Snow…Dating…Sex….What’s up!?

Saturday, 24th…It’s snowing like crazy here today and I am stuck inside watching the flakes rain down from the clouds. There is not even any reason to get dressed, other than to go outside to shovel, today. I’m going to stay in my comfortable clothes, my flannel pajama pants and a sweatshirt and slippers all day, yes, it’s just going to be a lazy snow day! Even the dog has hunkered down and is being ubber cuddly; just wants to snuggle up with me and be petted and made of. I’d rather have a nice hot woman here to snuggle with, but in absence of that I will settle for cuddling on the couch with the dog and a warm blanket.

I woke up this morning sick to my stomach…complete with headache and body aches…thinking I may be have a little flu bug. I’m not bad now, but first thing was pretty miserable for me. I don’t often get sick but when I do it’s always sudden and harsh, then I slowly get better over the course of a day or so.

Monday.…Jan. 26, 2015

Ok, weird thought in my head, about how women hit on each other sometimes. I remembered the time in my life, in my 20’s that I asked a woman to come over and check out my rock collection…true story! On a side note, I ended up in a relationship with that woman for the next year or so as I finished out my time in the Army at Ft. Sill, Oklahoma…obnoxious as it sounds it was a great pick up line, she knew exactly why she was invited over, not naive to think I really had a rock collection…… I think that most women are pretty smart in that respect, they know that a Butch has some lame pick up lines sometimes, and even some cute ones that can’t be resisted 😉  (Tell me your BEST pick up line that worked in the comments below!)

I generally only respond to women who show interest. And I ‘m not one to bug or annoy a woman, I don’t get into calling or texting her repeatedly without response. That to me is just rude. If you can’t take a hint like “she’s not returning my texts, maybe she’s not interested.” I just don’t get it. If she’s interested in me she will respond, if she’s not then she won’t. That’s how calls and texts work. I’ve learned quite a bit about attentiveness and the like in the last year. I’ve definitely learned that if a woman wants my attention then she has to show me by giving me her time and attention too. And if she doesn’t respond then she probably isn’t interested or doesn’t wish to be bothered.

Dating has been a big topic in my social circles lately. Seems every one wants to discuss dating styles and types, and who’s dating who and how each of us goes about the dating “dance”. Ah, and it IS a fine tuned dance for sure. I don’t take dating lightly, when I probably should be more relaxed about it and just go out more often and meet some nice women. I tend to be shy meeting new people, I watch their eyes and their body language to try to start to learn about them. Do they make eye contact? Do they cross their arms across their chests in that “don’t talk to me stance”? How are they reacting with their other friends?

Problem is with ME being shy is that I often encounter the best women, the ones I am attracted to the most are also somewhat shy. Two shy don’t make a date! Eeek! I know that if I just applied myself even the slightest bit more here that I would have no problem dating, it’s just that I am so damned picky, and my being picky isn’t helping me to find a good woman to love. Back in the days when I used to drink/drug I had no problem with shyness, it goes away about drink #2 with me, but I dislike drinking too much now to use it for much. Occasionally I will have a Twisted Tea or a Hard Lemonade, but rarely do I have more than 3…that’s my limit and that’s rare that I even do that nowadays. I like having my wits about me, and I don’t like a sloppy drunk, so I don’t suppose that other women would either.

I’ve been in a pretty good mood lately actually, even though things aren’t going exactly as I wished they were, I’m in a fairly good space personally. I don’t know why, I just feel a little more relaxed inside, less anxious these past few days. I’ve been doing a lot of meditation and deep thinking…I needed to do just that, to relax and just let my thoughts carry me through a bit of a rough patch.

I’ve learned over the years that you cannot force someone to like or love you. That’s just a fact. And I’ve been on the circuit for 4 decades now, dating, long term relationships and affairs, one-nighters, and a little kink thrown in for good measure…yeah I admit it, I don’t deny that I am a sexual being at all. As a matter of fact I think sex is a wonderful thing, but it’s only part of the equation in any relationship, it’s the icing on the cake so to speak, there is just so much more to building and maintaining a good, solid relationship. Plus, I am not looking for just sex anymore, I want more than that with a woman…yes, preferably with one singular woman.

