Butch Desire

Butch desire is to fem hunger what peanut butter is to jelly; what ying is to yang.

I recently read a really GREAT blog about “hunger”; specifically fem hunger. You can read it here, which is my previous cross post about this blog, and will connect you with this wonderful blogger. The writer is a fantastic femme, who writes with elegance and ease about this topic and many others concerning Butch-fem relationships and dynamics. As with anyone, I don’t always agree with her, but I have found that she quite often stimulates me to write more!  I truly value her opinions and perspectives.

This article she wrote about fem hunger has made me think much about what it is that I, as a Butch who desires that fem hunger, feel and how I respond to that hunger.

Butch desire is the deep, almost primal, need a Butch feels when acknowledged by a femme. It’s the riveting eye contact that conveys the message that they want more; they want to take it all. Butch desire runs deep in the body, and is activated like an electrical current, making the heart race and the breath come in heavy sighs. It’s that desire to be wanted and needed exactly as I am – Butch and proud – not to be told to “tone it down” or hide in any way.

It’s the unending need to fix everything; to make everything good and right for her femme; to treat the femme like the queen of her world, as it should be. Then it’s the aching need to take what is hers; to conquer and devour every savory morsel of femininity exuded by her fem lover, and to do it with force and precision.

“I want you as a woman, not as a man; but I want you in the way you need to be, which may not be traditionally female, but which is the area you express as Butch…….I make it right to want me that hard. Butches have not been allowed to feel their own desire because that part of being Butch can be perceived by the straight world as male. I feel I get back my femaleness and give a different definition of femaleness to a Butch as a femme.”
Amber Hollibaugh, “What We’re Rollin’ Around In Bed With” My Dangerous Desires

Butch desire is the raging need that fills my mind with visions of her, spread before me quivering and waiting for my touch, sometimes gentle and sometimes rough and demanding. It’s the ache in my entire body that is only stopped by her moans, that deep connection we make in becoming whole together, mind, body and soul. It’s her unbridled hunger for being taken and my overwhelming desire to claim her as my own. Butch desire is all of those things, plus much more. From the way it makes me lick my lips in anticipation, to the guttural noises I make as I find my release with her body quaking under mine.

That hardness; the rigidity of our closely guarded emotions, that we keep locked up safe behind our walls of protection, is also our vulnerability. When a femme sees momentarily behind the wall that we build, it’s an intimate and very exposed feeling for a Butch. We do not show our vulnerabilities readily, nor often. Some say we are damaged goods; that our lack of visible emotion and response is from some trauma – or from our “wanting” to be male – nothing could be further from the truth for a truly authentic Butch.  Femmes have a way of seeing through our thinner walls, and of reaching past those super-tender spots without threatening or damaging us.  This serves to heighten our desire; to fan the flames of heat and passion.

Never have I desired to be “male” – although standing to pee is very appealing – it never came to me to transition to the male gender. Femmes get this. They don’t push us to change, but accept us for who we are and how we represent ourselves in the world.  We are women who push the gender boundary and skew the binary; who look, feel and think a bit differently perhaps. There’s a thin line; a boundary of distinction, invisible to most and yet something that we are very keenly aware of as we move about our world.

Being a dominant Butch it’s often assumed that I take on a “male” role in any relationship.  While this has some truth to it, it’s not really that cut and dried; every Butch owns her own butchness – and what that is and how it plays in her life, daily.  Being Butch doesn’t stop when no one’s looking, it’s an authentic way of being in the universe. And it’s that combination of being female, yet very masculine that feels every so right to a Butch – and to her fem partner.  It’s what gives me life and joy in being.

When I am with people from outside of the gay community I am more keenly aware of my differences with them.  Whereas when I am with my counterparts I am much more relaxed and less guarded overall.  The more “mainstream” lesbian community generally frowns on the Butch-fem dynamic, lifestyle and those who partake in it’s beauty.  Sad for them in my opinion.  Lesbians seem to have a real tendency to be judgmental of other lesbians – at least that has been my own observation.  I see more lesbian on lesbian bashing than I care to see.

Personally, I don’t give much weight to their opinions, rude remarks, comments, or slurs of others – lesbian, straight, or whatever.  That’s their business; their own frame of thinking, generally constructed from within their own culture, community and situation in life.  People get hung up on what they do not understand; it frightens them, so they try to minimalize it however they can.  I find this to be a real form of “internalized” homophobia.  Preach about equality, but disrespect those who do the same things you do – just tweaked a bit.  That does NOT make much sense.  And perhaps me even saying this here doesn’t either, it’s MY own internalized phobia of occasionally worrying about what others may think.   And there I will leave it.

