Taking a Knee During a National Anthem

Colin Kapaernick chose to take a knee during the playing of the national anthem at an NFL football game, it has cause huge uproar and much discussion in this country about patriotism, racism and loyalty.

Today, September 24, 2017, the whole country tuned in to watch and see what all of the players were going to do today at the NFL games.  Who would take a knee, and who would support them.  Yesterday Trump lashed out at the NFL, at Kapaernick and anyone else he could think of.  He called them “sons of bitches” and called for the NFL to “fire them” for their protest.  Trump seems to be more concerned with football than he is with running this country.  Obviously he has no idea what the fuck he is actually supposed to be doing in Washington DC.

I served my country in the US Army for 6 years so that people like Colin would have freedom.  I do not see his taking a knee in protest of disproportionate killings of black men by law enforcement, with no justice when it’s due, as being disrespectful to the flag.  I see it as him protesting something he truly believes is wrong with his country.  It’s his right to express himself.  And those players who choose to suppor thim by standing with their arms linked have every right to do just that – support him, and make their voices heard as well.

The United States is in such incredible turmoil right now. In my 55+ years I have never seen anything like what is happening all around me right now.  I fear that things are brewing to become very volatile in the near future.  There is so much talk of race and racism, and I’m hearing it from so many places.  Blacks aren’t happy with whites, whites aren’t happy with blacks, Hispanics feel like they are being thrown out of the country, Asians also fear deportation and violence.  It’s crazy, it’s sad, and it’s scary.  And our “president” Trump is leading the charge to make it as bad as possible for everyone.  He particularly likes to strike out with his hatred of black athletes and Hollywood stars, with his hatred for immigrants pulling a close second.

Just because you do not agree with someone else’s opinion doesn’t mean that you should deny them their freedom of speech.  Freedom means that everyone does not have to have the same thoughts, feelings, opinion, or methods of expressing themselves; it means that we have the right to be individuals and are free to express ourselves as such.

I personally choose to stand for my national anthem.  That is MY choice.  I also choose to support those who make other choices.  As long as one is not desecrating the flag by shitting on it, burning it, altering it in anyway – like putting swastikas on it – and being generally purposefully nasty and outwardly disrespectful to the flag and my country, I am tolerant of civil protest and personal expression.  I do not see Colin Kapaernick’s kneeling as protesting the flag, I see it as it is…his protesting the lack of equal treatment and equal justice in this country.

This video shows both what Trump said, and what Obama’s response to this is…well worth watching.

 

I am proud to be an American.  I am proud of my flag, and what it stands for, and I am thankful to all who have served and who have fallen protecting our freedom.  I am also proud to support peaceful protest and tolerance of other’s opinions.  I stand with Colin Kapaernick and support his right to kneel and his personal reason behind it.

What do you think?  Do you have an opinion of this?

Peace.  ~MB

Just WHY???

I can’t wrap my mind around WHY anyone would support or try to defend the words, actions, inactions, lack of words, absurd behavior, rudeness, lack of tolerance, and blatant lies of Donald J Trump, our supposed “President” of these United States of America. I just am completely baffled by anyone who promotes this man and his hate-filled agenda. I see it occasionally from some people that I know on Facebook, and it just makes me cock my head in awe, and it makes me want to ask them directly “Do you NOT understand anything? Are you so blinded by his lies and deceitful tactics that you are willing – that you CHOOSE -to follow him like a stupid little, lost sheep? Would you jump off a bridge if he told you this was necessary for him to remain your president? Some of you would, I just know you would.”

No one likes Trump or his crew of evil doers. He is so concerned with “party” and not with “people” and it’s so very easy to SEE exactly where his loyalties and priorities lay – with the richest and his most wealthy donors. He has absolutely NO concern for the citizens of this country, or for the well-being of any part of this world – unless it directly correlates to his bank accounts. WHY is this so difficult for some people to see and understand? Do they seriously “believe” that Trump cares about them in some way??? Because, believe me – and all of the millions of others who see, understand and truly get it – he doesn’t give two shits about YOU or about “making America great again”…that’s not even HIS slogan, that was stolen from Ronald Reagan!!! Reagan is the one who used the “make America great again” in his campaign. Trump is nothing short of a total copy-cat. Anything he sees or hears that he can use, he uses. He has NO IDEAS of HIS OWN. It’s all just complete nonsense in his head!