I can’t turn on my feelings and turn them off with some kind of switch. I don’t even have a 3-way bulb type setting which you might be able to turn up brighter at will and down or off at will. My heart doesn’t work on an “at will” basis at all. When I meet a woman I am interested in, it’s a funny little dance, and a scary one for me. My mind goes into the whole “what IF” mode really fast. Like what if she doesn’t like Butches? Or what if she is bi-sexual? Or what if I am not good enough? What if, what if. Then if I meet one that I really like, all hell breaks out in my head.

I get told a lot that I am good looking, that I am funny and that I am sweet, ect. I’m very flattered, but I am truly your run-of-the-mill Butch, in my opinion. There’s nothing really special about me, although I wish there were! I’m not rich, or famous, or a knight in shining armor (I really want to be that last one especially!)

Tonight I had a really nice, long talk with a very good friend (who I hope to see soon) and she helps me sort of talk through what’s going on in my head…she for some reason is a rare person that I can really feel comfortable with in discussing stuff like sex and sexual stuff. She assured me it’s not a looks thing, that I am handsome enough, just a little too shy. She’s taught me a lot in the 5+ years that we’ve known each other, and I respect her opinions very highly. But tonight she reminded me that there are billions of women in the world and a good portion of them are lesbian and eligible to date…I just need to relax and let it happen and not try to force the issue.

I find it difficult to talk about sex…and in today’s world of 2015 EVERYONE is talking about sex, and very openly and blatantly! I hear more things on TV that I would be embarrassed to say myself! I wish I were more verbal about it, then maybe I wouldn’t get myself into that vulnerable space of talking about it and I could relax. I am going to work on that for sure. For now, I am sort of enjoying my sex life vicariously through this dear friend of mine, who tells me of her awesome adventures quite frequently – and I enjoy hearing about them! So why do I find it so difficult to talk about sex myself? If I can read about it, watch it on screen, participate in it and think about it all the time…why the hell can I not verbalize my own needs comfortably and confidently? I am betting that things would be far better for me if I could. I’ve found very few women that I could be really comfortable with in discussing what I like in sex and what I don’t and the such. I do like women who will entice me to talk about sex with them, who know how to get to me. And I’m extremely good at show and tell though….that gets me by! 🙂 hahahaha

I’ve been working harder at connecting with my friends lately. I realize that I am not good at that, that I am not attentive to my friendships the way that one should be. So I’ve made a concerted effort to do just that lately. My buddy in AZ called again tonight too! It was awesome to chat with her for a half hour and catch up on the goings on in her life, and to discuss a possible visit for 2015. I’d love to see her and her hubby sometime later this summer. He has to travel in warmer weather as he’s older and the cold really bothers him. She and I share Army history together, so it’s cool that we have stayed in contact now for 35 years. And when we talk it is just like no time at all has gone by, even when it’s been maybe a year or more since our last conversation, we still pick right up where we left off. This year, I think we are both making more effort, as that’s the 3rd time we’ve talked since New Years’ Eve. And we also text occasionally and email.

It’s funny, because I think sometimes that I don’t have many friends, but in all actuality I do! They are just spread across the world and our contact is more limited to phone, texting, email and once in a while, Skype. I’ve done well thus far in 2015 in touching base with most of them. Old Army friends, childhood friends, and other friends from different times in my life, as well as today’s friends who live close by. Friendships are important, and have to be nurtured.

Newer friendships that I have made online, like my Canadian contacts…I just love them all. Not a day goes by that I don’t hear from one of them somehow. Canadians seem to be the best at communication online I’ve noticed. And they are the BEST letter writers for sure! 🙂 I have a Canadian friend who I exchange long hand-written letters with on a monthly basis usually. We both enjoy the vanishing art of writing a good letter to someone, and it’s so cool to go to the mailbox and find a nifty letter waiting among all the bills and junk mail.

