Hot, Hot, Hot!

Whoa!  It was some fucking hot here in Maine today!  It got up to about 95 here where I live in little town southern Maine.  And that is not only very hot, but very unusual for this part of the country.  We generally don’t see temperatures in the 90’s until late July, early August, and even then they are short lived.  Good summer temps here are generally in the high 80’s and the humidity can vary depending on rainfall and how close you are to the water.  I get a lot of ocean breeze here where I am, which is kind of nice.  You can always tell when the tide is rolling in because you can smell the salt in the air.

My moods have been fucked up lately. But I am feeling better overall.  I know that the moods are affected by my various medications, and that’s to be somewhat expected, but still it can be aggravating to me.  I am going to try a new product, called Kratom.  I’ll be doing a bunch of research on it this weekend and hopefully finding some quality product to try out.  It came as a recommendation from a good friends in California who uses it for pain relief and a mood booster — which is close to exactly what I would want to use it for.  It’s an herbal productr from Asia, and isn’t FDA approved, but it’s legal and it has been shown to have significant benefits used in the correct manner.  I’d love to hear from any one who has any personal experience with Kratom as to how you like it and what kinds of benefits it has brought to you.

The house looks pretty good.  I am getting ready to paint the font and back porches, spruce them up a bit.  They could use a good coat of new paint.  I did get the skirting done on both porches, so that animals can’t easily get under there and bother me.  We have some resident ground hogs that live under our various neighborhood sheds.  Hopefully they will stay out of the veggie garden!

I been catching up on my blog reading, so if you are seeing comments from me suddenly on your blogs it’s because I am playing catch up.  This last month I have been really not reading or writing much.  I just needed time to THINK without processing every little bit through my writing.  I have been going to group still, but I think I am about done with that for now.  I’m not feeling like I am getting much out of it personally.  And it’s expensive, as it’s an out of pocket cost for me every week.  I’ve done well, things are still right on track and I feel that I can drop the group therapy thing with no problem.  I will continue with one-on-one therapy for a bit longer, until I feel that I am solid in my recovery.  Plus, hey personal therapy doesn’t hurt one bit.  It’s actually been good for me, helps me process some of the fucked up shit I have had to deal with lately.  And that is good.

Linda and I are going to take the dogs to the doggie event at the Raitt Farm this weekend.  They are having a big event to promote adoption and support for the local shelters.  Ought to be fun and interesting.  Food, games, dog stuff, dog fun events, etc.  I’m looking forward to Saturday for this reason!

I’ve been working a little more than usual lately.  It’s really gotten wicked busy at my place of employment.  Like today, we sold TONS of water and ice, seemed that everyone who came in was stocking up on hydration and ice.  We have many customers who are local landscapers and construction workers, so they need to stay hydrated as they are working ou in the heat and sun.  I still enjoy the job, enjoy the people and seeing all the locals on a regular basis.  It’s nice when people come in and know my name, greet me with enthusiasm and make small talk about townie stuff.  Yeah, I don’t foresee leaving there anytime soon.  It’s really a perfect little part time job for me.  Keeps me with a weekly schedule, holds me responsible to others and gives me a little sense of purpose and security.  The money isn’t great, but it’s enough to make a difference in my budget…I would not stay if it weren’t.  I also really like the people that I work with, and that always makes a difference to me.

On the political front…I have been keeping up per my usual habits.  I keep a very close eye on the imbicile in the White House, aka the UGLY ASS ORANGE ONE who is our “fake POTUS”.  I have had to temper my reactions a bit.  I was allowing myself to be negatively affected by the news, and that’s not good. It’s important to have good information and a measured response.  I can’t do anything about the situation on my own, thus I cannot let it eat at me like I was previously allowing.  Staying informed, watching and contacting my representatives every chance I get is how I am staying involved.  I think you will soon see another big march on the White House, especially with things getting a super hot as they are there.  Just in the last 10 days alone things have begun to spiral out of control in the White House.  Trump is feeling the pressure and doesn’t like it one bit.  While he likes attention like no one I have ever previously seen, he is not as fond of “negative attention” – even though it still serves it’s purpose in getting him to the front and center of everyone’s minds.  He would rather be adored than abhorred, but he’ll take whatever he can get at this point, I believe.  It’s AMAZING how he can lie daily to us, and yet there is still a loyal following that actually believe what this asshole is dishing out to them.  They are like hogs slathering at the feed though, sucking up his vile words like they are candy.  Yep, he is quite the con artist for sure. I am just really saddened that so many people have been  bamboozled by his insanity and daily lies.

