Harassment, Trump and Babble…

The weekend has been relatively uneventful.  Lots of napping with my dogs, puttering around the house at various chores like laundry and playing on the computer.  I am finding that winter – or cold weather in general – keeps my energy level down and I don’t have much motivation to do anything outside the house.  Although, I did venture out twice over the weekend.

The first trip was on Saturday morning.  I put the dog’s coats on them, packed them into the Envoy and off we went to the church Christmas fair.  I had promised my mom and the church ladies that I would check out their fair, so I did my duty and went.  I actually spent about $10 on a couple of sweet little snowmen (made by my Mom) and a pair of handmade mittens (only $2!) and some peanut butter fudge (couldn’t resist!), so I didn’t do bad.  I also stopped at the Christmas craft fair at the Lion’s club, where I found mostly jewelry being sold.  Nice stuff, but nothing I was really interested in right now.  I picked up some homemade dog cookies though, and the dogs loved them!

Sunday I ventured out after noon time.  Big mistake.  I forgot that today is the Sunday before Thanksgiving and I went to the grocery store.  It was a MAD HOUSE!  The parking lot was FULL, and the store was just INSANE!  I got my coffee K-cups, some cranberry-cinnamon goat cheese (which I LOVE) and some dog treats (can’t forget those!) made it through the crowd to the express lane check out and go the hell out of there!  The dogs, again dressed in their adorable hoodies, were waiting patiently in the truck.  Friday I had taken them to the park (Dead Duck Inn) and let Nola run her guts out while I walked around with Lulu safely leashed.  I wanted to do that again today, but it was VERY windy and cold outside.

I’ve been spending time online lately and I’ve been overwhelmed with all of the various wide-spread sexual harassment stuff.  It’s just been overload, if you ask me.  It’s like the snowball effect, and it’s growing larger by the day.  I have all these mixed up thoughts about it all.  I think that sexual harassment has become so common place in today’s world that we often overlook most of it.  Then when it becomes “THE” issue of the day, and everyone is talking about it, we see all sorts of examples of it and opinions of what we each think.  The conversation has gotten so loud that we are all talking over each other at this point.  Someone needs to write a kind of new citizens’ “code of conduct” so that there’s a baseline for what is and isn’t considered harassment.  We are certainly seeing that stuff that was tolerated in the past is no longer okay today.  There are generational differences, cultural differences and power plays all involved.

Personally, sure I’ve experienced sexual harassment in the past.  As a woman I think it’s just part of what I’ve come to expect from some men.  I’ve also been harassed about being lesbian, being Butch, and being a Democrat.  I have a misdemeanor assault charge on my record for decking a dude that grabbed my ass. I round-housed his ass, knocked him out cold.  But I accidently didn’t see the cop watching….so I got charged, regardless that it was a reaction to having my ass grabbed!

I wish it would all settle down.  We all need to sit back and take a deep breath.  I’m not saying that those who have experienced any sort of thing like sexual harassment should “forget” it or “forgive” it, but I also think that some of the acusations are a bit petty.  Like “he touched my breast when he hugged me”…that’s a little vague, and maybe he didn’t mean it intentionally, maybe it was accidental.  I don’t know what the fuck to think!

I do think that there are certainly varying “degrees” of harassment coming out.  The Roy Moore stuff, where he was exerting his power as an adult in a position of authority to seduce underage girls is NOT acceptable in any way, under any circumstances.  And the acusations about Trump are not to be taken lightly either.  And the fact that Trump support the pedophile Moore, is just sickening.  They would rather have a pedophile in office as Senator than a Democrat.  Pathetic.  And we have to listen to all this bullshit until December 12 when they hold the election in Alabama.

Sexual stuff has long been part of our make up.  We often play or tease one another, and generally it’s all in fun.  I’ve been known to touch a few tits in my time, or grab an ass here and there….in fun and to amusement – – in no way to “harass”  Sure, I’ve told bad jokes, or made angry phone calls.  But when does it amount to harassment?  My answer would be: when it’s done with the intent to make the other person feel uncomfortable, to bend them to your will, to exert your personal power (whatever it may be) over that person to “make” them do something that they do not want to do.

This topic is a really tough one.  I don’t know who has the answers, or what all of this focus on it now will lead us to.  Just be damned sure when you are “flirting” with someone that it’s wanted and not harassment! Jeez, it’s enough to make a Butch a little nervous…like we needed any more reasons!

