Angst and Agony Across America

What a week…we hit the 100,000 dead milestone, Minneapolis cops killed George Floyd by kneeling on his neck…symbolic?…you have to wonder. Then some crazy white chick in NYC was filmed almost choking her dog to death and accusing a black bird watcher of threatening her all for him asking her to put the dog on a leash. Then Wednesday Larry Kramer died. Larry started ACT UP back in 1984, he led the movement of the last pandemic – the fight against HIV/AIDS. I knew Larry, and he was a great guy, a hero and he leaves a true legacy.

…it’s just insane, people are angry as fuck and wound tight, you can feel it in the atmosphere.

Maine’s covid numbers are rising suddenly. It’s the influx of out-of-staters as well as the government trying to open up too soon. I’m personally sticking to my routine of staying away from places so I don’t have to risk going through the virus and probably dying from it. Now even the Maine Response team has gotten exposed and many on it are infected. It’s so difficult to know what to do. I don’t want the infection to spread, but I want people to be able to work and make ends meet. Therein lies the dilemma.

Minneapolis is burning. Atlanta is burning. Lousiville is burning. LA is burning, and more major cities are on fire this morning…..my country is bleeding from the gaping wound of endemic racism. The riots have started. Remember, this country was STARTED by a riot and by looting and burning…the colonists rose up against oppression in 1774 and the first man to die in that war was a black man. Four hundred years of brutal oppression of blacks in America, brought here by force.

We have a leadership vacuum in Washington DC. A President tweeting about shooting looters in Minneapolis and now 1700 military personnel have been brought in with more standing ready in the wings. I fear we will witness civillian bodies lying dead on the city streets before tomorrow morning. The majority of the protesters are peaceful and fighting for justice but there is a faction of antifa, anarchists and white supremists mixed into these protests. They don’t leave when then rest do, rather they stay and cause chaos.

It’s far past time for equal justice in America. We are at a turning point…what side of history will we be on? I stand solidly with the protests across this country.

No Justice. No Peace.

Peace. ~ MB

60 Days

60 days of chaotic weirdness, unlike any other 60 day period in any of our lives.

Trying to figure out what we should each be doing that is safe or not safe with NO leadership or guidance from the very top echelon – the US President – is a challenge all by itself.

60 Days and we are STILL stuck on talking about “testing” – or lack thereof – and the lack of PPE.

60 Days of daily “updates” which are more like political rallies sometimes and like #45 having his very own little boy’s birthday party with everyone slapping him on the back and telling him how great, wonderful and perfect he is in everything he does.

60 Days of watching good people being either fired, moved to the basement office, slandered, ridiculed and outright insulted by Donald J. Trump. His reasons are all because each of the people – one, Dr. Bright, was even HEAD of the lab that is working on the most promising vaccine – disagreed with or spoke words that Trump didn’t agree with or approve of himself. Yep, firing people for speaking TRUTH and NOT agreeing with Trump’s fluff or misinformation. THAT is how it works in communist countries! There are actually some countries where you “disappear” or are found dead of suicide (yes, this is what is happening in China to ANYONE who speaks of the virus outside of their laboratory.) No one around Trump is allowed to have their own opinion or speak truth that doesn’t match HIS idea, so you KNOW they are ALL LIARS!!! You can’t work for him if you are NOT a LIAR.

60 Days of watching Trump slowly become more and more confused about what he’s trying to talk about. Sometimes just completely unable to reply and make ANY sense at all. He’s shown us how much he hates women, how horribly he treats them – right on TV for ALL of us to SEE – and how much their intelligence, which is obviously higher than his, scares the shit out of him. He basically RAN off stage a couple of days ago when being simply asked WHY he believes it’s so important to be competative and continually state who’s doing better with testing – us or China – he couldn’t even answer the question.