Trump instigates Kim Jong Un, leader of North Korea, basically egging him on to do something that will give Trump the necessary reason to obliterate North Korea. Trump verbally threatened to “completely destroy North Korea” and I believe he fully intends to do just that because he thinks it will make him look “fabulous” and make more stupid people love his old ass.
Trump himself knows nothing about war or military service. He was a draft dodger, 3 times even! He didn’t have the fortitude, patriotism or guts to fight for or serve his country in the military. He only knows what he has watched on TV or in the movies, and he thinks it’s all glorious. He doesn’t consider the affect that a war of nuclear missiles will kill MILLIONS of innocent people – not just Kim Jong Un!

If Trump had ANY sense he would order a strategic removal of Jong Un…Obama did it to Osama Bin Laden, so we KNOW it is possible. But Trump can’t seem to do it with his buddy the “Rocket Man” as he calls Jong Un nowadays. Another “stolen” nickname originally given to Jong Un’s father by Newsweek magazine years ago. He’s just re-using other people’s words to make himself look good in some weird way. Like it’s very grown up and very “presidential” to call the leaders of other countries vile nicknames and speak of them in derogatory terms, yeah must make him feel REAL GOOD about himself.

Trump tries daily to convince his dead-brained followers that he has nothing to do with Russia. He claims Russia had nothing to do with our recent presidential election process. Yet, 16 security agencies of the US Government have VERIFIED this as a FACT. Trump does not even have confidence enough to believe his own security advisors. And THEY verified that Russia did INDEED interfere with our presidential election process. Whether this had any effect on the outcome is vaguely debatable, but it DID happen nonetheless. And how can you not believe all of the people who tirelessly work in our intelligence and security agencies who say this is a fact? All of them say it is so, and ONE man says it is not…and some people believe that one man? WHY??? I just don’t get it. It does not make sense.

And the new attempt by Trump to have Obama’s name removed from our healthcare is abominable. This “Graham-Cassidy” bill is the WORST suggested bill to date! All 50 state Medicare director has come out against it, the AMA is against it, doctors, insurance companies and most every health-related institution is against this bill. It is so horrendous that even some senators say they would not vote for the bill, except that they must because if they don’t they will lose the $$$ they get from their “donors” who are the ONLY ones who benefit in the form of the largest tax break for them in history if this bill passes. It is a very shameful thing when our elected officials choose “party” over “people”…just completely shameful. IF Trump is so fucking worried about Obama’s name being on the American’s Care Act (ACA) then just change it to Trump care and be DONE with attacking it and causing 30 MILLION people to worry about losing all practical healthcare and protections. IF they repeal the ACA as it stands the only ones who will be happy with the end result of a very, very poor standard of care for America will be it’s very wealthiest citizens, and no one else. Ordinary American’s WILL suffer and suffer very greatly.

Donald Trump is completely delusional. He is so focused on Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama that he can’t see anything else past his nose. He is SO envious of those two that it’s pathetic. He can’t get over the FACT that Hillary Clinton garnered MORE POPULAR votes than he did! FACT!!! He can’t get by the FACT that Obama did more in his 8 years than Trump could even THINK of doing in his however-many years…let’s hope it’s a VERY SHORT number of years!!!

IF you believe Donald Trump, he is the ONLY one telling the truth here in America. He claims that EVERYONE else – every media source, including Facebook, and every government organization – is telling lies about him and promoting “fake news” as he so readily calls EVERYTHING he disagrees with now. The man just can’t get over himself! He’s a blatant LIAR, yet a few very naive people seem to want to fall for his lines. I am very sorry for those people; they will surely be very disappointed when Trump goes down in flames. And it IS going to happen – in one way or another!

There are SO MANY fucked up things going on here with Trump and his family and his cohorts that I can’t even scratch the surface. From the RNC funding the Trump family’s legal fees to Price taking government planes to watch the eclipse…it’s all so corrupt and illegal that it stinks to high heaven! And so many other things too! But, I shall leave you here with these paragraphs to ponder about what is going on with Trump and America right now.

Peace. ~MB

PS…as I was writing this Trump sent US fighter jets over the airspace of North Korea…now we wait for North Korea’s response – or World War Three – not quite sure just yet!

Current Reality.

I’m tired.  Tired of fighting all this hate in this country.  The last 7 months, since Trump took office, have really been very difficult.  I’m sure many feel that same weariness that I feel right now.  But I know it is so important to not give up just because we are weary.  I know I have to continue to be strong in facing the evil that is upon us right now.  I only pray that there will come better, quieter and more peaceful days.

