via Daily Prompt: Ruminate

My Horoscope for Today:

“You may feel somewhat open or vulnerable today. It could be that you’re allowing more of your authentic self to be seen by your friends or loved ones. Perhaps you’re taking a chance by attempting to make a new connection with someone you don’t know very well but would like to become closer to. If you’re feeling vulnerable today, try to invite more love into your life, even if you are afraid of rejection. An emotional risk could be a chance worth taking, so allow yourself to express what is on your mind or in your heart. Try to be completely open and honest. If you don’t censor yourself and let your true self show, you will create real connections with people.” 

This all really ruminates with me, I am totally in this space of allowing more of my authentic self to be exposed to my friends and loved ones. I have been getting to know someone more, and have been slowly learning about her, and she about me. I find it to always be taking a chance to let someone new into my life on an intimate basis.  But without taking that chance, and being my authentic self, I could be passing by a really awesome friendship or relationship. And I’m too old to let a chance like that get by me.

I had a really super productive weekend here at home.  I deep cleaned my house, caught up on all of the laundry and got things very organized.  I even got new shelving in the shed and got that more organized.  It feels great to have everything around me in it’s place.  Now to keep it well organized and picked up is all I need to do.  That and my normal weekly cleaning of everything I normally tend to, like changing my bed sheets, vacuuming and washing the floors as necessary.  I have to vacuum quite frequently because of the amount of Nola and Lulu hair that accumulates in the form of hair balls and dust bunnies.  Being ADHD I always do better when things are right in the world around me.  I even got the new knobs on the cabinet doors, although I am having screw-length issues with the draw pulls.  Seems that I need longer machine screws than those that came in the package with the pulls, and I got some longer ones but they were too long.

I’ve been doing better with my depression lately.  I take an anti depressant medication, and I think that I was on too high a dose, which was messing with me.  I’ve cut my dose in half and that seems to be doing the trick without the side effects.  I did discuss the change with my doctor and she was in agreement that I should try the lower dose.  I seem to be adjusting to it well, and my moods have stabilized very quickly.

I am starting to participate in a therapy group.  It’s for addiction issues and should be a good thing for me.  I haven’t done group therapy for years, my last group was of people dealing with living with HIV.  I liked it except that they were so focused on “dying” from HIV and not “living” with it.  I wanted more from the living aspect, and not the dying.  I had decided a long time before that that I would find a way to be at peace with my virus.  I take my medication, remain undetectable and keep very high T-cell counts.  Meds now consist of 3 pills once a day – a far cry from the 90’s and the handfuls of medications they threw at us to see what worked.  I’ve been lucky, I’ve taken pretty good care to stay healthy and to adhere to my medication regimen.

The new group will focus on addiction issues.  I am at a point where things are going relatively well in that area of my life.  I’m taking good care to stay clean and sober.  I have a whole new attitude and find that life is just far easier this way.  Plus I care deeply for the people in my life and want to keep them there.  LIVING successfully clean is my goal.   Sure, I will always fight addiction on some level, but I won’t let it beat me.

(written last weekend…finished today)

Snowmageddon 2017…Another Nor’Easter

I am hunkered down at home today, weathering out a super duper bad Nor’easter.  It’s snowing heavy and the wind is whipping at 40+mph, gusting as high as 80mph.  Yes, this is as bad as it gets here!  And it’s become so common place that we all joke about it now.  Everyone on my Facebook friends list is posting pics of the storm from their homes, or pictures of sunshine from other parts of the world.  It’s been a real active day on FB, everyone is stuck inside with not much else to do.  The power keeps flickering on and off here, I am waiting for it to go off for an extended time at some point, which means no heat or internet.  I am praying that that doesn’t happen because this is my main source of entertainment for the day!

My dogs are even a little stir crazy today.  They are leary of all of the wind noise, and the shaking of the house in some of the gusts.  Yes, it is blowing hard enough to literally shake the house.  I live in a mobile home, so it’s more susceptible to hard wind gusts.

I’ve been spending a good amount of my time alone lately and doing quite a decent amount of writing.  I am still in total denial that Trump is really president.  Although I do not dispute that he has invaded the White House with all of his corruption and his cohorts in treason.  I’m very disappointed in Congress…they ALL have no guts.  They will not stand up to Trump; they won’t call him on his bullshit, no matter how bad it gets they dare not cross him or do anything that would upset or anger him.  Anyone who is watching can see how nut-less this governing body has become.  It used to be that Republicans wanted everything done by the book, and wouldn’t stand for anything that smelled of corruption or lies, but this new Congress – under Trump – is just as complicit as he is.  Just as guilty.

