distancing” and try to avoid becoming infected with this dangerous virus. Because this is entirely new to us and our medical and scientific people we don’t know enough about it to understand how long we are going to have to endure this, but we WILL do it. We are resilient people and with each other’s support and love we will make it through yet another crisis, somehow.

Once this is all over and behind us – which cannot be TOO SOON – then we can have a look back and see what happened, when, why and how. Then we can decide who needs to buck up and take some responsibility and for which part. Until then we need to remain strong, unite as Americans and get through this together.

I hope your Monday is a good day, take it easy and be good to yourself and be kind to others. And for hell’s sake, take care of each other!

Peace and good health! ~ MB