Deep Thoughts and a Look Back on 2019

 

“No one is ever promised and easy path through this snake infested swamp…and then it’s suddenly our turn to cross that black water, or become lost in the past, perpetually locked in suspended states of illusion. Just where are you going? What’s the purpose of your journey? Do you know? Or have an idea? sigh ah, and there it is…the never-ending stream of unanswerable, internal, silently screaming questions bombarding our brains, commandeering our thoughts; demanding answers — for which we have none…yet.” {asl 2019}

If I died alone, never meeting the one for me, so be it, that’s what was meant to be. But I found the one for me, my soulmate. She is my partner, and my best friend. The mere thought of not being able to talk to her again, discuss science, argue about politics, talk of the obvious existence of extraterrestrials, the chance to make each other laugh…. these things fill me with a dread and sadness I can’t put into words.

It really all comes down to this though: tell your loved ones you love them. Don’t let things end on bad notes. Don’t go to bed angry. Take the blame during a fight even if you’re right, because life is so much more fleeting than you realize. Do nice things for people, express your appreciation. Be romantic, be kind, be optimistic. Do not allow fear and anger to rob you of your happiness ever. Be bold. Take chances. Love hard. Do not let go easily, be resilient. And always, always say ‘I love you’ upon parting.

2019 was an upside down year; one of those years where you learn the hard way to roll with the punches of life events and try not to let that bad taste in your mouth linger for too long as it will slowly poison you from the inside out. It’s one of the years that presented me with a HUGE learning event and some MUCH needed wisdom and guidance around life and living with purpose – not just sliding by from day to day. While that method seems to somehow make sense at times, it’s not really any way to live every day. We each need purpose and we each have desires. Those must be fulfilled or we end up just empty and floating aimlessly in the sea of darkness, alone, afraid and feeling quite useless. Nothing makes sense. No one makes sense. It leads us often to the quesiton “what is the point?” — never a good question to be asking oneself.

I haven’t been myself for a couple of months now. I was losing ground. Feeling stupid and not taking care of myself as I should have been doing. I had let myself become heavily invested in someone who came into my life 2 years ago; someone I believe is a real soulmatch for me. What I did wrong, in hindsight, is I allowed myself to let down my walls far too soon, and far to low.I lost touch with that one major Butch rule: “Never let your life be control or guided by pussy – anyone’s pussy – ever.” Until the day one of my Butch brothers slapped me on the back hard and said those words right into my face from about 10″ away, adding “Get a grip, man. Get a grip!” He was right on the money too. I had given over too much while not taking what I needed in return. I was over-confident that she loved me as I loved her. I let my guard down because of that and I am paying dearly still. Perhaps for a long, long time to come. Guess that’s to be determined.

I’ve been rolling these thoughts over and over in my head for weeks on end now. Trying to make sense of which way to go now. How to I reclaim my power? How do I find my worth once again? Who the hell AM I now??? I am not even sure of that anymore. This really took a LOT out of me. I never, ever saw it coming. Completely blindsided by someone I trusted more than anyone I had ever trusted in my life before. THAT fucking HURT the hardest.

I know that I have to continue to work through this myself. I know that I can and will do it; I’ll be damned if I let this keep me down or change my positiive attitude. I don’t want to live with doubt and fear. Nor do I ever wish to become so involved or over-confident in someone like that ever again without a very specifically laid out contractual agreement of the rules between us. I didn’t move on doing that with this person, because I was taking it “slow” and now I see the very, very big error in that way!

I also see things like making sure that both people have a really good idea of thier personal desires for the direction of the relationship – before becoming overly invested or even tossing out the “L” word. Relationships are great support for anyone, if they are healthy and equally tended to by both parties. One cannot “give” more than the other in the emotional department especially. Both must be willing to be equally vulnerable and thus trusting.

Don’t you just wish like a motherfucker that we KNEW all of these little tidbits of relationship tips before we stumbled into someone we wanted to love with all we’ve got inside? Wouldn’t that just make love so much easier? Ah, but the unknown of ‘love’ is part of the mysteriousness that makes it so damned attractive and alluring. The discovery process is so intoxicating that in our drunken love state we often lose sight of reality and throw caution to the wolves. It’s almost comical -but really NOT – how foolish we get over lust and love as well as how often we confuse the two states completely.

