Way back memories..

…turned on the tv tonight and saw k.d. lang was on Maine Public…the Ingenue re-do concert from San Antonio, along with an interview with her…

Here’s the video trailer

And this is her and Melissa Etheridge in 1994…now THIS is the stuff I remember; going to these concerts, raising holy hell…fuck yeah. Of course, when they did this duet I was only 32…damn, to look that young again…My hair was about the same as k.d.’s back then too.  80’s and 90’s memories are pretty intense, and lots of fun for the most part.

This time of year brings up lots of old memories. I see various commercials that remind me of things gone by; of people and the historical events of my past. Some nostalgic moments and some that I’d rather not have in the old memory banks, yet there they linger.

My favorite childhood Christmas memory is from the year my parents gave me and my sister, Deb, a fully set up aquarium with fish and all the fixing! They got it and set it up under the kitchen sink to get it ready for fish, then they got the fish and kept it running under there without us two ever finding out before Christmas morning when they surprised us with the beautiful fish tank. It was like 1967 and we lived in an upstairs apartment of a duplex in Poughkeepsie New York, not far from Vassar Brothers Hospital, where my siblings, the twins, were born in June of ’68.

Memories make up the history of who we were; where we came from and what we experienced in life that led us to be who we are today. Good and bad, they all intertwine to compose each of us as individuals.

What is your favorite childhood Christmas memory?

Peace ~ MB

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World AIDS Day 2018…My Day of Reflection

Yesterday was December 1st, which is designated as “World AIDS Day”. This year was the 30 year marker for observance of this day. HIV and AIDS have been around long before this day was designated to bring the crisis to front-mind awareness.

I was diagnosed in August of 1993. I had been in a “no-risk” space at that point for approximately 3+ years…so, I was infected in the late 80’s. I actually am one of the rare few who know exactly when and where I was exposed to the Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV). It was a one-time share of a needle, which was very out of character for me, but it happened due to the situation at that moment. I don’t know if it’s “good” or “bad” that I actually know my infection route. I guess it’s good in the sense that I never wonder “how” I got the virus. Yet, it’s bad in the sense that it makes me “blame” someone else in some ways, when it actually was entirely my choice to share that night and thus my own fault. I have always worked to take responsibility for my own actions and I made a split second choice that night that was the wrong choice and thus changed my life – or at the very least altered the trajectory. We never know what’s going to be handed to us in our lives, we just never know. 

In the 1990’s I lost quite a few friends in the height of the AIDS epidemic. Prior to knowing my own positive status I was working with local organizations to spread prevention information.  In the summer of 1992 there was a March on Washington (I’m sure that many of you remember) and it was one of the very last times that the AIDS Quilt was displayed in it’s entirety on the Mall in Washington DC. I was there that day; I walked the quilt with my best friend, Nancy. I was moved to tears over and over that day. Each of those panel represented someone’s life. Each panel is 3 ‘x 6’ in size, representing the basic size of a coffin. Every panel was handmade by someone who loved that person or even a group of people would together make a memorial panel. There was something cathartic in the whole scene. 

I vividly remember sitting down on one of the benches on the edge of the Mall with Nancy, taking in the enormity of the display. It covered the whole Washington Mall. Quite the feat of volunteerism to get it displayed with huge amounts of care and dignity shown by all of them. The quilt idea was borne of Cleve Jone’s incredible mind. It’s called The Names Project and is still in operation today. The quilt now travels in smaller displays around the country. I’m not sure how big it would be to be once again displayed in it’s entirety. I highly recommend that you visit the Quilt’s page and take some time to look it all over, reflect, learn and NEVER FORGET. 

The display that day brought my mind very close to beginning to think about getting tested myself. Up to that point I had not sought out testing for myself. I naively figured that since I hadn’t been using illicit injection drugs for over 3 yrs. and I hadn’t been sexually promiscuous with anyone who I thought of at that time as a risk, that I couldn’t possibly have gotten infected. That was pretty standard thinking at that time. We have learned so much since! I recall having a physical reaction as I walked through the miles of panels and I shudder to think that now the Quilt has more than doubled in size. It still gets displayed, in partial displays, around the world.