I think that 2015 is going to be a good year for seeing some of these friends. I have been talking to a couple of them who wish to come up to Maine for a visit this year. And it’s looking like a good year for travel with the fuel prices being down and airfare being more reasonable as a result. I’ll be sprucing my house up for visits, making it look as nice as I can make the little box look. I wish my neighborhood were nicer, people just don’t take the care that I do with my place around here. The unit next door to mine needs to be hauled away and scrapped soon, it looks awful and is just dragging the property value of the other surrounding places down with it’s horrible condition. I don’t know HOW people LIVE in there, it must be some cold and nasty. My unit is only 18 yrs old and is in nice condition. Plus I strive to keep it really nice, I keep the yard nice, don’t let stuff build up and I keep the inside very neat and clean. It’s important to me that it be as nice as possible all the time so that it’s presentable to guests and for me to live happily in.

Ok…I will finish this long rambling blog up by saying PEACE! And everyone in the North Eastern US I hope that you are safely, and warmly, hunkered down in your homes while this wild blizzard rolls over us in the next 24 hours. I know I will be here online, writing and reading and playing on Facebook most all day unless we lose power…which I hope and pray we do not, because heat goes with power….and it will be mighty cold! If that happens I will retreat, in my 4 wheel drive SUV, to my sister’s home about 5 miles away. She has a beautiful woodstove in her nicely finished basement.

Wants and Needs….What I Want

For the most part I enjoy my alone time, what I don’t enjoy is the feeling of being “lonely” that sometimes creeps in to the back of my brain; that feeling that it would be so nice to have someone special to share lives with on a daily basis.  I know that means relationship, but perhaps that is what I am now more looking for is a more serious relationship.  One where someone in this universe cares about me the same way I care about them.   One where I can wake up in the morning with the peace of knowing I am loved.  Even if I don’t wake up next to her, at least I know she’d be waking up thinking of me.

I know I have many friends and family that do love me, but that’s just not the same.  I’m looking for someone who will love me but who will also challenge me to be that best person that I can be every day.  Someone who can depend on me to always have both of our best interests in mind.

Someone challenged me recently to describe my perfect mate.  It’s not an easy task if you are honest with yourself, this person told me.  Sure there are all of the normal prerequisites that the brain comes up with instantaneously like “oh she should be pretty” (a relative thing, as pretty to me can be homely to another, and visa versa).  It’s all the little things about a person that solidifies an attraction in the long run.

When you meet someone you are attracted to the immediate emotion is lust. It’s true, without lust you can never move on to love.  And lust turns into love somewhere along the way.

So, she is someone who looks decent I mean she does not have to be strikingly beautiful, but she has to take care of herself;  someone who cares that she looks good to the world every day, and I don’t mean make up and high-maintenance type, but more just looks good; is clean and presentable and cares that she presents well to others.  Her style should be her own, and she should be comfortable in it.  A woman who takes care of herself to look good is a real turn on to me.  I’ve been with stunners and I’ve been with average looking women, as long as they care about how they present I find them sexy.

She is well mannered, compassionate, kind and considerate of others, and an animal lover.

She has a fun personality and a good sense of humor, but not be a push-over either. I want to be challenged with good conversation and interactions. She does not need to agree with me, needs to not be combative and must be the type who can agree to disagree when we come to those spots.

I enjoy a woman who can handle herself in business/work and come home and not bring too much of that stress with her when she is off work.  I want to know that when we are together that her focus is on me and us being together.

She will be a great kisser, kissing is important.  Without a good kiss we are not going anywhere.

She will be loyal to herself, to her friends and to me if we are in a relationship.

She will respect that I sometimes need my own time alone, as does she, to do our own things

She will have her own friends and enjoy them as I enjoy mine.