I can still shut my eyes, lay my head back on the pillow and see every curve, every hair, every mark on her body in my mind. I knew that body very well. And I showered that body and mind with love beyond anything I had given to anyone before. That’s pretty fucking deep to even say, but it’s fucking right as rain. Yes, I have lots of photos I could refer to, but I have boxed them all up and stored them away, out of sight to try to keep the visions of a minimum. It hurts to look at her photo and those eyes…those gorgeous eyes. With my eyes still shut I can inhale and still find her smell lingering in the recessed depths of my brain. I still feel her laying next to me, finger tips tracing across my chest, my jawbone, sweeping into my short hair as she leans in to kiss me passionately. Yes, I have all of those so very real memories driving me insane nightly. I wish so hard to be swallowed up by those thoughts and memories and be forever lost in space with only her as my company; my sustenance, my survival until that final heartbeat goes still and I can forget. That is the only thing that will make me forget. The only thing.

Everyone has their own reality in this life. No two are the same. Most aren’t even similar. Often our immediate life circumstance is the basis for most of our reality based choices and decisions. For example, my life as an older, single Butch with no children or major responsibilities at this point in my life is vastly different from my recent girl’s circumstances with having a special needs child that needs 24/7 care, a husband who is there in the picture daily to support the two, and a professional life she tries to manage around it all, and what I thought was a desire for a lesbian partnership too.

Once, in the not-so-distant past, I thought that these two different realities would mesh together and be very good for all involved. I thought, and was willing to, I could provide much physical and emotional support to her and to him as well with the kiddo. Because I love her so deeply – and grew to adore and love the child as well – I believed that I would be good for them all; be a good fit and be a very loving partner in the sphere of things. I personally still actually still believe this could be true. I had reached a point where I am fully willing to change my physical situation in life to be close to her and continue the relationship into whatever the next phase would be. We were close to making something close to that happen when the world fell apart for us. So close.

It’s no longer of any use to rehash the events that lead to the demise of our relationship. I don’t even care about those things anymore. It’s useless to keep even thinking about them, so I have basically forgotten about 90% of it now. I wish it had never happened, but it did and I didn’t know what to do, how to handle it, or which way to turn to figure it out. I found myself standing very alone on the precipice of darkness, without the anchor which had held me happily steady for almost 2 years. It was the saddest day of my life to date. Hands down, saddest. I felt true loss and had no one who understood or to lean on in that time. That’s when I truly learned how fucking strong I am inside. I weathered the most serious storm of my personal life by myself, unassisted and did it with the most dignity I could muster. Maybe it wasn’t perfect, but I never claimed perfection…but I’ve weathered all of it as good as I could.

Our lives happen in chapters. This is close to the end of chapter 5 for me. Generally I’ve experienced the chapters to coincide closely with decades and milstone marks. Childhood, teen years, 20’s (insanity), 30’s settling, 40’s realizing what I was missing something big, and the 50’s trying to find that more stable, decent life I desire, more purpose and a partner I can count on to be at my side. Maybe these chapters are similar for many of us. I know through conversations that I share much with many of my Butch counterparts. And sometimes we even have to refer back to a previous chapter, a specific page perhaps, to help us through the current chapter a bit easier. There’s no set “road-map” of this lifestyle, just a gut feeling and some pretty honestly ethical ways and rules to things. I dislike hard rules, but there are about 5 Butch rules that I find I have to be guided by always or I get off track and all fucked up! Ha!

Insanity is the ritual of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. This is the most true of statements ever spoken. Yet, we all do it. We all try to get what we want in the ways that we are comfortable and used to using…even if it doesn’t work this time, maybe it will next time…where that fucked up thinking comes from is beyond my comprehension.

Ok, enough deep thought for today/tonight. It’s been a pretty good last-Saturday in 2019. IT was a super sunny, warm (50 degrees F!), gorgeous day to be alive. I got tons done, preparing myself and my home for 2020’s arrival on Wednesday.

2019 will definitely be a memorable year- if not for the right reasons, then for some of the more bleak or perhaps less attractive ones. Hey, nothing is guaranteed or promised – ever. Not in life, loving or living on this planet in this time dimension. WE ALL struggle to roll out of bed every morning and do it all over again. Some days we literally stop and ask ourselves, “Why?”, and some days we just pretend we are enjoying it as we slurp down coffee and race off to the office or work site for the day. Whatever we have to do to make it work; to keep us going in a somewhat forwardish direction, and to try to live our best lives, as our most authentic selves, we just do it. Over and over. Lather, rinse, repeat. Whether we are happy or not…THAT is literally up to each one of us personally to determine and make it so — or not. Choices.

Peace. ~ MB

Christmas 2019…Can it be over now?