So, that was the beginning of me thinking about getting tested. Finally in July of 93 I got pneumonia and my then therapist urged me to get tested; just so I would at least know if there was any chance I had been exposed during my drugging days. So, in mid-August I visited the Feminine Health Center. I was paired up with a great counselor, Assiah, who interviewed me in-depth about my history and possible risk factors. Then we drew blood and it was sent out to the lab for testing. The whole process I remember cost me $25. But in my mind I was going to come back negative and those who kept urging me to get tested would shut up. The tests at that time took 2 weeks to process and you had to go back in person to receive your results. On Aug. 31, 1993 I went back for my results.  

I was taken into the private discussion room by Assiah. She quickly closed the door, spun around and said “You’re positive.” then burst into tears. I stood there stunned. I didn’t know what the fuck to do at that point. She was obviously upset at having to tell me this news. Come to find out, as she told me later, she had never had to inform a woman of a positive outcome before, only men. And the fact that I was lesbian and was HIV+ was very unique. Lesbians are known to be in the least-risk group for infection and were usually on the front-lines of care and prevention.

I remember sitting down and putting my head in my hands. I was super confused. I felt like I had literally been gut punched and was gasping for air. There was now an expiration date stamped on my forehead. Fuck. I knew this was not going to be a good experience; nope, not good. I asked for a second test and had more blood drawn for it, but I knew the result would still be the same. I now had to figure all of this out. I had to first tell my family, and I knew that would be the hardest thing. And I had to get educated; to learn how I was going to beat this beast within.

I have lots of side stories of telling various people in my life about my infection and how it related – or not – to them and our relationships. My family all gathered at my home at the time, and I told them all together. They, of course, had lots of questions, were very upset and concerned for me, all while bursting with love and support for me. Thank my lucky stars for this, I don’t know what I would have done had my family shunned me, as happens in so many instances. Things would have definitely turned out very differently had that been my case. I am super grateful that it was not, but I feel deeply for those who do encounter that kind of response – especially from family and close friends.

My life changed on that day. It was a definitively distinct change. I could no longer be as casual as I had previously been about love, life and living. I quit drinking immediately. I also discovered on that same day that I am co-infected with hepatitis C, a common hepatitis for IV drug users to contract. I had been an on again off again kind of alcoholic. If I wasn’t shooting hard drugs I was drinking myself into comas. Yes, some serious self-destructive behavior, I know. I figured I wasn’t going to live long at that point. Back then the average time between diagnosis and death was 3-5 years, sometimes a little longer for women. I just concluded that my future was over; I had no future in my mind at that time. But I was determined to educate myself and those around me so I could live as long as possible, as healthy as possible. 

So much has gone on in my life since that hot August day in 1993. Life has a way of changing continuously. We grow. We learn. We lose. We win. And life just continues to go on. I had been handed a massive challenge and there’s nothing that I like more than a good fight! I put my whole being into becoming as educated and informed as humanly possible. I began living a cleaner, healthier life. I learned to love those who loved me with a renewed fierceness and determination. I stopped being a total asshole and adopted a kinder, gentler way of conducting myself. And I fought. 

Today, I am healthy and doing very well. My journey hasn’t been so smooth sometimes; I’ve struggled with addiction all of my adult life. It rears it’s ugly head occasionally and it’s a battle to the death for me. I’ve had many, many good years; fun years and years full of awesome memories and tons of love. I’ve travelled, farmed, built, raised, and let go of things when the time came. I’ve had a couple of spectacular relationships that I wouldn’t trade for anything. I discovered real love and basked in it like a snake in the sun. I’ve lived a pretty decent life; being lucky enough to have access to great medical care and the cutting edge in medication I remain healthy and happy.

