1,500 MISSING CHILDREN Children Taken from Migrants at Border

I’m still trying to digest this information…the American Department of Health and Human Services has L O S T  1, 475 children who were taken by the Office of Refugee Resettlement (a DHHS dept) and placed with guardians or sponsors – who were NOT vetted properly.  Now there are 1,475 MISSING children….this is the SAME organization who placed 7 children with KNOWN human traffickers previously.  PLEASE read this Huffpost article for more details, titled “Refugee Office That Lost 1,500 Kids Not Responsible for Finding Them: Official”

Now..WHY IS THIS NOT THE #1 NEWS STORY IN THE MEDIA RIGHT NOW!!!!??????

Yes I know why.  Because THIS is happening on TRUMP’s WATCH and he’s VERY embarrassed by this…ESPECIALLY since he has ordered his border agents to seize ALL children who come across the US/Mexican border, take them from their parents and hand them over to the ORR who is not only LOSING some of them, but is keeping the REST in detention camps!!!  Jeff Sessions has ordered that EVERY person who dares cross that border be arrested, jailed and their children taken to separate detention camps.

So, over this Memorial Day weekend Trump is whining about “SpyGate” which is ACTUALLY better known as “LIEGATE” – he’s caught and he’s spinning it, he’s still whining over Hillary Clinton, sending the idiot Guiliani out to do the STUPIDEST TV interviews, where he’s most of the time just adding more incrimination to the whole mess.  He’s pretending he’s going to Singapore to meet Kim Jong Un….we’ll see.  And he’s protecting Chinese company ZTE from sanctions that HE imposed, but now that they gave his Chinese project a boatload of cash he wants to “go easy on them”.  He’s worried about Chinese jobs being affected…yeah…WTF?????

Last night an unarmed, probably juvenile, young migrant woman was shot in the head and killed by a US border patrol agent on the border, because she “threatened” the big man with the gun somehow….MURDER.

I have written every day lately…but not posted, because shit just KEEPS happening, I can never seem to finish a blog…..it’s just fucking insane here.  It’s getting very dangerous.

ICE is now the LARGEST and most powerful law enforcement force in America.

Trump continues to destroy America, our Constitution and violate her laws daily.  Yet, there is NO Congressional action, no oversight committee, no push-back, he’s just waltzing his way to becoming the 1st American Dictator.

1500 MISSING CHILDREN!!!!   WAKE UP AMERICA!

This is HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATING shit, our government needs to be investigated!!!

 

~MB

 

 

 

 

MainelyButch Goes to Work…

So I have rejoined the workforce of America.  Yeah, I got a fucking job.  It’s about time huh?  I know I’ve been not working for too long when I am even bored with being bored!   Anyway, started working, got through the training and started on the front end counter today.  It’s nice to be around so many people; to see people I know from around town who come in and to meet so many new people as well.  And the crew that I am working with seems to be a pretty good bunch too.  I know most of them a little bit from my own frequenting of the store prior to getting a job there.  That’s basically how I got the job, I would go in there at lest once every day or two for something and I kept seeing the “help wanted” sign so finally I asked one of the guys I knew who already worked there and he took me and introduced me to the manager, who granted me an interview and offered me a job.  I love how connections and networking can lead from one thing to another, and you never really know where you’ll end up sometimes.

So, I like the job, it’s actually quite entertaining in some aspects.  I love interacting with people and believe me at a large convenience store/truck stop you find all different kinds of people frequent it.  I love to people watch (thumbs up to my Vancouver friend who also loves to people watch, it makes me think of you!) and there’s plenty of it to do at this place.

Today after work I stopped at Old Navy and bought a new pair of pants – pants now, not jeans – for work. I had to get some tan khaki pants.  The uniform at my new job is the company’s signature red polo shirt with the company logo on it and issued to you when you are hired, and either black or tan pants/jeans.  If they are jeans they have to be pitch black and not faded or ripped up.  I happened to own a nice pair or black Levi’s already which I have been wearing and washing every night to wear again the next day.  Now that I have another pair I can alternate and get away with doing laundry every couple of days.  They gave me 3 polo shirts, so once I pick up another pair of pants next pay day I can stretch the laundry out to twice a week.  Logical thinking huh?  *smirk*   Anyhooo…the pants are quite comfortable as I got the Broken-in Straights type so they’re not all stiff and stupid looking.  I’m so used to wearing blue jeans that this is all quite a change for me.