I haven’t been talking much about Trump in my blogs lately, because he’s in the news 24/7 getting plenty of attention – just like he likes it.  He’s the most embarrassing representation of the United States, and the disdain for him and his administration grows by the day here.

Right now they are trying to ram a huge billionaire’s tax bill through that is going to lead us into the next great depression.  Mark my words.  If it passes in any thing close to the form it’s in now, it will devastate our economy and send us into a depression.  But it will make Trump and his cohorts, his donors, the 1% of Americans who own the 90% of the wealth in this country, even MORE wealthy.  And the rest of us will suffer severely.

Trump is positioning the US for war with N. Korea.  Today he announced severe sanctions to further cripple the economy and food supply of the N. Koreans.

He tried to lift a ban on elephant trophies that Obama had put in place.  We as a country are not allowed to import any part of an endangered species, as a trophy or pet.  But Trump wanted to lift this ban.  Why?  Because it was an Obama law.  And because his sons are “big game hunters” – or pussies if you ask me.  Only cowards hunt endangered species, or farm-locked animals.

Today a $900billion dollar Russian oligarch owned yacht – yes, $900 BILLION – cruised into a slip in a spot about 8 miles from Trump’s Mar a Lago home in Florida.  Trump is due there this week for the holiday.  Coincidence?  I think not.  The Russian oligarch who owns the yacht is said to be Putin’s right hand man.  I’m sure he’s here for a meeting with Trump, or one of his sons, or his son-in-law, Kuchner.  I don’t understand if we have legal sanctions against the Russians (since Aug. 30, 2017) WHY they are NOT being upheld?  WTF is a Russian yacht doing being allowed even NEAR this country???  Treason I say, Treason.  The mere fact that the Trumps hob-nob with Russians is enough to make me want to vomit.  He’s selling out our country lock, stock and barrel.

I go to court tomorrow afternoon to address my violating my bail conditions, the charge from last month.  Hopefully my attorney will keep my ass out of jail.  I’ve done everything I can do to prevent that.  It’s up to the lawyer and the prosecutor at this point.  Wish me luck.

I’m off to bed.  Tell me, what do YOU think about the multitude of sexual harassment claims in the news?  Do you think there should be a “time limit” on accusing someone of these types of things?

Peace.   ~MB

 

 

 

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Again on Butch-femme Relationships

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I have just had the pleasure of reading a most outstanding piece on Huffpost  called “Redefining Butch-femme Relationships”, by Georgia Kollas, writer, Huffington Post blogger, and cultural observer.  I loved it!  It could not have been any better!  I encourage all of you to give it a good read!

Also, Ms. Kollas is a self-identified as a femme, a “strong, badass” one at that!  I love reading about the “dance” from a femme perspective as it’s obviously the opposite, yet the same as my own experience from my stance as a Butch.

To quote one favorite and much agreed with paragraph from Ms. Kollas’s article:

…We are yin and yang – seemingly oppositional forces that are actually complementary and interconnected. We offer a devoted appreciation for the gender expression of the other, an affirmation of intrinsic qualities that make us who we are. Each of us is unique, with our own blend of characteristics along a gender spectrum. We all carry both masculine and feminine aspects within ourselves.

I so agree that we are the “yin” and “yang” in each other’s worlds.  We are the same, yet complete opposites that need on another for happiness and love.  We, both identities, thrive on the energy that our opposite exudes.  As a femme loving Butch, I am very strongly attracted to the softer essence of the femme, and to her fierce badass parts as well.  It’s not just about the sex, it’s about the “big picture” that each of us has in mind.  It’s about the sensuality, both strong and intriguing, that lures us to each other; to desiring to be in one another’s presence.

I’ve always heard the old “mimicking hetero” stuff, even from other lesbian identified people in my community.  And it makes me chuckle to myself because that’s really not what Butch-femme relationships are at all.   As a Butch I do not desire to be or to mimic a man; I am a undeniably a female person who is entrenched in masculinity from within my soul.  I embrace my masculinity, and I love women who embrace their femininity with that same reciprocating enthusiasm – particularly lesbian identified femmes who find my Butch-ness appealing and attractive.

