Current Reality.

I’m tired.  Tired of fighting all this hate in this country.  The last 7 months, since Trump took office, have really been very difficult.  I’m sure many feel that same weariness that I feel right now.  But I know it is so important to not give up just because we are weary.  I know I have to continue to be strong in facing the evil that is upon us right now.  I only pray that there will come better, quieter and more peaceful days.

What is starting to happen more frequently now is that people are starting to really come to logger heads.  The personal fighting and attacks have begun.  We are beginning to become more and more divided every day.  Just today, in my OWN HOME I had someone say some very pro-Trump, hateful and bigoted things.  Now, you KNOW I wanted to explode and go nuclear on the guy, but instead I got super mad – to the point of tears coming to my eyes – and retreated to my bedroom to try to simmer down.  This person is staying at my house and now I am equally angry about THAT.  I don’t want this kind of  hate and intolerance in my own home; in my personal space or in the place where I am supposed to feel safe.  I can’t have it.  So, I am now faced with having to tell him he needs to move on – out of my space.  This hurts me deeply.  I always considered him a good friend, and I never expected to hear such garbage from him.  He was insinuating that Trump pardoning Arpiao was the right thing, and that Arpiao was only rounding up Latinos because they are “all criminals anyway”…and he continued to say things I can’t repeat here.  It was disgusting.  It was terrifying.  I am a Butch lesbian, who KNOWS what his true feelings and ideas are about ME and my kind!  THAT is terrifying.  And I can’t have that fear lingering over me in my own space; space that is supposed to be safe, nurturing and comfortable for me.  Space where I can hide from the evils of the world.

So tomorrow I have to sit him down and explain to him that I cannot have him here any longer.  This will cause him some problems as he will have to go back to staying at a hotel and on couches.  But I can’t give a soft spot to land to a bigot and racist.  It’s not who I am.  And not what I wish to be associated with in any way, shape or form.  Let him take his sorry ass somewhere else, maybe go be with his own kind.  I don’t know what he will do, I just hope he’s reasonable about leaving quietly, because he has to go away from here; away from my HOME.

THIS is what all of this Trump inspired division is DOING to us here in the USA.  It’s tearing friends apart.  It is tearing families apart.  We do not – or CANNOT – trust each other anymore.  The feeling is very visceral.  It’s frightening to be in any minority group here.

I’m scared.  I don’t know where this is all going, but I want to go back to the Obama years.  I want to go back to when we felt like we were safer and moving in a good direction with the country.  I don’t want to re-enact Nazi Germany’s history here in the United States….but THAT is what is happening.

The way it’s forming up, 1/3 of the people here are willing to kill another 1/3 of the people, and the last 1/3 is willing to stand by silently and watch….

THAT is our currently REALITY.

Peace.  ~MB

 

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Sunday Reflection

As a good friend reminded me – and people on my Facebook page –

The divisiveness, the hate and the rhetoric has been there a long time.  Trump is just the catalyst that brought it into the bright light of day and made it acceptable.          (thanks ButchDK)

Last night I had to remove a nasty comment – from my own brother – on my Facebook page and block him.  While it made me both angry and sad to have to go to that extreme, I am just sick and tired of listening / reading the ignorant remarks of the minority few that still remain tolerant of hate and supportive of Trump.  And I came to the decision after some long thought, that I would not start deleting people from my life who act in this fashion.  Thus, any and all of those individuals continue to promote and invigorate this hateful rhetoric on any social media platform that I am part of and who either comment to me or directly promote this bullshit, will be deleted, erased, removed, unfriended, unfollowed and otherwise prohibited from communicating with me or across my pages.  Period.  End of Story.  I now have a ZERO tolerance policy on this issue.

Now, let’s turn our thoughts toward Spain.  The Barcelona terrorist bombing…I was very, very shaken by this bombing incident.  As many of you known I was very much involved with a young Spanish/American woman who resided in Barcelona a couple of years ago.  When I heard the breaking news of the bombing my heart jumped into my throat.  Was she okay?  Did it happen right near her, where I thought it happened?  I was very concerned and while I no longer had contact with her, I still care very deeply.  You can’t just turn off love…it doesn’t work that way.  So, I swallowed my Butch pride (and that’s a BIG fucking swallow) and emailed her at her work account, asking if she was alright.