Nola and Lulu have settled in pretty much already to me being gone all morning.  I’m working the 7am to 1pm shift, only 6 hours a day, Monday through Fridays.  It’s a great shift, busy enough to keep me happy and the perfect hours for me to have the rest of each day to do other stuff, make appointments as needed and take care of other business.  Plus I have the weekends off – which is always a bonus!   I suspect that the dogs just sleep all morning but I leave the TV on for them just in-case they want to watch GMA (Good Morning America) hahaha.  I do miss that morning show, but I been getting up at 5am to catch the morning news and have a couple of cups of good coffee before I shower and head out the door for my shift.  When I get home they come bounding off of the couch to greet me at the door, all wiggly-giggly at my feet.  They are definitely happy to see me.

So that’s been my last few days, just getting used to this new endeavor of working once again; settling into a new schedule and enjoying it.

It’s been some fucking cold – and I mean it, FUCKING COLD – here in the Northeast lately.  Today the wind howled like holy hell, whipping the snow into a frenzy of dust storm proportion. It’s drifted the snow everywhere, especially into my previously shoveled driveway and walking path to the house.  I am hoping that the wind and temperatures will be better in the next 2 days so I can get it cleaned up once again before the storm rolls in this weekend…yes, we are predicted for a good sized storm this coming weekend.  I suppose that it was bound to happen, winter was bound to catch up to us. We’ve been extremely fortunate up til now with not much snow and actually very mild temps.  It  was just a matter of time before the real winter weather kicked in.  I am figuring that we’ll probably get beat on from here on out til late April…unless we get some kind of lucky!

I’m off to catch up on some reading here on WordPress, I see some of you have posted since I was last able to sit down and really do some good reading and I want to try to catch up tonight.  I hate falling behind on my blog reading and my news reading.  I always enjoy reading all of your blogs and am trying to keep myself up with comments and responses like I said that I would.

Peace!

~MB

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Why Should I Keep Blogging?

I just read the most awesome and inspirational blog about what keeps people like me blogging and writing.  Despite having major computer issues right now, I am compelled to write more and more.  I am battling the computer and still I love it, I have a serious passion for writing that’s what spurs me on to continue to post to this blog even though I feel like it is somewhat “stuck” right now.

I had the thought that maybe NOW is the time…right now…to take the leap and make some MAJOR changes to this blog.  It’s time to do some house keeping, to delete some old blogs, perhaps update some, reorganize and spiff it up a bit.  I have all this time on my hands with waiting for this move to happen, why not use it to improve something that is near and dear to me – my BLOG! Yeah, that’s the ticket, I need to seriously focus on doing exactly this.

I’ve been blogging here and elsewhere since 2008.  This was not my original or first blog, I think I started way back on AOL (remember those days?) and when I quit AOL I smartly printed out my whole blog on there, which I have neatly tucked away in my files in storage.  Some of that stuff would be great to re-read and edit to post on WP.  I eventually ended up here a few years back – I can’t even remember when now!  I really like WP’s platform, the options and the fact that it’s free.  I never could really get into building myself a real webpage, although I did try a couple of times over the years, I just never quite figured it out.  I don’t have to do much of that kind of work with WP, I can post all I want, and I have rarely tweaked the pages much.  There is a LOT of crap, tons of posts that can be deleted (and will be very soon), and moved around.

Right now I have 423 public posts, 15 private posts and 82 documents I’ve written sitting in my “drafts” box!  Amazingly I have just over 330 followers/readers, and I’m just 34 views shy of 100K!  I NEVER check my stats or look to see where my readers are coming from, but I did today after reading Greatness via Passion’s blog titled “The Most Important Reason Why You Should Keep Blogging” – an awesome MUST READ for all fellow bloggers.

There are so many things that keep me blogging.  Recently I’ve been blogging about mundane things going on in my life, but in the past I have blogged about all sorts of topics mostly related to living Butch in a small southern Maine town. I blogged about love for a while when I was in a rather heated situation with someone, but I have now chosen not to blog about my love life at all.  It’s something that I will probably continue now to keep private and I will be removing all of the blogs related to that affair as well, although I have to say it was some of my more passionate writing from the heart.  It was not worth the pain in the end.  And is not something I wish to remain in this blog any longer than it takes me to bring the posts down to my private stash.  It’s a year of my life that I will just keep in private memory, and that does not need to be read by any future readers.

Some of the reasons I blog are….