~MB

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Pulling It All Together

Writing again from my spot of dirt on this big blue marble that we all inhabit.

I am venturing into pulling all of my web content together so that it’s all linked and easy to navigate.  This is no easy task.  Over the last 10 years I have spread myself out a bit across the web, in some good ways…and in some no-so-good ways I am finding.  So, I thought that with the new changes and updates to my two major go-to sites, YouTube and WordPress, that it’s high time for me to get my web presence shit together.

This will be the focus of my weekend.  I’ve been reading up and watching videos on all of the new things we can do on both sites, the costs associated with upgrading each of them, and I’m pulling all of my social media pages into the mix as well, i.e. Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, etc.  I am seeing linking it all together as a way to have some consistency in my presence.

On YouTube my videos are all very old now.  Outdated, and not very reflective of who I now am.  I haven’t been posting much in the last 2 years, and so much has changed.  I have grown and changed in so many ways.  And I definitely like who I am now far better than who I was even 4 years ago.  Life is happier.  I am happier, healthier, and personally more enthusiastic about life and whatever lies in my future.  So, I am going to review all of my old video content and most likely remove most of them from public viewing.  I’ll keep some of the older, funny, or interesting ones but I am sure that most of the over 500 I did will end up on a private list.  Of course, I’ll personally keep them for the hell of it, and to look back on in years to come.

It’s kind of the same way with WordPress.  I need to review and archive many of the less relevant ones.  My blog has been a sort of diary on some days, and those are less interesting and kind of pointless to keep up in public viewing space.  When I upgrade my WordPress to the Premium package it will afford me the ability to do a LOT more with the page, too!  I will be able to share video and audio content, have a direct email address linked to the page and will have an actual web address.  It will be so much cleaner and nicer looking, so hopefully it will be more interesting and/or fun to read my posts.  I’ll depend on all of YOU to let me know; to give me some feedback and to help me tweak things to improve the whole experience for both of us.

…A Little Personal Life Update…

I know that I haven’t been very good getting posts up lately.  I seem to start one and get half way through it and a squirrel runs by….*poof*…it never gets finished or posted.  Story of my life is half-finished tasks….dealing with adult attention deficit disorder and a bit of OCD thrown in for good measure, makes completing things a challenge sometimes. Which is why I have designated this weekend to focus completely on over-hauling my web pages, social media and pulling it all together.

Everything else is going pretty damned good.  Work is going well, I still like my job and just celebrated 2 years there back on January 14th.  Feels like it’s been much longer, but many things can – and did – happen in those 2 years.  I moved into this house on Dec. 3, 2015 and started the job on Jan. 14, 2016.  There were different people in my life back then, and life was not going very smoothly.  I had too many demons in my world at that time.  I was involved in a toxic relationship of sorts, and wasn’t treating myself very good at all.  Not a healthy way to live I discovered.

It took me some time, and I had to go through rough terrain, but I managed to work my way back to a really super good place in life.  I’m far more healthy, and way more happy!  I don’t constantly question if I am doing the right thing anymore.  I don’t feel over-stressed about how other people are feeling or doing.  I’m not trying to please anyone, just worrying about myself and my own happiness.  And through that re-set of my mind, I have found a renewed energy and enthusiasm for living life to it’s potential.

I am very grateful for where I am today.  I have a pretty nice living space, two awesome little companion dogs, my best friend living just up the road, great family support, a good job, and the possibility of a new romantic relationship on the horizon.  What the hell more could I even wish for??

Sure, I still have the stupid things happen, like the thermostat for my heating system shorted out last weekend.  It got pretty freaking cold in here!  I had to go purchase a new thermostat unit from Lowe’s and replace the burnt out one.  I’m glad my Dad taught me to do things like that.  I got it done, but unfortunately found that the furnace burner was bad as well…so I had a repairman come out on Super Bowl Sunday to replace the burner motor.  Luckily it was around 1pm, and not later!  So, I got to go to a Super Bowl game party and watch my team lose…sadly.  But we don’t need to talk about that.  There’s always next season!

I also go pneumonia in January.  But I caught it really quickly and got right in to see my doctor.  Antibiotics, steroids, and an inhaler…and it was gone about 5 days later.  I lost a couple of days of work, but it’s all good.  I recovered and am back to smartass self.  🙂

I now have this kind of attitude that you cannot stop things from happening most of the time.  You can be as careful as you want, and wear your seatbelt, but there are times when things just happen in life and you just have to get through it; deal with it and keep on going.  I find very few things that I face that I cannot handle in some way.  Keeping a calm attitude is the key; not letting myself get unduly upset or stressed out when it’s something that I just can’t change, but have to deal with head-on.

