Butch Stuff

Covid Caving 2020

It’s another Monday morning, July 13th, 2020 and many – no ALL – of us, large and small, old and young, are freaking DONE with this Covid-19 pandemic! In the beginning of this – which our government tells us was mid-March – we had fun exchanging photos of our stocked up snack supply and mountains of toilet paper. Now we are all stressed to the 9th degree and ready to explode. It’s difficult to figure out who is hearing what from which source, the federal government says one thing (which is very rarely EVER true!) and our state governments are telling us all to protect ourselves and continue to be vigilante while we all get through this horror show called Covid. We don’t trust or have any confidence in our President or federal leadership and it seems that governors are far more concerned and smarter than the feds.

As we grow more and more tired of the walls closing in on us we yearn to be outside, walking, camping, kayaking, fishing, shopping and just living normal life – like it was before pandemic panic – once again. I want to go to a concert without a mask. I’d like to take a trip on a plane without worrying about catching cooties sitting so close to someone I don’t even know. I’d like to get physically involved with someone without – again – worrying about covid-19.

History will not reflect well on the Trump administrations lame, disgusting and low-level response to the virus invading our country. We – our goverment – knew about this virus LONG before it appeared here and they brushed the information off thinking it wouldn’t affect the USA. And they were oh-so-wrong once again. We have a republcan party that allows the president to get away with literal murder without speaking a word of criticism. Now he’s trying to discredit Anthony Fauci, who has been in the CDC for 40 years and has FAR MORE common sense, formal education and scientific knowledge about viruses such as CoronaVirus-19. Dr. Fauci is a DOCTOR and knows what he’s talking about. Everything he’s told us will happen has happened. Sure, he’s had to modify as new scientific revelations about covid come to light. Trump has never even opened a science book, let alone human anatomy and biology. He knows NOTHING about how to deal with even the common flu, let alone a world wide pandemic. He’s got 3.5 yrs as president, with NO prior professional experience in anything, and Dr. Fauci has over 40 years…who should we believe so that we have the right info? I am sticking with Dr. Anthony Fauci.

So, Friday night the great Orange criminal did his buddy Roger Stone a big ass favor and commuted his sentence. Why didn’t he pardon Stone? Because if he had “pardoned” him then Stone has to admit guilt and then he loses his right to plead the 5th and can be interrogated about all of the charges in-depth. But with the “commutation” that is not the case. He maintains his 5th amendment right. The whole lot of them are deeply flawed men; criminals to the core and used to buying their ways out of anything they want to do that is illegal – even raping 13 year old little girls as Trump was charged and indicted on, then he bought his way to having the charges dropped…several times. He’s a sick man and I cannot wait until he’s NOT our president and he IS charged with some of the atrocious crimes he has committed over the last 4 years. Includiing selling us out to Russia, selling American lives to Putin and destroying our country as we knew it.

You know I could go on and on about this idiot, but I am going to stop there. It’s no use to complain about him, we just need to focus on voting him OUT on November 3rd!!! I hope Biden chooses Val Demmings as his VP!! She’s got what it takes and will get the job done with honor and dignity.

I’m up this morning because I didn’t sleep AT ALL last night. Yesterday I woke up with a swollen jaw on the right side and in excruciating pain. I called my dentist’s pager and he called me back and had me meet him at his office, where we decided to dig out the impacted root and the two adjacent teeth, one molar and one incisor on ether side of the impacted root that was left from the tooth broken off during my last unsuccessful visit to get the tooth out. Today I am still in pain, but I am handling it just fine. Trying to keep my mind off of it and stay on top of it with Tylenol and Advil. Mouth pain sucks because there’s literally nothing that can be done about it without involving the dentist or oral surgeon.

My teeth have taken a helluva beating because of the variety of HIV meds I have taken over the last 27 years. I had beautiful teeth and slowly the meds wrecked them from the inside out. Hey, at least I am still healthy as can be and have high T-cells and no detectable virus in my blood…undetectable is uninfectable! I still recommend precautions and PreP for anyone sexually involved with anyone who has HIV. You can get home test kits sent to you from your local NGO that assists people with reproductive and sexual health. Often they are free if you cannot afford the $25 charge. You can take the test in the privacy of your own home and have results immediately. Get tested. Don’t believe the con artists who will tell you anything necessary to get into your pants – protect yourself.

I’ve been cleaning out the house since I have all this time stuck at home due to covid restrictions. Even though Maine is super low in cases, has only had 110 deaths and is now finding only 12-20 new cases a day, we are still being very careful. We KNOW the virus will return, the second wave will come. And the southern states that are in SERIOUS peril right now didn’t believe when NYC was going through hell, that the virus would ever affect them…SURPRISE!!! Have some Covid-19!