*Passion for writing, the process and the thinking involved

*Community building, meeting new people, making new friends and cultivating great relationships and stronger connections.

*Therapeutic stress relief.  I tend to be very stressed out and writing helps me to think things through.  I am passionate about life and what I am doing all the time, writing keeps me grounded and on track.  It’s also a lot cheaper than the weekly visit to the head doctor!

*Wanting to somehow change the world one blog and one person at a time, to make my mark and let my opinions be heard.  I love a good discussion, and when one of my blogs spurs a discussion I am very pleased.  I promise to do a much better job now of responding to comments to make that happen a bit more!

*I love to share my life and stories with other in hopes of maybe inspiring someone else along the way.  I welcome comments and emails anytime.

*To embrace my life today, and to remember how I got here.

For these, and a ton of other reasons too long to list, I shall remain dedicated to this blog and I won’t give up (as I have been considering doing as of late).  I will be making many changes, and doing much weeding of the garbage out of it, like I have said.

I thank Greatness Via Passion for the inspiration and for really lighting a fire under my ass….yeah I will probably continue to swear, it’s something I do when I am really passionate about something or some subject.  🙂

Please if you are a writer/blogger go read Greatness Via Passion’s blog (link above) and I hope you are also inspired to really look at why you blog and tell us why too, and tell us what you plan for your blog going forward!  ~Peace~

~MB

Being Recognized on the Street…Attempted Reblog from QueeringtheNerd

WordPress is messing with my head this morning…where did the “reblog” button go?  Now it’s a “share” button, and it allows you to share across Twitter and Facebook as well?  I thought we were a little different here than on the other standardized social networking sites…I don’t wanna share!  I want to REBLOG!!!

The page I would like to REBLOG is Being Noticed on the Street by QueeringtheNerd’s blog written by PlainT.  It’s just an awesomely written piece about how when you live as an out LGBT person or are seen as a visible couple, people tend to have all sorts of reactions toward you…both positive and negative, some sweet, some violent.  Please take a few minutes to read this…according to WP’s new things here it’s less than a 3-minute read….yes now they are telling us how much time we should take to read each blog.  Maybe next it will be a read it out loud link!  Hahaha!

I have written before about how I am affected by my own appearance…by being very masculine in presentation and very Butch I garner more comments than you may imagine over the course of a day.  When I go out in public I am immediately recognized as part of the LGBT community – particularly the L and the T, often people are confused.  I do not usually correct people when they use the wrong pronouns, it’s just too much for my brain to imagine doing as much as it happens.

I am one that is easily spotted on the street, immediately noticed like as in “one of these things is not like the other…” (get that song stuck in your head now?!)  It has never bothered me.  I certainly do not do anything to soften the situation, I couldn’t imagine now trying to change myself so that I blended in with the straight crowd it just would be a big fat horror show.  When I was younger it bothered me much more than it does now.  Now it’s just the way it is.  When I was younger (and still had my feminine chest) I wasn’t mistaken for a guy as much as I am now, but I still had a presence that screamed GAY.

I live in a very rural to suburban part of the country.  I find most of the people here to be very open-minded and welcoming of all types.  Most of my friends here are straight and it’s not a “big deal” or strange that I am obviously lesbian and very Butch. They seem to accept and support me just as I am, which I like. I sometimes think that my being Butch makes people even more curious than my being lesbian…seems they all have “friends who are gay” too….I love that line, “oh!  I have several good friends who are gay too!”  Like I needed to know that soon after I just met you.  I know people mean well in recognizing me, and when I deal with assholes that are bigotted jerks – you know the ones who like to call names, or give you the stare – I can puff my little self up and be pretty mean looking.  It’s a natural thing for me, I just come off as hardcore even though I am not really that way at all.  I’ve got that rough and tough edge about me. I believe I developed that side of myself when I was very young, it was to protect myself so that no one would mess with me.  I figured if I looked tough and acted a bit crazy that I could keep the bullys away at school, then it just sort of spilled over into all parts of my life.

Anyway, I just wanted to reblog Queering the Nerd’s blog on this type of being recognized thing that happens to most of us, especially if you are Butch or coupled in a realtionship and it’s obvious.

Does it bother you to be recognized like this?

Peace~   MB

Introducing a New Blogger…”Trigger Warning”

I have a buddy named Ryal, that has just recently started blogging on WordPress.  Here’s the link to his blog:  “Trigger Warning”  yes, the name of the blog is Trigger Warning, and I will add that there are some seriously blunt topics discussed.  He’s just gotten started and could use our input and interaction on his blogs!  Won’t you subscribe and add him to your Reader list?

