Things Butch-Femme

A Moment of Reflection

So much happens in the world, and inside my freaking mind, that I would love to find the time and energy to write my thoughts about, but it seems that I can never put the two – time and energy – together when I am in that right frame of mind to write.  I am sure other bloggers out there understand what I mean. Just when you are entrenched in a good topic that’s got you blazing the paper’s edges, and breaking pen tips, something NEW happens that throws your thought process right out the window. What’s more pertinent, staying on the topic I am already on, or attacking this new “issue” or “event” that has spurned some strong emotional and intellectual responses, right away?  Yes, it’s a blogger’s thought process nightmare.  

It seems that the older I get the faster this world spins.  Of course I know perfectly well that it is not spinning any faster than it was when I entered it in 1962. Although the more years I put between today and 1962 the smaller each days percentile becomes thus giving the illusion in my brain of the world moving faster by the day. If you understand what I am saying, you are definitely good!  🙂  

The last few years have been years of some pretty major events in this world.  Mostly tragic and horrific things like super storms, inextinguishable fires, rampant madness and murder, bombings, explosions, and freak weather conditions.  Each seeming to run in to quickly take over from the last major “event”…and it just packs the mind with so much thought and a plethera of emotion that is sometimes difficult to figure out because with today’s social media and split second news reports, instantaneous information and reporting of events is so common place that if it takes more than an hour to become world headlines someone definitely turned off the internet to make that happen.

I think that growing up during the decades that I did was a blessing and a privilege for me.  It gave me the opportunity to live through and experience some very profound events in this world.  The walking on the moon, a continuously advancing space program – although I will never understand the justification of what we spend on space travel and research when there are still SO MANY problems right here on Mother Earth that could use far more attention than the question of if we can sustain life on Mars.  

Yes, if I think of all the wild, cool and incredible things that have happened during my lifetime alone it amazes me.  The bringing down of the Berlin Wall – I was bass fishing in western Massachusetts at that very moment.  Yes, astounding, unique moments in life and in the world’s history.  And I have been blessed to live my life during these seemingly packed decades of great world history and events.

There were those tragic moments as well.  Such as 9-11-01 when terrorism brought the Twin Towers to the ground, thousands of lives lost, and heroes made in mere moments.  I was standing on the roof of the barn we were building contemplating the importance of what I was doing, compared to the importance of what was happening in the world. Hammers silenced, I stood frozen with grief for my fellow citizens, their loss and the loss of innocence in America on that very day; I cried for real that day.

So this is just me contemplating where I stand today, and the view from here.  Wondering what all these things have done to me, how they have all been part of forming how I think, who I am and where I find myself today. Sometimes it’s just good to take a look at your life, to think about things, and see what’s important; what’s been important, and what will continue to be important to each of us, always.  

Just some of my many thoughts. Thanks for stopping by, for reading my blog and also thanks to those of you who watch my videos on Youtube, your support and encouragement mean a lot to me always.  Peace.



shot in South Berwick, Maine

A double rainbow, Maine

This may come off as a totally looney-bin admitting kind of post – but please don’t send the phyche squad just yet!  It’s a bit “out there” but I believe that I can tie this all together in the end…if there is one!

Life feels different to me as of late.  I feel like something inside of me – and outside – is moving; shifting and changing in strange, sometimes scary, and sometimes wonderful and welcome, ways; those are the feelings I am mentally “tuned” into – and a kind of frequency that I do NOT know or understand at all.  But am very interested in doing just that – understanding it!  There has been a significant increase in my emotional responses, coinciding with my beginning to develop greater senses of mental clarity; in my re-defining things, people and issues in my life in entirely new and unique ways.  I don’t only feel a personal shift taking place, but I can feel the world around me moving or acting differently, as well.  It’s showing in the weather, the political climate, the new posturing of countries, governments, the changing attitudes of peoples, and even in the movement of the actual earth itself.  I don’t know or understand “why” I am feeling this; what is happening to me or to anything, but I can feel it happening very palpably. (No, I am not on drugs, or drinking tequila!  but I knew you’d ask!)  And I feel like it’s something to be discussed, analysed and watched, for better understanding and comprehension.

