The Hardest Pill to Swallow: You Have Toxic Traits Too — EvolveYou

I came across this during my reading today…very interesting. I can go thru the list of toxic traits, most of which I am in control of until triggered by some reminder of a past incident, and they all resonate with me. For almost a decade and a half I kept myself in tight check, then I went wild for a few years, acting out because of all I was denied, seeking it elsewhere. Then I settled, did some work on myself, accidently fell in love and it was great for almost 2 years, then one of my old things was triggered, actually 2 of them, and I lost it momentarily. I know it’s going to happen, now I just need to learn new ways of handling it without lashing out at others. This is a great article!!!

I’m sorry, but it’s true. My toxic traits? Well for starters, I solve every heartache by eating my weight in sweets. I also have this habit of lying to myself when it comes to wine. I tell myself I’ll only have a glass. But let’s face it, it’s never really just one glass. I don’t […]

The Hardest Pill to Swallow: You Have Toxic Traits Too — EvolveYou
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Way back memories..

…turned on the tv tonight and saw k.d. lang was on Maine Public…the Ingenue re-do concert from San Antonio, along with an interview with her…

Here’s the video trailer

And this is her and Melissa Etheridge in 1994…now THIS is the stuff I remember; going to these concerts, raising holy hell…fuck yeah. Of course, when they did this duet I was only 32…damn, to look that young again…My hair was about the same as k.d.’s back then too.  80’s and 90’s memories are pretty intense, and lots of fun for the most part.

This time of year brings up lots of old memories. I see various commercials that remind me of things gone by; of people and the historical events of my past. Some nostalgic moments and some that I’d rather not have in the old memory banks, yet there they linger.

My favorite childhood Christmas memory is from the year my parents gave me and my sister, Deb, a fully set up aquarium with fish and all the fixing! They got it and set it up under the kitchen sink to get it ready for fish, then they got the fish and kept it running under there without us two ever finding out before Christmas morning when they surprised us with the beautiful fish tank. It was like 1967 and we lived in an upstairs apartment of a duplex in Poughkeepsie New York, not far from Vassar Brothers Hospital, where my siblings, the twins, were born in June of ’68.

Memories make up the history of who we were; where we came from and what we experienced in life that led us to be who we are today. Good and bad, they all intertwine to compose each of us as individuals.

What is your favorite childhood Christmas memory?

Peace ~ MB

World AIDS Day 2018…My Day of Reflection

Yesterday was December 1st, which is designated as “World AIDS Day”. This year was the 30 year marker for observance of this day. HIV and AIDS have been around long before this day was designated to bring the crisis to front-mind awareness.

I was diagnosed in August of 1993. I had been in a “no-risk” space at that point for approximately 3+ years…so, I was infected in the late 80’s. I actually am one of the rare few who know exactly when and where I was exposed to the Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV). It was a one-time share of a needle, which was very out of character for me, but it happened due to the situation at that moment. I don’t know if it’s “good” or “bad” that I actually know my infection route. I guess it’s good in the sense that I never wonder “how” I got the virus. Yet, it’s bad in the sense that it makes me “blame” someone else in some ways, when it actually was entirely my choice to share that night and thus my own fault. I have always worked to take responsibility for my own actions and I made a split second choice that night that was the wrong choice and thus changed my life – or at the very least altered the trajectory. We never know what’s going to be handed to us in our lives, we just never know. 

In the 1990’s I lost quite a few friends in the height of the AIDS epidemic. Prior to knowing my own positive status I was working with local organizations to spread prevention information.  In the summer of 1992 there was a March on Washington (I’m sure that many of you remember) and it was one of the very last times that the AIDS Quilt was displayed in it’s entirety on the Mall in Washington DC. I was there that day; I walked the quilt with my best friend, Nancy. I was moved to tears over and over that day. Each of those panel represented someone’s life. Each panel is 3 ‘x 6’ in size, representing the basic size of a coffin. Every panel was handmade by someone who loved that person or even a group of people would together make a memorial panel. There was something cathartic in the whole scene. 

I vividly remember sitting down on one of the benches on the edge of the Mall with Nancy, taking in the enormity of the display. It covered the whole Washington Mall. Quite the feat of volunteerism to get it displayed with huge amounts of care and dignity shown by all of them. The quilt idea was borne of Cleve Jone’s incredible mind. It’s called The Names Project and is still in operation today. The quilt now travels in smaller displays around the country. I’m not sure how big it would be to be once again displayed in it’s entirety. I highly recommend that you visit the Quilt’s page and take some time to look it all over, reflect, learn and NEVER FORGET. 