It’s all about diversity and supporting one another in our journey’s through life, right?  I definitely think so!  🙂  Have a great day folks!

~MainelyButch

About My Blogging

I am following suit again and blogging about my blogging experience and my take on things related to blogging, another great prompt from Opinionated Man. or was it Confessions of an Average Mom?  The web is spreading!

I started online blogging way back in the hay-day of AOL, remember them?  I blogged about my daily life there, about my experiences as a horse farmer in southern Maine.  I recently discovered a hard copy of the old blogs from AOL, which I had conveniently printed out.  I say conveniently because I have long since lost my user name and password to that site, and I believe I do still have a profile on there, which is now FAR outdated!  I’ve pondered how to reconnect to AOL a few times with the intention of deleting my profile.  I never have followed through though, because I have no idea HOW to!

Originally I started blogging as a way of venting and also to allow my “friends” on AOL to get to know me a bit.  I had stories to tell and kind of wanted an audience to see if any of them were interesting enough for others to want to read.  Reading back over them, I can now see that my writing has matured quite substantially over the years since then.  I stopped using that platform in 2008, and never have figured out my old user name and password!

Then I started a Youtube channel in March 2009, yes 6 years ago this month!  Happy Vlogging Birthday to Me!  I enjoyed Youtube, or YT as we’ll now call it so I don’t have to type it out a million times, because at that time it was a fast connecting community of people video blogging – or vlogging – about all kinds of personal topics, and less about commercial production like it is now.  I built an audience on YT, mostly of other LGBTQ people because much of my vlogging was about issues and subjects that would interest my LGBTQ community.

When I started blogging on WordPress (WP) I had to basically start over in building a new audience, this time of readers instead of watchers.  I used YT to sort of promote the start and continuation of my written blog, mentioning it in my videos as I saw fit, by linking the two sites wherever possible.  As of late I haven’t been “vlogging” very much, in lieu of the fact that I enjoy “blogging” more.  I’m never going to be a video star, but I am and will continue to be a published author.

WP has been a great experience, and I like the platform because it looks and feels more like I am truly a writer — which I tentatively call myself in moments of self-confidence.  In my opinion actual blogging “sites” such as WP or rival Blogspot/Blogger, and others seem to be primarily about reading and writing and not about building the most beautiful or interesting “profile” like sites such as AOL and Facebook are about.  The difference clearly is that those are “social networking” platforms, and while WordPress has some social networking ideas behind it, it’s mostly about the writing.

It’s been like a game of connect-the-dots in a way.  I’ve been trying to build an audience for my wares, which in my case is about my writing and my writing is about my experiences and opinions about things that are parts of my life.  I try to write about things that I know about, and if I don’t know enough about something but wish to learn more then WP becomes my jump-off platform for gaining the knowledge that I need to write about whatever it may be.

Probably the best blog I have read about how we are weaving “intricate webs” through our interactions and blogs is by a young woman who has a blog called Confessions of an Average Mom.  In this blog “Blogging about Blogging”, she really lays it out very clearly how we each benefit from the other through influence, inspiring one another, reading, and feeding of of one another’s creative energy as we each build and share our audiences.

My blog has gone past the point of being “directed” toward the LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer) community these days.  Now I write for a wider audience, for my any and all readers who fall all across the human spectrum of identities.  I think I used to limit myself by thinking I could “direct” my writing to just the LGBTQ crowd.  While lots of what I write is from the perspective of a Butch Lesbian, it’s not all about my being queer anymore…it’s about my life and my world these days.  I know that I do have a fairly large following by my community and by supportive allies.  That still matters to me, but it’s not all that matters.  I just want to have a diverse audience, and want to make my writing better, more interesting and sometimes hopefully helpful to someone.

I’ve gained some great insight into blogging from Harsh Reality’s Opinionated Man who seems to be the super blogger and has some great, thought provoking, inspiring and even aggravating at times, posts on his blog.  I wish I could think as fast as he does!

I have much admiration for many of my fellow bloggers such as ButchCountry67, and A Boy and Her Dog’s Jamie Ray, as well as from many others other than the ones mentioned above. I tend to follow most of my favorite bloggers on a daily basis, because for me reading and writing is a daily activity, it’s not a hobby or a sport, but more something I have to do daily or my day just doesn’t feel complete.