60 Days of watching our federal government – and our own president – work feverishly AGAINST the individual states and local governments. Bidding against them for PPE, seizing testing parts that the states might acquire on their own and even forcing some governors to hide the supplies from the feds, and disputing state statistics, disparaging individual governors who may not “agree” with Trump (again, that agreement thing) and showing NO EMPATHY for the families of those 90,000 people – US citizens – who have lost their lives to coronavirus19, many due to the slow, slow response of the Trump administration in the beginning of the pandemic hitting American soil.

60 Days of piss poor, lazy, sub-par attempts at basic leadership skills. This guy can’t even keep the people who hand him his meals safe from this virus – his personal valet, who gives him his meals, tested positive for the virus last week. Trump had a melt down and of course blamed those around him for “not protecting him”….while he disputes and completely blocks CDC guidance on HOW to protect ourselves! That is the CDC’s fucking JOB! And Trump refuses to let them do their jobs and says publicly that he believes HE knows more about this because he can “feel it in his gut”…folks, we are listening to a fucking feather merchant trying to ice cream in Antartica – with no takers. Idiot, just a plain IDIOT – the epitomy of the word actually. I want to add his picture next to the word “Idiot” in Wikipedia.

60 Days of “the plan” changing every 3 days…infuriating as hell.

60 Days of face masks, social distancing (6′), limited patron food shopping, and astronomically soaring food prices.

60 Days of my friends and some family members being out of work. Waiting STILL on the arrival of unemployment funds while running out of cash to keep things afloat. We’re all in this together, so we’ve all been trying to help each other and also help our local assistance organizations as well, keep things going. It’s stressful and it sucks. This is one time I am glad I am on a fixed income – while it’s not much at least it pays the basic bills. Gas for my car was a whopping $32. last month (I track it in my Cumbies app), down from about $120 a month during a regular month of moving around, so that is quite a nice little savings. Of course, it was just spent on food instead – eating has gained a whole new appeal during the lock down! I’ve managed to keep my weight steady, but I can see the reason some are gaining a little! It’s pretty easy to sit down and binge on Netflix and Doritos! hahaha

60 Days of Gov. Andrew Cuomo being the only sane and believable political voice I hear. While Anthony Fauci started out bold, telling us the honest, raw truth he’s been forced to “dumb it down” to make his idiot boss look smarter. You can tell Fauci is annoyed as fuck with having to put up with Trump’s idiotic, uneducated stabs at being a medical genius, but somehow he’s doing it – FOR US! Without Fauci in the room I believe NOTHING being babbled, NOTHING! Birx is in the same position as is the head of the CDC (name escapes me, it’s like Redman, or Rightman). And when Mike Pense opens his mouth I want to put a bag over his head – a plastic one, with a zip-tie necktie. He annoys the fuck outta me.

…ok, so those are the main “60 Days” of annoying, inconvenient, bullshit items. I know that some are made to protect me and my loved ones and I am really okay with that, but still it’s just not all fun and games being in one location most of the time. I know I could “cheat” but I like to live by what I say and do what I say I am going to do or am doing. So, yes, I am maintaining my “stay-at-home” protocol and I believe that I am doing the right thing, as many, many others are as well. Open up, go out, do your thing, but please, please, please be SMART! Wear your facemask, social distance, stay outside as much as possible, maintain your temper and try to be kind to those who HAVE to be out there working and putting themselves in the line of fire for Covid19! PLEASE!!!

Tomorrow I will write up the “60 Days” of things I’ve done, learned, created and enjoyed during this pandemic shut down.

I hope you are all staying safe, healthy and thinking smart. Preparing for the 2nd wave would be smart of you as well. Don’t be foolish and believe that this is “over” by any means! It’s not! So stock up on weed, water and chocolate and you should be fine for the next round as well! My love to all of you!

Peace ~ MB

…And DAYS of thoughts…

Ahh…another day of physical distancing coming to a cozy ending. I’m a bit tired tonight from being very active all day. It’s 8:45pm and I’m just now sitting down with a cup of coffee and the intent to write a bit, read a bit and plan the next couple of day projects. Since we are anticipating clouds and rain for the most part of our weekend weather I figured I would gear up to do inside projects, like cleaning and repainting all of my lawn and garden statues, chachkas, bird baths, feeders, etc. I like to refresh them every other year, and this happens to be the year! Keeps them looking decent. Some are ones that my mother or other special people have gifted me through the years, all knowing I love my gardens and am smitten with cute garden thingys.