Two days went by, no word.  I would tear up; get choked up when I thought about her.  She has this really vulnerability about her and I know that this kind of thing is very frightening to her.  I could only imagine how scared she was.  I kept trying to not think about her or the bombing…but it was all over US television and in my heart.  I understand that I chose to not be part of her life – or have her be part of mine – when things were “over” so to speak, because I just couldn’t do the “friends zone” stuff with her.  I would never have been able to move on and love another.  She had burrowed deeply into my thoughts, broken down my walls, crashed through the barriers and become someone I didn’t wish to let go of ever.  In the end I had to because moving on was what she wanted, and was doing, and I needed to do it also.  I know I’ve never talked about this, because it hurt too much until recently.  While I will always have space in my heart for her, I have moved on now.

She did answer my email.  She’s fine and yes, the bomb went off right in front of a business that she would frequent daily.  She was lucky not to have been there at that time. But she was fine even though it was very scary for her.  I thanked God, then I thanked her for responding and left it at that.  It was extremely hard for me to not want to talk to her further, to ask how she has been and how things were going in her life these days.  But I can’t know, I just can’t.  I need to focus on what I can have in this life; on those great things in store for me, and on the woman who loves me.

Terrorists are active around our world.  The past week of news stories happening around the world proves this.  Here in America we are engaged in internal strife and being divided as a people.  Abroad ISIS and the Jhadists are employing truck bombs and IED’s on civilian populations – such as in Barcelona.  It’s sad.  It’s infuriating.  It’s frustrating.  All of these things affect us all.  That is the goal of these terrorists – whether foreign or homegrown.  They want disruption, fear and chaos.  And sadly they are achieving that goal in many ways right now.  When will it stop?

I’m going to turn off the television today.  I need a day of rest from all of the news coverage coming in from around the world.  I am going to go outside, taking the dogs with me, and work in my garden.  I will paint my porches. And I will focus on what his here in front of me that is peaceful, beautiful and good in my life.  I will plant a perennial flowering plant in memory of Corey today.  And I will try to heal some of my broken parts just a tiny bit.

Peace.  ~MB

 

 

 

 

Hate Boils Over in the USA

This is what is going on here in the “land of the Free”
Our “president” is now actively and vocally defending white supremacist, white nationalists, neo-nazis, the KKK and the alt-right.  Yes, defending it.  He has gone on live TV, in front of the whole nation, and showed us – TOLD US – just who he is and what he represents.  He is an immoral, degenerate FUCK.
And he says he is “without regret” for any of his words, no matter who they hurt, scared or offended.  No Regret.  Think about that.
The White House is in complete turmoil.  They have a choice now, either they become part of this fold into the promotion of white supremacy or they have to go.  Trump has been called out, by name, by no fewer than 20 of his Republican comrades.
This is not a matter of Republican vs Democrat.  Nor a matter of left vs right.  This is a matter of RIGHT vs WRONG.  And you can either be on the right side of history, or on the wrong side with Donald J. Trump – the racist, bigot that sits in the Oval office eating fucking ice cream and tweeting hate around the internet.
Trump is a friend of David Duke.  A friend of the Nazi’s and the most hateful people and groups in our country.
His CEO’s have all abandoned his sinking ship.  After 9 of the quit today he suddenly tweeted that he was disbanding the councils, thus doesn’t need them.  Something that pleases Steve Bannon to no end!  What a loser.  They were distancing themselves from his racist rhetoric, plain and simple.  They realized that his views were so toxic and destructive that they could no be aligned with him, personally or professionally.
He has not moral or ethical standards.  The man-boy is a piece of white trash.
He is continuing to fuel the fire of this disgusting issue.  He is successfully dividing the country, very effectively.  We are being ripped apart.  And it hurts.
My country is in chaos.  We are at a tipping point.  Our democracy is in trouble.  We have a man in office who has “no regret” for inciting hate and violence among his own people; who actually encourages it!!!
I do not know how we will come out of this.  I don’t know what will happen here.   There is much argument going on.  I just had one with one of the guys who’s staying with me even.
I know people around the world are watching.  Please, KEEP WATCHING.  This will be used against us as propaganda in places like Russia, N. Korea, Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, and others.
I have been told that there are 13 alt-right rallies scheduled for this up-coming weekend around the country.  13.  WTF is happening???  I swear Trump and Bannon had this planned all along.  They are hell-bent on destroying America; on destroying Democracy.
The Joint Chiefs of Staff, our top military personnel, have stepped into this conversation as well.  All of the Chiefs have publically weighed in on this violence in Charlottesville.  All say they stand solidly against intolerance and hatred.  They are not “challenging” Trump, but challenging his stand on the issue and challenging his lack of values.  All condemn racism, extremism and hatred.  So, our military does not have the same view on this as our President.  Thankfully.  It is very RARE for any of our top military people to ever speak about political stuff, but they felt compelled because of the incredible severity of what is happening.
Trump’s words DO NOT reflect the majority views of this country and it’s good citizens.
And to quote CNN:
“While the paths forward remain very murky, what’s crystal clear is this: Trump won’t change. And on his current path, this is a presidency that will collapse around him.”
As I lay my head down tonight I pray that our country will survive another day of this destruction.  I pray #45 will resign.
Peace.  ~MB