Saturday Thoughts…Mar. 9th, 2015

Hold the phone! The fucking Sun is shining!!!!  I woke up at 4:30 today, had some coffee and listened to the news, texted with my favorite person, and fed the dog…then the SUN came up!  It is a bright, shining globe in the sky and we haven’t seen it this bright here in southern Maine for weeks now.  The temperature actually had TWO digits in it…yes! 19F !  And it’s supposed to actually rise a bit today and touch the low 30’s…I do believe that this is a sign from God that Spring IS going to come!

I been reading blogs for the last hour…many from Opinionated Man who writes a blog called Harsh Reality and who has fast become one of my favorite bloggers.  I’ve decided that this guy has a shit ton of time on his hands, as he posts bunches of posts everyday, and he has time to answer comments, and reblog too!  His stuff is thought provoking, inspiring, downright crazy at times and very funny.  I like him.  His blog is great, you should follow this dude for sure.

I’m at the point between winter and spring where i am making lists like crazy.  List of things to get done around the house, things to get done outside, things to do to the truck, things to buy, and projects that need to be completed.  It’s like list mania or something.  I’ve always run my life by lists, it’s a trait that my mother passed on to me.  Growing up there were always lists on the kitchen counter…one for each kid (there are 5 of us) and one for Mom’s stuff to do, groceries, Dad projects, etc.  So I am now a professional lister myself.  If I have a list then my day goes off more smoothly.  Although when you combine a list with low-level depression not much gets checked off, and lots gets added, as you sit around depressed and remember all the shit you have to do or get.  On the list it goes.

I’m really down on myself right now about my winter weight gain…seems that it gets a little harder every winter to keep a decent fighting weight.  Anyway, this week starts my new workout routine at the local city gym.  Where I am probably going to die of a stroke from over exertion and smoking too damned much.  But, I may lose a few pound before that happens. I gain it all in the middle, which is probably the hardest place to lose it too, but I have to try, and I will succeed.  Of course watching what I eat would be the second thing I am doing more carefully right now.  As I slug back a Pure Leaf tea with carbs that are frighteningly high.  Anyway, working out has got to make me feel better too, at least I hope that is true.

Ok, I am off to enjoy the sunshine and see what I can get done today!  Enjoy your weekend!!!  ~MB

Daily Life in Eliot, Maine….#2

The weather here in southern Maine is STARTING to break, it was actually about 30F today, which is like a freaking heatwave to those of us who have survived this record cold and snowbound winter we have been having.  Only 15 more days until Spring, but still the threat of storms, although accumulation will now be lesser because of the rising daily temperatures.  Thanks God!  It’s been brutal…as you all know from all my bitching and moaning about the snow.  I know…move…it’s definitely on my mind for next winter for sure.

I am inspired by Opinionated Man’s blog to post photos daily, and this will also force me to be taking photos daily — something I mentioned that I wanted to do more of once again as the weather permits.  Today I didn’t get out to do any “fresh” photos, but I shall recycle some of life here, as I would like to continue to participate in the “Daily Life in ____” challenge.  I think it’s a great prompt and one we can all use to show bits and pieces of our lives in various parts of this wonderful world.

Here are today’s photos from Eliot Maine and my life.

“Stuffie Slut” Nola, my little dog and her gazillion stuffies…I call them her stuffie ho’s!

MainelyButch and Nola down by the waterfront in Kittery Point, Maine Fall 2014

Hanging at the beach last summer…boots and all.

Old North Church steeple in downtown Portsmouth NH the closest city to where I am located.

Writing, Boundaries, and Life

Greetings readers!  I am up in the middle of the night again, seems to be my “time” of day to get things done.  I’ve been reading other blogs (some of them yours I am sure!) and contemplating different writing prompts.  I’ve been sort of “stuck” lately on what or how to write here.  I realized through a Daily Om post about fear that it’s some very basic fear that has my creativity squashed a bit.  I am fearful of writing and offending people, which just has never been like me.  But as I get to “know” more of my readers, I am sometimes inhibited by that as to what I am comfortable writing about.

One of the prompts I was reading was about boundaries.  As in what are my boundaries concerning writing about friends, family and people that I know?  And then what boundaries do I have in disclosing about myself?