Ah, it’s 4:21 am and the birds are starting to sing outside.  I have all of the windows and doors open, am sitting her in just my boxer briefs enjoying the coolness of the air upon my skin.  Yep, semi-naked blogging, hahahaha.  I love this time of morning, the peace and quiet, save for the sounds of nature waking up to this new day.  I feel like I can think so much more clearly and without noise pollution and obstruction from outside sources at this time of morning.

I am working at 6am, until probably about 1pm today.  Depending on how busy it gets there, I will stay as long as I am needed.  It’s going to be a bit more normal temperature wise, in the high 70’s, today.  Plus it’s air conditioned at work, so it’s not so bad hanging out there and working instead of being at home fighting the heat at high-noon!  Today is Friday, payday and errand day!  Linda and I will get together after we are done with our work/jobs.  We will go to town (Portsmouth) and take care of our weekly Friday errand lists.  Generally that entails a stop at the grocery store, smoke shop, gas station, Walmart and wherever else we need to go.  It’s become a ritual with us on Fridays now.  We team up in one vehicle as to save gas and wear and tear on our trucks.  We alternate vehicles each week, one week using mine and the next using hers.  I gassed up yesterday evening, so today I am sure we’ll use Linda’s truck so we can gas that one up and do our stuff.

I spent last evening cleaning up my house really good, getting organized for the weekend and so I won’t have any of that stuff to do today!  I like this feeling of accomplishment that comes with having a clean, organized and well maintained household.  I’m so excited for a good weekend, which I totally plan on having, that I even got up earlier than usual this morning.  I was up by about 2:45am, and raring to go!  I went to bed pretty early, so I got plenty of sleep I am sure.

Ok, Happy Friday!  I do sincerely hope that each of your days are good ones!  Everyone have a great weekend, and I may even write more tomorrow, depending upon time and how I am feeling.  Thanks for reading!  Thanks for following!  I sincerely appreciate you, my dear readers!    Peace!  ~MB

 

Facebook Friends…or not…

I kind of lost a friend today over my inability to live up to her expectations of me as a friend.  I don’t quite understand exactly what happened, but she un-friended me after instant messaging me about my lack of paying attention to her; my lack of phone calls and texts and my lack of her feeling that I did not “care” enough.  I don’t quite get it.  I didn’t really even know this person outside of Facebook, not even a little bit.  She had requested FB friendship a while back and said we had common likes and thought we would make good friends, and she wanted to eventually move to the northeast and wanted info about the area.  Never had we actually met, never Skyped or converse on Yahoo messenger and never did we exchange intimate conversations on life.  And most of all never did we shake on it that we would be buddies until the end. 

I knew I might be onto a wacko when she said to me one time “no one ever sticks around, they are friends with me then they stop talking to me like I don’t exist…” or something to that idea.  That statement she made stuck with me in all of my contacts with her.  What was it about her that drove people away?  I think I figured it out today. It’s her demand that you have to pay attention to her in some way on a very regular basis.  Well, I am not the right person to deal with anyone who is needy…it’s just not part of my nature.  Personally I view overly needy people as a pain in my ass.  Now if someone close to me that I love dearly is in “need” that’s not the same as being “needy” in my opinion.  I am happy to help close friends and relatives and even the occasional general acquaintance out with words of kindness or wisdom, maybe a favor sometimes, but act “needy” and you become a pain in my ass. 

I understand that sometimes people reach out to others for comfort or support and I try to be those things as best that I can. But unless you are related to me or in my close inner circle of friends don’t be bringing me problems all the time that I cannot do a fucking thing to help you solve.  If you are unhappy in your relationship, your housing situation, your location, etc. then YOU have to find the solutions to those problems yourself.  Sure I am up to discuss them maybe once and give you my advice, but let’s not have the same conversation every time we talk or text. 