Rage, Hate and Death in America

White Nationalists have been rallying in Charlottesville Virginia, so far one is dead, and more than a dozen were wounded by a domestic terrorist attack with a car at the White Supremecist rally.  Total now is 3 dead due to this fucking rally.  All in the name of white power, and that line of bullshit.

David Duke (leader of the KKK) says this “represents a turning point for our country” and that “this is why we supported Donald Trump and he said he was going to give us our country back”…sick, sick, man.  He then reminded Trump that it was white Americans that elected him to do just this “taking of America back”.

The trash heap of bigotry that marched in to Charlottesville were pure and simple white supremecists, white nationalists and anti-equality morons.  These are individuals and groups like the KKK and David Duke, who have nothing but racial bigotry and hatred to spread and fuel across this land.  They are a scourge on our nation.  The do NOT represent our country.  This was a terror attack by white nationalists on America.  Trump, by not calling them out on it, just gave them more fuel.  HE is part of this problem; he is one of them.  His little “speech” did nothing to stop them or discourage them because he would not label them or call them out for what they are – nasty white supremecists.  I am fucking outraged now more than ever with his stupid orange ass.

It was a super difficult day here in America.  Everyone was watching things unfold in real-time on national television and talking about it amongst ourselves.  Tensions are running very high everywhere – not just in Charlottesville.  Yes, dear World, America is a fucking mess and is not the great nations she’s supposed to be anymore.  Somehow we have put a Nazi sympathizer, white nationalist lying bigot into the highest office of our land, and now he is showing us his true face; his true beliefs.  He’s supporting his “base” of these trashy, anti-American people with lies of omission and words to show he is sympathetic to their fucked up cause.  It’s one huge mess.  And we are all suffering, whether we admit it or not.  This is NOT what we signed up for.  This is NOT the true America that we were so proud of in the past.

The tensions even came tomy world today when I was at a big family gathering.  A small argument broke out.  I heard those ugly words “why can’t you support our President?”.  Why can’t I “support” him???  Why can’t HE support ME?  Why does he continue to bring hate and discontent to everyone everywhere that he touches or speaks to?

The Virginia governor, Terry McAuliffe, spoke out to the white nationalists very eloquently.  He told them to “go home and never come back” to his city or state.  He bravely stood before the cameras and mics and said everything that our president SHOULD have said.  watch here

It’s now Sunday morning, I am just waking up and am fearful to turn on the news and to see what today brings us.

We have so much going on here with this president who keeps our country is chaos.  He flirts with nuclear war with N. Korea, fuels racial strife in Virginia, and we never know what’s next out of his Twitter thumbs.  He’s a menace, a disgrace and we are in serious trouble.  I don’t know how we move forward from here, but we have to find a way.  We just have to.

Peace.  ~MB

 

Trump PROVES He’s a Total Idiot.

Yes, as if he could get any worse, this imbecile has gone above and beyond stupid.