This must sound like total hokey-pokey to you dear reader, but stay with me for a moment, because although I have no truly “logical” explanation for any of it – for the way I feel or the way things are presenting to me in such rather odd, yet new, and unique ways.  I just know it’s happening, and I am in no way to stop it or even try to stop it – nor COULD I stop it if I so wished!  I am supposed to roll with it, according to my gut instinct – which I rarely question as it has always led me down the right road, or to the right decision in the end.  Maybe it did not feel that way at the time it was happening – whatever it may have been – but my hind-sight always saw the reason and understood that that was exactly what I was “supposed to do”.

I have been wishing, wanting and waiting to know my life’s purpose for most of my life now!  Don’t we ALL do that?  Don’t we all question what it is we are here to do in this world?  Why we were born? And why we are where we are at this moment in time?  Hell, maybe for me this is the brink of the abyss that I must fall into before discovering and knowing that purpose.  I have wished for and wanted change in my life, for clearer understanding of myself and why I am here in this body, walking this path through the world, for a very long time it seems.  And I have been a bit focused on figuring this out for some time now, and the new mental clarity I am experiencing is making me think that I am “onto something” here!

The shifts are alarming me in some ways, but my instinct says for me to relax and that I have been waiting for this to happen for a very long time – for my entire existence.  Again, I try to listen smartly to instinct.  One of the alarming things has been the funny (albeit a bit disturbing)  appearance and recurrence of words and numbers in my daily life.  Whether they come from reading, writing, balancing my checkbook, or as a visual from TV, the internet or in my daily “real life”, the recurrence of these things is just plain weird. There is no other way to put it in a word.  Yet, somehow it also seems to be lining up to make some sort of sense in the end.  Who knows what that “end” is, but there is one.  This I know.

I feel myself sweeping away old ways of thinking and doing things, and in turn doing things that create a sort of rebirth toward a new way of life.  And this seems to be “just happening” it’s nothing that I am really having to “work” at doing.  I seem to be on some sort of guided internal auto-pilot setting.  Why would I need a “new way of life” I have to ask myself? Sure, I want a better life, a more meaningful life, and maybe a more fun life – as everyone wants in general – But, what exactly is this all about?  Where is it coming from – inside? outside? the air? …yes, the air has even got a feeling of “energy” to me lately, one that is vibrating, sort of, at a very high, high frequency.

What’s that you think? Ah – storms perhaps? Or, could the barely perceptible, almost electrical, “vibrations” I am feeling be some indication of what is causing these odd and unexpected storms we have been seeing occur across our country in recent weeks? Storms like we have never seen or experienced before in our lifetimes anyways.  Strange, sudden and violent storms have been beating some states senseless, leaving just wide swaths of destruction.  Strange weather patterns, from last winter’s weird “calm” and warmth, to an April of 80 degree days, and the start of July with out of control wild-fires in Colorado to the sudden and violent thunder and lightening storms scraping away landscape and homes throughout the mid-Atlantic region – with little to NO warning.

I have personally heard residents of the area actually refer to them as “just plain weird” – things that no one had ever seen happen before!  (heard via news reports, resident interviews, and by telephone conversations I have had with my girlfriend in VA).  There isn’t even a historical record of these kinds of storms – or of that magnitude – ever happening previously without being a (classed, generally tracked and fore-warned) full blown hurricane. No, these are definitely a new and unique type of storm.  These are storms with the intention to violently blow, shake and destroy everything in their paths; frightening, storms with a purpose.

Yep, weird. Freak storms? Random incidents? Who knows!  I am willing to BET that someone does know, but holds this information very close to the breast, so to speak.  And I am not a “conspiracy theorist” by any means, but you can’t tell me that someone in our government (nosey bastards that they ARE) is not right on this studying the hell out of it and keeping the research very hush so as not to “scare the public” or cause any sort of panic among people.