Listening to Maine Public Radio, 90.1. I absolutely love and fully support our entire Public Radio program across America. They really try their hardest to get the real news, the truth – no matter how it hurts – out to us so we can decide how we feel. Yeah, they’re empathetic so you’ll see a bit of a left lean there, but it’s better than the alternative in my book.

I’ve had a realization – probably a bit slow but at least it’s finally hitting me – many, many more people are now listening to, watching, reading and following the NEWS every day now!!! THIS is epic! It means that MORE Americans, those that have been busiest and maybe didn’t have time for news every night, or who’s sleep pattern is all screwed up from pulling weird, long, draining shifts of an essential position during the pandemic. For whatever reason it may be, I am very pleased that more Americans are paying closer attention to what the hell is going on around the country – and maybe becoming more interested, leading to more personal individual involvement, more concern for how things are being done and more focus on what is right for us as citizens and what is not – what ONLY benefits the richest, foreigners, and huge entities that do business in America – some NOT EVEN AMERICAN but hoarding OUR money quite successfully these last 3+ years.

More people will become aware of all these weird, politically charged appointments, special offices and jobs given to wives, sons and daughters, uncles and 5th cousins 3x removed, all in the name of “draining the swamp” of good, career diplomats and replacing them with uninformed, inexperienced, fake papered friends of the family or large campaign donors…yes, perhaps MORE Americans will SEE what the hell is happening – not JUST with Covid19, but with EVERYTHING being done by this administration and those tied so tightly to it – like Moscow Mitch and Pimp Pompeo, oh and lest we not forget beady eyed Jared Kushner – no one KNOWS what his real job is, only that he does EVERYTHING COMPLETELY SECRETLY thru personal emails, burner phones and off-the-books monetary transactions. He has back door access to Israel, China, Saudi Arabia, Russia, Turkey, as well as a few other very rich countries and powerful people around the middle east.

Yes, this is a very good thing I believe! We really need everyone to be paying attention – even just a little more – so that when November rolls around there is no question who they need to be voting FOR – the PERSON MOST FOCUSED and DEDICATED to the 70% of Americans who are NOT millionaires, billionaires, huge off-shore account holders, or mean/evil greedy people. We all need to vote in a leader with REAL, TRUE and EFFECTIVE leadership skills. Those skills should be directly related to and influenced by the previous work the individual has done and what they are good at, like statesmanship, oral argument, truth telling, the ability to motivate and inspire people to great heights. I believe that we all know right from wrong when it comes to things done by our President. We each may have an “opinion” of it, but we can readily see the “gray” slimey area, where the snakes slither into between the two; laying and just waiting for a “loop hole” to appear where he can slither thru and do something not so right, then challenge anyone to disagree.

#45 himself DRAWS people to the TV everyday at 5:30pm so he can pat himself on the ass, brag, pump up his ego and piss people off as much as possible. He LOVES chaos. He loves to cause a fight, to disagree even with FACTS that he KNOWS are right, but he wants to PROVE he can change with his sheer will and command.

He is a science denier – thus this pandemic science is FAR beyond his minor ability to understand in any perceptive way at all. He just doesn’t have what it takes to “get it” when it comes to science, so he just does what comes natural – decides it’s FAKE – he denies that anything scientific is real. This is dangerous for so very many reasons, especially in a country leader during this very time in the life of this Democracy.