And it only takes him a mere few hours to make himself look stupider than EVER!

Remember, it’s ONLY TUESDAY morning and so far he has:

called our Constitution “archaic” and “bad for the country” – meaning it’s bad for him because he can’t fully extend his totalitarian rule with the Constitution standing in his way.

Wishes to change the 1st Ammendment of our Constitution so that no one can criticize him.  Says “no one should be able to protest” him at all.  This is his attempt to silence the press – a VERY NAZI move and the move of a fascist.

Says he would be “honored” to meet with Kim Jong Un, the leader of North Korea, and that Un is “smart”…yes, a dictator with blood on his hands, the killer of his own brother, he’s some “smart” alright, and just who I would like to see meeting with the leader of my country – NOT.

Invites a mass murderer to the White House – Duarte.  Enough said.

Has put into action the dismantling of Michelle Obamas healthy school lunch program.  And is ending her “Let Girls Learn” program as well.  He just cannot stand anything that was anyone elses idea, especially if your name is Obama.

Praised Andrew Jackson up and down, saying he “didn’t want the civil war” to happen.  THEN he finds out that Jackson had been DEAD for 16 years when the Civil War started, so he changed it to “wouldn’t have let it happen”.  Of course. Jackson was a slave owner, he forced Native Americans from their lands, thus starting the “Trail of Tears” and was an ignorant fuck.

THEN the Idiot in Chief says “Why did the Civil War happen?”  WTF???  He doesn’t even realize what he says anymore, or understand basic US history.  The Civil War happened to stop people from owning other people; to stop slavery.  It’s pretty simple, but he wouldn’t get it even if you tried to explain it to him.  He WANTS to own other people and thinks it’s perfectly alright.  Asshole.

I am just beside myself.  Just what HAS to HAPPEN before Americans wake up and get this fool out of office?  When will he get irritated enough with not being adored and admired by all, and RESIGN?

I do not fully understand what is happening with my country or my government.  We have this Orange Buffoon in charge who is trying to hold a coup and flip us to a dictatorship.  Yet, I see NOTHING being done politically to get him out of office or get control of him.  Republicans are cowed to him completely.  They just choose to ignore him, because as long as they have ANYONE who will identify as a Republican as their leader they will deal with the guy being a fool.  They don’t care about the American reputation or the American people one fucking bit.

It’s very early on Tuesday morning here, so we have the day to see what else will happen with this guy and his posse in DC.  I don’t predict that it will be anything good at all.  More of the same hateful rhetoric and destruction of the American life.

That’s your update…pray for us!

Peace.  ~MB

Stop the Stupid In-Fighting!

“Significant problems cannot be solved at the same level of thinking which created them.”  Einstein

I read the most horrible blog yesterday here on WordPress, and was stunned to see such a waste of time and space on here.  I’ll give you the general gist of the blog: it was hateful.  AND the blogger was ranting and raving about how she is hated upon as a woman – which she spells ‘womon‘ for some weird reason unbeknownst to this Butch (but it makes me think of the word worm).  Now, this bloggers blogging name indicates that she may also identify – I use the word lightly – as Butch as well.  Because she ranted and raved about ‘identity’ over and over.  She wants to see the world, and for everyone to see the world in black and white.  That there are only 2 genders that exist – male and female, girl and boy, or man and woman – take your pick of words you like.  While I agree that the world has generally been seen in this very binary way, you are either born with a penis or a vagina and thus you are either boy or girl, I think that humans are evolving – as they should be – and we have the capacity mentally to understand things are not always black and white for everyone.  

I am a trans ally.  I get crap about it from my lesbian counterparts quite often.  I get accused of wanting to be trans myself.  My name and photo has been ripped from my own personal pages and plastered on websites that promote hate against gender variant people. I’ve been called all kinds of names.  Ya know what?  I don’t fucking care.  Anyone who has that kind of hate for me or any other person – male or female, gay, straight, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, gender-queer, gender-variant, etc etc. can kiss my skinny white ass. By pointing at someone and saying you hate them because _____ just remember, there are 3 fingers pointing back at you from your own hand.  Look inside yourself, find love and compassion for all human beings.  That is our common denominator, we are all human beings; beings of flesh, blood, bone and brain, who can think and feel and do and say, etc.  We need to find a common love and respect for each other, and that common respect does not come from wanting to separate individuals because you don’t care to acknowledge their self-chosen identity.  