The display that day brought my mind very close to beginning to think about getting tested myself. Up to that point I had not sought out testing for myself. I naively figured that since I hadn’t been using illicit injection drugs for over 3 yrs. and I hadn’t been sexually promiscuous with anyone who I thought of at that time as a risk, that I couldn’t possibly have gotten infected. That was pretty standard thinking at that time. We have learned so much since! I recall having a physical reaction as I walked through the miles of panels and I shudder to think that now the Quilt has more than doubled in size. It still gets displayed, in partial displays, around the world.

So, that was the beginning of me thinking about getting tested. Finally in July of 93 I got pneumonia and my then therapist urged me to get tested; just so I would at least know if there was any chance I had been exposed during my drugging days. So, in mid-August I visited the Feminine Health Center. I was paired up with a great counselor, Assiah, who interviewed me in-depth about my history and possible risk factors. Then we drew blood and it was sent out to the lab for testing. The whole process I remember cost me $25. But in my mind I was going to come back negative and those who kept urging me to get tested would shut up. The tests at that time took 2 weeks to process and you had to go back in person to receive your results. On Aug. 31, 1993 I went back for my results.  

I was taken into the private discussion room by Assiah. She quickly closed the door, spun around and said “You’re positive.” then burst into tears. I stood there stunned. I didn’t know what the fuck to do at that point. She was obviously upset at having to tell me this news. Come to find out, as she told me later, she had never had to inform a woman of a positive outcome before, only men. And the fact that I was lesbian and was HIV+ was very unique. Lesbians are known to be in the least-risk group for infection and were usually on the front-lines of care and prevention.

I remember sitting down and putting my head in my hands. I was super confused. I felt like I had literally been gut punched and was gasping for air. There was now an expiration date stamped on my forehead. Fuck. I knew this was not going to be a good experience; nope, not good. I asked for a second test and had more blood drawn for it, but I knew the result would still be the same. I now had to figure all of this out. I had to first tell my family, and I knew that would be the hardest thing. And I had to get educated; to learn how I was going to beat this beast within.

I have lots of side stories of telling various people in my life about my infection and how it related – or not – to them and our relationships. My family all gathered at my home at the time, and I told them all together. They, of course, had lots of questions, were very upset and concerned for me, all while bursting with love and support for me. Thank my lucky stars for this, I don’t know what I would have done had my family shunned me, as happens in so many instances. Things would have definitely turned out very differently had that been my case. I am super grateful that it was not, but I feel deeply for those who do encounter that kind of response – especially from family and close friends.

My life changed on that day. It was a definitively distinct change. I could no longer be as casual as I had previously been about love, life and living. I quit drinking immediately. I also discovered on that same day that I am co-infected with hepatitis C, a common hepatitis for IV drug users to contract. I had been an on again off again kind of alcoholic. If I wasn’t shooting hard drugs I was drinking myself into comas. Yes, some serious self-destructive behavior, I know. I figured I wasn’t going to live long at that point. Back then the average time between diagnosis and death was 3-5 years, sometimes a little longer for women. I just concluded that my future was over; I had no future in my mind at that time. But I was determined to educate myself and those around me so I could live as long as possible, as healthy as possible. 

So much has gone on in my life since that hot August day in 1993. Life has a way of changing continuously. We grow. We learn. We lose. We win. And life just continues to go on. I had been handed a massive challenge and there’s nothing that I like more than a good fight! I put my whole being into becoming as educated and informed as humanly possible. I began living a cleaner, healthier life. I learned to love those who loved me with a renewed fierceness and determination. I stopped being a total asshole and adopted a kinder, gentler way of conducting myself. And I fought. 

Today, I am healthy and doing very well. My journey hasn’t been so smooth sometimes; I’ve struggled with addiction all of my adult life. It rears it’s ugly head occasionally and it’s a battle to the death for me. I’ve had many, many good years; fun years and years full of awesome memories and tons of love. I’ve travelled, farmed, built, raised, and let go of things when the time came. I’ve had a couple of spectacular relationships that I wouldn’t trade for anything. I discovered real love and basked in it like a snake in the sun. I’ve lived a pretty decent life; being lucky enough to have access to great medical care and the cutting edge in medication I remain healthy and happy.