I appreciate the power of a femme; that alluring mystique that captivates my every thought when I am with her.  I love the flirtations and the magic that happens within the Butch-femme dance.  That magic fills my chest with pride; pride for being with such beautiful and sexy woman that makes my masculinity feel so perfect to me.  There is just nothing akin to the exquisite dance that happens when we are connecting.

Another favorite line from Ms. Kollas writing,

I love butch–femme and the particular dynamic that exists when two people are firmly in their fullest expression of their gender and interconnected in a dance of complementary opposites.

I see femmes as precious beings; ones to be protected and to be loved deeply.  As I run my fingers through her long hair, balling my hand into a fist and pull her head back to kiss her passionately it is actually she who controls that very moment, as it is she gives me that power.  There is a power exchange in the Butch-femme dynamic that is fierce, yet so subtle and we feel it deep in our bones; spiritually, emotionally and sexually.

We know the deal, and we’re in-tune as we dance.

Kudos to Ms. Kollas on this wonderful article!

Peace.  ~MB

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The Gender Revolution?

It used to be so much more simple!  It used to be that you were either gay or straight, period.  Or at least that is how it was in my world growing up in the 60’s/70’s and partying my ass off in the gay bars in the 80’s…it used to be easier I believe.  I’m not knocking anyone’s gender or orientation choice here, just saying that it’s gotten VERY confusing for me.  I was just reading this article on npr.org titled “A New Generation Overthrows Gender” by Jon Brooks.  It was posted on Facebook, thus I clicked the link and knew I was in a world of word trouble immediately. 

First word I came across that is fairly new to me is “agender” – which according to the article means neither ale nor female.  The particular person in the article used the pronoun “they” instead of he or she.  Ok, so I am really, really trying to be okay with this.  I am really trying not to be internally phobic, or form an immediate opinion – because I know I don’t like it when people do that to me.  BUT I just don’t get it. 

Second word I came across related to this is “Transgender”.  Thank God.  A word that I know and can understand to some degree.  Transgender meaning someone who has changed from one gender to the opposite gender.  Transitioned.  More on this later. 

Third hurdle here “gender-fluid”…which means (according to kid in the article) that you feel like a guy or girl at different times.  I can somewhat relate to this.  There are definitely times for me that I get this twinge of feeling like a girl, but normally I just feel like a guy – although I know I’m a girl.  Confused yet? 

Fourth stumper “non-binary gender” meaning not female and not male according to the binary gender scale.  I’ll see if I can locate a picture of that old scale before I publish this.  But it’s like if you give Female a 1 and Male a 10, and you rate where in the scale you may fall or feel that you fall. 

Near the end of the article they bring up “gender non-conforming” – which I can definitely fully relate to.  I am one who does not conform to the gender norms of female.

And of course we have the weird word “cisgender” meaning you identify as you were sexed at birth – either male or female.   

Then it dives into Gender Vs. Sexual orientation Vs. biology….yes, it gets very in-depth for a minute here:

“Gender identity is different from gender expression, being different from biology” says Adam Chang, a consultant with Gender Spectrum, a provider or gender identity resources and services in Berkeley, CA.  “Identity is what you know in your heart and mind, and expression is external – hair, makeup, roles you take on in society.

“Biology of course, means physical attributes that have always been used as a proxy for gender,” Chang says.  “And all of those are different from sexual orientation.”

((HOLY SHIT BATMAN!))

Chang goes on to put it this way:  “Sexuality is in and of itself not enough information to reveal a person’s gender identity.”

I am 55 years old.  I am Butch.  I have said before that Butch is my identity.  Lesbian is my sexuality. Female is my gender.  Even THAT feels confusing at times.  I’m SURE it is confusing to those who don’t know me, or anyone like me.  Simply put, I’m a Butch Lesbian.  Lesbians are women (females) who prefer relationships with other women (females).  Or so it is in my world today.  There are so many new words that I can’t possibly keep up anymore.  Especially living in rural America where most of my contact with the rest of the LGBT world is via the internet.  Where we have no real “formed community” to fall back on or to learn alongside. 

I have seen a LOT lately about our youth and transitioning genders.  It worries me a little because the human brain is not fully developed until around the age of 25.  This is part of why we make so many stupid choices and dumb decisions when we are in our teens.  I’m afraid that if kids (under 21) are looking at things like transitioning physically with surgery and drugs that they will be doing things that are not reversible in their young futures.  AND I personally just don’t think they are old enough to be doing things like surgery or hormones. 