Daily he spout inaccurate psuedo or “trumpian facts” which are words originally based upon something that is a fact, then he twists it all up to fit HIS needed definition, and CONVINCES his “base” (please look at just WHO that base is, who makes up most of them such as miliatas, KKK fanatics, Tea party leftbehinds, gun gurus, violent racist hate goups, and “some” good people I am sure….yeah. Anyone who even stands on the same side of the road with that type of “base” is NOT a good person, does NOT have good things going on upand has NO idea what the hell they are even doing anymore. Just where do they think Trumpy is taking them all? Is he going to gift each gun-toting male with a planet and 99 virgins for following his dumb ass over the cliff?

Interesting evening I have had tonight. I took a chance and ventured out – in my required PPE of course – to Walmart for a couple of grocery items (gotta have half n half for my coffee or the world just is NOT right!) and I am going to be doing some painting tomorrow of yard decorations that need sprucing up, so I got a reasonable set of acrylic paints, which work far better on outdoor items that the regular craft paint does. Paint them with the acrylic and then spray them with a top coat of preserver and the job stays looking nice for a couple of years.

I haven’t been to any thrift stores or places I like to hunt around in to find weird or unique treasures, for quite a few months now! Really since before Christmas now that I think about it. I did stop in with Mom a couple of times to the Somersworth Goodwill to look around, but bought nothing. So I splurged and spent $50 on myself in art supplies tonight, well supplies and materials both. Since we seem to be stuck in the pandamonium of this shut down and with boredom setting in a little deeper each passing day I figured it was time to get some project type activities out and start working on those for a change of speed. I’ve been more focused on either outdoor work, shed work or reading/writing. It’s time to get my hands moving a bit more and pretty things up.

I’ve been talking to a couple of friends on Facebook video chat and the such. It nice to at least be socially connected with people. I heard one of the big radio personalities here today say “don’t socially distance, but PHYSICALLY distance and stay SOCIALLY connected!” I thought, now that makes one hell of a lot of sense! While I have been keeping myself physically apart from people, I have actually become MORE socially connected. I’ve had some pretty deep conversations with a few; conversations that were just waiting for that right moment to be had.

I also filled out the dreaded living will thing I’ve been avoiding for years. It’s kind of time to make sure that people around you, those closest to you especially, know what you would want for treatment should you become incapacitated by corvid19 or some other thing, and need doctors to know what your wishes are so they are fulfilled as closely as they are able to be. It’s not a fun subject, talking about prolonging life mechanically or letting go naturally…everyone is different.

My own preference is that if I am not going to live a healthy, productive, enjoyable life after treatment – if I survived it – then I wouldn’t want to be treated. I do want to be kept as comfortable as medically possible and I want a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) order at the foot of my bed. That’s probably the simple part, the hard part is even thinking that if this happened you are going to be going through it on your own, alone, except for medical personnel – who I know are doing their best to be respectful and loving toward all of us who are dying on their shifts, alone and afraid, they know…they’re trying. My heart aches for those front line people who are caring for our people through this all, they are the most honorable, valiant and respectable people on this green earth. Everyone owes them a debt of gratitude.

Wow…It’ Friday again! I woke up to hear that the great Orange Buffoon has suggested injecting or ingesting disinfectant – like lysol – to cure coronavirus19…I’m waiting for HIM to try it first to show us all how certainly SAFE this is to do…NOT!!!! Don’t do it peeps! Peeps don’t let peeps shoot chlorox!!!

Every day is just another amazing jumble or nonsensical words coming from the Great Pumpkin’s pie hole. It’s so frightening that so many of his “base” will probalby DO what he’s telling them to do, or suggesting that they test out his theory of the injection of disinfectant, like WTF? (Update: YES, some of his covidiot basers DID try out his disinfectant injection/ingestion theory and are now laying in what are considered to be irreversable comas of brain-dead bodies….sadly. ) How would you “test” this theory? I say let Donald be the guinea pig of the injection idea, yeah, let him go first and show the world how BRILLIANT his idea really is…as he turns blue and starts foaming at the mouth while having seizures on the floor, just before his heart explodes and he ascends the stairs to hell.

….WEDNESDAY May 7, 2020….days after the above paragraphs were written….