She will enjoy sex, is sexy and will be playful and fun in bed.  She also has to understand my stone Butch boundaries and my vulnerabilities.

She will be a good communicator, she’ll want to talk to me, to connect with me as much as possible and to let me know that I am in her thoughts even when we are apart.

She will have the fortitude not to give up when the going gets rough, and the tenacity to stick with things to see them through.

She will not be super jealous, and will trust me that I will be loyal and faithful to her alone.

Other good qualities she will have : Respectful, Responsible, Attentive, Creative, Intellectual, Charitable, Inquisitive, Adventurous, Flexible, Discreet, Honorable – SPONTANEOUS

Obviously she exists only in my fantasies.

I thought I had found this recently…but it turns out we come off to her as “oil and water” and we all know those two don’t mix well.  Probably because they are two different substances, with two different chemical make ups – oddly, just like Butch and Femme.  They’re not suppose to mix, but to compliment one another with their differences. Whats more I think it’s more that she needs someone who has the money to travel with her, and who needs less attention than I require.  I didn’t realize that I required attention, but I do I guess, I like to hear from my girl often, and that means attention.  I like to know I matter. It’s too bad because we did make a really good couple and I think we could have had a lot of great times together.  Of course, I have my hope in the back of my mind that somehow I’ll see her again and maybe we could work it out….but not going to get my hopes up too much on that one.  I need her to take care of herself and make sure she’s doing what makes her happiest and keeps her healthiest in her life.  If I am not to be part of that then I understand and will dutifully stay out of the way.  I’m not one to stalk a woman, or try to “make” her love me, that never works, she has to come to me of her own volition.  I will not force the issue because that can only cause resentment and ill feelings.  And I’m not getting on anyone’s crazy list.

If I wanted to be with someone like myself I would choose to date other masculine identified people, but I do not wish to do that because I am looking for my opposite; my complementing Femme.  (Note: *I was asked to write on Butch-Butch relationships, but I know nothing about them, thus it’s not my place to reflect upon that dynamic)

It sucks sometimes being in a more suburban to rural area and trying to meet other lesbian women.  And when you add in the Butch-Femme dynamics that I so thrive on it narrows the field even further, to a pretty slim pickings, so to speak, here in Maine  And I am not a bar crawler by any means, I despise the bar scene and it’s meat market atmosphere. Any woman you can hook-up with at a bar is just that, a bar hook-up and not someone with any substance like I am seeking. I like good girls, and good girls don’t hang out in bars and clubs.  But with the introduction of internet as a meeting place we can expand the field a bit, but still I would like to find someone in my geographical area – at least withing what I call “striking distance”, like a few hours drive.  I’m too old to be jacking up my world and moving for love at this point in my life. I want to stay in Maine, close to my aging parents, and finish the job here.  That doesn’t mean I won’t travel or one day move again, but right now I want to stay close to here.

I think it may be time for me to broaden my sights to those who don’t use the label Femme.  There are many very good women out there who choose not to use it and who are more feminine than I am, who would be awesome to date.  Having seriously only dated women who identified as Femme in the last several years, perhaps I am missing out on finding the right woman by being too narrow in my thinking on this.

I’m 52 and I don’t want to go through the next 5 years like I went through the last 5, without a good, steady love interest in my life; someone who cares about where I am and what I am doing days.  Someone to spend time with, eventually to come home to at night even, and to eat meals with and to discuss our days together.  Someone to go cruising thorugh the mountains with on a bright Fall day, or to walk the beach with on a nice moonlit night (like last night was).  I don’t want to continue to miss out on all those things forever. And as the days of life tick, tick, tick by the time to find her is getting shorter.  I don’t want to continue to waste time.

I don’t think I am asking for much.  My friend informs me that 85% of the world meets my requirements, that I’m not looking for anything special…but I am.  I just wonder where that 85% lives!  Cuz they are not showing themselves in my world.  People think that because of my internet presence I have all these women vying for my attention…this is not true.  I get an occasional inquirey, yes, but I am very shy and I generally do not respond to them.  It takes someone who meets my age criteria (30+) and who is in the geographical area, and who strikes my fancy somehow to get my attention.