So, yesterday is my annual day to reflect on these years of living with HIV and to remember those friends of mine who didn’t have the good outcome that I’ve been gifted. I remember their faces, their voices, the laughter and the crying; every one of them beautiful and a gift to earth in their own ways. May they be dancing wherever they are. 

Peace ~ MB

The Aftermath

TimeOnlyPasses

Summer of 2018 will go down in my memory banks as one of the BEST ever, I am sure!  And the best part so far has been the extended visit of my girlfriend and her daughter.  They spent about 24 days with me…and it was so awesome that I can’t even find the words to exclaim my exuberance  I was feeling over the whole time they spent here with me.  There is just something about having the woman I love so deeply right here with me.

Taking them to Boston’s Logan Airport last Thursday was a bitch.  I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t get upset, but before I even made it to the interstate highway I started to choke up and tears came to my eyes.  I told her I didn’t want to take them to the airport, but I knew that I had to do it.  They have a life and people in Texas that the two of them needed to return to and my time was over.  It sucked, but it had to happen.

She’s been gone a number of days now and I miss her badly.  I admit it, I’m a fucking sap.  I’m trying very hard to keep my game face on and drive forward.   It’s a good thing that I am adept at compartmentalizing my life because I need to keep this in the right perspective.  While I wish that she were here with me, I know that’s not a possibility because of her home and professional life back there in Texas.  Sure, if she lived closer to me it would be easier, but easy isn’t always convenient when we need it to be.

Long distance relationships are hard as fuck.  And this particular relationship has a couple of other slightly challenging angles to it as well, but my intense love for her makes me determined to try to keep this together; to continue to see her as much as we can manage, while trying hard not look too deeply into the future.  You never really know what will happen down the proverbial road.  While it is hard sometimes not to wish into the future, it is more realistic to stay in the present.

 

I’ve been slowly reorganizing my house.  Put the antique highchair away, out of my sight so I don’t see it and think of little Bean’s face and her infectious giggles.

I slept the first 3 nights after my girl left on my living room couch, being in denial I chose to avoid my bed and the memories it silently held.

Yesterday I cleaned my car out and while vacuuming the back seat one of Bean’s red plastic balls rolled out to say hello.  And her wipies were in the way-back area…little subtle reminders of some very wonderful days and a super sweet little girl.

Doing laundry I spotted a tiny sock…then found some of my girls clothes in the dresser where I usually store the dog’s bath towels.  Sigh.  The clothes even faintly held her scent.

There’s one helping of blueberry cobbler left in the fridge that I’m reluctant to eat because I know it’s the last thing she made for me.  I just want to open the fridge and remember her delight in making something for me that I love so much.  I’ll have to finish it today, or it will become a science project in the near future.  And I don’t want that!

So, yeah, I miss her wicked, wicked bad.  I haven’t let myself cry about it or get overly emotional.  I keep trying to just stay in a neutral space in my head.  Don’t over think it.  Easier said than done, but at least I’m giving it the good ole Butch try!  I can’t always control what my heart feels, but I can choose how I am going to deal with it.  I’m still figuring that out right now – the dealing with it part that is – so stay tuned.

———

In other rather mundane news of my life…the dogs are doing great. They were stellar little souls while my visitors were here.  I am pretty proud of them.  Lulu is growing up and maturing quite nicely.  She finally gets it when she’s outside and I tell her to “go to the house,” she runs right up the porch stairs and to the door.  She’s about 75% responsive at this point; it’s a work in progress for sure.  Nola, of course, is VERY well trained and generally knows what I am going to tell her before I even speak.  She’s intuitive as fuck.

I got the house all nice and clean this morning, I just need to wash floors and it will be completely done…for another few days.  It’s a bitch keeping up with it sometimes, but I do like a clean and functional living space.  I can be a little neurotic about it sometimes, but generally, my mantra is “clean enough to be healthy, dirty enough to be happy.”  And that’s basically how it works out.  But today I even washed the covers to the dog’s stair units and some rugs.  It’s always something and never really feels “done”.