By changing up my attitude, and adding the right vitamins, I avoided the seasonal depression that I usually get.  This winter has actually been pretty good.  Right now I can’t even remember the last time I felt depressed – which is awesome!  I like the happy-go-lucky me WAY better!  I have more energy and physically feel stronger and healthier than I have in quite a few years.  I am eternally grateful to modern medicine for that.  By keeping my chronic health condition in check and staying true to my recovery program, I have improved my health immensely.  It’s just good to feel good.

I still have my share of worries.  I worry about the toxic political climate in my country.  I worry about my aging parents.  And I worry about friends who are struggling.  I try to do as much about those worries as I am able to do.  I stay well-informed about world happenings; politics and events.  I keep a close eye on my parents, calling them daily to check in and make sure they are well.  I call, text and email various friends, just to stay in touch and to let them know I am thinking of them.  While I wish I could be more of a help on all fronts, I realize I am doing all that I can possibly do as it is.  I try not to let worries take up too much space in my head.  Space in there is expensive and worries don’t pay rent!  I have many more important things to think about, to plan and to do than to fill my head with worrying about things that I cannot control.

That’s what’s been going on with me.  January and February are always fairly slow months.  My birthday was in January.  My family gave me an Amazon Echo (Alexa) and I really love the thing!  I use it to do lots of things, from listening to music to making lists for shopping, tasks, appointments and more.

Thus far February hasn’t been very eventful.  I’ve had to do repairs on my truck, and repairs on my heating system.  I’ve been watching the news about the chaos and calamity in Washington DC and getting angry over that sporadically.  It’s this gut-level sort of anger.  Anger at why those grown men and women cannot seem to ACT like adults, and have so much scandal and corruption going on constantly.  I admit that I am a new junkie; a political pundit of sorts.  I have some strong opinions and views on these topics – as you probably already know from some of my previous writings.

I’ll wrap this up here.  I am going to drop in a few photos of the snow, Nola, Lulu and myself all taken in the last couple of weeks.  Tell me, how has your winter been going?  Done anything fun or interesting so far in 2018?

Peace…~MB

 

 

 

My Pure Anger and Outrage

Yes, I have been messing with the theme and settings on this blog once again.  I am just not happy with the way it looks.  Grrr….  And I’ve tried the building a web page thing, it’s just too complicated for me. I just want to write and have it presented decently.  What I need is an editor!  Someone to direct me, and to see to the necessary web stuff.

Today, Dec. 4, 2017, has been a VERY aggravating day for me.  As an America citizen I am fucking ANGRY and outraged at my government and the asshole occupying the Oval Office in the White House.

On just this ONE day alone the Moron has managed to destroy a couple of national monuments in Utah by opening them up for possible oil and gas drilling, coal mining and other nastiness. Whether he is in his legal right to do this is still in question, because according to our Antiquities Act he cannot do this!  He didn’t consult the people of Utah, hold any debates, no hearings, or consider anyone’s opinion, he just DID it.  And no one seems to be stopping this moron from doing anything he’s not supposed to be doing.  He does as he pleases.  He IS the dictator of America.  Don’t be fooled, we are no longer a democracy.  We are an autocracy.  His word is the only one that matters anymore.  No politician will stand up to him.  He does anything he likes, and he even tells us that he will do as he pleases and we cannot touch him.  Like today, he insists that he “cannot obstruct justice” because he is the “head of justice in the US” and he reports to no one.  This fucker forgot he was “elected” and he honestly doesn’t care.

I, as a single citizen, am fucking so angry at every politician that is allowing this asshole to ruin our country.  I want them all to drop dead.  I know, that’s awful to say…but it’s true, I cannot see any other way that things are going to stop or be saved, or changed, other than the dying off of these OLD, NASTY, WHITE people called “politicians”, our “leaders”, our “representatives” (who represent NO one except the RICH), and all of those who so blatantly support their EVIL deeds.  It’s awful to think that we have to wait for all these stupid fuckers to die off before we can FIX all the idiotic shit they have DONE in such a short amount of time – less than a year!!!

I know I am not alone in my thoughts.  I am not alone in my wish for the end of the Republican party, the Trump administration and all the paid lobbiests that hound them and bend the to do their will; to submit to the desires of the most wealthy – their “donors” who they are so fucking afraid will not fund their next campaign or fill their coffers so they can continue their over-paid, overly extravagant lifestyle at the cost of US taxpayers and on the backs of US citizens.  No, I am NOT alone.  Millions feel JUST like I do.  But TOO FEW are standing up, finding their balls, and speaking out against all this corruption.  At some point we will all be sorry for not taking extreme action much earlier.  This country needs a coup.  NOW.  We need to over-throw the current administration, put in an emergency government, hold special elections and get our country back to order.  Right now it’s headed for complete disaster, including an end to our Constitution and our Bill of Rights.

