Love is just a giant little word. One I am afraid of and have really only said and meant a very few times in my life. Sure, there is platonic love like how you love a friend for being a friend, or parental love as in how we love our parents. But there is also a thing called romantic love. Romantic love is what I speak of here. I have an issue with it evidently. When I was younger and more outgoing I chased after love like it was an intoxicator that I just had to have to breath; to live. But now in my older age here I do far less chasing after this type of love.
Currently I am in a long distance relationship with my lover from Virginia. Long distance love just sucks when what you crave is the daily touch of another human being. I want her hands on my body, her kiss upon my lips. I want the sigh of a woman in my ear. Distance just keeps all of this from me in a way that feels so cruel and stinging.
Love is one of those emotions I used to try to steer clear of for a few of the more recent years. I don’t feel like I am very easy to understand for most people, therefore not very loveable to them either. My exterior is a bit on the harder, rough side and I can be quite stoic in my emotions. But believe me when I do crack and cry the tears flow like rivers. It’s not that I mean to be sort of shut down sometimes, but I often am afraid of what to say and don’t want to make mistakes by saying the wrong things. I tend to speak my mind and that’s not always a good thing I have learned.
Love is a very personal thing for me. It never has come easy. I am wary of being burned and thus I take my time with someone. I have to know that the person loves me that same way that I love her. I’m a very chivalrous type of Butch, I like to do things that some consider to be male attributes, like pull out her chair, open her car door and entry doors to buildings. I believe it’s very easy to be kind and chivilrous at the same time. I’m also one who likes to take care of my woman, make sure she’s happy and contented. The happier the wife the happier the life! And that is one very true statement. And the happier she is the happier I can also be.
As you can see from this post Love has been on my mind heavily lately. I’m hungry for the touch of another body, and for some ah-mazing sex. But alas I remain alone here and committed to the path I am walking right now.
Peace! ~MB