To address the first, I always try to write about people anonymously.  I have given people nicknames, and have used other means of not disclosing their identities to protect their own personal privacy.  And when someone reads me and can see themselves in my writing, it’s not my intention to ever hurt.  I write about my own feelings, my own experiences, and my own opinions of what is going on.  Sometimes I write what I can’t quite seem to say at the exact time that I am engaging someone in conversation.  So later on, when I am in “writing mode” I may address an issue that I have with someone.  I have written about people who are very close to my heart, and about those I have been involved with on a more intimate level at times, I have learned that this is not such a great idea though, and that even with anonymity that people will get upset with me on occasion.  Then sometimes I am very much writing with certain people in mind, and they usually get the message if they are smart enough to recognize themselves.

When writing about myself I am pretty much an open book.  I do try to be as truthful and honest about myself and my world as I possibly can be.  I am not ashamed of who I am one iota.  I never try to tone down my Butchness, as it’s all part of the real me, and I can’t understand why anyone would try to be anything less than real.  I don’t buy into many of the societal norms; the classist bullshit that goes on in the world.  I take people at face value 99% of the time.  So on a scale of 1 to 10 as to how much of my personal life I reveal in my blogs I would say it’s about a 7….I do keep my very most personal stuff to myself, or to my written non-published journals, or to private conversations with those closest to me.  I am pretty open about who I am, although I write under the “MainelyButch” moniker most of you know my name and some are even Facebook friends, family or other close friends.  I am not sure when I publish my book what I will use as a pen name.  I am rather fond of the MainelyButch persona and it’s fairly (after 10 years of using it across the web) well known now. It started when I founded using the name on my Youtube channel (which is in BAD need of updating and new videos!) and progressed to WordPress and blogging.

My blog reflects what is going on in my life at the moment most of the time.  I write almost daily, and sometimes it’s just about boring daily life in Maine, or the boring life of a Butch in rural America.  I think that blogging is a great way to get to know people; and I have gotten to know a few of you from your blogs, or from meeting you because of my blog.  I enjoy my conversations with fellow bloggers, reading of your daily lives, seeing photos of where you are in life, or of what interests you.  I try to keep up as much as possible with my favorite bloggers, and I know a few of you keep up with my daily posts — thanks so very much, by the way!  Blogging / writing is a real stress buster for me and is something that I am very passionate about in my life.  I will never give it up.

I used to be much better with my photography than I have been as of late.  I am in desire of a new camera, and have beaten the older ones up quite a bit.  I am rough on equipment sometimes, like yesterday I dropped my main handheld camera (Kodak 710) and bent the lens casing…but it still works, and the lens still functions fully, so it’s not completely destroyed, and I do have other even better cameras to be truthful, that’s just my favorite “go-to” unit to use.  I plan to do a lot more photography this coming Spring, and will be updating my photos on a much more regular basis.  Perhaps I will managed to get a new camera even…I’m not sure if it’s really in the budget, and because I do own a few of them now I kind of feel guilty about even wanting another one…although my technology in photography is about 2 years behind now.  Still these cameras are working fine, and produce excellent shots for things like my blog and my online shop.

Winter continues to drag on here in southern Maine….more snow is expected today.  It seems that we don’t even count it now unless it’s over 6″ of accumulation, anything less is just a “dusting” as we say.  We got about three inches night before last and I still haven’t even touched the shovel to clean it up.  My poor little snowblower was rendered useless this year by the un-Godly amount of snow that fell from January 31st to now….it’s meant to handle maybe 4″ to 6″ of lighter snow, and could in no way touch the 16″ and 20″ storms that we had at the beginning of February.  This winter has been one for the record books for sure, being the coldest since 1940-41 and we are just about to hit a record for snowfall as well.  It’s been hard on everyone with trying to manage it, navigate in it and live inside because of it.  Cabin fever, road rage and general mayhem are at an all time high here!  I saw a photo from the Portland, Maine police department the other day of a station wagon with a freaking snowmobile stuffed into the back of it, whole front end and skis hanging out the back….only in Maine…

Until next time… ~MB

Snow…Dating…Sex….What’s up!?

Saturday, 24th…It’s snowing like crazy here today and I am stuck inside watching the flakes rain down from the clouds. There is not even any reason to get dressed, other than to go outside to shovel, today. I’m going to stay in my comfortable clothes, my flannel pajama pants and a sweatshirt and slippers all day, yes, it’s just going to be a lazy snow day! Even the dog has hunkered down and is being ubber cuddly; just wants to snuggle up with me and be petted and made of. I’d rather have a nice hot woman here to snuggle with, but in absence of that I will settle for cuddling on the couch with the dog and a warm blanket.