What is starting to happen more frequently now is that people are starting to really come to logger heads.  The personal fighting and attacks have begun.  We are beginning to become more and more divided every day.  Just today, in my OWN HOME I had someone say some very pro-Trump, hateful and bigoted things.  Now, you KNOW I wanted to explode and go nuclear on the guy, but instead I got super mad – to the point of tears coming to my eyes – and retreated to my bedroom to try to simmer down.  This person is staying at my house and now I am equally angry about THAT.  I don’t want this kind of  hate and intolerance in my own home; in my personal space or in the place where I am supposed to feel safe.  I can’t have it.  So, I am now faced with having to tell him he needs to move on – out of my space.  This hurts me deeply.  I always considered him a good friend, and I never expected to hear such garbage from him.  He was insinuating that Trump pardoning Arpiao was the right thing, and that Arpiao was only rounding up Latinos because they are “all criminals anyway”…and he continued to say things I can’t repeat here.  It was disgusting.  It was terrifying.  I am a Butch lesbian, who KNOWS what his true feelings and ideas are about ME and my kind!  THAT is terrifying.  And I can’t have that fear lingering over me in my own space; space that is supposed to be safe, nurturing and comfortable for me.  Space where I can hide from the evils of the world.

So tomorrow I have to sit him down and explain to him that I cannot have him here any longer.  This will cause him some problems as he will have to go back to staying at a hotel and on couches.  But I can’t give a soft spot to land to a bigot and racist.  It’s not who I am.  And not what I wish to be associated with in any way, shape or form.  Let him take his sorry ass somewhere else, maybe go be with his own kind.  I don’t know what he will do, I just hope he’s reasonable about leaving quietly, because he has to go away from here; away from my HOME.

THIS is what all of this Trump inspired division is DOING to us here in the USA.  It’s tearing friends apart.  It is tearing families apart.  We do not – or CANNOT – trust each other anymore.  The feeling is very visceral.  It’s frightening to be in any minority group here.

I’m scared.  I don’t know where this is all going, but I want to go back to the Obama years.  I want to go back to when we felt like we were safer and moving in a good direction with the country.  I don’t want to re-enact Nazi Germany’s history here in the United States….but THAT is what is happening.

The way it’s forming up, 1/3 of the people here are willing to kill another 1/3 of the people, and the last 1/3 is willing to stand by silently and watch….

THAT is our currently REALITY.

Peace.  ~MB

 

Sunday Reflection

As a good friend reminded me – and people on my Facebook page –

The divisiveness, the hate and the rhetoric has been there a long time.  Trump is just the catalyst that brought it into the bright light of day and made it acceptable.          (thanks ButchDK)

Last night I had to remove a nasty comment – from my own brother – on my Facebook page and block him.  While it made me both angry and sad to have to go to that extreme, I am just sick and tired of listening / reading the ignorant remarks of the minority few that still remain tolerant of hate and supportive of Trump.  And I came to the decision after some long thought, that I would not start deleting people from my life who act in this fashion.  Thus, any and all of those individuals continue to promote and invigorate this hateful rhetoric on any social media platform that I am part of and who either comment to me or directly promote this bullshit, will be deleted, erased, removed, unfriended, unfollowed and otherwise prohibited from communicating with me or across my pages.  Period.  End of Story.  I now have a ZERO tolerance policy on this issue.

Now, let’s turn our thoughts toward Spain.  The Barcelona terrorist bombing…I was very, very shaken by this bombing incident.  As many of you known I was very much involved with a young Spanish/American woman who resided in Barcelona a couple of years ago.  When I heard the breaking news of the bombing my heart jumped into my throat.  Was she okay?  Did it happen right near her, where I thought it happened?  I was very concerned and while I no longer had contact with her, I still care very deeply.  You can’t just turn off love…it doesn’t work that way.  So, I swallowed my Butch pride (and that’s a BIG fucking swallow) and emailed her at her work account, asking if she was alright.

Two days went by, no word.  I would tear up; get choked up when I thought about her.  She has this really vulnerability about her and I know that this kind of thing is very frightening to her.  I could only imagine how scared she was.  I kept trying to not think about her or the bombing…but it was all over US television and in my heart.  I understand that I chose to not be part of her life – or have her be part of mine – when things were “over” so to speak, because I just couldn’t do the “friends zone” stuff with her.  I would never have been able to move on and love another.  She had burrowed deeply into my thoughts, broken down my walls, crashed through the barriers and become someone I didn’t wish to let go of ever.  In the end I had to because moving on was what she wanted, and was doing, and I needed to do it also.  I know I’ve never talked about this, because it hurt too much until recently.  While I will always have space in my heart for her, I have moved on now.