I had a very sureal kind of day; almost like watching myself from a distance. I hated the day from start to finish. I tried to be with my family, but while I was physically present I was a million miles away in my head. Plus I have an incredibly bad chest cold and cough that’s making me feel miserable as well. Just a lousy fucking Christmas. I could easily have skipped the season altogether and been better for it.

The silent battles rage on. A New Year is on the doorstep and I’m hoping it will be better year for me. Hell, for everybody! I wasn’t impressed with 2019 one iota.

I’ve taken so much of the Nyquil severe cold stuff that I can’t sleep, even with the addition of half a gummy wafer. Agitated, irritated, isolated and feeling the heat. My brain is just going way, way too fast. I keep trying to continue moving in some semblence of forward, but I don’t feel like I’m really getting anywhere. Just about anything could happen right now and I’m not sure I could absorb any more this year. Counting down the days.

As every year, it was great to see my family all together today. This year was a pretty complete attendance! Every one of my siblings made it and everybody was in a holly jolly mood. You can feel the basic pulse of the nation in a room nowadays though, and politics did come up a few times. Overall we managed to steer fairly clear of primetime news and the impeachment. I heard some words on mixing church and state and classroom politics, but nothing major. Because I was in this sort of distant headspace today I spent a good amount of time just chilling in the recliner with my dogs and listening to the various conversations going on in the rooms. It was an interesting way to sort of observe the complexity of my family members without having to talk.

This year won’t be on my list of the best ones. I’m glad to see 2019 getting put to bed. Tired of the year, tired of the shitstorm it represents to me. Maybe I’m being a dick, but I’m just fucking through with 2019 and everything that has gone down in the last 4 months of the year. The first 3/4 of the year were pretty good, then it all went to hell in a handbasket at the beginning of September. I’m still not really able to comprehend or reason with the whys of it all. People change I guess and it can happen in a split second, right in front of your eyes.

On top of my own personal feelings of loss and turmoil with life there’s the added spice of the social and political climate in the world. I haven’t got a clue where we are headed, but it’s not looking very promising. It’s a dark day in our history. I’m sure historians will look at us like we were all a little bit insane and let it really get out of hand quickly.

Everything was going along really great the first part of the year. I was happy and enjoying life for the most part. Then my relationship ended, meaning I lost 2 people that I loved deeply from my life in a nanosecond. The pain from the hellacious gut-punch of that is still lingering. I have never expeirneced feelings like these before, the deep feelings of total loss. I try like hell not to think about her, but you know I do anyway…constantly…and it makes me crazy.

I rey to focus myself on the present moment and what’s in front of me today, then my mind wanders to what could have been, how I could be feeling instead of how I am feeling right now. I am so desperate for this pain and deep sense of uselessness to go away. Sure, I’ve got plans. I’ve got projects and things I need to do, things I want to do and places I want to go this year. But I feel like I am sort of spinning aimlessly in the wind with no real direction chosen to go in just yet. I’m pretending I have this under control…truth is that I am far, far from in control of anything at this time.

It’s been a real chore to just get through the holiday season this year. I can’t wait for it to be all over and done with and put in the books. I”m ready to just be back to day by day living, worrying about the normal stuff like oil bills, car repairs and which dog gets vetted this month. I want to have some old-style regularity in my days again.

I had to make a really, really difficult move today. I had to tell my recent ex not to contact me by text anymore unless it was about us. She would text me occasionally, and she did on Christmas morning. When I see her name come up on my phone my heart breaks wide open all over again every time. So I had to ask her not to contact me because I just don’t think it’s healthy for me to keep being given that sense of false hope every once in a while, and nothing to back it up. I love that woman so fucking much, it’s just tearing my heart to shreds going thru this.

Of course, you know that I do want to hear from her, but it’s not good for me because what I want from her is not anything she is willing to give to me again. That being the case, I just need to put her completely out of my life so I can move past the memories of her and the little one with some kind of success…if that’s even possible. I just hope they are both happy and have what they want in life, and who they want surrounding and loving them. Hopefully, life will treat them both well and they’ll be healthy, happy and long lived. We are now merely strangers who share memories.

Life goes on. It’s like a sort of evolution of understanding; constantly moving and adjusting as necessary. From peaceful days to those of upheaval and bereavement, it’s all just one big shit sammich.

“For now, we must press on with a steady vision of the new life ahead. There is a density that constantly attempts to pull us into the past, but we can free ourselves from its weight if we remember that our power lies solely in the present moment. It is time to embrace change with a full heart and an unbreakable spirit.” Night-dawn-day

I couldn’t have worded that better. That’s exactly where I currently am. On the precipice of letting go of the past completely and diving into whatever lies ahead – with no life jacket of course. The tide is turning though, and hopefully I will catch a wave I can ride for a while in peace.