I took the last week that my girl was here off from work.  Started back last Friday and it’s nice to see everyone again.  That job keeps me on track.  Without it I would have endless time on my hands that I don’t need to have!  It’s not my long-term plan to stay with that job, but for now, it’s working to my advantage and it’s good for me – gets my ass up in the morning and makes me think.

I named the marijuana plant I am growing Hilda.  It’s doing magnificently.  I’ve been taking photos of Hilda daily, marking her progress to maturity.  I am thinking I may print a chronology out and make her a book…my first grown since I was a young hoodlum.

It’s been a lot of fun watching the plants grow.  There are actually 2 of them.  But Hilda has really gone crazy with growing!  I haven’t done anything special, just put them into my veggie garden after fertilizing it with cow manure compost earlier this Spring.  They looked pretty pathetic for a couple of weeks and then the magic started to happen.  It seemed they were sprouting new leaves and gaining in height and width daily!  Here she is yesterday…

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She’s just started getting her silvery hairs near the tops where the buds will soon begin to form.  I have a buddy who’s going to come by and give me some pointers and help with cloning 12 plants from this one, plus will also walk me through the next couple of months of the process, including cutting the buds and processing the plant.  I’m fucking excited as hell!

I hope all of you, my dear readers, are having just as fantastic of a summer as I am having!  Fall is coming soon, my girl visits again in October – sans child this visit – and I’m looking forward to that very much.  It just feels so right when she’s here with me; by my side and in my every day.

Peace.  ~  MB

Happiness and Dreams…

Dreams are so fucking strange sometimes.  This morning I fell asleep on the couch and had the strangest dream about being part of this really screwed up sort of “intervention” bunch.  But no one would listen to common sense.  And it was going really badly.  Then the phone rang and woke me up.   Now my day is off to a later start than I wanted…grrr.

It’s Tuesday.  July 24th, 2018.  l

We all have life stories.  We have what happens to us; what we tell ourselves happened to us, and what reality says happened to us.  We can deny the story, but if we accept it then we are given the gift of being able to change the ending for ourselves; by our own rules and ways.

I heard from someone who I care very deeply for today.  She had many words of wisdom for me, telling me to ignore some of what the Russian Puppet Cheeto is doing to my country at the moment and take the time to find happiness in my world – which now includes my girl and her daughter, the loves of my life today.  I was quite touched by her choosing to reach out to me to say those words.  Very touched.  I appreciate her so much.

I’ve got the house all set up for the extended stay of my girl and her little princess.  The little girl has special needs; rett syndrome, which is really heartbreaking, but she’s such a happy little tyke.  Just gotta love her.  It’s so incredibly hard on my girl though, I feel so helpless for her sometimes.  It’s frustrating, it makes her super angry at times – just the fact that this is happening to her little girl.  Rett impairs fine motor skills and walking is something they learn usually very far down the road.  The baby is 3 now, she chatters but doesn’t form words, she cannot walk or feed herself.  There are treatments for this type of genetic disorder coming down the road, but the wait is horrible.  This is also why I am so pro-science and modern medicine.  We need genetic research and development of genetic modifying therapies. I just want a therapy now that will unlock the world for this precious little kid and others like her.  Rett is pretty rare, only about 300K and is mostly seen in girls.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what the world must think of America right now.  It’s really just off-the-charts craziness happening here in our White House.  Trump is a tyrannical bastard, and a moron to boot.  He’s slowly ruining all of our relationships with our allies, and shooting firey texts at our enemies.  Yet, he’s also coddled up to Putin like a purring kitten in Putin’s lap.  It’s sickening.  It’s wrong.  It’s NOT normal!!!