I woke up this morning sick to my stomach…complete with headache and body aches…thinking I may be have a little flu bug. I’m not bad now, but first thing was pretty miserable for me. I don’t often get sick but when I do it’s always sudden and harsh, then I slowly get better over the course of a day or so.

Monday.…Jan. 26, 2015

Ok, weird thought in my head, about how women hit on each other sometimes. I remembered the time in my life, in my 20’s that I asked a woman to come over and check out my rock collection…true story! On a side note, I ended up in a relationship with that woman for the next year or so as I finished out my time in the Army at Ft. Sill, Oklahoma…obnoxious as it sounds it was a great pick up line, she knew exactly why she was invited over, not naive to think I really had a rock collection…… I think that most women are pretty smart in that respect, they know that a Butch has some lame pick up lines sometimes, and even some cute ones that can’t be resisted 😉  (Tell me your BEST pick up line that worked in the comments below!)

I generally only respond to women who show interest. And I ‘m not one to bug or annoy a woman, I don’t get into calling or texting her repeatedly without response. That to me is just rude. If you can’t take a hint like “she’s not returning my texts, maybe she’s not interested.” I just don’t get it. If she’s interested in me she will respond, if she’s not then she won’t. That’s how calls and texts work. I’ve learned quite a bit about attentiveness and the like in the last year. I’ve definitely learned that if a woman wants my attention then she has to show me by giving me her time and attention too. And if she doesn’t respond then she probably isn’t interested or doesn’t wish to be bothered.

Dating has been a big topic in my social circles lately. Seems every one wants to discuss dating styles and types, and who’s dating who and how each of us goes about the dating “dance”. Ah, and it IS a fine tuned dance for sure. I don’t take dating lightly, when I probably should be more relaxed about it and just go out more often and meet some nice women. I tend to be shy meeting new people, I watch their eyes and their body language to try to start to learn about them. Do they make eye contact? Do they cross their arms across their chests in that “don’t talk to me stance”? How are they reacting with their other friends?

Problem is with ME being shy is that I often encounter the best women, the ones I am attracted to the most are also somewhat shy. Two shy don’t make a date! Eeek! I know that if I just applied myself even the slightest bit more here that I would have no problem dating, it’s just that I am so damned picky, and my being picky isn’t helping me to find a good woman to love. Back in the days when I used to drink/drug I had no problem with shyness, it goes away about drink #2 with me, but I dislike drinking too much now to use it for much. Occasionally I will have a Twisted Tea or a Hard Lemonade, but rarely do I have more than 3…that’s my limit and that’s rare that I even do that nowadays. I like having my wits about me, and I don’t like a sloppy drunk, so I don’t suppose that other women would either.

I’ve been in a pretty good mood lately actually, even though things aren’t going exactly as I wished they were, I’m in a fairly good space personally. I don’t know why, I just feel a little more relaxed inside, less anxious these past few days. I’ve been doing a lot of meditation and deep thinking…I needed to do just that, to relax and just let my thoughts carry me through a bit of a rough patch.

I’ve learned over the years that you cannot force someone to like or love you. That’s just a fact. And I’ve been on the circuit for 4 decades now, dating, long term relationships and affairs, one-nighters, and a little kink thrown in for good measure…yeah I admit it, I don’t deny that I am a sexual being at all. As a matter of fact I think sex is a wonderful thing, but it’s only part of the equation in any relationship, it’s the icing on the cake so to speak, there is just so much more to building and maintaining a good, solid relationship. Plus, I am not looking for just sex anymore, I want more than that with a woman…yes, preferably with one singular woman.

I can’t turn on my feelings and turn them off with some kind of switch. I don’t even have a 3-way bulb type setting which you might be able to turn up brighter at will and down or off at will. My heart doesn’t work on an “at will” basis at all. When I meet a woman I am interested in, it’s a funny little dance, and a scary one for me. My mind goes into the whole “what IF” mode really fast. Like what if she doesn’t like Butches? Or what if she is bi-sexual? Or what if I am not good enough? What if, what if. Then if I meet one that I really like, all hell breaks out in my head.

I get told a lot that I am good looking, that I am funny and that I am sweet, ect. I’m very flattered, but I am truly your run-of-the-mill Butch, in my opinion. There’s nothing really special about me, although I wish there were! I’m not rich, or famous, or a knight in shining armor (I really want to be that last one especially!)