I’m feeling a tad bit better this morning after Christmas…maybe I’m getsting over the hump with this cold I have. I’ll be glad when it’s through wreaking havoc on my senses! I’m more chipper today, more with it and slightly less sad…just slightly. Let’s see what I can make happen that will make me smile a little today.

I hope everyone is having fun celebrating whatever holiday floats your boat! Rock on!

~MB

A Different Way….My Thursday Thoughts

“Cut everyone a bit of slack today and allow others to be on a different page if that’s where they are most comfortable. Unfortunately, confusion arrives when people simply do not understand each others plans. However, a wide variety in responses to a particular situation is a study in perfection, since variation creates options. While practicing patience is challenging at times, all involved appreciate when you take the time to explain your position. Confirm your clarity by ignoring cryptic facial expressions or other red herrings and continue pursuing the truth. Speed reading is no substitute for true comprehension.” DailyOm Horoscope

I have been thinking alot about women “being in the closet”… and on how tug-of-war emotions, fear of unknown reactions, discrimination, fear of abandonment and admonishment, can steer us in vastly different directions. What if you have a lover, but your family doesn’t “know” that this person is your same-sex lover? Then, as time goes by perhaps the family starts to question this friendship – which to you is an intimate relationship – and this causes you discomfort. Do you tell your lover or do you keep it to yourself?

Feeling like an outsider, facing scorn and hearing lectures or negativity directed at you from parents, siblings or others because “they” think you are making a poor decision to be with someone of the same sex is a horrendous feeling. Anyone who has “come out” to their family understand this incredible amount of stark fear, anxiety and unconscious sabotage of oneself as one tries to cautiously steer around the obstacles created by the secrecy of the true nature of your relationship with your lover. And to steer around that lover’s feelings as well, especially if she is out herself and may not fully understand your own hesitation and fear.

We are all conditioned to follow a certain path in life through the guidance and expectations – usually of our parents and influential people in our lives – we are expected to follow those paths blindly because that is just what we do, fear reprisal from others for deviating from their ideas of how we are supposed to act and what we are supposed to do with our lives. This is particularly true for women.

Then there’s the part of admitting to your friends that you are indeed in a lesbian relationship. This will also extend to co-workers, associates and perhaps some clients who may know you better than others. Some professionals remain in the closet about their true sexual preferences due to fear of discrimination and negativity, or even violence, in the workplace.

A person may be able to maneuver carefully for some time to keep these areas of her life compartmentalized somewhat. Yet, eventually something will come up that will throw all of these pieces and people of your life crashing together in one place. At that point you have to make some decisions. Some uncomfortable, hard decisions. Some that may be life-altering. You’ll have to choose between being your truly authentic self, or to sacrafice being that true self for being what others wish to see and have come to expect you to be. The false sense that somehow we have to grow up, get married, have children and appease our parents and those who think they know us; keeping our true selves hidden and safe from questions and the possible shaming exposure of who we really are. Is it even possible to be happy with oneself while all of this is happening inside and outside of the mind?

Coming out later in life – in all that it means and entails – is a very frightening place to be, fearful of recrimination from those who’ve known you for decades, or parts of you, and having it revealed that they didn’t really “know” everything; that you’ve been masking a large piece of who you truly are from them. What will happen? Will they walk away? Leave you on your own? Take away their support and love? Stop helping, stop seeing you, stop doing business with you? Fire you? Refuse to hire you? Evict you? Yes, these are ALL things that can and DO happen to many when they come out into the real world. Once you’ve built a false world of security around you, speaking your truth could end it all, or it could enhance it all. You never really know until it happens, if it happens. It requires a bravery and confidence that can only come from within yourself.

Then there are those of us who are unable to be closeted. Those who live very out, visible and authentic lives in the public and private sphere. Our visibility is a curse and a blessing combined. When we walk into a room people notice and know. It’s not something we could hide even if we tried, and most of us have tried. We are a threat to those who disagree with our lifestyle and our preference. We’re a threat to those who remain in the closet. We’re a threat to those who are not closeted, but who don’t care for how blatantly visible we present.

Mixing those two can lead to hurt and shame. I have been in a position where my ex-wife could not have me in the same space as her mother. The influence and pressure the mother exerted on her was too much, it caused her shame and fear. It also caused me much shame. Shame that she didn’t see or understand. I felt that she was ashamed that I was her partner; ashamed of her love for me and ashamed to be seen with me. I treated her like a goddess, so I know it wasn’t about how I loved her, it was about her and her own issues of internalized homophobia. I never understood this until recently. Now I am no longer blind to that with women, and I hope not be put into that situation again. No closeted lovers. Period. I’m done with that now.

