Being Held Hostage

I am spending the night on my buddy’s couch, Lu and Nola are snuggled up with me.

There was a huge incident at my house tonight with a guy that I was letting stay in my old office room on a couch in there. I heard a loud crash and ran down the hall to the room and he was sprawled out on the floor…he was so drunk he just fell over – all 350 lbs of his drunken ass.

I have asked him repeatedly not to drink in my house because he has done this falling thing before. This time I got really angry and we had words. He thinks nothing of it that he’s so drunk he can’t stand up. I hate drunk people and he KNOWS IT.

I can’t live with this kind of shit. It turned into him threatening me and a huge yelling mess. I asked him to leave and he refused. Then I had my friend Adam try to get him out of the house. But he threatened him too and tried to engage him in a physical altercation. It got real nasty.

I didn’t call the cops because I am currently under bail conditions from a deferred disposition on a charge from 2016. There isn’t supposed to be any alcohol in my house, and I can be charged if I am caught with it. Now, I do NOT drink. I quit drinking back in 1992 and I hate alcohol. I hate the taste, the smell and the actions coffee drunk people. I don’t even hang out with people who drink!!!

I am not sure what will happen in the next 12 hours. I am not sure if he will leave, or die in the house, or drive drunk, or if he will be there to attack me if I try to go back home in the morning.

I am really scared. I haven’t felt like this for a long time. He is a large man and fueled by booze he is just plain dangerous. I fear for my safety and my dog’s safety too. He was talking outloud to himself so that u could hear and saying something about kicking the dogs…it’s really fucked up.

I really want to go to the police station and talk to an officer and explain the situation. But I don’t want to be putting myself in any legal trouble…I just want this awful man OUT of my house and GONE from my life. He has caused me a lot of anxiety and grief the last few weeks and now I can’t get him to leave. He has plenty of money, so that’s not the issue. He’s just being an asshole at this point.

So, I am at my friend’s house right now and of course I can’t sleep. The dogs are sound asleep though, which is good. They were quite scared too with all the yelling and me crying tonight. Yeah, I got so frustrated that I cried and couldn’t stop.

I will never trust another man again. It’s too risky. I am not the tough Butch kd who could hold her own in a fight anymore. I’m too old for that shit now. And men are just so fucking violent. His words alone were so scathing and horrible that I am probably going to deal with some emotional trauma now.

It will take me a while to feel safe again in my own house. I hate this whole thing.

It will be something to see when he sobers up and thinks about what he has done. I don’t know what his “sober” reaction will be. He’s generally been a nice guy, he just is a dead beat alcoholic who is seriously dealing with wet-brain and a slew of health issues from his years of drugs, alcohol, jail, and prison. His past is definitely catching up with him.

And ya know, karma is a bitch. She’ll definitely get him for this at some point. It’s too bad what some people throw them lives away for. All this shit for a stupid fucking shot of rum. Sad.

So I guess I will call a friend I have at the local PD and see what I can legally have done to remove him from my property. I don’t know what else to do. I will post again tomorrow to let you all know what happens.

Sucks that this is my pay-back for trying to help out someone in need. You can bet it won’t happen again!!!

Peace. ~MB

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Some Photos to Share…

The last couple of weeks in pictures. From the top…a segment of the new Sarah Long drawbridge that is being built to replace the old one, on US Route 1 in Kittery going to Portsmouth.  These segments will help put the span in place, which is supposed to happen at high tide on Oct. 17th and I WILL be there – night or day – to see it happen!  I can’t wait to take photos of the event.  The tractors hauling the segments had to come through my weigh station this week on their way over to the bridge construction site, which is close to my work.

Other photos…me being silly with the crown..yeah, I am king Butch! Ha!

The foot shot is my visit to the dentist yesterday to get a broken tooth repaired.  The dentist had a helluva time numbing my mouth, the novocaine just wouldn’t take and he had to keep adding more…finally the whole left side of my face was numb and he got it done.  My teeth are almost all completely fixed now, which is just awesome!  Come a long way since April!

I bathed the dogs and took that pic of them scowling at me from the back of the couch…where they perched to dry off.  They cooperate quite well for their baths, but if they know it’s coming they do both try to run and hide.  Once they’re caught they give in and let me bathe them without much incident.  Now cutting their nails is a whole other animal!  They HATE it and fight like crazy!

I got the pic of the bee on the cone flower when I was over at Lowe’s looking at plants.  I thought it was a great shot to take!  The bees are so endangered right now, we need to keep a vigilant eye on what is happening to them because without bees we don’t get the pollination we need for growing food…think about that.