I am just fucking astounded, overwhelmed, very disillusioned and I don’t trust ONE damned thing our government is attempting to tell us to believe. THEY do not know how to deal with ANY of the crisis or chaos that has been brought upon us by Trump and his Coronavirus19 debacle. Yes, HIS! Had he been fucking AWAKE back in Decempber and not on the fucking golf course or getting his dick sucked at Mar a lago by some imported teenage sex slave from his Chinese salon owner buddy (can’t recall her name at the moment, but she’s a regular implement at Mar a lago). And she is KNOWN to be involved in bringing young girls into America for who knows WHAT real reasons.

Our country is currently in the deepest bucket of liquid shit its’ EVER been in during it’s 240+ years. We have TWO major factors playing out here: Coronavirus19 and Trump & Cronies maniuplation of the response to it, their DIRECT LIES and SMEAR campaigns against the doctors (Dr. Bright, Fauci, and others) who DARE to speak TRUTH to their corrupt power plays. Trump & Co. are MORE of a DIRECT THREAT and DEFINITIVE ATTACKS on the United States of America and EVERY single citizen and/or resident of this country and her lands.

WE, as citiizens MUST NOT be lulled – or forced – into complacency by the LIES and hopeful DISINFORMATION being disceminated by Trump himself, his administration and any one ( or all ) of it’s allies, employees, lobbiests, appointees, and sychophants of Trumpism.

And China…omg….China…who the fuck KNOWS if ANYTHING they are telling us is true or not. I doubt any of it has ANY real truth to it. I believe that Trump and Pompeo KNOW much much more than they are disclosing to any of us – who are the ones directly AFFECTED by this pandemic. Of course they WANT to blame China, but for all WE know Trump and Pompeo personally DELIVERED the vial of this virus TO Xi and China and knowingly infected their country so they could BLAME China when the shit hit the fan. That is probably FAR CLOSER to the truth of this than any of us realize…FAR closer. Now, I say all of this paragraph in hypothesis…but think about it. Think about what we all KNOW about this administration and their penchant for avoiding truth at all costs. If something IS true they will claim to high-hell that it is NOT, and visa-versa. They CANNOT – or do not understand HOW to – tell the truth about anything.

This is a BAD situation we are in. I know I am not the only one that is thinking that we must organize to remedy this whole thing. Starting with Trump and Steven Miller. Those two MUST be dealt with and MUST be removed from American soil as soon as possible – in ANY way possible at this point.

NOW is when we most definitely NEED the “deep state” to step in and begin to right this sinking ship. We need to begin to come together locally, on the state level and on the regional level to not only save each other from the effects of the pandemic in America, but to fight this administrations assault on America and Americans that is currently underway FULL TILT!

Our federal government is encouraging ARMED PROTESTERS to attack state governors and their attempts to save the lives of their citizens. THAT is not only WRONG but it’s ILLEGAL to incite a riot or incite violence!!!

Our federal government is SEIZING the state’s paid-for medical supply orders when they arrive on the planes or trucks! They seize them and take pocession, and they are NOT telling any of us where these products are then being taken and what is being done with them. WHY???? And they are using the FBI and military troops to do this to their own CITIZENS!!! This is hurting the medical response to covid19.

Our federal government is downplaying the NEED for covid testing. They are seizing test kits and test kit components so that states are UNABLE to test for the virus! WHY??? For some very specific reason Trump and associates DO NOT WANT us to be able to do proper TESTING for CORONAVIRUS19. They KNOW that without proper testing and tracing we cannot possibly stop this virus….they KNOW this…and they are doing EVERYTHING possible to thwart all efforts to test and STOP covid!!! Our FEDERAL GOV’T is trying to KILL off American citizens that THEY believe are of no use to society – specifically those in nursing homes, prisons, rehab facilities, immigrant camps, etc. You’re NOT hearing about the out of control viral deaths in those places BECAUSE the Feds have COVERED THAT UP. They don’t WANT us to know, or to realize, what they are REALLY DOING!!!

