Loonies on the Internet

I evidently attract some very crazy people.  I certainly have my healthy share of “stalkers” who like to follow me around the internet or who like to research me on it.  God only knows why their own lives are not satisfying enough for them that they need to try to interfere with mine, or at least ogle it as they hide behind a computer screen.

I never call people out by name in my blogs…although the thought is very tempting right this second, I am going to stick to that for now.  I had a loony woman trying to blow my phone up earlier tonight with rubbish, claiming she knew all kinds of stuff that was being said about me on the internet.  Let me just say right here:  I don’t fucking care.

People will talk, they will get weird and say shit that is either convoluted or completely untrue.  It’s the internet for hell’s sake, you can’t believe most of what you read anyways! Plus, people are just mean when they have the screen to protect them.  So, my philosophy is that I don’t let their mean spirited bullshit affect my life.  I am doing just fine without reading or listening to the opinions of others – and that’s all they are someone’s stupid opinions.  IF what she says is even TRUE.  Hell, she probably made up shit just to try to fuck with me anyway.

Her problem?  I don’t want to pursue a romantic relationship with her.  Yup, she’s decided that she needs to stalk me and blow up my phone with nonsense because I am not interested in dating her.  She’s in the closet – DEEPLY – and I can’t deal with that as part of my life.  She’s middle aged and still closeted and very much afraid of being outed.  Do I look like the type who can play an in-the-closet mate?  No fucking way.  I tried to explain it nicely, tried to just quietly go my own way but noooo tonight she wanted to fight about it and wanted to stalk me and blow my phone up.  I was forced to block her from texting my phone, block her from accessing my Facebook and messenger accounts and if I can block her from this blog I will figure it out and do that too.

Plain and simple:  If you don’t like me, if you have nothing positive to add to my life then stay the fuck out of my way.  Don’t contact me and don’t fucking stalk me around like a frigging imbecile.  That is really immature and downright creepy.

Look, honestly, I don’t wish anyone any ill will.  I have had my share of bad splits with women when things didn’t turn out as they expected.  I’ve had to cut people completely out of my life because they turned toxic.  I don’t hold any grudges against any of them, they can just go their own ways and let me go on my own way.  And if they have anything to say to me then they can email me.  You got a beef with me, email me.  My email is public and I check it at least weekly.  And I am sure you have my email address.

Have a nice day.

Peace.  ~MB

Territory

Prompt of the day via Daily Prompt: Territory.

“It comes with the territory” we say sometimes.  Referring to doing something you HAVE to do, or knowing something you KNOW, because it’s part of who you are.

Example of “it comes with the territory” is me being a Butch lesbian and being seen with me getting you automatically “out-ed” as being lesbian too.  Yes, it comes with the territory alright.  Just like getting heckled, and harassed sometimes comes with the territory of being LGBT as well.

Your personal home territory is something you know; something you are familiar with and comfortable being in.  I like my space around me, it’s my territory.  I am fiercely protective of my territory, staking it out and guarding it always.

Unfamiliar or “uncharted territory” would be that space you are not familiar with; where you don’t have experience, thus you are “walking into uncharted territory” so to speak when you first encounter it.  Example would be me trying to give a lecture or write a piece on childbirth, for me that is “uncharted territory” as I have absolutely no experience in it at all.

We “mark our territory” in a vast number of ways.  We write our names on things, like putting our names on the mailbox when we  first move in is our first “mark” on the territory that we will then call home.  We reach out and touch things, arrange them the way WE want them in another act of marking our territory.  We put up signs, post reminders, leave notes and file complaints to guard our territory.

We refer to our territories as “my” or “mine”.  As in “my yard” or “my area of expertise”.  “The house is mine”  or “The deal is mine.”  Taking ownership of our territory as we see it as rightfully owned by us.  This is called being “territorial”.

This blog is MY territory.  It’s a space where I put down my thoughts, reactions, emotions and explanations.  It’s MINE to do with as I please.  And I am VERY territorial about it.

I thought his Daily Prompt word was a good one today, sort of a fun exercise.  Of course, my explanations of the word are from more of my personal use of it.  I am not being overly technical or using the dictionary definition.

Thanks for visiting my blog and reading me today.  I appreciate your visit and invite you to hit the like button and also leave me a quick comment about what you did today – it was a “snow day” here in southern Maine, snowed in and just hunkered down chillin all day.  It afforded me time to do a lot of indoor household chores like cleaning out the fridge and pantry – something you don’t necessarily do every week.  I got a lot of those little things done today.

Peace.  And be kind…it counts!  ~MB

Trump’s Latest Anti-LGBT Move…

People line Christopher Street during a gathering of the LGBTQ community and supporters protesting U.S. President Donald Trump's agenda in Manhattan

Roger Severino has been given the position as chief of the Office for Civil Rights in the Health and Human Services (HHS) department of our government, working directly under HHS secretary Tom Price.