She did answer my email.  She’s fine and yes, the bomb went off right in front of a business that she would frequent daily.  She was lucky not to have been there at that time. But she was fine even though it was very scary for her.  I thanked God, then I thanked her for responding and left it at that.  It was extremely hard for me to not want to talk to her further, to ask how she has been and how things were going in her life these days.  But I can’t know, I just can’t.  I need to focus on what I can have in this life; on those great things in store for me, and on the woman who loves me.

Terrorists are active around our world.  The past week of news stories happening around the world proves this.  Here in America we are engaged in internal strife and being divided as a people.  Abroad ISIS and the Jhadists are employing truck bombs and IED’s on civilian populations – such as in Barcelona.  It’s sad.  It’s infuriating.  It’s frustrating.  All of these things affect us all.  That is the goal of these terrorists – whether foreign or homegrown.  They want disruption, fear and chaos.  And sadly they are achieving that goal in many ways right now.  When will it stop?

I’m going to turn off the television today.  I need a day of rest from all of the news coverage coming in from around the world.  I am going to go outside, taking the dogs with me, and work in my garden.  I will paint my porches. And I will focus on what his here in front of me that is peaceful, beautiful and good in my life.  I will plant a perennial flowering plant in memory of Corey today.  And I will try to heal some of my broken parts just a tiny bit.

Peace.  ~MB

 

 

 

 

Hate Boils Over in the USA

This is what is going on here in the “land of the Free”

Our “president” is now actively and vocally defending white supremacist, white nationalists, neo-nazis, the KKK and the alt-right.  Yes, defending it.  He has gone on live TV, in front of the whole nation, and showed us – TOLD US – just who he is and what he represents.  He is an immoral, degenerate FUCK.

And he says he is “without regret” for any of his words, no matter who they hurt, scared or offended.  No Regret.  Think about that.

The White House is in complete turmoil.  They have a choice now, either they become part of this fold into the promotion of white supremacy or they have to go.  Trump has been called out, by name, by no fewer than 20 of his Republican comrades.

This is not a matter of Republican vs Democrat.  Nor a matter of left vs right.  This is a matter of RIGHT vs WRONG.  And you can either be on the right side of history, or on the wrong side with Donald J. Trump – the racist, bigot that sits in the Oval office eating fucking ice cream and tweeting hate around the internet.

Trump is a friend of David Duke.  A friend of the Nazi’s and the most hateful people and groups in our country.

His CEO’s have all abandoned his sinking ship.  After 9 of the quit today he suddenly tweeted that he was disbanding the councils, thus doesn’t need them.  Something that pleases Steve Bannon to no end!  What a loser.  They were distancing themselves from his racist rhetoric, plain and simple.  They realized that his views were so toxic and destructive that they could no be aligned with him, personally or professionally.

He has not moral or ethical standards.  The man-boy is a piece of white trash.

He is continuing to fuel the fire of this disgusting issue.  He is successfully dividing the country, very effectively.  We are being ripped apart.  And it hurts.

My country is in chaos.  We are at a tipping point.  Our democracy is in trouble.  We have a man in office who has “no regret” for inciting hate and violence among his own people; who actually encourages it!!!

I do not know how we will come out of this.  I don’t know what will happen here.   There is much argument going on.  I just had one with one of the guys who’s staying with me even.

I know people around the world are watching.  Please, KEEP WATCHING.  This will be used against us as propaganda in places like Russia, N. Korea, Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, and others.

I have been told that there are 13 alt-right rallies scheduled for this up-coming weekend around the country.  13.  WTF is happening???  I swear Trump and Bannon had this planned all along.  They are hell-bent on destroying America; on destroying Democracy.

The Joint Chiefs of Staff, our top military personnel, have stepped into this conversation as well.  All of the Chiefs have publically weighed in on this violence in Charlottesville.  All say they stand solidly against intolerance and hatred.  They are not “challenging” Trump, but challenging his stand on the issue and challenging his lack of values.  All condemn racism, extremism and hatred.  So, our military does not have the same view on this as our President.  Thankfully.  It is very RARE for any of our top military people to ever speak about political stuff, but they felt compelled because of the incredible severity of what is happening.

Trump’s words DO NOT reflect the majority views of this country and it’s good citizens.

And to quote CNN:

“While the paths forward remain very murky, what’s crystal clear is this: Trump won’t change. And on his current path, this is a presidency that will collapse around him.”