THAT is my personal opinion on it.  I understand that we are seeing a sort of “gender revolution” happening, that kids have access to all sorts of information that we did not have when I was growing up.  I never even knew the word “transgender” existed or that people could even change genders if they wanted to.  Sure, I was a tomboy, and there were times I am sure that I wished I was a boy, but I am happy with being a woman today and who know what I would have done had I known or had the means as a kid to change my gender.  It would have been a tough one for me I bet.  So, in many ways I am happy to have grown up when I did before all of this revolution and changing stuff came to the surface. 

I have young female friends who are considering transition.  One, in particular that I am thinking about.  I have been trying to be a good Butch role model and influence, answering questions and being a bouncing board for her venting.  But she is edging closer and closer to transitioning.  She’s now 17, I’m just not convinced that she should make that kind of a life altering decision before she’s 25.  Now, saying that I don’t see any harm in her presenting as she wishes.  I am just against early surgery or hormones. 

I know some will disagree with me.  It’s the elephant in the room sometimes even.  I am not anti-trans, and I have many trans friends who I love dearly for exactly who they are.  I respect their choices and decisions.  But most of them that I know made those decisions in adulthood, not in a pre-pubescent fog of “who am I?” or on a whim to fit in with the “in” crowd, or do the new fun thing. 

My fear is that the kid does this, transitions, and then at 25 the kid looks at every adult in her life and gets very angry at them for not stopping things until she was really old enough to make that kind of life-altering decision.  Know what I mean?  Adults are supposed to protect kids from themselves; from making irreversible mistakes, and what if transitioning turned out to be just that mistake that the kid makes and regrets at maturity?  I would hate to be in those shoes. 

Kids are maturing way faster than ever in todays world.  Information travels at lightening speed through the internet and across the world wide web.  We know things that we never knew, and probably never would have known, had it not been for the interenet – some good and some bad.  I think it’s great to explore sexuality and gender and to discuss our views based on the information at hand.  I just hope these kids today are doing their research and not just following a fad that could leave indelible marks.

The rest of the article goes on to talk about suicide rates (40% of trans-identified people attempt suicide), sexuality, and society.  It seems that while many more people are adopting identities of various names across the gender spectrum, that fewer are actually physically transitioning now.  Perhaps that is because we are making it okay to be who you are without having to completely change your body.  All in all it’s a very good article that everyone should take 20 minutes to read and gain some knowledge from.  I do think it’s very cool that kids are encouraged to live as their authentic selves, to express themselves and to be who they ARE in the world.   

So, check out the article and let me know what YOU think.  Peace.  ~MB

This is a highly controversial topic and I respect that everyone has their own opinions and views.  Please be respectful of everyone reading if you comment, which I invite you to do, below. 

Identity Complexity

“How do we bridge who we become with who we were?”

“Remember who you wanted to be”  quoted from a bumper sticker I saw yesterday

“Language sets expectations”

I seem to be running into all of these one-liners that are basically alluding to identity and I find this very interesting.

I have also had some conversation surrounding identity and how we embody it, about the multiple pieces of a person and how they make up the whole.

Also, in writing about intersectionality it spurred me to think about all of the things that make up me; all of those pieces, and how they all fit together with each other.  It’s hard to figure out which piece goes in what order when you start listing all of those aspects of yourself out.  Like, what comes first, what is your first identity?  Of course we all know that it’s your sex.  When you are born they automatically declare “it’s a Girl!” or “it’s a Boy!” and God forbid they can’t figure THAT out, then all hell breaks loose I would imagine.

So if our first identity is our sex, whether we are male or female, then our second identity would be what color we are – am I right?  Those will be the first things noticed about you when you are first seen, what sex and what color.  So, I started life as a white girl.  Oh but wait, wee what I did there…I listed white first.  So is my color or my sex predominant?

I read a lot about “white privilege”, so I think that your color is the predominant first identity.  Even in common conversation we tend to go to color first, like “the black kitten” not “the kitten black”  Am I making sense?  I am thinking this through as I write…so bear with me here.

Identity, as we know, changes over the course of life.  That’s just how it works.  There are some things that don’t change, like your color/race.  But we do go from being “girl” to being a “woman” at a certain age, and we develop into people with various other identities to tack onto the ones we start with.  Once you decide your sexual preference, there’s that.  So, now I am a white woman lesbian.  Jesus, this can be super complicated.