So, yesterday is my annual day to reflect on these years of living with HIV and to remember those friends of mine who didn’t have the good outcome that I’ve been gifted. I remember their faces, their voices, the laughter and the crying; every one of them beautiful and a gift to earth in their own ways. May they be dancing wherever they are. 

Peace ~ MB

Veteran’s Day

Today is Veteran’s Day and also the 100th anniversary of Armistice Day, 11/11/1918, the end of World War I.  As a US Army veteran, and the offspring of a US Marine, born on a Marine base even, I honor all Veterans on this day – and every day.  Thank you to those who served, and those who supported them and especially to those who gave all and their Gold Star families.

 

WSMR 1984 SP4Angela Lawrence

Me, at White Sands Missile Range in White Sands New Mexico circa August 1984.  I was 22 yrs old and full of hell.  I really liked the Army, and had it not been an issue that I was so out and proud I may have chosen to make a career out of it.

Peace ~MB

#YouAreEnough Challenge Day 2-5

Due to the mid-term elections and my obsession with them, I have not kept up with the 30-day challenge #YouAreEnough.  I am about to do days 2, 3, 4, and 5 here.

Day 2: A special encounter that almost felt like an angelic experience.  An interesting thing to think about.  I once got into a taxi in Gaithersburg MD after working painting a house that day and the taxi driver was an older white gentleman.  I was a bit down and he seemed to notice and struck up a conversation with me.  The 20-minute ride really made me think, he seemed very intuitive to my plight – I was struggling with whether I would stay in DC or move back to Maine at the time.  He gave me some good advice.  The next day I needed a taxi so I called the same company and requested him…they told me they had no one by that name working for them…I swear this guy was an angel in disguise.

 Day 3: Share a time you felt lost and how you got found.   When I left the military in September of 1984 I never realized how difficult it would be for me to reintegrate into civilian society.  I had a really tough time adjusting and was very lost. I drank heavily, got my first DWI within 2 weeks of my discharge, resulting in a broken leg and a concussion plus loss of my license and dignity. By January of 1985, I was miserable. I missed the Army, the organization and always knowing what was expected of me. I missed the discipline and at 22 I still NEEDED that discipline in my life. I re-enlisted for 2 more years of active reserve duty. I was legally in the reserves, I just got them to assign me to duty that I had to report to every day for a couple of years. Once I put that uniform back on I refound myself and my purpose for that time. In 1986 I finished and the second time I didn’t look back, but I do wish today that I had stayed in and done 25 years.  I would have been finished and collecting a nice pension right now.  Hindsight is 20/20.

Day 4: Share a time you received life-altering news, good or bad, that impacted your life.  It was August 31, 1992, I went back to the clinic where I had gone to be tested for HIV – everyone was being tested at the time, so I figured what the hell and got myself tested (also at the urging of my therapist at the time).  The counselor saw me come in and quickly got me into a private space where she blurted out “I’m so sorry, you are HIV positive”.  I will never forget that day, those words, or her pained look when she told me. Come to find out I was the first woman she had had to tell they were positive. Back in 92 we still didn’t have good drugs to suppress the virus and stop it from becoming AIDS. My entire life changed during that minute. I felt like I had an expiration date stamped on my forehead.  Since then I have come great strides. It’s been 26 years, I am happy, healthy and my viral count is Zero – undetectable – meaning the virus is not active in my body and the drug cocktail I take every day is working well. I am lucky. I lost many friends early in the discovery of this epidemic. I still miss them and grieve for the lives that they missed because of this horrible disease. I fondly remember the days before we knew anything about HIV/AIDS and how wild and crazy they were. I live a safe, sane life now and I take care of myself and my loved ones because in the end, that’s all you really have in this life.

Day 5: Share a time when you felt unimaginable loss and how you came to realize that you were ENOUGH to handle it.  The only thing I can relate to this one is the break up of my 14 yr relationship with my ex. I never thought we would split; I seriously thought we’d be together to the end. So, life without her and without all that was entailed – the farm, the horses, the animals, and the money – seemed very foreign to me. It took me a couple of years to adjust to my new circumstance of being single and having to look at rebuilding my life as such. I went through all of the emotions, from grief to anger to acceptance and then I moved on and have put together a pretty comfortable life for myself today. I dated a few other women along the way and last year I found the right woman to compliment my life.

There! I am now caught up. I will write the Day 6 blog after dinner tonight.  I hope you enjoyed this quick one, as there will be more coming!