As I lay my head down tonight I pray that our country will survive another day of this destruction.  I pray #45 will resign.

Peace.  ~MB

Rage, Hate and Death in America

White Nationalists have been rallying in Charlottesville Virginia, so far one is dead, and more than a dozen were wounded by a domestic terrorist attack with a car at the White Supremecist rally.  Total now is 3 dead due to this fucking rally.  All in the name of white power, and that line of bullshit.

David Duke (leader of the KKK) says this “represents a turning point for our country” and that “this is why we supported Donald Trump and he said he was going to give us our country back”…sick, sick, man.  He then reminded Trump that it was white Americans that elected him to do just this “taking of America back”.

The trash heap of bigotry that marched in to Charlottesville were pure and simple white supremecists, white nationalists and anti-equality morons.  These are individuals and groups like the KKK and David Duke, who have nothing but racial bigotry and hatred to spread and fuel across this land.  They are a scourge on our nation.  The do NOT represent our country.  This was a terror attack by white nationalists on America.  Trump, by not calling them out on it, just gave them more fuel.  HE is part of this problem; he is one of them.  His little “speech” did nothing to stop them or discourage them because he would not label them or call them out for what they are – nasty white supremecists.  I am fucking outraged now more than ever with his stupid orange ass.

It was a super difficult day here in America.  Everyone was watching things unfold in real-time on national television and talking about it amongst ourselves.  Tensions are running very high everywhere – not just in Charlottesville.  Yes, dear World, America is a fucking mess and is not the great nations she’s supposed to be anymore.  Somehow we have put a Nazi sympathizer, white nationalist lying bigot into the highest office of our land, and now he is showing us his true face; his true beliefs.  He’s supporting his “base” of these trashy, anti-American people with lies of omission and words to show he is sympathetic to their fucked up cause.  It’s one huge mess.  And we are all suffering, whether we admit it or not.  This is NOT what we signed up for.  This is NOT the true America that we were so proud of in the past.

The tensions even came tomy world today when I was at a big family gathering.  A small argument broke out.  I heard those ugly words “why can’t you support our President?”.  Why can’t I “support” him???  Why can’t HE support ME?  Why does he continue to bring hate and discontent to everyone everywhere that he touches or speaks to?

The Virginia governor, Terry McAuliffe, spoke out to the white nationalists very eloquently.  He told them to “go home and never come back” to his city or state.  He bravely stood before the cameras and mics and said everything that our president SHOULD have said.  watch here

It’s now Sunday morning, I am just waking up and am fearful to turn on the news and to see what today brings us.

We have so much going on here with this president who keeps our country is chaos.  He flirts with nuclear war with N. Korea, fuels racial strife in Virginia, and we never know what’s next out of his Twitter thumbs.  He’s a menace, a disgrace and we are in serious trouble.  I don’t know how we move forward from here, but we have to find a way.  We just have to.

Peace.  ~MB

 

Trump PROVES He’s a Total Idiot.

Yes, as if he could get any worse, this imbecile has gone above and beyond stupid.

And it only takes him a mere few hours to make himself look stupider than EVER!

Remember, it’s ONLY TUESDAY morning and so far he has:

called our Constitution “archaic” and “bad for the country” – meaning it’s bad for him because he can’t fully extend his totalitarian rule with the Constitution standing in his way.

Wishes to change the 1st Ammendment of our Constitution so that no one can criticize him.  Says “no one should be able to protest” him at all.  This is his attempt to silence the press – a VERY NAZI move and the move of a fascist.

Says he would be “honored” to meet with Kim Jong Un, the leader of North Korea, and that Un is “smart”…yes, a dictator with blood on his hands, the killer of his own brother, he’s some “smart” alright, and just who I would like to see meeting with the leader of my country – NOT.

Invites a mass murderer to the White House – Duarte.  Enough said.

Has put into action the dismantling of Michelle Obamas healthy school lunch program.  And is ending her “Let Girls Learn” program as well.  He just cannot stand anything that was anyone elses idea, especially if your name is Obama.

Praised Andrew Jackson up and down, saying he “didn’t want the civil war” to happen.  THEN he finds out that Jackson had been DEAD for 16 years when the Civil War started, so he changed it to “wouldn’t have let it happen”.  Of course. Jackson was a slave owner, he forced Native Americans from their lands, thus starting the “Trail of Tears” and was an ignorant fuck.