I don’t know what to do.  I don’t know how to make more people aware of how bad this crisis REALLY IS right now.  Am I one of the few who SEE this so plainly?  Am I delusional?  Is it me?  Am I wrong, is this all really “normal”?

I truly fear for my country.  I fear for my own safety and well-being.  But I mostly fear for the well-being and safety of the ones I love; particularly my aging parents.  Unfortunately one of them is a #45 supporter.  He is blind to the evil; he believes the daily lies that come from DJT and his representatives.  If this idiot continues; if his “tax scam” passes into law in this country, it WILL hurt most of us – especially those on fixed incomes (like myself and my  parents) and on medicare insurance (also, me and my parents).

I fear for the future of my nieces and nephew, and for their future children.  I fear that they will be the ones cleaning up all these messes and repairing the destruction – possibly even rebuilding the country after World War III.  THAT I really fear.  It’s so not fair to give them a deficit that is TRILLIONS of dollars deep, and expect them to pay for the GREED of Trump and his cronies.  It’s just NOT FAIR.  The “tax scam” he is trying to put into law here is a real “declaration of WAR” on the middle-class and struggling of this country.  Families will be devastated by it; torn apart by it, and may not survive.  No, none of this is right, or fair, but it’s our reality at this moment.

Sadly, the only thing that Trump really knows how to do is sign his name.  And he is so enamored with his own name that it’s all he wants to do – sign it and put it on buildings, bills, and laws.  He does not have the capacity to “govern” his way out of a paper bag.  He’s a reality TV personality – who is in love with himself.  I bet he jacks off and screams out his OWN name when he cums!    It’s SICK how he thinks he’s the best thing since sliced bread, and that everyone should worship him.  He even tells people to worship him, and they DO, because, as he told Billy Bush – “you just say it and they do it”  He believes that his followers will believe ANYTHING he says, and they DO, SADLY!!!  It’s sick, he’s like a disease on America; a kind of rotting of the soul – he contaminates minds and poisons souls.  He is pure evil.

I don’t know what to do.  I don’t know what is going to happen to America.  I know our reputation with the world is in the shitter – it’s not our fault, it’s Trump’s doing.  The American people are good, caring people – at least 75% of us are.  The 25% supporting this asshole are just confused and blinded by shiny objects…his “distraction technique” that he bends them to his will with.  It’s SAD.  It’s horrifying.

We really need to be marching in the streets.  We need to be banging on the office doors of our representatives and screaming for them to act now to stop this man before he goes any further.  I truly hope that these things will happen.  And I will participate when they do….or maybe I will start just doing it myself…and encouraging others to join me.  In the meantime, I will continue to write, to write letters to my representatives, to Tweet the asshole, and to fight for what I think is right in any way I am able to do so.

Peace.  ~MB

Code Red: Republican Tax Attack

It’s become very hard to live in America under the current President and his administration – albeit an ever-shrinking administration, it’s still got it’s key assholes in there making things worse by the day.  Tillerson has been dismantling the state department; eliminating women, people of color and anyone left from the Obama administration.  And he’s not re-filling the positions, he’s just leaving them empty.  The “plan” it seems, is to shrink the government.

Smaller government is not a bad thing, but when you do it like it’s currently being done it becomes a real problem.  We are left without key positions filled.  Ambassadors to foreign countries for one example.  We have very few ambassadors left.  Trump tells us that we don’t need anyone but him, he’s enough and he’s it.  He is trying to “micro-manage” every aspect of our complex democracy and we are suffering from his narcissistic need to do it.

He’s cutting back or eliminating some very key departments, like the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), any agency working on LGBT issues, women’s issues, minority issues.  Some of them are: Planned Parenthood, National Endowment for the Arts (NEA), National Endowment for Humanities (NEH), Minority Business Development Agency, Economic Development Administration,  International Trade Administration, Office fo Community Operated Policing Services (COPS), Office of Violence Against Women, Legal Services Corporation, Environment and National Resources Division of the Justice Department, UN Governmental Panel on Climate Change, Office of Electricity Deliverability and Energy Reliability, Office of Energy Efficiency and Renewable Energy, Office of Fossil Energy.  All viable agencies that serve and protect America and us as citizens.  (reference article in Time.com)  He is also now seeking to cut millions from counter-terrorism funding…right after the attack on NYC.  Yes, deep cuts to funding to our Department of Homeland Security…just doesn’t make any sense!!!