I got those snazzy new boxers recently, I usually wear boxer briefs, but these caught my eye.  They’re quite comfortable to run around the house in, but I can’t wear them under clothing as underwear.  I’m stuck on the boxer-briefs for that purpose.  I did get a new pair of the Ellen underwear…which I am not that happy with.  They are too thin, the waist band needs to be wider by about 3/4″ and they need to be about 2″ longer in the leg….she touts them as the greatest thing since sliced bread…but I beg to differ.  They could use much improvement.  I am still very happy with the Aeropostale brand, they’re the best I have found!

The sunflowers are from my mothers garden.  I can’t believe how tall they all got!  Those are at least 12′ tall!  I’ve got to try to put in a patch of sunflowers of my own next year.

And yes, I am still smoking my beloved cigars on occasion….I prefer the Black & Mild Cream ones the most!

Have a great weekend!!! More photos and some videos to come!

Peace!  ~MB

 

Solemn Memories of September 11, 2001

2017-09-11 13.41.52Today is Monday – September 11, 2017….the 16th anniversary of the bombing of the 9/11 attacks on America…US flags will be flown at half-staff today in remembrance.

I worked a few hours this morning and am home now…and I am remembering exactly where I was 16 years ago today when the first plane hit the Twin Towers in NYC…I was building a barn, and was standing up on the floor of the 2nd story or loft area, readying to put up the roof rafters.  Time seemed to stand endlessly still.  Then the second plane hit.  By this time I was in the house in front of the television watching it live…and I was crying.  All of those innocent people, on the plane, in the buildings…and then we hear that another plane has hit the Pentagon…more death and destruction…then the field in Pennsylvania…carnage.  Then the Twin Towers fell…this was hell.

I will never forget that day.  Or the weeks that followed as we tried to wrap our minds around what had happened, and why it had happened.  It was the our baptism by fire into the world of terrorism.  Pretty much up until 9/11/01 the citizens of the USA lived in a sort of world where we almost thought we were untouchable by outside forces.  We believed that “it would never happen here” in our own backyard.   No one would dare attack the United States directly….then it happened on September 11, 2001.  That very day our whole world changed; flipped completely upside down and would never be the same again.

For days I was glued to the television watching the live news casts for hours on end.  I couldn’t sleep, no one could.  People were missing.  People were severely injured.   And eventually we would learn that almost 3,000 were dead.  We were all devastated, as posters and notes to the missing were being tacked up all over NYC.  Families searched for loved ones, and some found them unharmed, some never heard from them again.  We heard about those trapped in the towers calling loved ones to say good-bye on their cellphones…unbelievably sad.

9/11/01 was a day that changed me.  It changed America.  It changed all of us.  We were not invincible.  We had been attacked; savagely attacked and cut to the core.  Everyone knew someone who was lost in the attacks, or knew of someone who was directly affected.  It’s an amazing thing, the way we are all so intertwined.  It’s the phenomenon that we are all connected within 6 degrees….or the 6 degrees of separation theory.  I’ve found it to be quite true in most instances.

Because of the attacks on 9/11/01 I have far more consciousness of living life in the moment, not passing up chances to learn new things, meet and know new people, and not to take it for granted that there will be a tomorrow.  I, like many, developed a deep rooted sense of prejudice against Muslims; one which I have worked hard to get over and change.  I admit it, at that time I blamed radical Islamic teachings and those who were part of that faith for the attacks.  Now, I know that it is a small percentage of Muslims that hate America and wish to attack us because of this hate.  I have worked to overcome my misguided prejudices, and to understand better.  I now have friends who are Muslim, and even a cousin who married a Muslim man and converted to his faith.  I no longer blame them all, but those 7 terrorists that carried out those senseless attacks on 9/11/01…I hope they are rotting in extreme hell.  And as we know, their leader Osam Bin Laden is DEAD, and hopefully he’s rotting in hell as well.

So, today, 9/11/17, I stop to remember, because we can NEVER FORGET that fated day in 2001, when the world stopped, and we all changed.  We must NEVER FORGET.

Peace.  ~  MB

 

Top 100 Lesbian Blogs Award??

I got the strangest email today from Feedspot saying my blog here was named one of the top 100 lesbian blogs on the internet…not sure if I believe this or not, but I am going to check out Feedspot.  It seems they do list a ton of lesbian blogs, I just need to learn how to better navigate the site. Has anyone else gotten one of these? How do you know if these kinds of email are for real or not?