The new health insurance bill that the Republicans have presented is anything but good.  First, it’s nothing new.  It’s basically just ripping all of the good stuff out of Obamacare and adding in more tax breaks for the rich while leaving millions and millions uninsured.  They keep throwing around the word “access”…saying we all have “access” to health insurance.  Well, right NOW we all have access to it, you can go out and buy health insurance any time you want – IF you can afford the premiums.  So “access” is NOTHING NEW.  And removing Medicaid and Planned Parenthood funding is NOT what Trump promised while he was campaigning.  He specifically promised to protect Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security.  This new health insurance bill would eliminate Medicare funding for millions.  Thus, once again, leaving millions without any alternative than to use the ER for their primary care needs. I am hoping that there will be many revisions to this new plan, that Congress will not just pass it “because” he said it was to be.   Trump has said that it “will pass, one way or another” which indicates to me that he is not shy about using executive privilege to force this bill into law.  It’s just sad that Americans have to fight tooth and nail to get good health care, and for it to be affordable.  America should be better, we should have the best health care in the world and it should be readily accessible and affordable to all Americans.  Period.

I find it interesting that Trump has remained so quiet all week.  Since his stupid “wires tapped” Tweets he hasn’t said two words really.  Some WH lawyers must have jumped in and stopped him from Tweeting, that’s the only thing that makes sense.  When directed to provide PROOF of his accusations by yesterday, he declined to do so and sent Spicer to face the press.  Poor stupid Spicer.  The guy is just short of a full stack.  You would think that Trump could find a better WH spokesman.

And Kellyanne Conway….her and her “microwave” surveillance comment has really gotten her into the Twitterverse this week.  Hell, I even suspiciously eyed my own microwave….hehe.  She is just a looney tune.  Half of everything she says is just air facts, the other half doesn’t make ANY sense.  She’s another WH spokesperson who needs to fade into the woodwork and NOT be allowed to speak.  Even her voice grates on my nerves.

I am writing other blogs, just trying to find the words at the moment.  Thank goodness I have my writing as an outlet.  I do get mighty lonely here….it’s high time I change that, and very soon!

Be kind.  Peace.  ~MB


So, Trump’s stab at the ACA (also known as Obamacare) is pretty pathetic.  He claims that his plan will give everyone “access” to health insurance coverage.  Well, we all have “access” to caviar and champagne too.  But that doesn’t mean we all have it because most of us cannot afford it!  Same with health insurance, it’s pretty unaffordable here.  I just went over a plan with my friend here, and the premiums and deductibles were very high, more about that later.

The new plan, TrumpCare, or the AHC Act of 2017 would in essence do the following plus more:

  • Offer less coverage overall
  • Result in higher out of pocket costs
  • Increase insurance premiums across the board
  • De-funds Planned Parenthood, devastating women’s healthcare.
  • Penalizes for lapses in coverage by up to 30%
  • Is less accessible for Seniors and the poor
  • Eliminates the Medicaid expansion, resulting in loss of mental health and substance abuse treatment/programs (Medicaid covers 72 million Americans, approximately 1/3 of who have mental health or substance abuse care needs.)
  • Gives tax breaks to the rich

I am perplexed that our GOP is so cold and heartless as to present a bill that would cause millions of people to lose their health insurance, due to an increase in premiums that they can’t afford or to a pre-existing condition or a lapse in coverage for over 60 days.  They claim this is “reasonable”, that reducing access to subsidized health insurance isn’t cruel, that it’s some form of “tough love” -without the love – in which people are forced to make good choices instead of bad ones.  This is patronizing and a big misreading of the actual outcome of this new bill.  One guy, I think it was saying that, and I am going from memory here) that maybe someone would “have to not buy that new iPhone” in order to afford their insurance. That is really stereotyping us!  Isn’t this guy really saying that Americans are just stupid?  Hell, it would take quite a few iPhones to cover the cost of a year’s insurance premiums on someone my age, single and with a pre-existing condition or two.

Many of the GOP are also against this new AHCA (American Health Care Act of 2017) or TrumpCare.  Some call it ObamaCare Lite, or ObamaCare 2.0.  I think it would be cool to call it something after Obama, he is the one who got us established with the Affordable Care Act and does deserve most of the credit.  We wouldn’t be discussing health care right now if it weren’t for his pushing the ACA through.

