Gaslighting takes on varying forms; it’s the manipulation of perceptions, twisting of meanings of words and claims that “you” are being difficult or wrong, or it’s “you” causing whatever issue it is that “you” are having with the other person. It’s not pretty, attractive or inviting. It’s intended to place all blame on you and to make you feel you are often wrong, even if you aren’t. You’ll be accused or over reacting, misunderstanding and not paying attention. It’s done to give the other person a feeling of power and control over you and your emotions, because your emotions are not real to them. What’s real is their desire to control the situation, keep you guessing and keep you hooked just enough for their comfort or for you to serve whatever ideal or purpose they have for you. Generally the other person is focused only on themselves and their own needs and desires, not yours,. Never yours. These are very selfish and narcistically guided people.
They will not answer your questions, but may give you round-about answers or ignore them altogether. They will avoid allowing you into their world, because then they couldn’t manipulate if they did. Keeping you guessing is their comfort zone. It works to their advantage because then they can claim anything you assume of them is incorrect, and it’s again all on you. They will lie by deception, omission, and vagueness, doing it with callous nonchalance. It will drive you mad.
So, when you look at that person, remember they are not who they wish you to think they are. Not anymore at least. Perhaps their heart is cold and icy and self-gratification is their only comfort; their empty joy. They may even believe that they are better than you; better than others too,. When their true reality is they are only insecure and need to believe those things to make themselves feel good about themselves and the things they do and say.; to justify their actions and words in their own minds. They’re never wrong.
Do not even try to love them. It’s a dead end deal. No one should be treated that way by anyone.
I’m tired. My heart bleeds still. Happy thoughts elude me. My joy is gone. Being back-stabbed and losing something so very precious to me hurt like amotherfucker. Remembering now empty words, looks and touches…sucks.