Still Wobbly

I miss normal life. I miss a trip to the convenience store without a mask. I miss stop in visits of and to friends and family. Those normal things that we did all the time before March 2020 without even thinking.

I’ve been more lonely lately, really missing my family – and they live close by – because of covid caving. We’re all just staying in our respective abodes and trying not to go stir crazy. Some have jobs still and get out of the house because of those, the rest of us are mindlessly scrolling the web, watching hours of TV, reading, writing and doing puzzles, crafts and anything we can come up with to occupy our daylight hours. Bedtimes have crept earlier and earlier, even my dogs are ready for bed by 8pm nights. Sleep is something I still enjoy.

Winter is especially restrictive when you live in the northeast. If you’re not a big time skier or snowboarder or into some other winter sport like hockey, snowshoeing or cross country skiing you’re basically relegated to inside stuff like puzzles and the stuff I listed in the previous paragraph. You really get sick of it being so damned cold you can’t be outside for more than 15 minutes without wanting to go back inside where it’s warm.

I’m waiting now for warm days to work outside in the gardens and on the exterior of my home. Gardening and chicken keeping became huge at the start of the pandemic in 2020 and I know it will be even bigger this season. I wish I could have a few chickens here, my mom and sister have them (they live very close together) and they have such fun with their flocks. I’ve been drawing up garden plans, looking at seed ordering sites online and talking plants with those who have similar interests. I also keep a plethora of indoor plants to keep me sane in the off season. My Christmas/Easter Cactus is now in full bloom…I am not sure which one it is, I know there are leaf variations. I think this is an Easter cactus. It’s a very pretty red double blossom. I love growing anything that flowers, it’s more challenging than greenery, but I do have both growing in the house.

I’ve been thinking about several major things lately, perhaps I should be doing more writing about them, it helps with contemplation. One major thing is aging solo. Myself and many of my friends are all sort of in the same boat, aging without partners or side-by-side support. It’s scary, it’s harder, it’s depressing and it’s not for the weak. And with the economy spiraling the way it is I am seeing the potential for many of us to “double up” in living spaces, simply for economic reasons first, then for company and just to have someone in the house other than ourselves just in case we have an episode – like passing out, having a stroke or needing other medical attention that we are unable to call for in the moment because we live alone and are incapacitated! THAT scares the bejezus out of me personally.

Sometimes I wish I had enough money to buy a big house with like 5 bedrooms, a large yard – even acreage and a barn – that I could find 3-4 friends to live in with me, sort of as a “group home” for older lesbians. THAT would be a great thing! Of course there ARE people out there – who have way more liquid cash than me – that ARE doing this and are also doing the “tiny home” villages and other group living things. Not much here in Maine though, wish I could start one! I often see buildings that are unoccupied and I look at them with my imagination of what they “could” become with some TLC and good people in them. That’s always a fun fantasy.

It pisses me off that there is so much wealth in America it’s just that 3% of the citizens have MOST of it and then the next 20% have more than they need, but the bottom 50-60% are living on a prayer some months. HOW do we ever even that out? Where are the consciences of those who have bank accounts loaded with cash they THEY will never live to spend? Why don’t they start finding people like me that could use a couple bucks to do something really awesome with – like renovate a great home for several people to thrive on and share the wealth? We could even work out the ownership so the person funding us held the deed and we had life leases. Where there is a will there is a way, I just know it.

I think a lot will come to light in the next 5-6 years. Once covid is more under control we will be faced with an entirely “new” kind of economy. Many – millions – of jobs that existed before March 13, 2020 will never exist again, leaving millions more out of work and out of possibilities. Those with the money now can “see” this coming and are preparing their portfolios accordingly, stashing cash and setting themselves up to profit from the sadness and hardship millions of others will be faced with in our near future.

Just look at us right now, it’s bad now, imagine what is coming? Homelessness will definitely be on a trajectory to rise dramatically – and just what is the solution? Rents are going up to levels that are completely un-affordable for a family of 4 or 5 – especially if one has to remain at home to care for the children because childcare is also skyrocketing to prices that can only be paid by the well-off and rich. Living single will become more and more un-doable. In some parts now a one-bedroom apartment is $1200 to $1500 a month. It’s just crazy. I don’t care for apartment living, I like a stand alone structure. A house or a mobile/pre-fab. I tried apartments back in my 20’s and I never want to go back to that style of living, especially because I always want to have animals in my daily life.

I am really hoping that the Biden administration can set us on a good path to renewable energy sources and other environmental ideas/products that will bring jobs and money to those who can use it most – not just make the rich richer! There is SO MUCH GOOD that could come from developing this industry and along with renewing our infrastructure could really change America by bringing good money making jobs, cleaning up the environment and moving us toward much better lives for everyone – not just a few! THIS would be REAL investment in AMERICA.

We could be living with great new energy efficient homes, businesses, state of the art transportation systems, roads and bridges, as well as energy production – even incorporated into many of these things! Roofs with solar panels, trains that ran on solar. Just use your imagination, we have the technology – and what we don’t have we can invent because we have great people who want to contribute to making our country the power house we know it can be if we get away from partisan politics and eliminate corrupt politicians and those seeking only to pad their own bank accounts at the expense of making others live in poverty or worse. We could become a country that cared for all of our citizens and treated everyone equally. Wouldn’t that be great? What a dream.

2-21-21..Today is Sunday. I’ve had my TV stuck on History channel or on Crikey! The Irwins Story, which I just LOVE. Steve Irwin left such a legacy and he left the most awesome wife and 2 great kids, who are now young adults. I love the stories, love watching Robert follow in his father’s footsteps and Bindi taking charge of things like the boss girl. Anyway, I watched that All afternoon while working in my bullet journal and my brain dump log. Lots on my mind to write. It’s gotta go somewhere, and I don’t want to forget some of these things.

I’ve been planning out my gardens in my journal and have been looking at gardener’s port on the Burpee Seed website…I could spend hours on that site just watching videos about growing certain plants, shopping seeds, bulbs, plants and all the stuff. I cannot wait for Spring to arrive!

Last weekend it was Vikings and rune stones, tons of documentaries about the hoards they’ve been finding lately in Iceland, Maine, Scandanavia, the EU, etc. They’re making some incredible discoveries. Archeaology has been a personal love of mine ever since I could remember. As a kid I was super into dinosaurs and cave men, knowing about what life for them was like, especially the Celts and Vikings. I think I have some Viking blood in my veins…I know I have Neanderthal, 4% actually, from my DNA analysis, they told me that was on the high side! No wonder I am as I am. I have taken a subscription to Curiousity Stream which has a lot of documentaries about history, nature, archeaology and anthropology as well as a good amount on space study and space travel.

Speaking of space…I am astounded by the Mars rover Persaverence landing so successfully on the surface of Mars. I’ve always been fascinated by astronomy and it’s ties back to mid-evil times, the bronze age and Stonehenge. There is a connection there, I can feel it. I believe we’ve been visited in the past, or our ancestors – those who came thousands of years ago – were visited and perhaps taught or given tools and knowledge. I believe the pyramids are pretty confirming evidence of such visits.

Ok, time to put this week to bed. Literally. I need to get some sleep tonight because I didn’t sleep well last night. Even the dogs are extra tired. When I don’t sleep they don’t seem to sleep either. I’m going to catch up on world news and do some meditation podcasts and drift off to sleep. Sleep tight my friends!

Peace. ~MB

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