I am really concerned with the elimination of the Medicaid expansion.  Medicaid is administered by each of the states.  Every state has it’s own program, and if you cut or eliminate funding many people will be at risk.  I am very concerned that any poorly implemented or poorly timed change in the current funding structure in Medicaid could result in a reduction in access to life-saving health care services. And will certainly result in the loss of mental health services and to substance abuse treatment.  It will also result in the de-funding of Planned Parenthood, which means the loss of free mammograms, pap smears, birth control and family planning services for those most at risk.  Access to mental health and substance abuse treatment is vital in my opinion and cannot be compromised.

It’s all about money in the end.  Conservatives want everyone to just pay for their own health insurance out of pocket.  Who is rich enough, in the real world, to do that?  Congressmen and Senators, that’s who.  Rich cronies of Trumps, that’s who.  But not us regular hard working citizens.  I listen to people who make a lot more money than I do complain that they can’t afford the premiums of their health insurance policies, so they either don’t have insurance or are carrying the bare minimum required by the 2015 ACA law.  I know many people who just don’t have health coverage.  Some even need care and cannot access it due to the cost.

For instance, a policy with a $500 deductible, a 15/30/60 prescription co-pay for a single 55 yr old white woman is about $67.00 per week.  That’s $3484.oo per year.  (I just went over this policy with a friend, that’s where my numbers come from here).  That is A LOT of money when you only make $400 a week, they take taxes and SSI out of you, leaving you with about $320, then subtract the health insurance premium and you are left with $253.00 to live on.  You have to pay rent, electricity, heat, water and everything else….leaving one behind the proverbial 8 ball quite frequently.  Not to mention you have to meet the yearly $500 deductible before coverage kicks in, and you have pretty high co-pays on medications to deal with monthly.  It’s crazy.

Personally, I am lucky.  I am on Medicare…which they haven’t yet attacked and eviscerated.  I have good coverage, and it’s a good thing with my pre-existing conditions.  I also have Medicaid to help me with prescription costs.  Currently I pay for my mental health care and substance abuse treatment out of my own pocket each week as the program I am in isn’t yet covered by my insurance, although the medication IS covered.  So for now I feel like my own health insurance is stable.  I pay $130 per month for Medicare and $68 per month for Medicaid coverage.  THIS is more reasonable than the $290.00 per month for the policy I spoke of in the last paragraph.

These are the basics on the newly proposed Republican AHC Act of 2017.  I am opposed to the implementation of these new laws on health insurance until they fix the short comings above.  We need a health care act that provides access and availability of affordable coverage for all Americans.  It’s just plain common sense.  Protect the most vulnerable, protect our seniors and our sick and poor too.  Money should not be an obstacle when it comes to getting proper care for yourself.  If it is, there should be programs to help defray the costs so that people can stay healthy, be treated and feel safe in this aspect of life.

We’ll see what happens.  I am following this very closely and will update my thoughts as this issue is hashed out in Congress and the Senate.  Trump’s wild card is to just not make any changes and let Obamacare fail on it’s own….I’m not sure if it would fail, but they seem to think that it would if left alone as it is.  The failure of the program would be a loss of health benefits for millions…it just can’t happen.  But Trump is saying it’s this new plan or none at all.  Bastard.  He doesn’t care about anyone but himself.  That’s obvious.


Arriving Butch

Let’s face it, the binary of male and female can get mighty skewed for some of us.  Like me, my identity is very hard for me to scale on that proverbial “binary scale” of 1 being female and 10 being male.  I use the tagline for my blogs of “Walking that thin line” quite often, and I am questioned quite frequently as to if I identify as Trans or FtM.   It sometimes makes me myself curious about why I get that question so much, except when I look in the mirror and see a very Butch person looking back at me.  It is confusing I accept that fact.

I grew up in a time when it wasn’t cool to be Butch and a girl.  And I was obviously both from the get go.  One can see photos of me as a child and see that pretty plainly.  I was a rough and tumble child.  I was the ultimate Tomboy, and I was being raised as a little girl.  My parents must have been perplexed at times.  I fought from a very young age about the clothing I was to wear, I hated dresses and anything with frills.  I would fight them tooth and nail not to wear them.  I wanted to wear the most plain of clothes in my tiny wardrobe and ones that didn’t scream that I was a girl.  At the time I am sure I didn’t know the difference between boy clothes and girl clothes, only that some clothes made me feel totally wrong. And my hair was another issue.  They liked me to wear it long and I hated that too.  Finally in the 3rd grade summer my Mom took us to get hair cuts and I got mine in the famous “pixie” cut.  I was in my fucking glory.  I was so happy to be done with the long hair, pony tails and ribbons.  I finally had a haircut that helped me to be me.