THEN the Idiot in Chief says “Why did the Civil War happen?”  WTF???  He doesn’t even realize what he says anymore, or understand basic US history.  The Civil War happened to stop people from owning other people; to stop slavery.  It’s pretty simple, but he wouldn’t get it even if you tried to explain it to him.  He WANTS to own other people and thinks it’s perfectly alright.  Asshole.

I am just beside myself.  Just what HAS to HAPPEN before Americans wake up and get this fool out of office?  When will he get irritated enough with not being adored and admired by all, and RESIGN?

I do not fully understand what is happening with my country or my government.  We have this Orange Buffoon in charge who is trying to hold a coup and flip us to a dictatorship.  Yet, I see NOTHING being done politically to get him out of office or get control of him.  Republicans are cowed to him completely.  They just choose to ignore him, because as long as they have ANYONE who will identify as a Republican as their leader they will deal with the guy being a fool.  They don’t care about the American reputation or the American people one fucking bit.

It’s very early on Tuesday morning here, so we have the day to see what else will happen with this guy and his posse in DC.  I don’t predict that it will be anything good at all.  More of the same hateful rhetoric and destruction of the American life.

That’s your update…pray for us!

Peace.  ~MB

Stop the Stupid In-Fighting!

“Significant problems cannot be solved at the same level of thinking which created them.”  Einstein

I read the most horrible blog yesterday here on WordPress, and was stunned to see such a waste of time and space on here.  I’ll give you the general gist of the blog: it was hateful.  AND the blogger was ranting and raving about how she is hated upon as a woman – which she spells ‘womon‘ for some weird reason unbeknownst to this Butch (but it makes me think of the word worm).  Now, this bloggers blogging name indicates that she may also identify – I use the word lightly – as Butch as well.  Because she ranted and raved about ‘identity’ over and over.  She wants to see the world, and for everyone to see the world in black and white.  That there are only 2 genders that exist – male and female, girl and boy, or man and woman – take your pick of words you like.  While I agree that the world has generally been seen in this very binary way, you are either born with a penis or a vagina and thus you are either boy or girl, I think that humans are evolving – as they should be – and we have the capacity mentally to understand things are not always black and white for everyone.  

I am a trans ally.  I get crap about it from my lesbian counterparts quite often.  I get accused of wanting to be trans myself.  My name and photo has been ripped from my own personal pages and plastered on websites that promote hate against gender variant people. I’ve been called all kinds of names.  Ya know what?  I don’t fucking care.  Anyone who has that kind of hate for me or any other person – male or female, gay, straight, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, gender-queer, gender-variant, etc etc. can kiss my skinny white ass. By pointing at someone and saying you hate them because _____ just remember, there are 3 fingers pointing back at you from your own hand.  Look inside yourself, find love and compassion for all human beings.  That is our common denominator, we are all human beings; beings of flesh, blood, bone and brain, who can think and feel and do and say, etc.  We need to find a common love and respect for each other, and that common respect does not come from wanting to separate individuals because you don’t care to acknowledge their self-chosen identity.  

I have grown into my own identity as Butch.  I don’t see myself as male or female.  I see myself as Butch – a cross between the two.  Does this mean that because I have chosen to self-identify as Butch (like so many others do as well) that I am not worthy because I don’t hold up my female body in some kind of cult style worship?  And because I don’t think I am male, that I am less than either?  No, it means I am a far more complex and deeper thinking person than someone who only sees things one way; who only accepts text book notations of words, definitions and binaries.  

“To choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances is to choose one’s own way”  

                                                     Viktor Frankel,      Holocaust survivor

The outside of every one of us changes over time no matter what.  Some choose to change their bodies to suit how they feel internally, despite being affected daily by society’s gender pressures.  I commend anyone who has this courage.  It’s taken me many years to finally decide that I have the power over my own destiny and over my own body and can do with it what I please. And this doesn’t make me any less of a person than anyone else. 

The name calling, the monikers used to describe one or another ‘clique’ of individuals is just plain stupid….stupid…stupid…and it needs to just stop.  Just stop acknowledging the words, ignore them, and they will fade away.  Don’t pay attention to the haters, the people spewing resentment and ignorance from their mouths or finger tips tapping on keys.  Rembember the old “sticks and stones saying…words can never hurt you – if YOU do not allow them to hurt you.  You are the master of your own ship, commander of your destiny so to speak.  What you allow to affect you will affect you, good or bad.  