#youareenough

Peace!  ~  MB

And the week starts…

I have a couple of things to talk about here today.  It’s Monday, August 27, 2018 and with just 4 more days of August ahead of us I am beginning to look toward September; the arrival of cooler temperatures to Maine, fall festivals and agricultural fairs, the leaves beginning to turn colors and yes, the annual return to wearing flannel shirts and work boots.  Fall or Autumn is my most favorite time of year.

I noticed yesterday that the lawns and tree leaves were now reflecting that “mature” darker green in their preparation to begin the colorful yearly die-off; getting naked for winter.  It’s around this time of year that I get mums for the fall, to display on my front steps and in the garden.  It’s really the only true annual flowering plant that I do invest in every year.  They’re hardy, kind of impervious to the vast temperature flux of our September and October days, and they last a good long time.  I like the bright yellow, orange, lavender and brick read colors too, they’re different from the brilliant summer blooms of other plants.  So, this weekend I will hit Lowe’s and get probably 12 of them and create my fall display outside.  Oh!  And I have homegrown pumpkins from my garden!  It’s been a banner garden year.

Sen. John McCain’s death

America lost a truly great politician a couple of days ago.  We knew it was coming, and with his refusal of all treatment the day before we understood the time was near.  The next news was his passing at 4:28 pm with his family and close friends at his bedside.  It was a sad point when the newscaster came across with “Breaking News” of his death.  I stopped for a minute, remembered how cantankerous and incorrigible McCain could be, but then also remembered how brave and courageous he was too.  I didn’t always agree with his politics, but I always agreed with his patriotism and with that love of country that the man had in him.  I always respected him from a military point; he was a pilot with the US Navy and was shot down and became a POW.  During his detention he suffered brutally at the hands of the Vietnamese, often beaten and tortured horribly on a daily basis.  THAT is some bad ass shit to live through, and yet he did and spoke of it often.  It was no secret that he had witnessed or experienced directly some pretty fucked up stuff. And yet, his love of country got him through it and gave us a well-rounded man of honor that served his country for 60 years altogether.  Yeah, John, you did good.  Now rest. We got it from here.

I won’t forget how he was staunchly against Trump’s rhetoric and evil policy bullshit.  I won’t forget the photos of him returning, a mess, from Vietnam.  I won’t forget that he is the father of Megan McCain, a lesbian woman, and yet he did not support same-sex marriage or civil unions, yet he was endorsed by the Log Cabin Republicans, who supported both.  I often wonder how Megan feels about her father’s lack of supportive position?  McCain was a Liberlist Conservative.  Voting conservatively about 60% of the time and more liberal leaning about 40% of the time.  He often voted with Obama, which was a good thing. Now Obama and Bush 43 will be giving the eulogies at his funeral.  Appropriate.

I am imagining it will be a HUGE television event, watched by millions here and around the world.  THAT will just serve to piss on #45 and could instigate him to do something stupid or bombastic just to re-focus attention on himself.  #45 is an egotistical fuck and cannot stand to be upstaged.  I can hear his stupid ass saying “…fucking McCain! What kind of man is he?  Dying in the middle of MY precious news coverage extravaganza?”  yup, he’s crying in his koolaid about now.

I only wish that we had MORE men in our political system, specifically the Senate and House, that had the balls and fortitude of John McCain.  #45 wouldn’t stand a chance.  He’s afraid of REAL men and women; those who talk back, question him, tell him he’s wrong and call him out on his crimes.  It’s pathetic and makes me sick that almost ALL of the current office holders in our government don’t have the guts to stand up to #45.

I am now calling him “#45” instead of his given name.  He’s just a number.  He’s a bad number, playing a horrible game with the USA and the rest of the world.  After he’s gone we will right things once again and his memory will fade, he’s just a number now and will be just another stupid number in the future.  He was put into our highest political office fraudulently; through the use of criminal activity, Russian influence, voting interference and black money.  He will NEVER be remembered for anything “good” but only as the worst thing we ever allowed to happen to America.  And yes, we allowed him to take office.  MOST voting eligible citizens of our country did NOT even vote in the last presidential election in 2016.