I have grown into my own identity as Butch.  I don’t see myself as male or female.  I see myself as Butch – a cross between the two.  Does this mean that because I have chosen to self-identify as Butch (like so many others do as well) that I am not worthy because I don’t hold up my female body in some kind of cult style worship?  And because I don’t think I am male, that I am less than either?  No, it means I am a far more complex and deeper thinking person than someone who only sees things one way; who only accepts text book notations of words, definitions and binaries.  

“To choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances is to choose one’s own way”  

                                                     Viktor Frankel,      Holocaust survivor

The outside of every one of us changes over time no matter what.  Some choose to change their bodies to suit how they feel internally, despite being affected daily by society’s gender pressures.  I commend anyone who has this courage.  It’s taken me many years to finally decide that I have the power over my own destiny and over my own body and can do with it what I please. And this doesn’t make me any less of a person than anyone else. 

The name calling, the monikers used to describe one or another ‘clique’ of individuals is just plain stupid….stupid…stupid…and it needs to just stop.  Just stop acknowledging the words, ignore them, and they will fade away.  Don’t pay attention to the haters, the people spewing resentment and ignorance from their mouths or finger tips tapping on keys.  Rembember the old “sticks and stones saying…words can never hurt you – if YOU do not allow them to hurt you.  You are the master of your own ship, commander of your destiny so to speak.  What you allow to affect you will affect you, good or bad.  

Nothing in this world is purely black and white.  For centuries in other cultures there have been 3rd and 4th genders recognized.  Things have changed, they are continuing to change every moment that the earth spins.  Get used to it.  Accept that you can be a part of the change, or you can be left behind to stew in your hateful thoughts.  It’s purely up to you as an individual what you choose to do here.  I say make a change today, stop using words that inflict verbal insult on others, and start respecting them for who they are and respect yourself at the same time; respect who you have evolved and become over your lifetime and realize you are not that same person that you were 10 years ago either.  

The LGBTQ community can just plain be catty.  There’s no way to couch that statement.  Catty as all hell.  Nit picking goes on all over and people love to think that their way is the only way to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, or whatever you want, just fill in the blank.  We need to just stop and see each other for a change.  Love one another, know that we are in this battle for equality together, and for reasons!  Until all people are equal, no one is equal.  The in-fighting is just not becoming or very smart on anyone’s part.  We need to be united and we need to learn that our differences can unite us, not let them separate us.  Rock on.

Our Internet Allegiances and Remembering when…

The last 20 years I have – like the rest of the world most likely – watched and participated in the internet and the world-wide web taking over the world; bringing social networking to our tool box for communication.  It has certainly drawn our LGBT communities much closer; brought individuals into our lives that we may never have met without it, and changed the base-line dynamics of how relationships begin, go on and end.  

My own experience with computers and the internet came to me in my early 30’s….in 1993 actually.  And since then it has become part of my daily life.  Because of this daily access to information, education, opinion, people, and tons of other things, I find that I have personally learned many things along the journey that have changed me in some way.  I imagine that this is true for everyone who has brought the computer into the home, place of business, on vacations and has become the standard everyday user of said machine.  

We’ve grown a whole new vocabulary for using the internet, and for using the texting features on our phones and other devices. Words that have grown in such popularity and usage that they have been added to our dictionaries and allowed on the Scrabble board!  Some are clean cut, some require some experience of understanding with the topic of the word.  We’ve gotten used to it now.  

Twenty years ago we were in a different place in the LGBT community; in our country and in the world.  We found solidarity in Gay Pride parades and events.  We built alliances for support, encouragement and protection.  The world was still much less hospitable to LGBT identifying people than it is today in 2014…but it was making progress every so slowly.  