THIS, dear friends, is NOT good for the LGBT community.  This is a direct threat to all of the rights that we have fought so damned hard for, the major one coming to mind is marriage equality.  Severino and Price are BOTH historically anti-LGBT in their rhetoric and actions.

Putting these two people at the helm of the ship when it comes to all civil rights is a very dangerous thing to minority groups.  Of the LGBT in particular Severino and Price do not believe the discrimination is an issue for us.  Really?

These appointments are more fine examples of how inconsiderate, hateful and trigger happy the president and his administration are.  Who appoints someone who hates gays to an office that has the duty to investigate and possibly prosecute the abuse of LGBT civil rights?  Someone who hates us to begin with: Donald Trump.

Yes, the great old orange idiot did this to us.  If you are an LGBT Republican and you voted for this guy I hope you are happy now.  Or will you be happier when they strip our right to marry away?  They’re going to try to do it, just you wait and see.  Either way, these appointments send dangerous signals that they would bring someone to protect our rights to the table that so adamantly denies there are problems and the we even need protection.

“Severino won’t be able to roll back protections overnight, and his office will still be required to look into every civil rights complaint. But he will have some discretion in terms of deciding what to prioritize, and what kind of resources to invest. (HHS Secretary Tom Price also has a history of opposing LGBTQ rights.”  Huffington Post, 3-27-17

 

 

A Glimpse into My Life

I know I’ve been writing about a lot of different things lately, like my political rants and things like that, so I thought I would write you all a personal note tonight, to say #1, I am very very appreciative for all of your presence here on my blog.  Thank you for your readership, comments, conversations and support.  It means a lot to me, I mean it.

On more personal notes, I’ve been doing quite well lately.  I’m strong in my recovery and have been attending Groups: Recover Together meetings every Wednesday.  It’s group therapy for opioid addicts, primarily heroin and oxycodone.  We meet weekly, voluntarily are tested for substances abuse, see the doctor once a month and pick up our Suboxone prescriptions.  The Suboxone is a life saver.  I haven’t felt this good about my recovery ever.  The suboxone kills the cravings for the drugs.  Flat out.  It’s a miracle drug in my opinion.  I had previously tried detoxing and maintaining with methadone, but I found that it made me high just like the heroin did and I didn’t want the “high” feeling.  With the suboxone you don’t get that, you just don’t have the craving for the opioid at all.  Don’t know why, but it works the balls!  I highly recommend it as part of your recovery program if you are an addict.

Also, the group therapy piece is important too.  It gives me a place where I can bring up subjects and talk about things that are challenging during this process, with other people who are in similar situations with their addictions; a place where I am not ashamed and can actually be proud of my accomplishments and have someone understand that pride.

Around home things are going really well.  I did run out of heating fuel this weekend, which was unfortunate.  I didn’t want to pay for an emergency weekend delivery so I borrowed two 5 gallon diesel fuel containers from my brother and hauled 20 gallons of diesel over (2 trips to the station) and put it in to burn until I can get 100 gallons of heating oil.  The hardest part was getting the furnace running again.  I had never had to do that before, so I watched a YouTube video on it, tried to bleed the line and get it running myself…no luck.  Several tries later, I conceded my defeat and called my heater technician.  He came by and was here all of 12 minutes, got it going and walked me through the entire procedure so that I can do it myself next time.  I just have to get over to Home Depot and pick up a jumper wire, which will help me to get it going in the future if this ever happens again.  I’m going to be a bit more vigilant now and not let it run out!  I did calculate and figured out that I am burning approximately 50 gallons of fuel mix per month, in the dead of winter, to heat this place.  That’s not bad!  And knowing this will give me a better idea of how to budget for next winter’s oil deliveries.  Live & Learn.

I have been uploading new videos to my YouTube channel.  It’s been a struggle to get back into the swing of doing videos.  Plus, of course, I have changed a little bit in the last couple of years, and the world has changed too.  I’ve gotten older, perhaps a bit wiser, and definitively more comfortable with myself.  It’s fun to go back sometimes and watch the really old videos of my younger, cockier self.  I feel like I am much more conscientious of what I am saying in my videos now.  I am more aware of my own internalized phobias and prejudices to begin with, and I fight to change those.  I never realized that one could have those types of things.  I like to think of myself as open minded and educated, but I had to admit that I, like most every person, also have my baggage and am not perfect in my thought processes.  Like today for instance, I was reading about the Russian people revolting against Putin and the powers that be in Russia where they suffer under his rule.  It occurred to me that while I hate Putin and Russian politics, I am not a hater of the Russian people, and I hope they over throw that demon.  Formerly, I would say I hated Russians…but it’s not exactly that way, it’s more a hating of the authoritarian rule of Russia and a healthy fear of it as well.  Am I making sense?