I friend people on FB out of commonalities, and who I think would be good people to follow, or who would be interesting to know about.  People are amazing creatures.  I value each one individually, and I see each one individually – even when part of one of the groups that I am a member of online. I’m not trying to build up a friends list of thousands, just a few handfuls of really good people; people who can with their life stories perhaps enrich my life experience.  I’d be happy if I managed to meet and have a couple of really good friends, but I am not about putting any expectations or limitations on anyone. 

This particular person who un-friended me would message me or call me once in a while and complain that I never called or texted just to see how her day was.  Honestly?  If I were that interested in furthering our long distance friendship I WOULD have done those things.  I was contented just to keep her on my “casual acquaintance” list and have sporadic interesting conversation with her.  But she wanted more (let me interject that this person is a fellow Butch and not anyone I would be romantically inclined towards)…and how was I supposed to KNOW that in advance of her sending me todays scathing messages and then abruptly jumping off my friend list without even waiting for my reply.  NO, I do NOT sit in front of my computer screen waiting for you to message me….I am busy, life is going on, I go on FB, do my thing and get up and walk away to do something else around my surroundings.  AND right now I am on fucking vacation and not interested in much more than my immediate friends and surroundings!  JEEEEZUS! 

Yes, I may leave FB on my computer screen, running in the background usually, but that doesn’t mean that I am actually ON there.  People…get a life.  Facebook is not the end-all of social interaction – although to some I guess it IS.  To me it is NOT a main feature of my social life.  I enjoy staying in touch with family, friends, YouTubers, fellow group members in various groups, but that in no way mean that I actually TALK, TEXT OR MESSAGE any of them daily….I just follow them and when I am intrigued or the feeling hits me I may initiate conversation or an interaction of some kind. 

In other words, I can be a Facebook “friend” but not your best buddy.  Being a best buddy to me takes time and some common ground.  It takes a person who I truly feel is equal to my own thought processes, who gets me and is as non-demanding as I am.  Who I can reach out to when needed like if I have a question that I think they may have some experience with and could answer for me, and yet who I can leave alone without them feeling that I am somehow abandoning them through non-contact. 

A best buddy knows he/she is a best buddy without even trying or asking to be, but knowing that they just ARE.  I have few “best” buddies, although I do have a good handful of those I would call my buds very easily.  They are those with whom conversation flows easily, who laugh at my bad jokes, who tell me theirs, and who share some common bonds or threads of life.  I like the ease with which I can have these people in my life without making demands on them, without them making demands on me, but with both of us having mutual respect and understanding that life for all of us is sometimes fast, sometimes, slow and many times just happening as we go along.  Sometimes we connect, and sometimes we don’t…but always we managed to catch up somewhere along the way and stay connected to each other’s lives through time and space. 

If you are one who friends me on Facebook or elsewhere online be aware that I am not someone who is going to become a great friend and confidant in any kind of quick fashion.  I am very wary of people, and with good reason (see crazy shit above).  I’ve encountered some real nut jobs online and even met a couple of them in real life and they were even more insane than I could have imagined.  (Another story altogether).   I am careful and if I sense someone is becoming a stalker or has some deranged story of woe and who is going to try to drag me into it or down with them, I am quicker than a rattlesnake to strike that “un-friend” button, change my number and be part of history.

 I’m not one to put up with bullshit, I don’t want to read post after post of your hating on your ex, your blaming your ex for everything, or how horrible your life is since your ex fucked you over (or just fucked you period).  Maybe you think I am being mean, but I’m not, I’m being truthful, and honest. People who tend to do this constantly I first will just “hide” their posts, then upon my periodic “review” of my friends list I will check their page and if they are still up to the cynical postings I will then just remove them from my friends list, especially if it’s just someone I friended along the way over mutual friends or mutual likes, but it never panned out to be much more than a sort  of anonymous FB friendship with no real communication or sharing of ideas, experiences or likes.   I tell it like it is for me and I don’t try to pull any punches, or put anything out there to lead anyone to think anything different.  Not every one of my own posts will be happy go lucky, nor interesting to everyone on my friends list.  But I do avoid going into long (and boring…the longer it is the more boring it is on FB!) monologues of my misfortunes and woes with my ex’s….something I think is just stupid to be posting about.  I want to shake the poster and say “get with it, no one wants to hear or know about your shit…TMI!!! TMI!!! “  If you are thinking tons of negative thoughts search for something positive and post it…THAT is more interesting than hearing about your failed relationship and how you’ll never make it without her – or worse how you think she’s a piece of shit whore who used you…THAT’S crap. 