These days, as an adult, I can look back on my childhood with some very fond memories.I loved being a kid and I grew up in a very healthy atmosphere with two very loving, caring parents…even if I did rebel against some of their authority at times.  For the most part I was a decent kid, just with some gender dysphoria and undiagnosed attention deficit disorder (ADD).  High school was the hardest for me.  Coming into my years of puberty and the growing of breast, etc. was just not easy on me.  I  didn’t want the breasts or any of it.  I hated the attention that these changes brought to me.  I didn’t want the attention of boys and avoided it as much as possible, until I was “expected” to start dating them at around 14 or so.  While I wasn’t interested in the boys, I was interested in the girls!

I realized I was gay at around 10 I think, I actually looked the word “lesbian” up in a dictionary after I heard someone use it one day.  Yup, that was me, I thought to myself.  I kept my sexuality very secret, never telling a soul until after I left home at 18.  Even then I was scared to let the world know my real identity.  I hid for so long that I was scared of what people would think of me if I “came out”, and back then (the early 80’s) it wasn’t a very favorable climate to be gay.  Most of us stayed in some sort of closet for a good long time before the 90’s arrived and the big ’92 March on Washington happened, which in some ways really opened the door for so many people to come out and be seen for who they really were.  By that time I was actually living as an out lesbian woman already, but was so invigorated by the March and being among all of my people.

It was at that March that I got to witness the last full unfurling of the AIDS Quilt…a real defining moment in my history.  Little did I know at that time that I was going to find out in the near future that I too had HIV; but that is another story all in itself.

So most of my socialization as a young lesbian happened in the 80’s.  I turned 18 in 1980 and left home to join the big bad US Army.  I thought I could escape my hometown and the prying eyes of my parents and live my life as I wished.  Which was mostly true, although I always worried about what my family thought of me during that time.  I was an 80’s wild child, into the whole sex, drugs, and rock and roll scene that was happening.  Hanging out at the bars was what we DID.  We didn’t know anything about HIV/AIDS, it wasn’t discovered yet to our knowledge.  We didn’t think about that kind of stuff anyway, I was young, cute and loved to chase the women.  I always went after the more feminine types, and I was always Butch…it’s just who I was, and the Butch/femme dynamic appealed to me.  I had a healthy respect for those who came before me and fought so hard for our place in society…especially in our own community.  Being Butch or femme is sometimes not favored by those who don’t identify along that spectrum.  I’ve taken a lot of heat for my seriously Butch presentation at times in my life, and mostly from other lesbians who just don’t want to see me for who I am.

By the late 80’s we knew about the HIV/AIDS thing, yet we were still not convinced it would affect US.  People were starting to get sick and die for various weird reasons.  I was out of the Army and living a fairly wild little life with a nice solid cocaine habit…little did I know that this is what would sink me in the end.  We knew that gay men were getting it through sex, but didn’t realize that IDU’s could spread the disease as well.  Facts were scarce to the general public, and while they were more available inside the LGBT community, there was no real organized community around me at that time.  I dabbled with hanging with the biker crowd for a few years, frequenting the biker bars and picking up straight women. So, while I had a small core group of lesbian friends that also hung at the biker bar and the local women’s bar, we were sort of insulated here in rural America.

Being Butch I fit well with the biker community, and I found them far less judgemental of me than even my own peers at times.  I loved the feeling of being able to relax and be myself, dress the way I wished and to be as out as I wanted to be.  I made some interesting friends and met some wild people during those formative years.  That seems like a whole different life now to me.  And it was, it was seriously a life on the very edge of reality.  My bike, those friends and that atmosphere kept me alive during those times of turmoil.  I wouldn’t ever trade that experience for anything.  I learned a lot, a lot about how to treat people, about respect and about living your truth.