I’m like any other concerned American.  I watch the news, try to stay up on what’s happening – which is insanely hard as he keeps throwing new stuff into the mix to distract us from the real deals.   He’s gone after Iran with words to provoke them this week, he’s got new “tapes” just released with him discussing payouts to porn stars for sexual favors, and he’s now threatening to decimate our Endangered Species Act, putting many animals and wildlife in danger of extinction. He’s also threatening politicians; if they are not swearing absolute loyalty to him he is pulling their security clearances.  He is turning into a TYRANT.  He thinks he’s fucking King of America.  I don’t know what the answer is other than to somehow get this guy out of the office of President and behind bars where he and his corrupt family belong.

It’s become a little different, more strained and scary living here and being openly Butch lesbian these days.  I find myself more conscious of my surroundings once again.  I’m more tuned to peoples’ reactions and the verbage used when speaking to me.  I do get “sirred” quite often – at least 10 times a day at my job.  Working at a truck stop it is inevitable that I am going to be mis-gendered by mistake, hell I look a lot like a guy with my flat chest and crew cut…and I never correct anyone, just take it in stride and shrug it off.  I guess I’m just used to it.  I’ve noticed an uptick in hostility towards anyone “different” than the fucked up redneck, white guy and his pollyanna wifey.  I’m sick to death of reading about active Nazi groups, and white supremacist rallies around the USA.   Today we read in Newsweek that Sean Spicer reveals that Trump’s embracement of the LGBTQ community during the 2016 Russian election was false and misrepresented intentionally to garner votes.  Fuckin Liar.

The LGBTQ community has always come up strong.  We’ve fought some pretty fucking courageous battles along the way.   From Stonewall forward, it’s been an uphill battle, and now we have a big fucking orange Cheeto pushing us back down the fucking hill.  Yet, we will continue to press on and live the lives we’ve been given.  Live our truth.  Live our way and flip off the world. It’s awful that I’m made to feel that I am somehow inadequate in my society; that my being Butch lesbian somehow makes me less-than and thus the object of ridicule, harassment and sometimes violence.  Our society just isn’t right.  To object to and fight against the power of love and human compassion is to truly be a tyrant.

I read where Ivan Coyote got called a “dyke bitch” up in Moose Jaw Pride Festival in Canada.  That’s so typical in today’s world for many of us more Butch lesbians and FtMs I believe.  I’ve been called the same before.  It’s something stupid people choose to say to me and guys like Ivan.

I’ve been trying like fuck to recover from laryngitis and it’s been almost 3 weeks now without a good voice.  It flakes in and out and is very raspy and hoarse, so I try not to talk as much.  And when I do talk it’s a real strain on my vocal cords.  I’m on prednisone and a major antibiotic for it.  Yet, nothing seems to be happening with getting my voice back…and there’s no other discomfort or pain.  Just no voice.  Huh.

I emailed my doc today, hoping for maybe more tests or to see another specialist.  I think I’m going to call the ENT tomorrow and try to get back in to see him quicker for follow up.  In the meantime, I’m seeking alternative remedies if anyone has anything to share for antidotes to help.

Thursday, early morning….very fucking early…

I’m up; awake and raring for the day to get started.  My girl arrived last night and I’ve been on cloud 9 since.  It will take us a couple of days to settle into a comfortable routine together I think.  We have little trips around the area planned; day outings mostly.

We picked a couple of pints of blueberries off of my 2 bushes last night together.  I now have a freezer full of frozen berries off of these bushes to use in recipes over the fall and winter.  My blueberry bushes did SO GREAT this season!  The harvest has been epic!  And with just TWO bushes!  It’s freakin amazing!

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I have to work for 4 hours this morning, then we don’t have any real big plans for today.  My girl and her daughter need a nice day at home to rest, they’ve been vacationing in Bar Harbor for the last few days and have been on the road quite a lot.

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Have a GREAT Thursday!  I hope you go out into the world with open minds and happy hearts today!

Peace.  ~MB

Mid-July Update

I have several blogs half finished.  So fucking much goes on that it’s hard to get one out before something else goes on and distracts me.