At one time in my life I was a soldier.  And thus that was part of my identity.  Now I am a former soldier, or a veteran.  At one time I identified as a Republican (go figure, it’s true though) but now I identify as independent in political thinking, leaning toward Democrat. I now identify as a Butch lesbian, but remember there is no singular experience of an identity.  So my Butch will be different from your Butch, maybe subtly or maybe starkly, but it will definitely be different.  People are all different, no two are ever exactly alike.

There are identities in class and socio-economic status too.  I’ve always identified as middle class, grew up that way and have maintained that middle class socio-economic status – although some days I feel poor as fuck, I know I do have privilege as middle-class.

This all brings me back to line one of this blog: How do we bridge who we become with who we were?  We all build history in our lives.  Years ago I was a hard-core drug addict.  Today, while I still fight the demons of addiction, I am not what I was once upon a time by any means.  I have evolved, grown, learned and improved in that area of my life and identity.  I think back to when I identified as a more conservative Republican and what that was all about.  I was in the military, perhaps I was sort of brain washed by the military machine.  Today I am much more concerned with social justice and equality than I was back then.

So, there are all of these pieces of ourselves that come together neatly – or so we hope – to make up who we become; who we are today.  Who knows what new pieces will be added to make up who we will be tomorrow, or next week.  Good thing is that as human beings, with very complex brains, we do have the ability to make concerted efforts and to make choices, thus we do have influence on what happens with our decisions.

These are all the pieces of my identity that intersect to make me ME:  A white Butch lesbian woman, independent, Methodist, working-class, HIV+, recovering addict, American, introvert, avg. intelligence, physically disabled, outspoken, employed, mobile, compassionate, activist…hell, the list can go on I suppose.

Like I said, I’ve been thinking about all of this because of the word intersectionality.  So, I’ve been thinking about the way the world sees me.  Not how you or my family sees me but how I am seen statistically.  (But then it is interesting to wonder about how my closer contacts identify me, too.)

Then I think about how the word is used when speaking about oppression, domination and discrimination.  Of course, I am already considered a 2nd class citizen because of the mere fact that I am female.  Men want and do dominate our world unfortunately.  Women will always fight male domination and oppression, I do not foresee a time when that will not be a fact in my lifetime.

Just this last week it was a full panel of MEN that were gathered and deciding on women’s health issues during the Trumpcare debacle.  Not one woman on that panel or in that room!  THAT, my friends, is fucking oppression and male domination at it’s finest – or worst I should say.  Why is it that men think they can or should ever be deciding on women’s health/body issues?  Where do they get the idea that it is THEIR job or duty to tell women what to do with their own bodies, or what is/isn’t going to be covered by insurance.  Insurance covers Viagra, so equally it should cover contraceptives.  Fair is fair in my book.  But not in the “book of men” I suppose.  No man should ever be making a woman’s decision for her. Ever.  That panel should have been ALL WOMEN.

I will leave you with  a quick question, which of your identities expose you to the most oppression, domination or discrimination?  Drop me a quick comment below and let’s talk a little about this.  I’m very interested to know what you think.

Peace!  ~MB

 

 

 

 

 

Closet or Not?

I’ve been thinking a lot about this topic, I watched a video on YouTube about whether it’s okay or not to stay “in the closet” about your sexuality if you are LGBT forever or not.  This gave me a lot to think about because I am currently talking to someone who IS living in the closet, and I am not.

Personally I  could never live my life permanently in the closet.  I can’t imagine what that would be like.  I can’t imagine being afraid that someone would “find me out” and what it would mean if they did.  I have lived most of my life out and proud.  It’s just the way it happened for me.  I came out to my family when I was getting out of the Army, around 22 yrs old, and I have never looked back and thought I shouldn’t have done it.  It’s made my life so much more enriched and so much easier as I have never had to hide anything about my true identity.