So everyone who is reading this has some of these kinds of people on their Facebook friend lists.  It’s just the way it is when we all start to intermingle and we let people we don’t really know into these little windows of our lives via Facebook (or other social apps).  I am sure you can see various friends from your own lists flash before your eyes as you were reading my descriptions of issues I have personally had with this platform above.  Do yourself a favor, don’t put up with less than you are worth….pick and choose and it’s your prerogative to be as picky as you want!  It’s your page! Own it! 

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The Butch-Femme Friendship Dilemma

I recently had a question asked by two different viewers on my Youtube channel, and it gave me pause for thought, and fodder for a blog and vlog on the topic. The question is “Can Butches and Femmes be just  friends?”  Meaning here, can they successfully navigate the terrain of friendship –  without becoming emotionally involved and without sex becoming a factor or issue in the equation?

Facebook is the prime example of epic failure in the realm of Butch-Femme friendship.  More drama and crap goes across the status bar of that application than I can even fathom.  Personally I don’t let it bother me when someone un-friends me because I tell the truth, hey I know the truth hurts!  And if you can’t run with the big dogs, stay on the porch. If you can’t take the truth, GTFO .  Because I tell it like I see it, and for some that seems to be just a tad bit too insightful for them, they are afraid I may call their bullshit like I see it.  Hell, it has happened and I have been un-friended by both Butches and Femmes  in the past, for doing just that – calling bullshit when I see it.   I don’t care to be a spectator in anyone’s  drama filled exchanges…and why would I?  Nope just not into the drama myself,  so take your “friendship” – and I use the term lightly – and GTFO.  Good riddance.  I don’t need the bullshit believe me – neither do you.

So can Butches and Femmes ever really be “friends”?   I am not sure.  I know that I approach every relationship in my life from an angle of friendship.  I offer myself as a friend.  Sex, when used as a weapon in any relationship from friendship to the romantic realm, is just wrong.  And sexual exchanges of innuendo or as “come on” talk within a friendship is not acceptable behavior from anyone who wishes to just be friends.

What I do know for myself is that Butch – Butch bromances are needed and necessary.  I am sure it’s the same for Femmes, although I cannot speak to their thoughts directly. You often need the advice of someone who possibly thinks a bit more like you do; who has walked the path that you are on and knows the ropes across that wiggly bridge.  Advice and having an ally are valuable tools in navigating this minefield of this LGBT  life.  When I have Butch things that I think only another Butch would be able to relate to then I take my questions to my other Butch friends.  If I am having Femme issues I might consult a Femme friend for insight, but it’s my Butch buddies that give me the most support; needed, necessary and like-minded support.

I do think that Butches and Femmes can be friends without sex or relationship stuff becoming an issue but it takes mature people to make the friendship.  And there is also that category of acquaintance versus actual friend.  Acquaintances are those who you know, but aren’t very close to, perhaps it’s your buddy’s girl, or the girl at work, she’s someone that you wouldn’t persue a real friendship with anyway.

Generally when a Femme puts you into the “friend” category, you stay there regardless.  Any sort of romance that may pop up are usually just fleeting things and you stay in the friendship category, because most Femmes are strong willed, solidly minded and once you are in that category there is no such thing as a “get out of friendship free” pass, it’s lost somewhere between the “go to jail” and the “get 100 condoms free” passes in life.  She wants to be your friend not your lover.  She wants to tell you how to dress better, not undress you.  She wants to talk to you like she would talk to another Femme, not like she would converse with you if she were sleeping with your ass.  Exhibit one…she will tell you about the fabulous Butch she fucked last weekend…a lover or potential girlfriend would definitely not be telling you those things. Because if she saw you as a potential lover or sex partner she would want you to think that you are the only one, so if she’s telling you about her latest conquests then you are definitely in the friend category.  Stay there.

When Butches and Femmes cross that threshold between friendship and a relationship one of two things happens.  Either they get together and stay that way, or the friendship goes straight into the shitter.  The second may happen slower, but it will eventually happen as you drift apart, one of you becoming more distant, you talk less, and then poof, no more friendship.