Trump is a creepy, authoritarian moron.  He’s hell-bent on erasing ANY trace of Obama’s presidency.  He is the #1 consumer of FOX News (which is now banned in the UK and Canada for false/fake information distribution), and Brietbart.  The man is so entangled with the Russians that he can’t even piss without Putin’s permission.  He’s under MAJOR investigation for collaborating with the Russians to win the election of 2016.  As are most of his close allies and staff.  The man is a clear and present DANGER to the United States.  He obstructs justice, he violates the emoluments clause daily, he verbally promotes violence, he says racist and bigoted things, often tweeting them to the world.  He insults foreign leaders and ridicules our long-time allies. He has moved America into last place in the arena of world respect.  And his #1 trait:  HE LIES CONSTANTLY.  He seems to lie so much that even HE believes his own lies!

Right now Trump is trying to jam a new “tax reform bill” through our Congress and Senate and into law.  The bill is horrendous to say it mildly.  It’ is completely geared towards making the wealthy even MORE wealthy, by eliminating tax deductions for the rest of us, and giving HUGE tax breaks to the wealthiest individuals and corporations.  The bill eliminates deductions for teachers buying stuff for the classroom, eliminates the deduction of state and local taxes (resulting in double taxation), eliminates deduction for interest on student loans – and makes them claim the loans as income!!!  And that’s just SOME of it…I can’t even go into everything here….I am furious.

In the bill they have hidden a repeal of Roe vs. Wade, naming a fetus as a viable human being – thus redefining the start of life.  They have hidden a break that now will allow churches and religious groups to donate to political campaigns and candidates, and making their donations deductible!!!  A serious breach of the division of church and state!  He’s snuck in steep taxation on renewable energy sources, such as solar and hydro power – he claims coal is “clean”, proving how very ignorant he truly IS.  There are also tons more of these little “sneak ins” in the new tax scam bill.  It’s not just a big fat tax break for the rich, but it’s a giant attack on the middle class and poor here in America.

AND this “tax reform” will increase our federal deficit by $1.4 to $1.7 TRILLION dollars over 10 years.

Less than 20% of this country even “likes” this tax bill.  And even they aren’t understanding just how horrible this will make things here in the USA.  It could cripple our country, plunge us into a huge recession and cause much unnecessary suffering by millions of people.

People making $40K a year will see a tax hike.  While people making $1M a year will see a huge tax cut.  HOW does that make any sense?  How is that fair and equitable???  Even our Congressional Budget Office (CBO) says this bill is NOT GOOD.

All Democrats will vote against this new “tax reform bill”.  It will be passed into law – IF it is actually passed as is – by ONLY the Republican party.  THEY WILL OWN THIS PROBLEM.   It’s the Republican Tax Attack.  And they are DETERMINED to RAM this through, making it law before the end of the year.  Trump claims it’s going to be a “Big, beautiful, very beautiful, Christmas present.”   HE LIES!!!  And LIES some MORE!!!

They are rushing this bill through so that it cannot be properly vetted and debated as it should be.  They don’t want people to figure out just how sneaky and conniving they are being with this bill.  They don’t want us to know how bad things are.  It’s trickle-down economics.  We have tried it before with Reagan, and it resulted in a recession during the 80’s, remember?  This bill should NOT be passed into law.

If you have read me this far and are as angry as I am take some time today to CALL YOUR SENATOR!!!  Google your Senator and speak up against this Republican Tax Attack!!!

I’m done.

Peace.  ~MB

 

Harassment, Trump and Babble…

The weekend has been relatively uneventful.  Lots of napping with my dogs, puttering around the house at various chores like laundry and playing on the computer.  I am finding that winter – or cold weather in general – keeps my energy level down and I don’t have much motivation to do anything outside the house.  Although, I did venture out twice over the weekend.

The first trip was on Saturday morning.  I put the dog’s coats on them, packed them into the Envoy and off we went to the church Christmas fair.  I had promised my mom and the church ladies that I would check out their fair, so I did my duty and went.  I actually spent about $10 on a couple of sweet little snowmen (made by my Mom) and a pair of handmade mittens (only $2!) and some peanut butter fudge (couldn’t resist!), so I didn’t do bad.  I also stopped at the Christmas craft fair at the Lion’s club, where I found mostly jewelry being sold.  Nice stuff, but nothing I was really interested in right now.  I picked up some homemade dog cookies though, and the dogs loved them!