My Weed Plant

…is growing like a WEED!  Bwhahaha!  I laugh!  Yes, it’s kind of amazing, the plant has broken the 6′ height mark and is thriving.  I am going to build a hot house around it this weekend.  Two reasons: security and maximum growth.  Hilda is in the stage of white hairs appearing, the hint of buds coming, and just getting fatter by the day.   I’ve learned a LOT from this experience of growing marijuana plants.  I’m very interested now in furthering that experience by starting a hydroponic grow in my back room / zen room. Once I procure the necessary eqipment and set it up properly I’m going to give indoor growing a shot.  I have not yet decided what I am going to DO with all this weed, whether I leave it as flower or make it into edibles and dabs.  We shall see; the research is not complete.

Missing my girl

It’s been about a week and a half since my girl left to return to her home in Texas.  Fuck.  I miss her wicked bad.  But, life must go on, and get back to some sembelance of “normal” for both of us.  She has her life, work and a business there, and I have my own set of responsibilities here.  Long distance relationships are difficult at very  best.  We both “get” this completely.  We’re not fooled by any of it.  Relegated to messenger, phone calls and the sporadic Skype-a-thon we’re making it work.  I even get to see her little girl when we Skype on the weekend mornings.

We have photos and shared Google albums, but there isn’t anything that compares to real time spent together.  I look forward to her next in-person visit, hopefully in mid-October.  And in January, when I can travel once again, perhaps I’ll venture to Texas at some point while it’s cold and snowy here in Maine.  All I know is that I can’t spend enough time with this woman and with that in mind I’ll do whatever I am able to do to see her whenever possible.   When we are together I want to keep her within three feet of me at all times!  RAWRRRR…damn.

Ok, I’m off to work on some photo books and other crafty stuff today.  Hope you are all doing well.

Answer this in the comments:  How do you manage distance in a relationship?  If you live with your lover, how do you manage space and alone time?

Peace  ~  MB

Twisted Tuesday

WavebyNelsonLinscottA mid-May Tuesday afternoon…I’m sitting here feeling really mellow and accomplished for the moment.  Yeah, I find myself in a really good place in life right now.  And I am dong all I can do to keep it this way for the long-term.  My attitude has definitely improved, as well as my outlook on life in general.  So much has happened in the past year, it’s difficult to put a finger on exactly when all this change started for me; I know that having Bones in my life has been the biggest enhancement for sure.  She’s the biggest reason I keep a nice comfortable smile on my face every day.  I like that – a LOT.

I’ve been struggling with writing lately.  What happens is that I get watching and listening to news pundits and my brain goes crazy trying to take in all that is happening in my country; with my government.  It’s just insanity.  Anyone who is trying to keep up with the daily tweet storms from the idiot in the White House is probably a bit stresses like me.  I’m an activist, it’s in my bones.  And I cannot just ignore what is happening; the destruction and degradation of the United States being done by one man and one party – the GOP.  Plus, ignoring what’s happening is not going to help move us toward any solutions, we all must continue to keep abreast of this “situation” and stay well informed so that we can speak out and stand up to his bullying ways.

I don’t care to spend this whole blog talking about his dumbass tonight.  I’d rather discuss other things, but I just wanted to remind you all that it’s all-fucked-up here in the USA right now, and it’s affecting everyone – even if they deny it.  Nothing is right.  Nothing is safe.  Every one and everything is being changed…and not for the good.

Work has been going great!  I complain a bit to my girl about my job sometimes; about a particular person I don’t like working with, but for the most part I really enjoy getting up at 5am every morning (except Wednesdays) and going in to work.  The truck stop is a really bustling place, with people from all over stopping in to fuel up their 18 wheelers, or their RV’s and cars.  We are also a full gas station, convenience store, and take-out bistro.  The place has shower facilities for those looking to freshen up from their long travels.  Yes, it’s busy.  We sell about 380 cups of coffee every morning…yep, 380….that’s a lot of fucking coffee!  🙂  Thankfully the coffee bar is self-serve!

I run into many of my local friends who come in to the store to pick up incidentals, fill their cars with gas, or get a pizza for dinner.  It’s nice, I can chat for a few minutes, get the gist of the local news from their end of town, and not have to visit overly long as I have to get back to my job.  I’ve been there 2 1/2 years now and I have no current plans to leave there any time soon.  Last week I actually scored a bonus from one of our product reps for doing a good job pushing their product line.  That was nice for my checking account!  And it felt great to be recognized for the work that I do there.  I know I only work part time, but I give it my all when I am there.  I am dependable, reliable, courteous, and friendly with the clientele.  It’s not rocket science work, but it’s steady and keeps me occupied part of every week day.  Working part time fits me well.  My back is sore – that’s a given – but I can deal with it.  And my co-workers know my lifting limits due to my back condition, so it’s not a problem.  Once in a while I try to work 3/4 or a full shift, but my back starts to really get back around hour 5, so I try to stick to my 4 hour days for health reasons.  Also, working early mornings gives me the whole rest of the day to deal with medical appointments, home maintenance, housekeeping, the dogs, and my gardens and other responsibilities.  Oh…and especially time to see my Mom at least once a week for a few hours!  So, yeah, work is good.  No complaints!