The first day of Spring was last week, but it still is very cold and wintery here in southern Maine.  I am really looking forward to some warmer weather, sunshine and the greening up of the landscape.  Right now everything is brown and dead looking, with smatterings of snowbanks that haven’t yet melted.  It will be good to see green grass and buds on the trees soon.  I always fight my depression more in the winter too.  Although this winter seemed to be a bit better on that front.  I had my best friend Linda around a lot and she helped me snap out of my moods quite often.  She wouldn’t LET me get sullen and depressed; she would refocus me on doing things to keep myself busy and not give me time to get bored, which often brings on the depression for me.  I really thank my lucky stars that she is there for me.  I’ve even come to depend upon her in many ways, which takes a large amount of trust for me to do.  She’s shown me real friendship, and for that I am grateful.

The dogs, Nola and Lulu, are doing great.  Of course they have been cooped up a lot with the inclement weather of winter too.  I try to get them out of the house any chance I get, taking them with me in the truck whenever possible.  They love to ride in the truck and are just as happy to wait for me in the truck when I get out to go into any place we stop at.  Thankfully they are good dogs, don’t chew or destroy stuff and can be trusted to wait patiently while I get things done.  As the days get warmer we will do more outings like going to the local beaches and parks for walks and outside time.  They also have a nice pen outside of my house that they can safely be outside in during good weather, and to do their business every couple of hours.  That pen is a lifesaver.  I built it right out my back door, so all I have to do is open the door and they can scoot out into their yard, which is like 20′ x 40′ in size.

So, there you have it.  A basic update about me.  No politics.  No deep questions.  Just a little window into my more personal side.  I’m healthy, happy and doing well.  And I hope all of you are too!  Peace!  ~MB

 

Identity Complexity

“How do we bridge who we become with who we were?”

“Remember who you wanted to be”  quoted from a bumper sticker I saw yesterday

“Language sets expectations”

I seem to be running into all of these one-liners that are basically alluding to identity and I find this very interesting.

I have also had some conversation surrounding identity and how we embody it, about the multiple pieces of a person and how they make up the whole.

Also, in writing about intersectionality it spurred me to think about all of the things that make up me; all of those pieces, and how they all fit together with each other.  It’s hard to figure out which piece goes in what order when you start listing all of those aspects of yourself out.  Like, what comes first, what is your first identity?  Of course we all know that it’s your sex.  When you are born they automatically declare “it’s a Girl!” or “it’s a Boy!” and God forbid they can’t figure THAT out, then all hell breaks loose I would imagine.

So if our first identity is our sex, whether we are male or female, then our second identity would be what color we are – am I right?  Those will be the first things noticed about you when you are first seen, what sex and what color.  So, I started life as a white girl.  Oh but wait, wee what I did there…I listed white first.  So is my color or my sex predominant?

I read a lot about “white privilege”, so I think that your color is the predominant first identity.  Even in common conversation we tend to go to color first, like “the black kitten” not “the kitten black”  Am I making sense?  I am thinking this through as I write…so bear with me here.

Identity, as we know, changes over the course of life.  That’s just how it works.  There are some things that don’t change, like your color/race.  But we do go from being “girl” to being a “woman” at a certain age, and we develop into people with various other identities to tack onto the ones we start with.  Once you decide your sexual preference, there’s that.  So, now I am a white woman lesbian.  Jesus, this can be super complicated.

At one time in my life I was a soldier.  And thus that was part of my identity.  Now I am a former soldier, or a veteran.  At one time I identified as a Republican (go figure, it’s true though) but now I identify as independent in political thinking, leaning toward Democrat. I now identify as a Butch lesbian, but remember there is no singular experience of an identity.  So my Butch will be different from your Butch, maybe subtly or maybe starkly, but it will definitely be different.  People are all different, no two are ever exactly alike.

There are identities in class and socio-economic status too.  I’ve always identified as middle class, grew up that way and have maintained that middle class socio-economic status – although some days I feel poor as fuck, I know I do have privilege as middle-class.

This all brings me back to line one of this blog: How do we bridge who we become with who we were?  We all build history in our lives.  Years ago I was a hard-core drug addict.  Today, while I still fight the demons of addiction, I am not what I was once upon a time by any means.  I have evolved, grown, learned and improved in that area of my life and identity.  I think back to when I identified as a more conservative Republican and what that was all about.  I was in the military, perhaps I was sort of brain washed by the military machine.  Today I am much more concerned with social justice and equality than I was back then.