I’ve gotten rid of boxes of stuff, being ruthless with removing inanimate objects that make no sense continuing to be part of my environment now. I’m also being careful not to bring anything INTO the house that I don’t need. I like this purging, it’s good and healthy for me. It’s also been a time of doing some real inner searching – and purging of emotional attachments – and reflection on choices I have made that were not so smart in actuality. I’m not sure what will happen in the future, but I know there are new rules, new ideas and new desires inside of me. I am working on being more cautious about who I allow into my personal life and who stays outside the line. Yes, there is a line. There has to be or I could find myself disappointed again because people aren’t always truthful or sincere. I have found that you are never too old to make stupid choices, but hey, you learn something new every day that you are lucky enough to open your eyes in the morning. Yesterday is dead. Tomorrow is not a given. Only right now is real. Live the day doing your best, loving your best and remembering that it’s all a gift that will be gone one day. The only thing that will matter is if you lived a good life.

I’m just a simple Butch. Not young or flashy, I don’t need to be. Age has taught me much and just made me better and better. I like truth, no fluff, no drama. It’s taken me a long time to become comfortable with just who I am, and I’m not giving that up for anything. It seems that there are now so many weird definitions of Butch, it’s comical sometimes. I am a Butch that in only attracted to femme women and am searching for one that will love me for who I am and to whom I am enough. I’m bored with the lack of commitment that seems to be so prevalent in today’s world. I don’t have a lot of money, I am not a high-powered professional anything, but I have a lot of dedication and love to give one woman, I’m just not sure that I’ll ever find that again. I had it with my ex-wife many years ago. Maybe that’s all I get, just that one dedicated love. If so, that’s okay because it was exactly where I wanted to be during those years and I loved her deeply and completely. I don’t regret the relationship, yet I don’t regret ending it. Some think I was nuts for leaving due to how well I was living in that situation. But money is nothing without real love. Money only buys a high-priced hooker and maybe a fun a series of one-nighters – or it did before HIV arrived on the scene! I don’t need money to love someone deeply. And I wouldn’t stay with anyone just because of comfort due to money. That’s not who I am. I could live in a cardboard box with the right woman, and I’d work like a MFer to get out of the box and build a relationship based on love and mutual respect. Those are things money can never ever buy.

I’ve been talking to a very sweet lawyer from away. She’s caught my interest and I would like to see her to see if that same interest is there in person, I believe she feels the same right now. We talk every day and it’s been cool getting to know her. Personally I’ve got to have the right chemistry with a woman. Chemistry is so vitally important, without chemistry it’s just a physical task of going through the motions. Problem is that I am very guarded right now, plus I can’t meet this woman because our idiot president has the borders closed. We are trapped inside the borders of our country at the present moment. I also need to get a land travel card to cross the border in Niagra. Maybe it will happen, maybe it won’t. Everything seems to be a gamble nowadays. So eventually I’ll have to decide if I place my bet or not.

Today is day 120 of covid caving. Four freaking months of this and it’s very frustrating for all of us. One day in the future covid-19 will be a thing of the past and most likely something we all will have to get vaccinated for along with our flu, chicken pox and tetnus shots. I am sure we will all remember and be scarred from some things that we’ve been through, or will go through, during this pandemic. I just hope that those that I care about are being super careful and protecting themselves and their loved ones until we get through the dark tunnel of Covid.

The song “End of the World” keeps playing over and over in my head. Yes, it IS the end of the world as we knew it…how well we adapt, how much effort we put into helping bring our country back to healthy and restore it’s dignity, and how good we are at not going nuts before it ends will all be factors in the world as we, will rebuild it to be in the future…but it starts today, right now, so if we don’t see tomorrow we will die knowing we did what we could do to make things right.

I hope you are all taking good care of yourselves!

To my Canadian friends – No, you’re not living above a big meth lab…although I do understand that it feels that way. Please know that many, many of us are trying to change the country, trying to fight the racism and we will survive once we can right out leadership issues. I know you all think we are pitiful and should be fighting harder against our oppressive government right now, but with covid and everything else coming at us we are tired and trying to pull ourselves together so that in November we can all do what we know must be done – vote out the Orange Pinhead.

I’m going to work on my shed today. I’ve been getting rid of all the junk built up in there. I know I’ll have to be careful because of my lack of sleep and my pain level, I may have to rest periodically, but I’m determined to get it done!

Hope you all have a decent Monday and a good week! Wear your masks!!!

Peace. ~ MB

*Make sure you listening and not just waiting to talk.

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