Top blog award

Here’s the award that I am supposed to add to my blog page, and I am just not sure how to add it…another thing I guess I need to figure out!  LOL, I think I know JUST WHO to ask!  She seems to be quite the whiz with WordPress and laying out blogs.  I’m still trying to figure out how to add videos to my blog without having to upgrade to Premium with WordPress and pay the upgrade fee.  I know there is a way you can add YouTube videos, I just can’t recall how to do it.  Also I know you can add music, and again I need to learn how to do that!

Hope everyone is having a good night!  Cheers!  Peace!  ~MB

 

America in Crisis Mode…

It’s stormy here in Maine this morning, thunderstorms passing over one by one and lots of heavy rain showers.  My lawn is dying from lack of water, so I’m actually pleased that everything is getting watered.

I was woken up at 4am this morning by a call from work asking me to go in as soon as I could get there, seems one of the night shift workers had to go home early due to illness and they had also run out of coffee filters and had to send someone to another store to get some.  Our coffee business there is huge.  We sell over 300 cups a morning, and being out was going to piss off quite a few of the guys and gals that stop in regularly for their morning cup o’ joe to kick off the day.  Plus overnight the restock order had arrived and that was sitting in the aisles and behind the counter waiting to be put away. When I got there at about 4:30am it basically chaos.  One one person was there to ring out customers and to try to explain the coffee situation to some grumpy people.  I jumped right in and ended up working til about 8:15, when the first shifters all arrived and were able to take over.

I’m watching The View right now, and they are talking about Trump.  They have his spokeswoman, Sarah Huckabee, on and she’s desperately trying to defend in indefensible man.  Saying he doesn’t lie…omg, the guy has been proven to lie 95% of the time!

Yestereday Trump announced he was ending the DACA program.  This program is where people who were brought here as small children, now most are around 22 yrs old, by their parents illegally.  These kids were raised in America, schooled in our schools, played with our kids, and grew up here.  They don’t remember the countries they were born in, some don’t know the language of those countries even.  DACA protects them.  As long as they are either in school, go to college or joing he military, stay registered with the program and pay $500 per year, they can stay and live here.  Ending this program means that they have to leave; they have to return to countries that they know nothing about and have never been back to.  Possibly making them return to nothing, no where to live, no way to make a living, where there will be language barriers and possible hostility directed toward them by the governments of those countries.  Ending this program without creating a pathway to American citizenship for the 800,000 DACA kids who are here is goin got destroy lives, tear families apart and it is just the wrong thing to do.  Anyone can see that it’s wrong.

for example, I wasn’t born in Maine.  My parents were military and I was born on a Marine Corps base in North Carolina.  What if I was suddenly told that I had to leave Maine immediately, and go back to NC?  Would that be fair to me?  Would it cause me great pain and trouble?  I would have to leave the home I have here, leave the friends I have here, leave behind family and go to a place that I dont’ know anything about and try to make it.  Maybe it’s not the perfect example, but just think about it…what if you were told you HAD to leave where you are immediately, leave EVERYTHING behind – including the house that you own here – and go somewhere you know NOTHING about and start from scratch there…with basically nothing.  And what if they didn’t really want you at this other place?  How would that feel?  And how would that affect you?

Ending DACA isn’t right. Creating a pathway to citizenship is what needs to happen for those in the DACA program.  These kids are illegal aliens only by fault of their parents who brought them here.  They did not choose to come illegally, and were not old enough to understand what was being done to them.  I’m sure most of these people brought these kids here seeking a better life for them, fleeing violent places, poverty and hunger.  I’m sure the intentions were good.  But now we have this population of young people who have grown up in America that are being told to prepare to be forced to leave the country at any moment.  How can ANYONE think that this is the right thing to do???

So, that’s just one thing that is happening here.  Of course, our country is a mess right now and Trump just HAD to throw the DACA question into the affray.

We have Texas and Lousianna areas in total disarray at the moment from hurricane Harvey’s wrath.  People are without homes, homes have been destroyed or rendered unlivable due to water damage, mold and pollution.  Some landlords are demanding rent from people even on homes that can’t be lived in.  Stores are jacking up prices – price gouging – for things like water, building materials, and food.   The Governor of Texas refused Canadian assistance, and has reluctantly allowed some Mexican assistance in to the disaster area.  He claims that they can handle this themselves.  He’s a fool.  He’s asking the federal government for $120Billion dollars, with the first installment being $7.8billion having been requested thus far.  This storm aftermath is horrendous, and I believe it will just get worse as time goes on.  People can’t go back to work.  They have no transportation if their cars were lost in the flood – Houston is not known for very good public transportation systems.  Thousands are still in FEMA paid hotels and shelters, with no place to return to because their places were destroyed or rendered unlivable.  Yes, it’s truly a mess.  I hope they can make it through this and find better times ahead.