Nothing in this world is purely black and white.  For centuries in other cultures there have been 3rd and 4th genders recognized.  Things have changed, they are continuing to change every moment that the earth spins.  Get used to it.  Accept that you can be a part of the change, or you can be left behind to stew in your hateful thoughts.  It’s purely up to you as an individual what you choose to do here.  I say make a change today, stop using words that inflict verbal insult on others, and start respecting them for who they are and respect yourself at the same time; respect who you have evolved and become over your lifetime and realize you are not that same person that you were 10 years ago either.  

The LGBTQ community can just plain be catty.  There’s no way to couch that statement.  Catty as all hell.  Nit picking goes on all over and people love to think that their way is the only way to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, or whatever you want, just fill in the blank.  We need to just stop and see each other for a change.  Love one another, know that we are in this battle for equality together, and for reasons!  Until all people are equal, no one is equal.  The in-fighting is just not becoming or very smart on anyone’s part.  We need to be united and we need to learn that our differences can unite us, not let them separate us.  Rock on.

Our Internet Allegiances and Remembering when…

The last 20 years I have – like the rest of the world most likely – watched and participated in the internet and the world-wide web taking over the world; bringing social networking to our tool box for communication.  It has certainly drawn our LGBT communities much closer; brought individuals into our lives that we may never have met without it, and changed the base-line dynamics of how relationships begin, go on and end.  

My own experience with computers and the internet came to me in my early 30’s….in 1993 actually.  And since then it has become part of my daily life.  Because of this daily access to information, education, opinion, people, and tons of other things, I find that I have personally learned many things along the journey that have changed me in some way.  I imagine that this is true for everyone who has brought the computer into the home, place of business, on vacations and has become the standard everyday user of said machine.  

We’ve grown a whole new vocabulary for using the internet, and for using the texting features on our phones and other devices. Words that have grown in such popularity and usage that they have been added to our dictionaries and allowed on the Scrabble board!  Some are clean cut, some require some experience of understanding with the topic of the word.  We’ve gotten used to it now.  

Twenty years ago we were in a different place in the LGBT community; in our country and in the world.  We found solidarity in Gay Pride parades and events.  We built alliances for support, encouragement and protection.  The world was still much less hospitable to LGBT identifying people than it is today in 2014…but it was making progress every so slowly.  

The internet became our strongest tool in forming these alliances and building on this new-found solidarity as we leaned about one another, learned that we are not alone in our struggles; that others had/have the same experiences or questions about themselves and where they “fit” in the big picture as we do!  And today this wonderful thing we call the web is the primary “go-to” tool for building or forming just about everything.  Computers have helped us do more than communicate, they have enriched our scientific studies, testing, allowed us to see things previously invisible, and allowed us to make things previously unknown – such as 3D copies for example.  Yes, the computer changed life on earth very radically; and the internet changed social interaction around the world quickly, effectively and entirely.

I love my computer experiences.  I enjoy my computers, what each can do, what I have each set up to do for me or with me when the need arises.  I love social media, networking, meeting new and interesting people online and then oft times in person!  I giggle at the funny pictures everyone can now post.  I shed tears for the sad posts that bring a touch of real life agony from half a world away right into our living room.  Yes, for the most part – probably 98% I do really enjoy my computer time and activities.  

There is that 2% of the time that something I see on my social networking, news, blog, or video sites unseats or unnerves me to the core.  I get that freedom of speech is the rule. That people are free to have their own opinions, and to post whatever they wish to post to their “pages” around the web.  And sometimes I am not going to like a post, a picture, or a statement made by someone else.  I am free to not read, look at or interact with those posts – that is my choice I fully understand.  Perhaps maybe today, 20 years down the data-train road I understand that I make my own choices even more fully than I understood it at 32.  That does not mean that I have to enjoy making that choice; or that I ever enjoy stumbling across stuff that I think is mean-spirited, cyber-bullying; or that comes across as hate-speech, sometimes full of stuff that can be outright assaults on others, crude, rude, crass, nasty, or vulgar, etc.  

I understand that when there is a space where I am invited to leave a comment that I am rightful to do so if I choose.  But there seems to be this fairly new internet thing where some use the comments sections to try to start on-line arguments, debates, and just like to post upsetting stuff.  Some of them are what I call “drama queens” (which anyone can be, it’s not a gender specific title!) and “turd stirrers” who like to stir the pot and get people upset and riled up.  If someone verbally assaults or attacks me or any of my friends I am one who will come forward and say something or try to diffuse the situation; perhaps it was just a misunderstanding to begin with and no harm was intended.  But when slander and hurt is done purposefully I consider that poster a cyber-bully; someone who is just rude and probably are self-loathing beings anyway.  