As you grow older in life and you gain experience in dealing with various personality types along the way, you gain insight and intuition about things.  You learn to know the difference between friendly gestures and those with romantic overtones.  You can feel when someone is not telling the whole truth, but is giving you marginal information to keep you in some sort of spot where they can later manipulate you into whatever they wish.  You learn to avoid those people, they are toxic.  Butch or Femme.  Toxic.

Basics of Butch – Femme Friendships

No pet names…once a pet name is given some sort of weird connection happens, it breaks boundaries.

No pouring out of the heart.  Save this for your time with like-minded buddies and other friends.

No sexting, multiple texting, or massive email exchanges.  Each one gives the lead to more, and that leads to a falling off of the friendship cliff.

Respect boundaries, have impeccable manners and general good behavior that will keep things friendly.

No holding of hands, touching or other intimate behavior between friends.

No names.  When discussing recent sexual conquests do not use names or identifying things.

No sexual inuendos, small talk or references to be exchanged or referred to in conversation, both in person or online.  Using any type of sexual or “come on” type language is just a recipe for trouble, with a capital T.  Afterall , it ‘s supposedly “friendship” you are after, not a relationship or sexual escapade, right?

If sexual tension evolves, deal with it head on, do not sweep it under the proverbial rug.  Get it out in the open, discuss it and solve it.  Maybe you are not meant to be friends…but are you meant to be more? If you can’t put the tension aside then it’s time to either end it or ask her out properly…you decide and let those chips fall where they may.  But remember, if she never trusts you when you say “she’s just my friend” after you get together, it’s exactly how you two met…historically speaking.  History says a lot.  She won’t want you having other “friends” of the opposite label, i.e. Butches having Femme friends and visa versa.

No drunk calls, texts or emails…never, ever a good thing.  If you are thinking of your Butch or Femme “friend” when you are drunk then it’s NOT a friendship in your head, it’s turning into something much more dangerous…the desire for a relationship.

Warning signs that it’s more than a friendship.

You start to dress more “her style”, listening to what she likes in her Butch or Femme, you start to look at your wardrobe and think of what “she” would like to see you wear, not what you like.  Never change yourself for someone, especially a “friend”.

You stay up late at night waiting by your computer for her to get home so you can chat or email with her.  This is a definite sign that it’s getting beyond friendship in your head.

Buying expensive gifts…you don’t do this for other friends, so if you find yourself looking at diamonds suddenly and thinking of buying one for her…it’s gone way beyond friends in your head.

Suddenly changing your other friends, because she doesn’t care for this one or thinks that one is too much of an influence on you.  A friend will never ask or suggest that you lose another friend just so you can be “her” friend. A true friend will encourage you to have other friends, and may even want to hang out with you and them.

Isolating…if you find you are staying home more, waiting for her calls, emails or texts then you are not being friendly, you are being stupid.

Jealousy…if you or she starts telling the other who they can and cannot hang with, communicate with or who they should and should not sleep with, or what to do with their hair, nails, brows, etc…then it’s obvious it’s not friendship, it’s a connection going deeper.

Drop off friends.

Signs that a friend has decided that you are too much work, or that she’s feeling pressured and maybe things need to frost over a bit between you before it goes somewhere other than friendship….

She becomes a bit distant, has to work late, has prior obligations and cant’ hang with you.

Phone calls become rare to non-existant.  Your calls go unanswered or to voice mail.

Texts and emails start to trail off, not so many anymore.  And those that do come are short and to the point. Then she finally stops altogether.

Friends with Benefits.

Never a good idea in my humble opinion.  Tried it and failed miserably.  And I find that it’s always a friendship killer because once you go to the intimacy level, everything changes. You may think you are still friends, but you are now more than friends, but less than lovers.  The whole dynamic is different, strained and usually not very much fun.  One of you thinks it’s friends, the other has built a house and put up a picket fence in their mind.  Watch out for this one; tread carefully.

So those are my thoughts and ideas on Butch-Femme friendship.  I do have a few very sweet and good Femme friends.  I adore every one of them, but I also keep them at a distance socially,  out of respect for them, their Butches and for myself.  I want to be a good friend, and sexual fantasy about a Femme friend would not make me a good Butch…it might make me typical to some, but not good!