The internet became our strongest tool in forming these alliances and building on this new-found solidarity as we leaned about one another, learned that we are not alone in our struggles; that others had/have the same experiences or questions about themselves and where they “fit” in the big picture as we do!  And today this wonderful thing we call the web is the primary “go-to” tool for building or forming just about everything.  Computers have helped us do more than communicate, they have enriched our scientific studies, testing, allowed us to see things previously invisible, and allowed us to make things previously unknown – such as 3D copies for example.  Yes, the computer changed life on earth very radically; and the internet changed social interaction around the world quickly, effectively and entirely.

I love my computer experiences.  I enjoy my computers, what each can do, what I have each set up to do for me or with me when the need arises.  I love social media, networking, meeting new and interesting people online and then oft times in person!  I giggle at the funny pictures everyone can now post.  I shed tears for the sad posts that bring a touch of real life agony from half a world away right into our living room.  Yes, for the most part – probably 98% I do really enjoy my computer time and activities.  

There is that 2% of the time that something I see on my social networking, news, blog, or video sites unseats or unnerves me to the core.  I get that freedom of speech is the rule. That people are free to have their own opinions, and to post whatever they wish to post to their “pages” around the web.  And sometimes I am not going to like a post, a picture, or a statement made by someone else.  I am free to not read, look at or interact with those posts – that is my choice I fully understand.  Perhaps maybe today, 20 years down the data-train road I understand that I make my own choices even more fully than I understood it at 32.  That does not mean that I have to enjoy making that choice; or that I ever enjoy stumbling across stuff that I think is mean-spirited, cyber-bullying; or that comes across as hate-speech, sometimes full of stuff that can be outright assaults on others, crude, rude, crass, nasty, or vulgar, etc.  

I understand that when there is a space where I am invited to leave a comment that I am rightful to do so if I choose.  But there seems to be this fairly new internet thing where some use the comments sections to try to start on-line arguments, debates, and just like to post upsetting stuff.  Some of them are what I call “drama queens” (which anyone can be, it’s not a gender specific title!) and “turd stirrers” who like to stir the pot and get people upset and riled up.  If someone verbally assaults or attacks me or any of my friends I am one who will come forward and say something or try to diffuse the situation; perhaps it was just a misunderstanding to begin with and no harm was intended.  But when slander and hurt is done purposefully I consider that poster a cyber-bully; someone who is just rude and probably are self-loathing beings anyway.  

Personally I do not believe that it’s right to use your online space to hurt others, or to post about other’s choices and lives.  I do not ever use photos or video clips of people on my pages to ever hurt them.  And generally IF I use a photo of someone I DO get their permission – unless it’s a viral clip like a dog in a hat, that I am going to say is “cute”.  Those are only common courtesies to me.  And I do not mind others sharing my post or videos if it’s for the right reasons, for the base intention of doing good, and not for defaming or slandering me in any way; not for negative reasons or on negatively loaded sites.  I have much more respect for any blogger or vlogger, who wants to use my posts, when they contact me and explain what they are going to use them for in advance of just posting them.  I would like to think that I have good, decent internet values and mannerisms; and that I am far above having to use other people’s posts to cause controversy that draws views or interest to my posts – but brings them nothing but harm and misery.

We had some very hateful incidents concerning a certain set of blogs and vlogs where the creator was very anti-trans and chose to attack many FtM guys publicly – copying and re-posting their surgery pictures and giving horrific details of why these people were wrong to transition.  Quite a few people banned together and got involved and we tried to get this person banned from vlogging and blogging using pictures without authorization  – or even common courtesy of asking to use them – We got a private investigator involved, we know the person, far too much about this person actually now…and sadly she’s still got people who read and believe all of the sludge that she created; who looks completely past the hurt she’s doing / has done to these innocent people with her vile posts.  I thought most of the world was progressing, but obviously we have some stragglers!  I am sure that some of you remember this time in our online history, those that she didn’t completely shame off of the web, she hurt our community with her poison – which is just hard to forget!

 (((Note:  Don’t even mention her vile name in any comments left, I will not approve them if you do!!!!  She deserves NO more “hits” on her vlogs or blogs, so don’t mention her moniker or name please!)))  

I will be following this blog with another in the next day or two speaking on the solidarity we have created via our online connections, and how those alliances have so positively affected and helped many of us in the LGBT community.  Much more up beat!  🙂 Rock on!Image