What do I bring to the table to offer a woman?  Love. Plus many of the things I described above that I look for in a potential partner, I also bring to the table myself.  I’m decent looking, take care of myself and I can be fiercely passionate, a good and attentive lover, very gentle and compassionate, patient and kind.  I am honest to a fault, I tell it like it is.  I’ve been working on my emotional communication a lot, and I’m much better than I ever was with it.  I treat a woman with respect and appreciation.  I can be a romantic if I am allowed to be so.  I’ll send flowers, cards, and leave little notes, and do all that mushy stuff…yes, I can be a very hopeless romantic.

My faults?  I can have a bit of a temper.  When I disagree or am upset by something I have to practice some serious self-control not to be mean.  And I am told that I can be mean.  I hate games, I hate roller coaster rides.  I don’t like being toyed with or played.  No one does, but I am particularly sensitive to those things.  My temper is very even keeled for the most part and it does take a lot to get me angry.  But like anyone, I can be hurt pretty easily I find.

I don’t write this because I am looking for anyone right now.  I just have this in my head over what’s gone on in my life over these last few days and thought I would write it down.  I’m all good with being alone at the time being, but I’m open also to opportunity when it presents itself.  I wrote this down for myself, so I can go back and see it in writing and know if I am on the right track in the future.

Youtube versus Real Life…choices

Youtube, the internet versus Real Life…the two are somehow separate, yet somehow intertwined; parallel universes revolving around your own personal sun.  

I been thinking lately.  I have been on Youtube for 5 years and 4 months now…quite a LONG time for any Youtuber!  I’ve seen people come, stay a little while, do a dozen or so videos and disappear into oblivion once again.  I’ve known a very few who have stuck it out and stayed with it, actually about 5 that I know of right off the top of my head that I have followed since March of 2009 when I started actually doing videos.  It took me about a year to be convinced to join the vlogging bandwagon, and once on board I decided that I actually liked doing them and have pretty much stuck with it.  I have taken small hiatus periods, like 3-5 weeks here and there through the years, but I’ve posted over 1000 videos, some are still up and some are in privately shared space, and some have been deleted now, but I’ve definitely done a boatload!

My videos have ranged in topic from very personal stuff about myself, to answering questions people have asked, to giving my opinion on different things such as news stories, articles, issues within the LGBTQ community, etc – all basically for fun and entertainment, although mostly my own!  LOL  Hell, I’ve even done some more serious “how to” videos on some minor things like pet care.  I have had a blast doing the videos.  I have built a subscriber list of 1389 viewers.  My typical video garners approximately 130 views in the first 2-3 days, and some have topped 5,000 views over time.  I don’t do it for the “views” or “hits”, but more for my own personal enjoyment, for those who are dedicated, loyal followers and for those who come to me with questions or topcs they would like to see discussed by me and others.

I have always tried to be very open and honest in any video I have done.  What’s the point if you are not going to be?  My view is that if you are going to make videos make them so they have a point of some kind and so they are interesting in some way and that keep the viewers’ attention to watch them to the end.  Perhaps I have succeeded sometimes, perhaps I have failed miserably others. Whichever way it has gone, it’s been just fine with me.  I don’t lose sleep over it. I just YT because I like it.  I enjoy most of the people I have met over the years.  I have gotten tons of comments about how this video or that video changed someone’s opinion, view or life in some little way and made their day a tad bit brighter.  Those are the BEST comments to get!  I have made some friends, so damned good friends and I have made some enemies I am sure.  Hey, you can’t please everyone, why even try!  If I were worried about that I would either not post videos at all or make all my posts private.  