So, there are all of these pieces of ourselves that come together neatly – or so we hope – to make up who we become; who we are today.  Who knows what new pieces will be added to make up who we will be tomorrow, or next week.  Good thing is that as human beings, with very complex brains, we do have the ability to make concerted efforts and to make choices, thus we do have influence on what happens with our decisions.

These are all the pieces of my identity that intersect to make me ME:  A white Butch lesbian woman, independent, Methodist, working-class, HIV+, recovering addict, American, introvert, avg. intelligence, physically disabled, outspoken, employed, mobile, compassionate, activist…hell, the list can go on I suppose.

Like I said, I’ve been thinking about all of this because of the word intersectionality.  So, I’ve been thinking about the way the world sees me.  Not how you or my family sees me but how I am seen statistically.  (But then it is interesting to wonder about how my closer contacts identify me, too.)

Then I think about how the word is used when speaking about oppression, domination and discrimination.  Of course, I am already considered a 2nd class citizen because of the mere fact that I am female.  Men want and do dominate our world unfortunately.  Women will always fight male domination and oppression, I do not foresee a time when that will not be a fact in my lifetime.

Just this last week it was a full panel of MEN that were gathered and deciding on women’s health issues during the Trumpcare debacle.  Not one woman on that panel or in that room!  THAT, my friends, is fucking oppression and male domination at it’s finest – or worst I should say.  Why is it that men think they can or should ever be deciding on women’s health/body issues?  Where do they get the idea that it is THEIR job or duty to tell women what to do with their own bodies, or what is/isn’t going to be covered by insurance.  Insurance covers Viagra, so equally it should cover contraceptives.  Fair is fair in my book.  But not in the “book of men” I suppose.  No man should ever be making a woman’s decision for her. Ever.  That panel should have been ALL WOMEN.

I will leave you with  a quick question, which of your identities expose you to the most oppression, domination or discrimination?  Drop me a quick comment below and let’s talk a little about this.  I’m very interested to know what you think.

Peace!  ~MB

 

 

 

 

 

Big Word: Intersectionality

I seem to keep running into this word: Intersectionality.  So, I went to Wikipedia to research it’s origin and meaning; to give myself some basic understanding of the word.  This is one of those specific times that I wish I had much more direct contact, like in face-to-face conversations, with others in the LGBT community on a regular basis.  But, I am relegated to internet relations and community for now – it’s a hazard of living as an older LGBT person in rural America.  I wish I could discuss this word and it’s meaning and how it pertains to the LGBT community with some people who could explain it to me in more detailed terms.

From what I am gathering here it means basically that there are lots of “parts” of you that come together to make a “whole” of you.  And “intersectional theory” claims that there are overlapping or intersecting social identities and related systems of oppression, domination and discrimination.  This gets really deep, basically saying that we are multi-dimensional and intertwined with our various “parts” and the discrimination/oppression we experience is generally addressing the individual parts.  So, I may be oppressed because I am a woman on one level, and then discriminated against because I am lesbian on another platform.  It’s quite complicated.  But I get the gist of it.

I encourage you to click on the link to the word intersectionality and read up on it.  You may hear it being tossed around in the media a bit more, as we are realizing that marginalized people like us are also intersectionally challenged with multiple types of oppression, domination and discrimination.

I know, this is a deep subject I have chosen to address here, but it’s important for me to understand things like this as much as I possibly am able to understand.  Vocabulary and wordsmithing is something I really like.  I love to learn new words, and how to use them properly.  I do realize that my understanding of “intersectionality” is currently limited to what I am reading here and on the web in general, and that personal discussion of how it affects others is much needed for me to understand it completely.  So, if you have some input for me, or a take on what it means for you please leave me a comment, let’s have a discussion!

Peace!  ~MainelyButch

BREAKING: Trump pulls health care bill!

It’s just after 4pm here on the east coast of the US, and Trump has told Paul Ryan to “pull the health care bill.”  He doesn’t want it to go to a full vote because he knows it will LOSE and the Old Orange One cannot stand to lose anything.  Here is his first big piece of legislation and he can’t even play by the rules.  I wish they had let it go to vote and killed it outright, that would have been the best, but I am glad that it’s a dead issue anyway.

Paul Ryan is about to speak live from the Capital and then Trumpy is suppose to be addressing the nation live from the Oval Office after that.  I am SURE they will spin that that it is somehow “not their fault” and the evil Democrats will pay for this.  He just can’t take it when negotiations don’t go his way, he’s even got his Republican buddies calling him “The Negotiator” now…well it didn’t work did it asshole?!

I am happy that ObamaCare will stand.  Sure, it could be improved, but overall it’s far, far better than what Trump and the Republicans were trying to shove down our throats.

Peace!  ~MB

#RESIST