Coming out is a very personal thing.  I’ve never been a big believer in a particularly “loud” coming out.  I think they way that I did it, by coming out to people on an “as needed” basis was right for me.  I know some people really want to make a big deal out of it, but I am a more private person and never felt it was a big deal at all.  It is just who I am.  In my way of thinking my sexuality is no one’s business but my own.  If the need to tell someone that I am a gay woman comes up, it’s because they are either questioning me about it or they are wanting to “fix me up” with their male friend.  Never have I found it necessary to just come out to anyone without reason.  My family had reason because I am close to them and they see who I spend all of my time with and when I am most happy in the company of another woman.  They needed to know.

So, I am becoming very attached to this woman, Beach Babe, that I’ve been talking to and I have been thinking about what it would be like to be dating someone who is “in the closet.”  She lives quite a ways from me, so it’s not like we have had to deal with this yet.  But when we are together what will it be like for me? For her?  Will she be afraid that she will be seen with me and be found out?  How has she handled this in the past?  Has she ever been with someone who is so blatantly out like I am?  Who lives their lives as an openly lesbian woman?  Who is so Butch that they cannot hide and whoever they are with will be deemed to be gay as well?  These are all questions I have about this.  I haven’t seriously gotten into any sort of a deep conversation with her about it.

I understand that she has lived closeted all of her life because of religious views of her and her family, and now because she fears losing her job.  She has a job working with teenagers, and fears that if their parents knew or the boss knew that she is lesbian that it would cause problems and maybe cause her to lose her job.  I couldn’t even imagine what that must feel like; what it would be like to have to hide part of myself like that.

She seems to think it’s not a big deal.  But we haven’t been with each other in public so I don’t know exactly how far in the closet she is.  I guess I will find out when we meet in May.  I will NOT like hiding myself.  I will NOT do it.  There is no way I can “act” or “look” straight, like she does.  I don’t know if she has ever dated a Butch like me; a Butch who looks the whole stereotypical part.  Does she understand that to be seen with me is to be “seen”?

Can I date someone who is still in the closet at 46?  I am not 100% sure.  But I really like this woman and do want to find out.  The other piece of this is the distance thing.  Guess she and I have some conversations to have…

 

Undetectable=Untransmittable

Yes, I said it.  Undetectable equals untransmittable.  This is a silent secret evidently in the HIV world.  I have known this for a long time, but the stigma around having HIV has kept me quiet about it too.  I’ve been reading a lot on the topic and I think that if people knew this that there would be a little less stigma and it could also lead to more people being tested, more medication adherence, and much more.

What it basically means is that someone who is undetectable (has no HIV present in their blood when tested) for at least 6 months cannot infect their sexual partners.

I am tested every 3 months.  They do two basic big tests.  One is my “viral load” test, which measures the amount of HIV in my blood stream.  The second is my CD4 cell count, which is also known as the “T-cell” count.  This is a measure of how strong my immune system is.  The higher the number the better.

I have been consistently testing in the zero range on my viral load tests now for over 3 years.  And my T-Cell count is always above 600.  (The average woman without HIV is around 500).

So, basically I am not someone who you can get HIV from in a sexual situation.  This is a huge relief to me personally, as that is always a worry with me.

The hardest thing for me about living with HIV is dealing with having to tell a potential partner that I have this condition.  I am very out with my status.  I have  been since the beginning (1992 for me) of living with this virus.  I found out in 1992, but I had had no high risk behavior for 3 years prior to my being tested, so most likely I contracted the virus in 1988-89 when engaging in IV drug use.  I believe I know when it happened specifically because I was always a very careful user, and didn’t make it a habit of sharing needles.

Telling a person who you may become sexually involved with at some point isn’t easy.  There is so much stigma surrounding the disease.  But I have found in my own experience that the more educated a person is in general the more accepting they are – and this is something that many have grown up with and know a good bit about now.  I am always open to questions, and I stay well-informed so that I have accurate and current information for anyone who asks.

Undetectable = Untransmittable

“People living with HIV on anti-retroviral therapy (ART) and virally suppressed, are not capable of transmitting HIV to a sexual partner.  With successful ART, that individual is no longer infectious.”

Dr.Carl Dieffenbach, National Institute of Health, 8/26/16

 

I couldn’t imagine dating in today’s world without knowing the status of my partner before we ever had sex.  I urge everyone to be tested.  It’s just normal protocol nowadays and something everyone should do. You can even do home testing now.  It’s become quick, easy and stays confidential.