I think my vlogging is something I like to remain positive about. I like to project a positive attitude, even if I am discussing a negative topic like a news event about a tragedy. There’s always something to find positive even in the negative.  I try to avoid the negative quibbly stuff, avoid the dramatics and rarely speak about people in any type of revealing way.  Viewers don’t want to watch or hear that kind of stuff so I try to keep it real and be honest in voicing my own opinions, my own views and things deriven from my own life experiences.  I find it more freeing to be this way. I, and I am sure other people as well, can relate to people who they find are real and who they can share a view with or an experience with in virtuality.  I think it’s pretty cool to get other peoples opinions, views and have exchanges that may even change MY view on the topic; maybe change how I thought and that’s what I call growth.  We grow through the exchange of ideas.  

There is a weird paranoia that does come with being a public sort of figure or being in the public eye.  It can and will change your life.  As I have navigated the online world I have met many people, some interesting, some funny, some scary, some I liked and some I did not.  I’ve made some really good friends, and I have had many great conversations as a result.  I have learned as I have gone along, because there is no “right” or “wrong” way to do it, there is no instruction manual or care-of guide.  Vlogging helps me get perspective sometimes, and it helps others see my perspective, and maybe further think about their own.  Viewers see some of their problems and answers or ideas about them through seeing and hearing about how I have dealt with things in life.  Sometimes I look back at old old videos and think “what was I thinking!?” because I have changed my view in some way or another, life has gone on and whatever it was became either less important or completely irrelevant.  

I started out on Youtube slowly, and became far more open about myself as time went on.  I have blended my Youtube with other venues, shared the videos in other places and used them for a variety of purposes over time.  Lately I’ve been starting to feel that it may be that time in my life to keep my emotions and more personal things to myself more.  The internet is a rapidly changing place.  

Five years ago Youtube was a MUCH different place; a whole different atmosphere and way of being.  It was much more about personal videos discussing life issues facing each of us at different times and in different places along the path. Today it’s more of hubbub about what the “popular” theme is, how to make money doing videos and who can out wit who.  It’s a bit crazy and not as interesting in my own personal opinion.  Sure, there are still some great vloggers who have remained true to themselves and still do the types of videos that I continue to do about everyday topics. And I will follow those people until they either drop off the tube or I do.  I am finding more negativity than ever before.  I am finding more haters and bullies, I hate to see it happening, but it seems to be just the way of the web-life.  I don’t feel that mutual respect and the kind of trust that I used to feel when the tubes were a smaller, more intimate community, but that I have to be more careful who I share my personal life with these days.  

I will absolutely continue to do videos.  I’m not leaving Youtube or WordPress by any means!  I find it way too fascinating to leave.  But I am going to divide off and make more personal videos available to only a limited, select audience on all of my channels.  Same with WordPress; I will be posting password protected blogs when I deem it necessary to protect my privacy and in an effort to be more careful about who I am sharing my life with in these venues.  I have watched another very well respected YT vlogger do this a couple of times, have to change channels, go private, use passwords, etc and now I know and understand his need to do this periodically.  Sometimes you have to rethink your position and it may lead you to a new choice, a new path or one of better footing in the long run.  It’s not a bad thing, and it could be a necessary thing, as I am finding at this point in life.

The weekend is over.  Mine was a pretty good one – mostly spent working!  I did take some time to relax and accomplish some other things as well. The best thing I did was turn off my email and internet – except for 2 check in’s on Facebook! – all weekend, I won’t even check my email for at least another 12 hours.  I’m sure it’s full, but you know, I didn’t stress about it and it will be there when I get to it sometime tomorrow.  It’s given me time to rethink these things about Youtube and the seeming “need” for an internet presence by everyone here in 2013…I so wish for the simpler days of much less technology!  

In closing, thanks for your continued support and encouragement!  I appreciate every reader.  

The Femme/Butch Question

So I get quite a few questions posed to me because of my Youtube channel and other internet venues I am involved in, one of the most common questions is “why do Femme lesbians want to date Butch lesbians? Why don’t they just date a man?” Of course this question is very irritating to me, and the explanation is so broad sometimes that it takes a hammer drill to get someone who doesn’t understand the dynamic to “get it”..