The 90’s arrived and I sort of exited the biker and cocaine world.  I got myself clean and settled into a nice solid relationship, kept my little core group of lesbian friends and we would sit on the front porch looking out over the harbor and drink til we couldn’t drink any more.  We had a couple of really fun summers doing that and my life felt more right at that point than it had during those wild ass 80’s.  I was settled and in love.  I was living the Butch/femme dynamic that I knew I was meant to live and I was pretty damned happy.  That relationship lasted a couple of years, until I moved on to a new relationship that would be destined to last for 14 years…yet, another story!

The millennium brought a lot of great new things to the LGBT community, we were fighting hard for equality, marriage rights and it was the dawn of the serious techno era. Everyone was getting cell phones, computers were finally something anyone could own  and operate, and we were connecting online.  Those early days we were relegated to dial up services and primarily AOL, but it was the beginning of great things. I began to connect with other Butch identified people, made a good number of Trans friends too via the internet.

I began to blog on line and talk about the struggles and rewards of life as a Butch in the rural Maine area.  I was in a long term relationship and thought I would be in it forever.  My family was totally accepting and supportive of everything and I was living a virtual life of Riley.  Then I had my “mid-life crisis” of sorts, left my relationship and went a little hog wild, traveling around the country and dating new women.  I really started to outwardly identify as Butch and was becoming far more comfortable with it as I was meeting many more people from the Butch/femme community.  I was dating more femme identified women than I had been with in the past, and that was what I really wanted I discovered.

I finally could be my authentic self, Butch and proud.  I relaxed in so many ways, no longer worrying about being “too” Butch, and no longer trying to “tone it down” for anyone.  I was dating women who loved my Butchness and who understood many of the struggles I had had with my gender presentation and sexuality.

Now, 10 years later, I am living my life as I wish.  I am an activist, a stubborn old Butch and I am the boss of me and mine.  I live quietly back in Maine, close to the rocky shore line of the Atlantic Ocean in a small town just north of Boston Massachusetts.  I no longer drink or frequent the bar scene, there really isn’t a bar scene left for the LGBTQ community around here, they all closed years ago.  I keep a couple of close friends in whom I trust.  Those days of hard partying, chasing women and doing daredevil stunts are pretty much behind me.  Although I still struggle with addiction issues, I have it under control now, and I have my priorities straight.  I still avoid public restrooms as much as possible, no matter which one I choose I either get yelled at or risk being beat up.  I had chest surgery in 2015 and am much more comfortable with my body now, I just was never meant to have boobs. I hated them and was glad I could do the surgery and make that change to myself.  So, life is good now and I am pretty happy…and single.  I would like to be in a relationship at some point here, and it will happen I am sure.  I find it still difficult to meet women here locally and while I do meet women via the internet, I am very careful and very cautious with who I talk to these days.  I’ve seen enough game playing in my lifetime to know that I don’t want any more of that now.

So that is basically my story of arriving Butch to the world and treading lightly.  I’ll close this for now, peace.  ~MB





Early Morning Rantings!

Once again I am awakened at 2am, just am not meant to sleep like a normal person should right now.  I wake up and I am just…up…no going back to sleep in the immediate future.

I had a really great conversation with a great woman that I have been talking to lately.  It wasn’t an easy chat at all, but it was good for both of us I believe.  I confided in her a good bit about my addiction history, and she didn’t go running away like a scared cat. Addiction is not an easy topic to navigate and I admire her for her inquisitiveness on the topic, as it is a big part of who I am and why I am.  I look forward to more conversations with her, about everything.  She is someone I very much want to keep in my life.  🙂

Today was a bit hectic, but seriously productive. I worked til 1pm and then got together with my best friend and went to do our Friday afternoon errands around town.  Every Friday we have a ritual of doing this.  It’s called living paycheck to paycheck.  We get paid, go out and pay our bills, do the shopping for our respective households and take care of whatever else needs doing in town.  It is a struggle sometimes, but I make it work somehow.  And I realize that there are millions of others who are making it work this way as well.  It’s not easy in today’s economy or job market to do it any other way – especially if you don’t have a college education to fall back on, which I don’t.  Sometimes it feels likeI am always trying to play catch up on things, but hey, that’s just how it is.  I do alright.

I visited Trader Joe’s grocery this afternoon, I love that place!  I actually requested an employment application when I was checking out, and the woman who checked me out told me it was a super great place to work.  Everyone in there seems pretty pleasant and happy to be there, so they must enjoy the job.  I love the diversity of people in the place, from old hippies, to housewives, to young dykes, it’s just a palate of different people. They must have a really good company equality policy.  I am going to research the company a bit just to be sure that I would be a good fit there.