Sunday I ventured out after noon time.  Big mistake.  I forgot that today is the Sunday before Thanksgiving and I went to the grocery store.  It was a MAD HOUSE!  The parking lot was FULL, and the store was just INSANE!  I got my coffee K-cups, some cranberry-cinnamon goat cheese (which I LOVE) and some dog treats (can’t forget those!) made it through the crowd to the express lane check out and go the hell out of there!  The dogs, again dressed in their adorable hoodies, were waiting patiently in the truck.  Friday I had taken them to the park (Dead Duck Inn) and let Nola run her guts out while I walked around with Lulu safely leashed.  I wanted to do that again today, but it was VERY windy and cold outside.

I’ve been spending time online lately and I’ve been overwhelmed with all of the various wide-spread sexual harassment stuff.  It’s just been overload, if you ask me.  It’s like the snowball effect, and it’s growing larger by the day.  I have all these mixed up thoughts about it all.  I think that sexual harassment has become so common place in today’s world that we often overlook most of it.  Then when it becomes “THE” issue of the day, and everyone is talking about it, we see all sorts of examples of it and opinions of what we each think.  The conversation has gotten so loud that we are all talking over each other at this point.  Someone needs to write a kind of new citizens’ “code of conduct” so that there’s a baseline for what is and isn’t considered harassment.  We are certainly seeing that stuff that was tolerated in the past is no longer okay today.  There are generational differences, cultural differences and power plays all involved.

Personally, sure I’ve experienced sexual harassment in the past.  As a woman I think it’s just part of what I’ve come to expect from some men.  I’ve also been harassed about being lesbian, being Butch, and being a Democrat.  I have a misdemeanor assault charge on my record for decking a dude that grabbed my ass. I round-housed his ass, knocked him out cold.  But I accidently didn’t see the cop watching….so I got charged, regardless that it was a reaction to having my ass grabbed!

I wish it would all settle down.  We all need to sit back and take a deep breath.  I’m not saying that those who have experienced any sort of thing like sexual harassment should “forget” it or “forgive” it, but I also think that some of the acusations are a bit petty.  Like “he touched my breast when he hugged me”…that’s a little vague, and maybe he didn’t mean it intentionally, maybe it was accidental.  I don’t know what the fuck to think!

I do think that there are certainly varying “degrees” of harassment coming out.  The Roy Moore stuff, where he was exerting his power as an adult in a position of authority to seduce underage girls is NOT acceptable in any way, under any circumstances.  And the acusations about Trump are not to be taken lightly either.  And the fact that Trump support the pedophile Moore, is just sickening.  They would rather have a pedophile in office as Senator than a Democrat.  Pathetic.  And we have to listen to all this bullshit until December 12 when they hold the election in Alabama.

Sexual stuff has long been part of our make up.  We often play or tease one another, and generally it’s all in fun.  I’ve been known to touch a few tits in my time, or grab an ass here and there….in fun and to amusement – – in no way to “harass”  Sure, I’ve told bad jokes, or made angry phone calls.  But when does it amount to harassment?  My answer would be: when it’s done with the intent to make the other person feel uncomfortable, to bend them to your will, to exert your personal power (whatever it may be) over that person to “make” them do something that they do not want to do.

This topic is a really tough one.  I don’t know who has the answers, or what all of this focus on it now will lead us to.  Just be damned sure when you are “flirting” with someone that it’s wanted and not harassment! Jeez, it’s enough to make a Butch a little nervous…like we needed any more reasons!

I haven’t been talking much about Trump in my blogs lately, because he’s in the news 24/7 getting plenty of attention – just like he likes it.  He’s the most embarrassing representation of the United States, and the disdain for him and his administration grows by the day here.

Right now they are trying to ram a huge billionaire’s tax bill through that is going to lead us into the next great depression.  Mark my words.  If it passes in any thing close to the form it’s in now, it will devastate our economy and send us into a depression.  But it will make Trump and his cohorts, his donors, the 1% of Americans who own the 90% of the wealth in this country, even MORE wealthy.  And the rest of us will suffer severely.

Trump is positioning the US for war with N. Korea.  Today he announced severe sanctions to further cripple the economy and food supply of the N. Koreans.

He tried to lift a ban on elephant trophies that Obama had put in place.  We as a country are not allowed to import any part of an endangered species, as a trophy or pet.  But Trump wanted to lift this ban.  Why?  Because it was an Obama law.  And because his sons are “big game hunters” – or pussies if you ask me.  Only cowards hunt endangered species, or farm-locked animals.