Tonight I had a really nice, long talk with a very good friend (who I hope to see soon) and she helps me sort of talk through what’s going on in my head…she for some reason is a rare person that I can really feel comfortable with in discussing stuff like sex and sexual stuff. She assured me it’s not a looks thing, that I am handsome enough, just a little too shy. She’s taught me a lot in the 5+ years that we’ve known each other, and I respect her opinions very highly. But tonight she reminded me that there are billions of women in the world and a good portion of them are lesbian and eligible to date…I just need to relax and let it happen and not try to force the issue.

I find it difficult to talk about sex…and in today’s world of 2015 EVERYONE is talking about sex, and very openly and blatantly! I hear more things on TV that I would be embarrassed to say myself! I wish I were more verbal about it, then maybe I wouldn’t get myself into that vulnerable space of talking about it and I could relax. I am going to work on that for sure. For now, I am sort of enjoying my sex life vicariously through this dear friend of mine, who tells me of her awesome adventures quite frequently – and I enjoy hearing about them! So why do I find it so difficult to talk about sex myself? If I can read about it, watch it on screen, participate in it and think about it all the time…why the hell can I not verbalize my own needs comfortably and confidently? I am betting that things would be far better for me if I could. I’ve found very few women that I could be really comfortable with in discussing what I like in sex and what I don’t and the such. I do like women who will entice me to talk about sex with them, who know how to get to me. And I’m extremely good at show and tell though….that gets me by! 🙂 hahahaha

I’ve been working harder at connecting with my friends lately. I realize that I am not good at that, that I am not attentive to my friendships the way that one should be. So I’ve made a concerted effort to do just that lately. My buddy in AZ called again tonight too! It was awesome to chat with her for a half hour and catch up on the goings on in her life, and to discuss a possible visit for 2015. I’d love to see her and her hubby sometime later this summer. He has to travel in warmer weather as he’s older and the cold really bothers him. She and I share Army history together, so it’s cool that we have stayed in contact now for 35 years. And when we talk it is just like no time at all has gone by, even when it’s been maybe a year or more since our last conversation, we still pick right up where we left off. This year, I think we are both making more effort, as that’s the 3^rd time we’ve talked since New Years’ Eve. And we also text occasionally and email.

It’s funny, because I think sometimes that I don’t have many friends, but in all actuality I do! They are just spread across the world and our contact is more limited to phone, texting, email and once in a while, Skype. I’ve done well thus far in 2015 in touching base with most of them. Old Army friends, childhood friends, and other friends from different times in my life, as well as today’s friends who live close by. Friendships are important, and have to be nurtured.

Newer friendships that I have made online, like my Canadian contacts…I just love them all. Not a day goes by that I don’t hear from one of them somehow. Canadians seem to be the best at communication online I’ve noticed. And they are the BEST letter writers for sure! 🙂 I have a Canadian friend who I exchange long hand-written letters with on a monthly basis usually. We both enjoy the vanishing art of writing a good letter to someone, and it’s so cool to go to the mailbox and find a nifty letter waiting among all the bills and junk mail.

I think that 2015 is going to be a good year for seeing some of these friends. I have been talking to a couple of them who wish to come up to Maine for a visit this year. And it’s looking like a good year for travel with the fuel prices being down and airfare being more reasonable as a result. I’ll be sprucing my house up for visits, making it look as nice as I can make the little box look. I wish my neighborhood were nicer, people just don’t take the care that I do with my place around here. The unit next door to mine needs to be hauled away and scrapped soon, it looks awful and is just dragging the property value of the other surrounding places down with it’s horrible condition. I don’t know HOW people LIVE in there, it must be some cold and nasty. My unit is only 18 yrs old and is in nice condition. Plus I strive to keep it really nice, I keep the yard nice, don’t let stuff build up and I keep the inside very neat and clean. It’s important to me that it be as nice as possible all the time so that it’s presentable to guests and for me to live happily in.

Ok…I will finish this long rambling blog up by saying PEACE! And everyone in the North Eastern US I hope that you are safely, and warmly, hunkered down in your homes while this wild blizzard rolls over us in the next 24 hours. I know I will be here online, writing and reading and playing on Facebook most all day unless we lose power…which I hope and pray we do not, because heat goes with power….and it will be mighty cold! If that happens I will retreat, in my 4 wheel drive SUV, to my sister’s home about 5 miles away. She has a beautiful woodstove in her nicely finished basement.