Would you date someone with HIV, knowing this information above?  It’s a difficult question for many, because we remember when people were dying of AIDS because of this virus.  I remember vividly thinking I was going to be one of them a long time ago.  But now with today’s treatments and good living I am looking at living to a ripe old age and leading a normal life. Thank God.

This Week…

2016-11-05-16-16-15I never title my posts until I am finished writing them.  How about you?  Do you start with a title or the body of your post?  It just occurs to me that maybe I am a bit weird in this respect.

It’s a cold day here in southern Maine.  I been freezing all damned day.  I got up this morning a little later than usual for me….I am usually up by 6 am but today I slept until 9.   Have been fighting being cold ever since emerging from my warm, snuggly bed.  I know.  It is November and I should expect to be chilly.  Doesn’t mean I like it though. And you all know Ijust hate winter anyway…and winter is in the air for sure.  T may even snow today.

I took some time today and stopped at the barber shop and got a nice fresh haircut.  It feels great to have it shaved back to my normal Butch style. Tips #3 blade on top and a #1.5 blade on the sides and back.  Squared off and edged out nicely.  Nothing makes me feel better about myself like a good visit to the barber. I did grow it out to about 3 inches on top….but it was driving me crazy. I do much better with my normal crew cut.  I was not meant to sport longer locks.

I’ve been doing much better this past week.  Been feeling a lot better and have had a good week all around.   Spent a good deal of my days working, which was okay.  I spent some needed time with my Mom and I got things done.

I’ve been chatting with a very sweet woman that I know. I am pretty shy but I’m trying hard. I struggle with letting people get too close to me sometimes.  Hell, all the time!  I am afraid of getting too close and getting hurt yet again. I have stayed clear of online stuff for a good long time now.  The last time I got my heart handed to me it was someone I met online.  I don’t care to repeat that episode. I’ve also decided that you can’t get back together with anyone.  Once you split up its over .  Getting back together is akin to trying to put crap back where it comes from…and that is just impossible.  Thus I am moving into new territory. I am enjoying my current situation and chatting with the new girl.  I do hope it is something I can build on and take a bit further. It would be great to have a steady woman in my life.

Lulu and Nola are doing quite well.  Lu’s itching issue is a bit better with the use of some benadryl and some hydrocortisone spray as a topical treatment. Thanks to those who replied to my blog about the problem.  I have done a lot of research and have concluded it is a dermatitis caused by her being allergic to something. I am just not sure what it issues reacting to. I gather her in a tea tree shampoo which helped her quite a bit.  And whatever it is is not affecting Nola at all, which is great.

The presidential election is this coming Tuesday.  I have very mixed feelings about it. Will be really glad when it’s over…I think.  I am petrified about the possibility of the outcome if Trump gets elected.  I am afraid he will piss off the whole world and make us look like fools.  Not that he hassn’t already done that byeverunning on his platform of hate.  If he’s elected I also fear how much war he will involve us in around the globe.  If she gets in office I am also not sure how I will feel. It’s a battle for sure.  Pour country is perched on the great divide at the moment.

Recently I bought a used Pontiac Grand Prix car.  Now I am not sure about it. I’ve discovered that it’s going to cost me quite a bit to put it on the road and funds are tight right now.  With winter upon me and oil bills coming soon I just can’t afford another big expense .  Social considering selling the car at a profit.  I bought it very cheap in a fast sale from a friend.  I know I can sell I for quite a bit more.  Selling it could help me out with some current bills and oil purchases this winter.  It’s probably my best bet.  I will take a good picture of it and list of online this week most likely.

I have been hanging out with my good friend Linda a lot lately.  It’s nice to have someone around to talk to and to prepare meals with and do fun things with.  She is a very straight friend, which is something I don’t even care about because shesjust a good soul to be around. We do lots of stuff together like visit the thrift stores and ride around town to do errands together.

I am fully back on my hiv meds once again.  That could have something to do with me feeling better as some of the meds are my anti depressants. I have set up my alarm on my phone to remind me to take them and I located my med holders to places where I am reminded too. Ts a bitch to have to take these meds all the time but I was reminded this last week that they are giving me a second chance and also aid in keeping me healthy. My next test and doctors appointment is in December.

OK friends, followers and cyber stalkers I have filled you in on most everything for this week.  I shall wrap it up here and go to co some chicken quesadillas for dinner.  I hope you all have a great time this week!  Remember to go VOTE on Tuesday!  Peace.  –MB