Stop the Stupid In-Fighting!

“Significant problems cannot be solved at the same level of thinking which created them.”  Einstein

I read the most horrible blog yesterday here on WordPress, and was stunned to see such a waste of time and space on here.  I’ll give you the general gist of the blog: it was hateful.  AND the blogger was ranting and raving about how she is hated upon as a woman – which she spells ‘womon‘ for some weird reason unbeknownst to this Butch (but it makes me think of the word worm).  Now, this bloggers blogging name indicates that she may also identify – I use the word lightly – as Butch as well.  Because she ranted and raved about ‘identity’ over and over.  She wants to see the world, and for everyone to see the world in black and white.  That there are only 2 genders that exist – male and female, girl and boy, or man and woman – take your pick of words you like.  While I agree that the world has generally been seen in this very binary way, you are either born with a penis or a vagina and thus you are either boy or girl, I think that humans are evolving – as they should be – and we have the capacity mentally to understand things are not always black and white for everyone.  

I am a trans ally.  I get crap about it from my lesbian counterparts quite often.  I get accused of wanting to be trans myself.  My name and photo has been ripped from my own personal pages and plastered on websites that promote hate against gender variant people. I’ve been called all kinds of names.  Ya know what?  I don’t fucking care.  Anyone who has that kind of hate for me or any other person – male or female, gay, straight, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, gender-queer, gender-variant, etc etc. can kiss my skinny white ass. By pointing at someone and saying you hate them because _____ just remember, there are 3 fingers pointing back at you from your own hand.  Look inside yourself, find love and compassion for all human beings.  That is our common denominator, we are all human beings; beings of flesh, blood, bone and brain, who can think and feel and do and say, etc.  We need to find a common love and respect for each other, and that common respect does not come from wanting to separate individuals because you don’t care to acknowledge their self-chosen identity.  

I have grown into my own identity as Butch.  I don’t see myself as male or female.  I see myself as Butch – a cross between the two.  Does this mean that because I have chosen to self-identify as Butch (like so many others do as well) that I am not worthy because I don’t hold up my female body in some kind of cult style worship?  And because I don’t think I am male, that I am less than either?  No, it means I am a far more complex and deeper thinking person than someone who only sees things one way; who only accepts text book notations of words, definitions and binaries.  

“To choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances is to choose one’s own way”  

                                                     Viktor Frankel,      Holocaust survivor

The outside of every one of us changes over time no matter what.  Some choose to change their bodies to suit how they feel internally, despite being affected daily by society’s gender pressures.  I commend anyone who has this courage.  It’s taken me many years to finally decide that I have the power over my own destiny and over my own body and can do with it what I please. And this doesn’t make me any less of a person than anyone else. 

The name calling, the monikers used to describe one or another ‘clique’ of individuals is just plain stupid….stupid…stupid…and it needs to just stop.  Just stop acknowledging the words, ignore them, and they will fade away.  Don’t pay attention to the haters, the people spewing resentment and ignorance from their mouths or finger tips tapping on keys.  Rembember the old “sticks and stones saying…words can never hurt you – if YOU do not allow them to hurt you.  You are the master of your own ship, commander of your destiny so to speak.  What you allow to affect you will affect you, good or bad.  

Nothing in this world is purely black and white.  For centuries in other cultures there have been 3rd and 4th genders recognized.  Things have changed, they are continuing to change every moment that the earth spins.  Get used to it.  Accept that you can be a part of the change, or you can be left behind to stew in your hateful thoughts.  It’s purely up to you as an individual what you choose to do here.  I say make a change today, stop using words that inflict verbal insult on others, and start respecting them for who they are and respect yourself at the same time; respect who you have evolved and become over your lifetime and realize you are not that same person that you were 10 years ago either.  

The LGBTQ community can just plain be catty.  There’s no way to couch that statement.  Catty as all hell.  Nit picking goes on all over and people love to think that their way is the only way to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, or whatever you want, just fill in the blank.  We need to just stop and see each other for a change.  Love one another, know that we are in this battle for equality together, and for reasons!  Until all people are equal, no one is equal.  The in-fighting is just not becoming or very smart on anyone’s part.  We need to be united and we need to learn that our differences can unite us, not let them separate us.  Rock on.