Today a $900billion dollar Russian oligarch owned yacht – yes, $900 BILLION – cruised into a slip in a spot about 8 miles from Trump’s Mar a Lago home in Florida.  Trump is due there this week for the holiday.  Coincidence?  I think not.  The Russian oligarch who owns the yacht is said to be Putin’s right hand man.  I’m sure he’s here for a meeting with Trump, or one of his sons, or his son-in-law, Kuchner.  I don’t understand if we have legal sanctions against the Russians (since Aug. 30, 2017) WHY they are NOT being upheld?  WTF is a Russian yacht doing being allowed even NEAR this country???  Treason I say, Treason.  The mere fact that the Trumps hob-nob with Russians is enough to make me want to vomit.  He’s selling out our country lock, stock and barrel.

I go to court tomorrow afternoon to address my violating my bail conditions, the charge from last month.  Hopefully my attorney will keep my ass out of jail.  I’ve done everything I can do to prevent that.  It’s up to the lawyer and the prosecutor at this point.  Wish me luck.

I’m off to bed.  Tell me, what do YOU think about the multitude of sexual harassment claims in the news?  Do you think there should be a “time limit” on accusing someone of these types of things?

Peace.   ~MB

 

 

 

The Week Begins…

This past weekend was a pretty rough one for me.  I didn’t do much.  I had so much on my mind that I felt paralyzed and couldn’t focus on doing anything constructive.  So I spend much of it watching TV, listening to news, surfing the web and hibernating in my house.  I didn’t see a soul all weekend.  I had planned to spend Saturday with my best friend, but she never showed…she’s been avoiding me.  I suspect that she’s been using again and doesn’t want to hear any shit from me about it.  That’s the only reason she wouldn’t be around like normal.

This morning I got up to go to work, went out to start my truck and it was iced up.  So I started it and got the scraper out of the back and started scraping the windows.  When I reached to open the driver’s door it was LOCKED.  Fuck.  And I had locked the house door behind me when I went out.  So, I was locked out of the house AND the truck – which was running.  I also had forgotten my wallet inside the house.  But, I had my cell phone!  Thankfully.  I ended up calling my friend Linda and she came over.  She has spare keys to my house and truck.  In the end I got to work about 30 minutes late, but it was all good because I had called them to let them know.  Lesson learned.  I went to the hardware store after work and had a couple of spare keys made.  I now have one outside in the lock box on the porch, and an extra in my key cabinet.  I don’t anticipate pulling the same stupid stunt twice, but I’ll be prepared if I do!

I emailed with my attorney today.  She says I won’t be going back to jail on the 21st when I go for my hearing.  That came as a huge relief to me.  She just advised me to keep myself clean and do everything I’m supposed to be doing.  So that’s exactly what I am going to do.  I have to get letters from my boss, my counsellor and my group therapy leader, as well as a letter stating I’ve had all negative urine tests (I am tested weekly), a letter from my doctor and as much documentation as I can rustle up that makes me look good.  I’ll be working on all these things this week.  I go to court for the hearing next Tuesday.

I’m supposed to go to court on the restraining order that I have on that guy I had let stay here.  But I think I am going to drop the request for a longer order.  He hasn’t bothered me at all, and I don’t think that he will.  I think he’s pretty embarrassed about all that happened.   So I’m just going to drop the issue and not put either of us through going to court over it.  If he starts to bother me again I won’t hesitate to call the cops and push the restraining order issue to a full year.

I’ve been setting up my day-runner organizer book for 2018.  Transferring important numbers and information to it.  It’s going to help me stay far more on track with everything.  I also picked up a new 7 pocket expandable file today for 2018’s receipts.  I tend to keep impeccable track of most everything.  That way if I need to refer back to a receipt for any reason I can locate it easily.

I signed up on www.AdoptafamilyUSVI.com to adopt a family in need in the US Virgin Islands or Puerto Rico today.  I will be putting together care packages to send to them every couple of weeks.   I had been looking for a way I could help, and saw this program on the news here tonight.  I checked out the website, and encourage you to do the same!  It’s pretty straight forward, you sign up and they assign you a family.  The family gives you a “wish list” of small items they could use to make life easier for a few days.  Seems like the least I can do to help out and maybe make someone a little more comfortable in those storm ravaged areas.  They’re still mostly without power and drinkable water in both the US Virgin Islands and Puerto Rico.

Sad that our Fucking Moron “president” just ignores them and is so busy sucking up to Putin and Duterte, killing trade for the US and sucking money out of us citizens.  I haven’t written much about him lately, but believe me I am watching his every move and can’t wait for him to be taken out.  I believe Mueller will get him and his pack eventually.