I also visited Staples office supply store on my excursion about town.  I needed a ream of copy paper.  They had a really good deal on some excellent quality paper that I had to take advantage of!  That is another place I could picture myself working.  Although a bit more “stuffy” than Trader Joe’s eclectic atmosphere, it would be fun.  I was in the corporate business world for many years and used to frequent the place quite a bit for supplies for my company.  I imagine working with people who were doing the same thing would be right up my alley in skill sets. And being the techno nerd that I am, I can imagine I would probably reinvest in the company and that might not be a good idea!  I’d be buying stuff like crazy.

Meanwhile, in Trumpy-land the Twitterverse is running wild with Trumpy stuff.  This Russian connection thing is really getting out of hand, Jeff Sessions needs to resign and a full investigation needs to ensue.  It just has to happen to put this subject into some sort of understandable terms. I was Tweeting with a friend in Texas who is petrified right now.  Being our age and queer isn’t going to be an easy path under Trump as he keeps going along with ripping away our rights and equalities.  It’s also just plain scary as an American, not withstanding being a part of the LGBTQ community!   Everyone seems to feel the impending doom of being attacked in some way by all of the executive orders and wild things that Trump and his team are doing or proposing to do.  I know I’m fucking scared.

Living in Maine has some pretty unique advantages.  Where I live especially because geographically it’s a great spot.  Right between Boston Mass, and Portland Maine.  I can be at the beach in 5 minutes, in the White Mountains in less than an hour and to either of the two cities in about 45 minutes.  Geographically it’s fucking perfection.  Maine also has a good equality rating. I just read an article in the Bangor Daily News about Maine being at the top when it comes to gender equality.  We also have good protections for the LGBTQ citizens here too.  I am glad that I live in this type of state.  From personal experience I can say that there IS really good gender equality.  Maine women are a fierce and tough lot.  Especially those from “down” Maine, which is actually upstate Maine…it’s a Maine thing…those women are hardened by the lifestyle of living in a very rural state, where you have to be fairly tough to survive.  I live in the more populated area, it’s a bit easier to navigate life here, but my cousins are down Mainers’ and they are not to be messed with.  The women are equal to the men up there in so many ways, they do equal work and expect equal pay. And truth be known, I believe they run the whole fucking show!  I have a healthy respect for my down Maine women cousins. They take no prisoners.

I hope your weekend is a great one!  Signing off from southern Maine….Peace!  ~MB


Ahhh..March and Patreon

I’ve been trying to find better venues for publishing some of my blogging work.  Not really the day to day blogs, but more the topic blogs that I do, as well as the political opinion blogs.  I just jointed Patreon, which is a site to promote my work.  I am still in the early stages of working on the Patreon page, my web page and trying to tie the three – WordPress, Patreon and – together neatly.  I would like it to be fairly easy to navigate and would like to make it all work together.

I have been having a real struggle sleeping lately.   I’m thinking that it’s a combination of being stressed out over Trumpy things, a bit of late winter depression and fighting my addictions all kind of piled up on top of one another.  I finally got fed up with feeling so out of sorts and went to see my doctor yesterday.  I am going to see a clinician at Groups, an addiction recovery center here, and hope to get into their long term recovery program.  My intake appointment is on Wednesday, wish me luck.  I have been clean for some time, but I fight like a bitch to stay clean every damned day.  The more help I have with staying the course the better I think.  It’s a life-long fight and one I intend to win.

Trump almost looked vaguely presidential during his most recent address to Congress. I was amazed that he wrote – or at least someone wrote – a speech that didn’t have any bragging about his election win, no dissing the media, and no crying about his inauguration turn out.  He kept things on track and it was the best I have seen him do yet.  I am imagining that behind the scenes there it’s really chaotic when he has his little tiffs and meltdowns with the press.  I bet that someone close to him had to write that speech and then absolutely convince him to behave himself.  The one part that I didn’t like was him using the widow of the Navy Seal that was killed recently in a Trump ordered raid.  Trump didn’t heed the advice of his advisors for that raid, he ordered it and then it turned out badly while he wasn’t even in the situation room to monitor what was happening,  Pathetic that he would try to use this Seal’s widow to garner some sympathy and to try to get some praise for himself for “going after the bad guys”.  There needs to be an investigation into that raid just like there was in Benghazzi, because upper level mistakes were surely made that cost us dearly.