My girlfriend visited again at the beginning of the month, I may have mentioned that in a previous blog…hmmm…yes, I did.  I wrote about what we did.  Anyway, I miss her terribly in between her visits.  We speak on the phone a few times a day, and are in touch via text and messenger.  We Skype a couple of times a week – which I really love to do and look forward to doing.  Modern technology makes a long distance relationship (LDR) much easier.  Before cell phones and computers I would never have thought about dating a woman who lives in Texas!  And we are both very well established in our respective homes, so neither of us is moving any time soon.  We will keep doing the LDR thing, keep having visits, and make it work.  She’s stolen my heart…something I never thought could happen again like it did with her.  She’s magic to my soul.  And she makes me incredibly proud, happy and enthusiastic about life!  She’s also very low maintenance to me, she doesn’t give me a hard time about anything (except maybe smoking, even then she hasn’t been too bad…but I KNOW I should quit) and makes it really easy for me to be with her.  I try to reciprocate those same things to her.  I just want to be a really good influence, a good lover, and a happy part of her life.  As long as we are those things to each other then we’ll stay together as we are now.

So, Bone, my girlfriend, is returning to Maine in mid-July for a month!!!  YES!!! A MONTH!   I am really stoked for this upcoming extended stay!  She’s bringing her daughter with her.  Babycakes is 3 yrs. old and just a beautiful child.  She has challenges, but she lights up the room, and I love her to pieces – it helps that I am mad for her Mom!  I set up my spare room to accommodate the little girl, and before they arrive I am planning to paint that room and then Bones can decorate it as she likes when they are here.  Right now the room has a queen size bed, a dresser, desk and night stand.  I may have to remove the desk to give her a little more room in there.  We’ll see!  It’s all so exciting!  I have not lived with anyone in years, and not that we are going to be “living” together, but her being here a month is pretty damned close!

I have need for my own “space” sometimes.  I get into moods where I just want to be left alone to do whatever it is that I feel like doing.  Bones seems to be kind of the same, she needs her alone time too.  So, it’s good that I have the 2 bedrooms, and the back room that used to be my office is now another sitting room.  I call it the “Zen Room”.  I put a couch and coffee table in there and some plants and cool stuff on the walls, so it looks nice and is a really relaxing space.  We have plenty of room to do as we please.  Damn…I am so fucking lucky.

While Bones and Babycakes are here it will be the dead of summer, hot and humid I am sure.  My parents’ have a great in-ground swimming pool, which we will be taking full advantage of using!  It’s out away from their house, so we don’t even have to bother them if we go over and hang out around the pool.  There’s a pool house, bathroom, changing room and recreation area with outdoor games, too.  I’m anticipating a lot of great water fun with Babycakes, who really loves the water!  And I’m sure my parents will have some poolside parties, BBQ’s and the such while they are here.  I’m looking forward to all of that, and to showing my girl off a little.  (I’m bad, I know! haha!)

I’m also planning a trip up to North Conway NH to do some camping and to kayak a 7 mile stretch of the Saco River up there.  My siblings usually go several times during the summer, so I imagine we will tag along with some of them one weekend.  My youngest brother already has his 40′ RV set up at a campsite up there, so we have a sort of “base station” with that, from which we can go anywhere.  And there’s plenty of room on the site to either pitch a tent, or we’ll get a couple of bunks in the RV if they’re not all full.  The thing sleeps 8 people!  It’s crazy cool.  I borrowed it once to live up at the fair grounds while I was working an 11 day fair in Massachusetts a few years ago, made me want a small one of my own.  Maybe someday I’ll get more serious about that desire and look into doing it.  Wouldn’t travelling around with an RV be so wicked pissah cool!?

I can just picture myself doing something just like that: travelling coast to coast in an RV with my dogs.  I don’t know if I would sell everything big that I owned and do it, or if I would make it sort of a seasonal excursion.  That’s a chapter of life that’s yet to be written, but it’s on my list of things I would like to do!  I should do a new vision board…and that is something that I should put on it for sure.  Perhaps I will do that while it’s raining this coming weekend!