Let’s do the updates:

I’m doing pretty good.  I currently have laryngitis.  Went to the ENT doctor today and had my throat scoped to see what’s going on.  He says inflamation.  DUH.  I could have diagnosed that one myself!  Anyway, a course of antibiotics and prednisone, and hopefully I’ll have my voice back!  Other than that I am feeling strong and good.

My gardens are thriving.  Everything is producing!  Blueberry bushes out front are loaded with ripe berries that I’m picking as fast as I can!  I froze some today.  Going out to pick more in a little while.  I have two types of bushes, both high bush types.  One is a super fat berry, the other is a regular wild blueberry strain.  Oh, and my weed clone is doing well too, as you can see!

The dogs are doing great.  Lulu shed in a major way this year. She looks so different !  Shed out her undercoat, it just came out in fist fulls.  I attribute it to her being spayed recently, the hot, hot weather and it was just time to shed!  She’s perfectly healthy.

Nola is doing great too.  She’s in her glory on her daily squirrel hunts.  If she ever caught one I don’t know what she’d do! In the pic above she’s diligently on guard at the bird feeding station.

My girl and her daughter will be here in a few days.  They’ll be staying with me thru mid-August.  I’m very excited to have them here, and for a good long visit!  I’ve got a few outings planned for us, like a trip up to the White Mountains, a picnic day at the lake, fishing locally, a trip to York’s Wild Kingdom (zoon and amusement park), day trips to the beach and go-carting.  I’m sure we’ll all have a blast.

The long-distance relationship thing has been working out pretty well for us.  We talk daily, text alot, and Skype frequently.  It takes energy and commitment, but I believe we’ve both got that.  This woman treats me like gold, it’s just awesome.  I completely adore her.  And I’ll do whatever it takes to keep us happily together.

Those are the personal updates…you all know I am active in politics…and I am so ashamed of the performance that Trump put on in Helsinki with Putin.  He’s a traitor.  That’s all I have to say.  I only wish he were treated and persecuted as a traitor, as he should be right now.

It’s a gorgeous night, I need to go enjoy it.  You all take care.

What’s been the best part of your summer thus far?

Peace.  ~MB

Nola is Turning 10!

2018-06-07 17.33.58Tomorrow is Miss Nola’s birthday.  She was born on June 10, 2008, so she will turn 10 tomorrow.  The obligatory McDonald’s breakfast will be served to her, and she will be hyper-excited when I wake up and say “Happy Birthday Nola!”  She KNOWS what those words mean:  cheeseburger and fries….and a ride in the car!  And Lulu will be just as excited, they will both jump all around on me on the bed and bark for me to get up.

Nola has been with me since July 31, 2008…the day I found her inside of a cardboard box, with the words “Free Puppy” written on the outside.  I looked inside and saw 2 tiny eyes and a puppy about as big as a guinea pig.  She was tiny, adorable, shaking and scared.  I fell instantly in love, and scooped her up right there. She and I became partners.  The deal was sealed, I told the young woman with the box I would take her and she told me that Nola’s mother was a dashound and her father was a chihuahua…thus she’s a “Chiweenie”.  Funny name for a funny little tiny puppy.

First thing I did was go to the pet store and buy her all the necessary puppy equipment.  I was in New Orleans Lousianna…so I named her NOLA, after the city she was born in.  It fit.  It was appropriate.  I also call her “boo-boo” affectionately.  She likes it.  Nolie-boo-boo.  She traveled with me, loved the car, trucks, u-hauls – anything that moved.  I even took her for rides on my motorcycle when I had it.  The dog just loves to BE with me, wherever I am going, whatever I am doing.

For those of us who have chosen not to have human children, a pet can become the “child” that we need to nurture.  Nola has been my best friend.  My confidant, and my sole source of comfort in times of sadness or grieving.  She’s loved me unconditionally; no matter if I was a good person or a bad person on any particular day. She just loves me, period.  And I never take that love for granted.  I make damned sure that I love and pet her as much as possible.  I keep her near to me all the time.  If I must leave her home, like when I go to work, I tell her where I am going and when I will be back.  Perhaps, you think I am nuts.  It’s a dog.  Yes, it’s a dog, but she has feelings and instincts.  She knows when I am preparing to leave and she likes the reassurance that I will be back.  She’s smart.

