News stories from around the country glide across our computer screens, scroll down the cell phone screens, some informational, some interesting, some funny memes, lots of sad notices of deaths, and reports of lack of medical equipment, medicine, ventilators, hospital beds and just SPACE for people to lay their weary, coronavirus19 infected bodies down. Then there is the stories of Trump and his inept handling of ALL of this mess. And the morbid stories of how we are going to contend with disposing of the dead bodies of our loved ones with morgues far, far over capacity,, refrigerator trucks lining the lots behind the big hospitals in NYC, a vague proposal to temporarily inter the bodies in a park in NYC until they can be exhumed and properly buried in family plots after this health crisis is over and it’s been determined just HOW to handle the infected corpses. No one is even sure if it’s “safe” to touch them, to bathe them as is usually done before burials, or to even cremate them – for fear of releasing viral particles into the air around us. No one is sure.
No one wants to think about this. No one wants this to be happening at all. Yet, it is happening, sadly and frighteningly for all of us. ALL OF US….because we are all in this together. And we are in this for the long haul. It’s not over until it’s over.
Never have I felt so small and disoriented. I don’t know what to do, any more than ANYONE knows what the fuck to DO! I am not speaking of what to do with my time, or my days of solitude but what to DO about this coronavirus19, how to help, how to stay healthy, how to think, react, just BE with all of this grief, fear and death that is surrounding all of our dreams as of late.
I can find plenty to do as far as keeping myself busy, art stuff, cleaning, fixing stuff, writing and such…it’s the more important “DO” that seems to be nagging at the back of my brain. Like I should be DOING something more to help my fellow Earth inhabitants through or out of this dark time. I’m not a doctor, I have minimal Army first aid training, CPR and setting splints…nothing like knowledge of blood pressure, temperatures, ventilators, etc. – the stuff needed medically in this health crisis. And, unfortunately, due to my being HIV positive it would be extremely dangerous for me to be in any kind of contact with the virus – probably a death sentence. So I have to find another avenue of “DOING” something that will help in some way, shape or form.
When the state “stay home” orders were issued by Gov. Mills I created a Facebook group page for the neighborhood that I am part of so that we had some area-specific information, ideas, thoughts and just a place online that we could connect with our neighbors on if we so desired. My neighborhood is mostly retired couples and individuals. There are a couple of younger families with children, but not more than 4-5 families. The management designated this a “55+” community on July 1, 2019, with anyone younger “grandfathered” in by state law. I kind of like it this way, quieter and the homes are kept very nicely because we retired dinks have lots of time to pretty up the yard and gardens. And if you’re going to have a “planned” neighborhood, with everything laid out a certain way at least it can be well kept and as nice looking as possible.
We actually enjoy and have fun exchanging plant bulbs, helping one another set up bird feeding stations, sharing pictures of wildlife we spot meandering through the park and having summertime barbeques and porch sitting parties. It’s sweet to sit out on the front porch at crepuscule, taking in the sweet evening sea air and just enjoying the end of the day! Yeah, I really like this little spot of mine; my butch cave with sweet gardens of veggies, weed, and flowers as well as a lot of species of wild birds visiting my feeders and living in the nearby forest areas. I even get the occasional visit of the local turkey flock with their offspring as well as hawks, various owls, water birds flying over heading to the nearby water bodies and some 4 leggeds like raccoons, possums, squirrels, chipmunks, skunks, and snakes. Keep your eyes peeled and you might even spot a pair of deer near the wood line or a moose – very rarely – if you’re lucky! Yeah, I like it here. Right here – for now.
Well…I started this blog on a much different note and it seems to have turned a corner more toward thinking about the things I love about my isolation station! Nice. I wanted to let go of that bad gut feeling I was having when I started writing and it worked. Writing always helps me in some way to process things; to figure out what is really going on in my head that’s being covered by me being stubborn and trying to ignore pieces of my reality.
Tonight I was feeling inadequate in my personal response to the coronavirus19 pandemic. Feeling like I should be doing MORE somehow, someway. Maybe it’s not doing more; maybe it’s giving more in some ways, writing more and researching/investigating more of what is happening that many people are just too busy dealing with having their kids home, being out of work, worrying about sick family members – maybe I need to be helping them see that we ARE going to come through this period of darkness; together and when the time comes we will all together find our way through the anger, grief, and healing that will follow. We will need each other then more than ever!
That’s it for tonight. I am thinking of everyone. Please hang in there. Stay at home and only go out to the grocery or pharmacy if ABSOLUTELY necessary! The social distancing IS working, we just need to KEEP IT UP! The better we are at it, the shorter this will be!!!
Hugs to all.