Now our federal government and specifically President Donald J. Trump, killer in charge, is pushing like hell for everyone to go back to work. To not wear protective masks. To ignore social distancing. Trump and Co are telling us (citiizens) to ignore the medical professionals, insisting they don’t know what they are talking about. Insisting that our “economy” is more important than any American LIFE is. What the fuck is that all about????

The WH lays out “guidelines” then encourages business owners and leaders to ignore those guidelines. The guidelines are ONLY to “protect” Trump and the federal government from any backlash that comes their way once people UNDERSTAND and REALIZE what the hell is going on. When we ALL wake up and SEE that the government is trying to reduce voter populations and reduce medicare pay outs to care for those in nursing homes and prisons, and to rope the rest of America into “obeying” the president and WH no matter WHAT they tell us to do. Soon he will have us jumping off the Golden Gate because it will somehow cure homosexuality…oh they’ll believe him too!

F/V Wendy Leigh May 5, 2020 Sunrise

,,,FRIDAY, May 8, 2020….and the beat goes on…..had a very late wake up today, the gummy last night really hit the sleep button hard! And wow, was it fucking great! Slept like a baby!

Tonight I decided to watch “Becoming” the story of Michelle Obama and her book tour, talking about her childhood, life with Barack and living in the White House…it’s GREAT! I highly recomend that everyone who is able to watch it do so! I am now on internet plus streaming TV only, no more cable, so luckily it’s on my Xfinity Flex streaming app. Anyway, Michelle is so inspiring.

Speaking of inspiration, there have been so many great music videos by just us regular people floating around on the internet! I’ve seen some really awesome stuff! Being without mainstream cable has brought me to a world of much better content for my eyes and ears. I’ve watched things I may not have watched had I still had nonsense TV – much BETTER stuff! The stuff I watch is probably pretty weird and out there for some, it’s mostly history stuff, Vikings are a favorite of course and mid evil stuff, knights, kings, warrior women, queens of power, and that kind of stuff. Then I get into animal programs, specifically about endangered or rarely seen creatures or new discoveries. And on some days I get completely involved in alien stuff, aliens building the pyramids, aliens invading, we are all aliens…you get the drift! haha..

Artist listed on photo…GREAT shot of downtown Portsmouth NH FROM the Kitery Maine side of the river.

Other days it’s Brene Brown and delving deeper into my own vulnerability, shame, worthiness and my own interactions and reactions to life in general. One day I WILL meet her. One day I WILL attend one of her live talks. She inspires me. She’s taught me a lot about teaching myself how to listen, learn, understand and accept things. Things have shifted in me, some due to listening to and thinking deeper about the topics that Brene speaks of so passionately. She’s taught me to listen more to those more passionate voices in my head that take me to much better places and choices while allowing me to ignore the doubting Thomas, that hangs out in there too, waiting for me to allow him the opening to pound me and my dreams into the ground.

I’ve learned that we live in a vulnerable world, and along with all the other raw emotions, we try to numb them. But you can’t numb one emotion – good or bad – without numbing the others as well – good and bad – like joy, happiness, purpose, meaning…and POOF ! We are truly unhappy.

I just watched this interview of her with Chase Jarvis…it was perfect message to me for the day. Bingo. Her stuff always make such perfect sense.

Ok, time to close these eyes for another night…it’s supposed to fucking SNOW tonight…yes, the 8th of May/ 9th of May it’s going to SNOW in Maine. My flowers are covered – yeah, I’m weird like that – and everything is battoned down because we are also having 40-50mph gusts off the water. Nasty day ahead! I’m going to chill at home, do some more work on my projects, listen to NPR and stay warm!

Have a great weekend. Stay home and stay healthy please. I lost another Facebook friend from one of the groups today…52 yrs old. Sucks. I cannot wait for things to begin to look better. I believe the more of us that stay home the better chances will be that the time is shorter. Going out now is just going to cause MORE infections and MORE time like now….don’t do it…stay the fuck at home. Be Patient.

Peace. ~ MB