I love my dogs.  Nola has given me a great 10 years of unconditional support.  Lulu joined our family unit 3 years ago, and she’s just as important!  She’ll be right next to Nola tomorrow morning, celebrating Nola’s AWESOME 10th Birthday!!!!

Peace!  ~MB

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Ice cream love.

A Very Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas Eve….it’s been a truly beautiful day in my world.  Tonight I am winding down and feeling very lucky and happy about everything.  I have been trying to get a post up on this blog all week, but most are half written rants about politics or other topics.  Tonight I just wanted to stop in here and wish all of my readers a very Merry Christmas, for all who celebrate, and a Happy Hanukka to my Jewish readers.  Whatever your holiday, I wish you the VERY best of peace and love!  It’s an amazing time of year where we all put love and family ahead of most everything else.  Too bad we don’t do it more often!

I made my Christmas very differently this year.  I decided back in October that I would celebrate and enjoy my holiday season this year.  I did not want any negativity – despite what is happening in America – and I refused to let it affect my Christmas festivities.

I decorated my house nicely; put up a sweet Christmas tree in front of the big bay window in my living room.  I put the little green fireplace next to it and sat a cute little Santa sculpture on top.  I placed a poinsettia in the kitchen.  Put up a card tree and strung it with a mini-string of lights.  Yes, I really did it up this year.  And it felt terrific!

I managed to do my shopping over the last several months, picking up a gift or two here and there when I had the money.  That way I wasn’t stretched too thin close to the actual holiday.  I got something for each person on my list, and even stuffed a stocking for my bestie.  I got the dogs both a few little “dog gifts” and everything looked wonderful all wrapped and under my tree.

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Today, Christmas Eve day, I got up and made some coffee and fed the dogs.  After they came back inside from their morning romp in the backyard, I got them all excited to open their presents.  They had a blast!  Two little wiggly dogs, all full of excitement and helping me rip the paper off their presents.  They got balls, a new bath towel, a new food mat, half a dozen new “stuffies” each and treats galore!  Spoiled rotten they are!

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This afternoon I took my bestie’s gifts over to her, she was home sick with a really bad cold.  We hung out for a little while, and I invited her over to supper.  She took a nap after I left, but did manage to make it over.  I got her settled on the other couch and took care of her for a couple of hours; making her dinner and setting her up with a new regimen of vitamins and supplements to try to help her feel better.  She’s been contending with some depression and is really having a difficult time lately.  We are both in recovery, and sometimes I think she struggles with that more than I do.

She told me she hasn’t been coming around because she’s been so down and out that she didn’t want ME to feel that way too!  Problem is that when she does that I think she’s blowing me off…and that’s not good.  I appreciate her trying to protect me, but I want our friendship to be one where she feels comfortable being around me no matter what’s going on with us.  We both have our struggles, and we should be able to talk about anything as friends.   We talked a lot about this today and I hope we have cleared it up and things will be better between us.  She really means a lot to me; it’s like we are sisters.

Tomorrow, Christmas Day, I will do the early morning shift at work.  It will probably be pretty slow as most people will be home with their families having Christmas morning.  I only have to work 4 hours, then I will change clothes and head up to spend Christmas Day with my family at my parents’ house.  I’m aiming for a political conversation free day; hopefully no one will mention politics.  My family is divided over these issues, so it can get a bit heated in that respect.  Most all of my family will be there, except my youngest brother and his wife and kids, who have gone snowmobiling and rented a cabin down Maine.  Nola and Lulu will unfortunately have to stay home tomorrow, and I am feeling a twinge of guilt because of that.  I will try to be home by 3pm-4pm for them.  By that time I will have had plenty of family time and Christmas festivity!
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Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Night!

Peace.   !MB