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7 Replies to “Stop the Stupid In-Fighting!”

  1. I’m with you. I’ve considered myself a trans ally since about 1997, when through an e-list (remember those?!) I met my friend Justin. Before that, I never even thought of trans people much. As far as I knew, I didn’t know any. He gave me a perspective that was mind-altering. Yet, even with that, I find myself being troubled my some things that trans women say online. That’s MY issue, not theirs, and I’m trying to figure it out. It makes me feel like I’m behaving like the anti-butch-femme lesbians when I first came out. I do not like that.

    Good post, Ang. As always.

  2. Aww THANK YOU for this. As a transman, I get really sick of getting crap from certain butch lesbian communities who seem to believe that I am a threat to their existence, and an abomination to feminism. They sneer and condescend, saying “I’m so sorry that you bought into these ridiculous lies about gender and now have abandoned your wonderful, perfect femininity for this disgusting facade of maleness, but you will never be male.” They then chastise me for being an enemy of feminism and betraying “womanhood” by seeking medical transition. I try to avoid these things, but I have several times stumbled across them just by looking for transition resources for myself or friends. And, I could just brush them off, but it gets to me because these people are supposed to be my allies! I’ve already been thrown under the bus by my former religious community and my conservative family, and now I’m going to be thrown under the bus by the progressive feminist community too? Fuck me! And that isn’t even touching on the crap that transwomen get, which is often even more disturbing.

    And then here you are, a nice breath of fresh air, to remind me that those people are not yet the majority and hopefully never will be. The thing is, I AM a feminist. I lived 26 years as a woman, I was raised in a fundamentalist Christian subculture that taught women to hide their bodies in ankle-length skirts and I watched some of my female peers be discouraged or outright forbidden from going to college or even leaving the family until they married. I chose to attend college to obtain a degree in Astrophysics, a male-dominated field. My undergraduate college only offered degrees in STEM fields and thus the male/female ratio was almost 3/1. I worked hard to earn my place, and experienced and began to understand the problems with women being underrepresented in science fields. Afterwards, I traveled overseas to an international university and obtained my Masters degree in the same field, still outnumbered. The university of over 100 nationalities taught me the value of racial and national representation in science as well. These two inequalities drove me when I earned my acceptance to a PhD program, still as a woman. And now just before starting, I am finally preparing to transition to the body that I am comfortable with. But those experiences shaped me into an unapologetic feminist and advocate for greater diversity and representation in science. I fully intend to devote myself to tackling these issues, and I am very open with my advocacy. And you know what? I’m going to actually make a positive difference for marginalized people, unlike so-called “feminists” that want to scapegoat trans people to make themselves feel better rather than actually tackling the issues that decrease the quality of life of everyone.

    So thank you, for standing up for me and with me. If we want to be successful in enacting actual positive changes in society, we need to be able to unite many different people… men, women, transgender people, queer folks, people of all colors, nationalities, religions, philosophies… we are going to need input from all of them if we’re going to have a real change.

  3. I ten to avoid all posts where “woman” is spelled “womon.” A long while back, it was adopted as a radical way of excluding the word “man” and “men” from all aspects of your life, if such things kept you awake at night. I learned a long time ago to choose my battles carefully. Once chosen, fight to the death for them. But…never to undermine my chosen fight with stupid crap like the spelling of a word.

    I’ve never understood all the “in-fighting” either. I’ve identified as heterosexual,lesbian,bi-sexual, and now, asexual…maybe I’ll change again. Maybe I won’t. But my sexuality has never had an affect on what I truely am…a human being, like everyone else. –Tyler

  4. I’m head over heels for this site – finally, the voice(s) of reason! Such acceptance, understanding, love and plain old common sense! What a beautiful blog (despite the word ‘blog’ not being a terribly attractive word..) Please, keep it up!

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