I’ve planted my flower gardens, as I do every year.  Those who have followed me, or who personally know me, know that I love to garden.  I like to put in new perennial flowers and plants.  I moved into this house near the beginning of December 2015, so like 2 1/2 yrs now…this is the 3rd summer here at this place.  The gardens were kind of pre-established when I got the place, and the only “new” one is the veggie garden out back that me and Charlie have (Charlie’s my neighbor who’s house is behind mine).  Charlie also has a MEGA garden tilled up on the top of the hill behind his house, it’ plateau’s and he tilled up a great big rectangular area where we are going to locate all of the vining plants, like squash and pumpkins, watermelon and some cucumbers.  Charlie also likes to plant gardens of cutting flowers, so he’s putting things that flower in among the veggies too.  Today I picked up some small starter plants from Walmart’s selection, which was on sale even.  I got: cucumbers, summer squash, watermelon, pumpkins, green peppers, red peppers (both the sweet style), jalepeno peppers, basil, lavender, and rosemary.  I think that’s the whole list…did that from memory as the plants are still in the back of my car, where they will remain until tomorrow.  It’s raining outside currently, and has been on and off all afternoon, so I am planning to get them out of the car and into the ground in the morning.

2018-05-20 17.05.00Speaking of morning….tomorrow is the “day” for Lulu.  Yep, she’s going to get spayed.  She’s over 3 yrs old now (turned 3 on Feb 17th) and it’s time.  I also will not miss taking extra care of her during her heats.  She would get puffy and sore, and she would cling to me even MORE than she already does!  Wanted her belly rubbed constantly.  (Like any woman…LMAO)  And she needed baths every few days during her 2 weeks of misery.  That’s supposed to happen again in June…so I am pre-empting this show…cancelled due to lack of interest, and the star has to have some downtime….LMAO….I wonder if she will lose interest in her “humpy dog” stuffed animal that she seems so sexually attracted to during her cycle?  Hahaha…it’s funny as hell, and while I DO have a short video of it -BECAUSE  it’s so friggin FUNNY! – I am not going to post it here.  I’ll  spare you the Lulu show!  Haha.  And for anyone who is now wondering…YES, female dogs DO hump!  I have had several and every one of them was caught doing it at some point.  Some are sneakier than others – I had one that would hide and hump – while some, like Lu, have no shame.  Hey, they’re mammals, it’s natural!  (Ok, I’m laughing to myself here….)

I picked up a couple of new coloring books a few weeks back and they’ve been laying here on my table ever since.  I’m thinking that I may do some quiet coloring – maybe with a nice soft background music from Alexa – after I am done with my blogging, reading and watching the final episode of The Middle.  (Yep, I’m a known sit-com junkie…haha)  I’m feeling great; very laid back and relaxed.  As long as I don’t tune into CNN or MSNBC I’ll be super til morning!  So, after sitcom’s are over I am turning the TV off for the night.  I downloaded a sleep sounds app and am going to try out.  Maybe something in the list will inspire me in some way.

I had a couple of major health check-ups over the last month.  I’m doing excellent still.  My T-cells are 970 and my VL is >30.  It even showing could be just a blip from the time or the day it was drawn.  I’m damned lucky and damned healthy!  I also met with the kidney specialist, we’re doing more testing on what’s going on there.  There are signals that my kidneys are diseased and/or weakening.  So, I’m drinking lots of water and waiting for my next appointment.  This particular doctor is very had to get in to see, she’s top notch and her services are in high demand, so I’m willing to wait. I will see her later June again.  And I’m having testing on my liver done (a scan) first week of June, meeting the doctor on that one the following week.  If that scan goes well, which I’m sure it will, I’ll be starting on the Harvoni  – an 8-12 week treatment – soon as I am able.  I’ve been dragging my feet on this drug for years.  The only treatment prior to this was by injection…and being a recovering junkie playing with needles isn’t something I should ever be doing.  Even with the animals it bothers me to use the syringe.  Gives me the willies.

Tomorrow I’ll be getting up a bit early, so I can get Lu ready for her trip to the vet.  I’m going to finish this up here.  I hope you all are doing well, staying healthy as possible and happy as permissible.  Haha…

 

Peace   ~  MB

“What can’t be cured, must be endured.”

TimeOnlyPasses