The weather here in southern Maine has finally turned cold.  It’s going down below 30 degrees tonight.  I’ve had the heat on now for about a week and a half.  I like it pretty chilly anyway, so I only set my thermostat at 65-68 during the day and drop it down to 62 at night.  I like to sleep in the cool air with heavy blankets.  The weight of the blankets seems to calm my anxiety and helps me fall asleep.  Also I’ve added 10mg of melatonin to my night time ritual as well.  That does seem to help.  Sleep is always a bit illusive, no matter what I do.  I’m pretty used to functioning well on about 4-5 hours of total sleep.

So, anyway, it’s been a rather rough few days, but I am in a pretty good mood tonight.  I know things will get better; I’m going to MAKE them better.  I’ve got the right attitude and am really focusing on improving myself personally and living better.  I might have my down days, but overall I’m actually doing really well.  I do think that being consistent on my medications has helped with that too.

Hope you are all doing well.  Peace.  ~MB

America and Guns

I was writing a piece on “hate crimes” and then the Las Vegas massacre happened. I woke up at 1am, which is about 11pm Vegas time, and my television was on…I was in total shock. I remember screaming out “NOOOO!!!!” followed by a bunch of nonsensical stuff as I started to cry. I could not believe what I was watching; seeing happening in Las Vegas, it was just too much to comprehend.
I live in the USA and there is this thing called the Bill of Rights. The 2nd Amendment to this is the “right to bear arms”…meaning we have the right to own guns. And because the NRA (Naitonal Rifle Association) basically funds Republican candidates and pays off politicians we have very loose laws concerning gun ownership. Recently our “president” signed a bill allowing mentally ill to once again be able to purchase guns without question. Yes, it’s a very sad state of affairs we have concerning gun ownership and responsibility.
Our “president” refuses to call the Las Vegas shooting an act of “terrorism” – which is exactly what it is. What could BE more terrifying than being attacked by machine gun fire while at a peaceful music concert? But, because this was a WHITE man who wasn’t acting on behalf of any terrorist organization he refuses to label it what it is: terrorism. Most acts of terrorism in this country are committed by individuals just like this guy. Trump just doesn’t understand what it’s like to be terrified and in fear for your life. He doesn’t get it, because he’s a coddled old nasty rich white man.
I’m sick of all of the mass shootings taking place in America. It’s horrific that we cannot craft legislation to help possibly prevent some of these people from being able to so readily acquire these assault style weapons and ammunition that can pierce metal – such as a car door or plane fuselage. What individual person needs this kind of ammo? Only someone with very bad intentions would purchase such ammunition or assault rifles. There is no good reason to own such items. If you think I am wrong, you tell me the “good reasons”. Unless you are preparing to kill multiple people you do NOT need an automatic weapon. They aren’t used for hunting, hell you’d tear up your target and not get any good meat! They have ONE purpose: to kill people. Period.
I believe in the 2nd Amendment. I believe we DO have a right to own a gun. And I would never want our government to try to remove that right. BUT, be serious, we need some regulations to help curb some of the violence and deaths. We need strict legislation. We all need to stand up to Congress and demand to be protected by such legislation and regulations! MANY other countries have put strict gun ownership laws into place and have vastly reduced gun related murders and deaths in their lands. Australia is the prime example. In 1996 there was a terrible mass killing, they put new laws into place and have drastically reduced gun deaths in their country to date.
I fully understand that putting more restriction on gun ownership won’t completely solve the problem of gun related crime. And yes, like illegal drugs, you can always get an illegal weapon if you try hard enough and know the right people – BUT remember, locks only keep an honest man honest. It’s a mentality thing, responsible gun owners understand the laws of gun ownership are there to protect them and other people. Intelligent, responsible people have no issue with things like background checks and enhanced legislation that moves toward curbing the wrong people from obtaining guns. I truly believe that if we all work together we can find solutions that will appease all of us. I believe we CAN save lives and lower the gun death rate if we just focus on the issues, work toward solutions for those issues and work together to solve them. It’s not going to please everyone, because that’s just impossible. There will still be that rogue gunman who, most likely because he has penis envy, will need to own 50 machine guns and armor piercing bullets….God only knows what his real reasoning will be. He will be in a minority I hope.
I too pray for the families of the victims of the Las Vegas massacre, but prayers without action to back them up are fruitless. I will continue to speak out and be visible in my fight to have better gun laws in this country. I will continue to pressure my Congressmen and Senators. I won’t idly stand by and feel like my voice has no impact. And if we all speak up, and speak LOUDLY, we can change this world and make it safer for all.
Peace. ~MB