And now Sessions has recused himself from this investigation into the Russian connection to Trump’s campaign.  And he admits now that he LIED to Congress….ooooo….Republicans HATE when you LIE to Congress.  I’m sure that his own party is not looking favorably upon him being chosen as Attorney General now.  I believe there will be a special prosecutor brought in and a full investigation will ensue.  So far we have 3 people, all lying and all about the Russia/Trump tie up.  This isn’t good.  Almost like it’s 1973 again….hard to believe that this is real life in America right now….Are we having fun yet?  haha

Off to my regular job now. It’s a fine day in Maine, the sun just came up and the sky is very pretty.  I can hear all the birds singing – even with the windows closed!  Which reminds me the feeders need filling this morning as I do my chores before work.  Yes, it will be a sunny clear day here and hopefully will just get warmer by the day, as I am sick and tired of winter! I’m anxious to get back outside and rake and garden, do things that are good for the soul once again.

Take care dear readers.  Remember be kind.  Peace.  ~MB



February is Over…yeehaaa!

I’ve started and almost finished this blog post 4 times now.  For some fucked up reason it keeps disappearing into cyberspace and I can’t retrieve it.  I was using my tablet for writing but now have my laptop back…and LOVING having it back!  I don’t know how to function without this laptop of mine, using the tablet is just like primative to me.

So where was I ….I am kind of not really into writing right now, but wanted to get this done today.  So I am forcing myself, in between getting up to do tasks around the house as I think of them, to sit down and just write.  It’s good therapy and I need that right now.

Oh yeah, the weather here has been spectacular.  Sunny warm days hinting at Spring. Today ends February, so it’s all downhill from here hopefully.  I expect we will get more snow but it won’t stay around long because of the warm weather and solar melting.  There is not much left on the ground now from those two nor’easters that we had in early February.  I’m just sick of snow and ready to be out there raking and doing Spring clean up around my yard.  I also need to clean out and reorganize the shed as soon as possible.  I may add a lean to roof to the rear of the shed so I can store my lawn equipment out there out of the rain and out of my way. Yeah, I have lots of Spring time projects planned!

I cooked a great dinner tonight, marinated shrimp, with my special pasta salad.  It was awesome. Now I am sitting here writing and enjoying my vape, yes , I am back to vaping to help cut back on my smoking habit. My buddy Linda came over for dinner, it’s nice to have dinner company when I decide to cook.  When I am alone I tend to survive on roast beef sandwiches and clam chowder.

I stayed up last night and worked on a slew of new paracord bracelets, I made about 20 of them and made a bunch of camo cord key fobs with compasses and dog snap attachments on them.  All good stuff for my up coming festivals.  I ‘ve got one on May 6th at the Rochester Fair Grounds, should be the first one of the season.  While I was busy making bracelets the Academy Awards was on giving out their Oscars for best actor, best picture ect.  It was a pretty good show all around, until that fated ending….they called the wrong movie for best picture.  They called La La Land, when in actuality it was discovered after a few moments of commotion on stage that Moonlight was actually the winner of the Oscar for Best Picture.  Everyone is talking about it, how could such a rookie mistake be made during the biggest TV awards show in America?  It was almost as bad as Steve Harvey calling the wrong contestant Miss Universe….too bad our election didn’t come out the same way…whoop, wrong name! hahaha

I was writing about changes earlier.  Recently I changed from primarily drinking Pepsi to drinking Coke instead, which lead me to a long rant about how we all are growing, learning and changing constantly.  You are not the same person you were 2 years ago and neither am I.  Life is a constant series of challenges and changes; adaptations to what is in front of us at the moment.  You cannot stop the changes, and if you could your life would be boring and stagnant, stuck in place.  Some of the changes in my life I have enjoyed, but some I haven’t so much.  I think we strike a balance; make a deal with ourselves to make it all good.

Trump is going to be on TV live tonight addressing the Congress and Senate.  I will be up and listening very intently I am sure.  I have noticed that someone, perhaps some of his handlers have been making him tone things down a bit.  There is so much chaos already and every time he tweets or opens his mouth unsupervised and unscripted he causes more hate and chaos.  I can’t wait to see what he has to say tonight to piss us all off again.

That’s it for me today…I just restarted some new meds and I am kinda feeling like everything I do is a complete task.  I’m moving slow and not enjoying not feeling well.  Should be back on track in a couple of days and back to myself though.  So all is good.

Peace!  ~MB