So when you are asked this question, or a question similarly worded regarding this, what do YOU say? I am about to make a new video addressing this, and am looking for some other input and perspectives on the topic.  I’m looking for more than the standard screw you if you don’t get it sort of response. I’d like to find a way to explain some of the dynamic and the attraction that would give a more serious answer to the question.  

Any input you have would be great!  I read every comment and response!  Thanks!

Identifying as Butch: Butch Perspectives

I am Butch.  I identify myself as Butch.  Some may call is a “label”, I call it my identity; my gender.  There will always be arguments about “labels” within the LGBT community, no matter what not everyone uses them or identifies with any particular group or sub-group.  That’s a personal choice.  A choice I have made and every individual must make for themselves.  I get that.  And those who do not “like” or use labels should get that about me, it’s my freedom to call myself Butch, and it’s yours to choose not to.  Yes, it’s a choice, and no matter what anyone says about liking or not liking them, they will continue to use them on me and others, and claim they themselves do not “need” a label.  I don’t “need” one either, but I have choosen one that describes me; that identifies me to others, and that others can somewhat understand in the grand scheme of things. Butch.  If you don’t choose a label for yourself, an identity, then what or who ARE you?  Not Butch, nor Femme, nor tomboy, nor trans, nor gay, nor straight, nor bisexual, nor…whatever….or perhaps I am confused…oh, you DO Identify as lesbian?  Is that not a “label” in some books?  Don’t slam my choice, and I won’t slam yours.

The group Butch Perspectives was formed with the perspective and the label of “Butch” fully in mind.  It’s mere conception by me on FB that is targeted directly towards those like me who do identify as Butch and who seek friendship and dialogue with other Butch identified individuals. 

I, like everyone, cannot foresee what conversations will come up on line.  I don’t know what any one person will identify as, and I was hoping that by being very specific on the “Butch” Perspectives I would not have to get into discussing “labels” once again.  But, alas, here I am typing away in an attempt to clarify my position – which is generally the position of the group page.  Like any creator, I have a vision, a vision of a place where Butches can feel at home, comfortable and not threatened by their expressions of what it’s like for them, or us, to live in this world.  Where conversation, debate, laughter and dialogue can freely and openly take place; where friends are made and friendly relationships are formed.

Butch Perspectives is not a place to have all out arguments about what it IS or ISN’T to be Butch.  It’s a space for those who identify already, or are starting to identify as masculine of center and/or Butch.  It’s not a space where we welcome Femmes or those who don’t really “get” it…there are lots of other spaces across the web where those conversations and arguments are already happening.  (Personally I avoid those spaces). 

This is not to say that I personally govern what it means to be Butch for any person other than myself. But I am seeking participation of women who DO identify as masculine of center, as well as those who identify as Butch in their own rights.  We each have our own personal conception of what that means, and for those who understand what I am trying to convey here, it should be no problem. 

I recently posted a video by a friend of mine in California, TheSloFox, from Youtube – another very active social networking venue for me.  In the video West speaks of that rather “grayish” area of being perhaps “Trans-Butch” where some days it’s one, and others it’s the other.  I can truly relate to this aspect of being Butch, and it is perhaps the reason I am very trans-friendly and understand my FtM brothers on a little deeper level.  At the end of the day, I am most definitely a very masculine of center – Butch – individual.  It’s nothing I was taught, it’s how I was born, how I matured and how I walk this world.  I defend my right to live as I feel comfortable, just as I would defend my friends’ rights to do the same. 

As far as group rules or guidelines…let’s all play nice.  Discussion and dialogue is encouraged as long as it does not ridicule another, cause serious group discomfort or appear to be outwardly misogynistic.  Open, honest and even controversial conversations are welcome, but be a gentle-Butch and please use manners.