And we have North Korea threatening us with nuclear weapons, which they claim they can now mount on intercontinental ballistic missiles and hit American shores with if they choose to do so.  The rhetoric between Kim Jong U n  and Donald Trump has been bombastic.  Both posturing and trying to prove who has the bigger balls.  It’s scary.  It’s frightening to think that we are one the brink of the starting of WWIII.

Then we have ANOTHER very major hurricane bearing down on the southeastern coast, mainly Florida.  Hurrican Irma is coming in at a Category 5 hurricane, with wind speeds of 185mph, and gusts of up to 240mph.  Just what we need here right now, more destruction and devastation from mother nature.  Another natural disaster.  I have many relatives and friends in Florida and am worried about all of them.  I can only hope they are all preparing for the worst, evacuating as needed and protecting themselves.  All we can do is wait and watch and see what the storm does.  It’s not like we can turn it off…it’s coming whether we like it or not.  Sadly.  And behind it is ANOTHER hurricane as well, Jose…which we don’t yet know what direction that one will take, that still remains to be seen.

Where is our leader in all of this chaos?  What has he got to say to calm the nerves of Americans?  He’s hiding, tweeting about stupid stuff and not doing his job.  He probably has NO IDEA of HOW to handle all of these crisis situation at once. We haven’t seen his ugly face in days.  He SHOULD be front and center; on television speaking to a very nervous, scared and anxious nation.  He should be FAR MORE concerned about the health and welfare of his citizens who are in crisis around the country.  From the flood zones to the many huge wildfires in California and the West.  Yet, he is in hiding and he can barely handle a single situation, let alone multiple things happening.   I truly believe he is hiding, has secluded himself in the White House and is hoping that the generals will somehow hand it all for him.  God knows he doesn’t have the foggiest idea of what to say, even his tweets don’t make a lot of sense.  No, we are on our own, we have no leader here.  Just a fake “president” who is very, very inept.

Pray for America…please.  We need it bad right now.  So much is happening, and happening very fast, that it’s hard to know what to worry about in any given moment!

 

 

 

The Good Thing Harvey Washed Away

My Best Laid Plans

There’s not much in the world I can truly say I hate. But I hateHarvey.

We have been sitting here for more hours than I can begin to count being brutally lashed by his seemingly never ending fury. I would be lying if I said it wasn’t scary…terrifying…at times, but we are among the lucky ones. We are safe and dry.


Harvey has taken so much from so many. Homes, lives, hopes, jobs–all washed into the Gulf of Mexico by his relentless anger. As the horrifying images and desperate needs flash across my screen in endless and quick succession, I sit here with tears in my eyes. Where do you begin? I have never felt so helpless. My neighbors are in dire straits and I can’t do anything but pray. It’s a terrible feeling.


Pregnant women and their toddlers stuck on roofs waiting hours upon hours for…

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I Don’t Want to Miss This…

It’s the middle of the night…I reach for my phone…has she messaged me?  Did I miss it?  Damn, I never want to miss her messages, her texts, videos, pictures…I don’t want to miss a thing.

I’ve been sort of walking on clouds…and eggshells simultaneously.  I’m falling very hard for her and I know I can’t hide it.  She’s in my thoughts and in my heart constantly.  I have kept myself very guarded; not letting anyone into my heart, for a very long time.  I’ve been keeping people at arms length for so long that it is like a whole new thing to let her in; to let her past those walls and to reveal my vulnerability to her.

I don’t want to scare her away, and I also don’t want her to get away!  I have to be patient and focused.  I’ve been given another chance at real love – and that doesn’t happen too often, so I don’t want to fuck it up in any way.

She’s different from the other women I have been with…and she deserves to be honored and respected for her uniqueness.  She’s teaching me, and I am teaching her.  This is a new world and a learning curve for both of us.  Our histories are similar, yet very different at the same time.  We’ve both been in places that we didn’t want to be in, yet stayed for all the wrong reasons.  And it’s a tender walk out of that dark forest, a very tender walk.  But putting the past behind us so that we can build on our future is important – and doing it right is as well.  I want her to do things in her own time; at her own pace and for the right reasons.  Just as I have to do, too.

Yeah, so I think I have found the woman who can handle me.  Who wants me no matter the scars and the baggage that I carry and she’s willing to take me as I am, no demands and no requirements in advance.  She gets me.  She really does.  And I love her for that.

I can’t change who I am, and I don’t want to have to ever do that.  This woman isn’t wanting me to change.  She gets that I am Butch and stuck in my ways.  She understand my dominance and my quirks.  She’s my Rock star.

And she is awesome.

 

 

 

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