All I know, as a reasonable and intelligent human being, is that something has “shifted” and is causing – or contributing to the cause of – these rather unique patterns of weather related / planetary happenings.  Or is it all just “coincidence” to simply be written off in the history books as natural disasters?  Do YOU believe it’s coincidence? Seriously?  Or are you afraid to consider that perhaps something is awry?  I also believe that people are experiencing changes, shifts and alterations as well in their lives, due to these storms, due to the alignment of the stars? Who knows…could be a big fat combination of a ton of things!  But SOMETHING is changing about our world in the present moment…it’s like evolution on speed.  Perhaps it’s the dawning of the age of Aquarius?  LOL  Hey, I am open to any and all theories at the moment!

Often as human beings we like to pretend that things are not “happening” because we do not like it when we cannot explain things in solid, scientific ways and that alone confuses us and causes fear – because we all fear the unknown – it’s only natural in our genetic composition.  We become “held back” by the fear of what we know, and do not know.  Knowledge causes us fear in so many ways.  But not knowing drives us absolutely nuts!  And facing our fear is the only way to release it’s hold over us – as a group and as unique individuals.

Ok, so you all think I am now flipping my lid, I am sure.  And that’s actually okay with me, because I am not seeking any kind of validation or confirmation of my feelings and ideas of what I am seeing/feeling that is going on around the world, and of what I see and am experiencing as a “shift” and a rush of energy within myself as well.  Things ARE changing, inside of me, outside of me, in the world, and I sense that it’s happening VERY fast.

I spoke of things “appearing and recurring” words and numbers specifically.  Some of the words I refer to as appearing in my life randomly and yet over and over are (in no particular order) “extreme, new, thoughts, transitional, transformation, break free, consciousness, radical, alter, action, deepening, awakening, commitments, plans, manifest, fear, freedom, letting go, habits, success and patterns”  And those stupid numbers, 11:11, 12:12, 10:10, 1:11, 1:23, 12:34, 3:21…strange…sequential or same numbers.  I look at the clock, the cell phone, the computer, the TV and I see the time constantly (or it feels that way!) and see these numbers pop up.  And we all know about the 11:11 phenomenon (or rumored theory more accurately), even Ellen Degeneres has named her record label/talent agency  So while I may be weird, I do not feel alone in my questioning!  I believe that others feel it, too.  Perhaps even you, dear reader, are feeling a little out of sorts lately and cannot “put your finger on it” but you feel unsettled and perhaps a bit askew even?  Maybe reading this has sparked some strange recognition in yourself, of things happening with you, or those close to you, that is leaving you feeling a bit of fear for the unknown?  I know I have a healthy fear of this “feeling” that I am connecting with, yet I am incredibly curious and I desire to KNOW MORE!

I want to understand and fully participate in the “shift” towards good; let go of the past and dive head-long into the future to open up untapped personal potential.  I want to be one who DOES break free of the “group mind” and think outside that box of general “public opinion”.

I often read my horoscopes just for fun.  But lately they are so accurate that it’s scary!  And the words keep appearing in those too!  It has to make me wonder if there isn’t really something to the astrological signs!  I’ve never taken them “seriously” but have always read them – since I learned to read and found them in the daily newspaper as a child – and thought about them.  Once in a while something would “click” in them for me, and I would be in a bit of wonder.  But never took them to heart in any kind of serious way.  But lately…I have been delving into them deeper and reading more about sun signs and planetary alignments.  And THIS is really scary!  Because they seem to be “right on target” with what is happening inside of me and in my life, and around me – and with much of what I write about right here in this blog!  Something strange, and wonderful, and yet fraught with fear and danger to be dealt with, is happening to us all, And the signs are all there, is anyone else listening?  Does anyone else “hear” what I am saying – or what I am trying desperately to express here?  Or am I just a nut case waiting to crack?  🙂  LOL…don’t answer that!

This was a very fun blog to write, to think about and I know putting it out there may make me look a little “crazy” but honestly I am not, I’m only questioning what I am feeling and seeing go on around me.  I’ve been keeping a hand-written journal of things as well, it just amazes the shit right outta me!  🙂  Perhaps you got some insight, or at least some laughs, out of it too!  I do hope.

Peace and love.  ~MainelyButch

General Blips

Internal Shifting. Odd Patterns. Curious Changes.