Personally I do not believe that it’s right to use your online space to hurt others, or to post about other’s choices and lives.  I do not ever use photos or video clips of people on my pages to ever hurt them.  And generally IF I use a photo of someone I DO get their permission – unless it’s a viral clip like a dog in a hat, that I am going to say is “cute”.  Those are only common courtesies to me.  And I do not mind others sharing my post or videos if it’s for the right reasons, for the base intention of doing good, and not for defaming or slandering me in any way; not for negative reasons or on negatively loaded sites.  I have much more respect for any blogger or vlogger, who wants to use my posts, when they contact me and explain what they are going to use them for in advance of just posting them.  I would like to think that I have good, decent internet values and mannerisms; and that I am far above having to use other people’s posts to cause controversy that draws views or interest to my posts – but brings them nothing but harm and misery.

We had some very hateful incidents concerning a certain set of blogs and vlogs where the creator was very anti-trans and chose to attack many FtM guys publicly – copying and re-posting their surgery pictures and giving horrific details of why these people were wrong to transition.  Quite a few people banned together and got involved and we tried to get this person banned from vlogging and blogging using pictures without authorization  – or even common courtesy of asking to use them – We got a private investigator involved, we know the person, far too much about this person actually now…and sadly she’s still got people who read and believe all of the sludge that she created; who looks completely past the hurt she’s doing / has done to these innocent people with her vile posts.  I thought most of the world was progressing, but obviously we have some stragglers!  I am sure that some of you remember this time in our online history, those that she didn’t completely shame off of the web, she hurt our community with her poison – which is just hard to forget!

 (((Note:  Don’t even mention her vile name in any comments left, I will not approve them if you do!!!!  She deserves NO more “hits” on her vlogs or blogs, so don’t mention her moniker or name please!)))  

I will be following this blog with another in the next day or two speaking on the solidarity we have created via our online connections, and how those alliances have so positively affected and helped many of us in the LGBT community.  Much more up beat!  🙂 Rock on!

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It seems, unfortunately in 2012 that being comfortable in just being who you are, and allowing others to do that same thing, not policing them in return – even when they do it to you – has just become the sort of “norm” way of thinking inside of the LGBTQ  community   I am saddened by stories I hear about individuals (and groups) being put down by others inside of the LGBTQ umbrella for expressing themselves as individuals, and not being swayed by “stereotypes” or “rules” of how to act, be or present that appeases our seeming need to be seen as normal in the world at large.

Since I began questioning the ideas of gender policing, transphobia, and hate from within the LGBTQ community itself, I have recieved quite a bit of input from others.  Some telling me their horror stories of incidents they endured, or that a partner or lover went through.  Some lamenting the by-gone days when it was “ok to be gay” and we all carried the rainbow flag together – Butches, Femmes, Dykes, Queers, Bisexuals, Trans people and those still seeking their identity.

Be that.  The LGBTQ community has become so hostile towards it’s own “members” in recent years; no longer affording us a “safe space” to just be the unique individuals we are intended to be.  But trying to “police” us and set “guidelines and rules” for who can and cannot claim an identity, a lifestyle, or just their own unique style.  For some reason some have gravitated toward more rigidity in how others are “supposed” to present to the rest of the world, which lends heavily to the “one bad apple” thing that happens so easily when you are already part of a group that is already viewed thru the eyes of skepticism.

Remember the Toronto Gay Pride chair who wanted – paraphrasing here – us to tone it down – ie no “Butch” lesbians or “Flambouyant” gay men, but for the crowd to exhibit a more “family friendly or normal” presentation in the parade?— Yeah, like let’s all pretend we are “normal” like the rest of this fucked up world’s inhabitants! SMH

God forbid that we take “pride” in who we ARE, in our own families and in our community as a whole.  I remember that incident very vividly, because, as a Stone Butch myself, I felt completely negated – within the so called “safety net” of the community that I loved – and represented.  And by someone who was supposed to be leading a showing of PRIDE and fighting PREJUDICE.  It felt to me like a direct insult; a frontal attack and left a very very bad taste in my mouth that I have yet to be able to fully rinse from existence.  I only wish I had the opportunity to address the person who spewed those words into the air with such whimsical ease; to say, “HEY, wait a damned minute!…”

I have so much more to share related to this topic of hate and discrimination experienced under the umbrella.  I thank those who have taken the time to contact me with their painful recollections -L, G, B, T, and Q’s!  And please if you would like to share I am wide open for hearing your experiences and opinions!  More to come…

Shaking the Umbrella