I also realize I’ve been too much of a nice-boi in recent times. I miss the power exchange and normalcy that the Butch-femme dynamic brings to my life. While I wanted my last girl to “get” it, I don’t really think she did. I tried to go slow, now I realize that was also a mistake. I should have been my more authentic relationship self from the get go, but I was fearful it would push her away. In reality, if that had happened, it would have been the indicator to me that she wasn’t ready for my type of relationship anyway.

I’m not into 24/7 PE but it does have to be a good part of my life, especially in certain settings. I’m not a great “teacher” either, and it should not be up to me to teach at my age. I need a woman who lives the life and knows it’s what she wants and needs part of her own life. A woman with far more experience in handling a Butch like myself. And who is sure and confident in her own sexuality; never doubting or questioning if she’s really lesbian or not, or if she wants to be in a lesbian relationship or not…not just a sex thing, a hook up or a part-time lover, but a serious, long-term relationship with just me, that’s exactly what I want.

While I did want that with my last lover, and wanted it very badly, I should have backed up and taken a look at what was standing in my way – her whole life and family, who she’s not out to completely 100%. I realize she’s got a whole “set-up” there to take care of herself and my encroaching on it wanting a more serious thing with her eventually made her have to make that choice and push me out of the picture, using an excuse so she didn’t have to admit the truth, so her life would continue to remain in it’s stable, comfortable and predictable state of being.

I missed all of the subtleties by being too focused on her. After a step back and counselling I now see the big picture much more clearly. It makes me sadder for her than for me, as it cannot be a fully enjoyable existence and has to leave one feeling that something is always missing. I love the fuck out of her and I hope one day she has that kind of deep happiness and fulfillment in her life that she probably wants. Hindsight is 20/20 they say, I had my eyes opened and even though I didn’t want to believe it, it fits like a glove.

That’s my blog for today. Have any of you ever dated a closeted woman? How did you handle it? How did it end?

Be Kind. ~~ MB

Manifesting and Snow

Step outside your comfort zone and you will be surprised in what you find.

Blogging, writing, journalling, call it what you may. It’s the only way the words in my head, the thoughts and weird shit that stirs around up there in the gray lagoon called my brain, get out and it helps me work on myself, to see things more clear, more true and with more open attitudes nowadays. My writing has been all over the place over the decade plus that I’ve been publically exposing my writing and thoughts. It’s improved, and I’ve improved. I’ve run the gamut from political opinion to gut-raw words of my truths. Some blogs have been better – just like some days or even years, have been better – right? And some blogs or articles I am far more sure of their content than others.

I write because it’s what I do. It’s what I like. It’s part of who I am. It’s my way of fighting back at the negativity I get for taking up a space in the world that some do not believe I should be in at all.

I also write because I CAN. Here in America we do still have a Constitution and Article 1 says I have the right to freedom of speech. I have much respect and admiration for those who blog and report from countries that do not have this right; for those who have been murdered, executed or died because they spoke out, the wrote about things their governments forbid. Imagine if that were America? (Shudders.)

What enters us to write through us is more an exploratory being than one completely sure of what we write. I do believe, however, that more evil has been done in this world by those absolutely sure of the rightness of their faith and their beliefs than by those who continue to explore, and the older I get, the more I realize that although part of a larger world and universe, we are all unavoidably alone in our existence.”

Words create the world around us; resulting in what is to be and what will become. How often we forget, we are what we say and do. Allow yourself to believe in what you are creating for it to be the best experience available. Speaking negativity will create negativity. Speaking positively will result in positivity.”

“Is it really unrealistic to think, you do create what you are and where you are going? The universe does put you in situations where you have no control, but there are things you can do before hand to end up there.”

What choices are you making today to make a better tomorrow? Are you allowing your words to impact your life positively?

Well, I try like hell to keep a positive spin on things. Depending on the subject, I try to look at life’s experiences as stepping-stones of your life’s progression on the journey, for the most part, a journey only known to destiny. I’ve followed my road where it’s taken me. And I believe that is all any of us really “do” in life.

“Lone behold the pessimistic truth that what you work so hard for to get is mostly unseen, until the end and success has long come to pass.” as it’s said.

What choices am I making…to continue to voice my opinion, to occupy this space and to be my authentic self in this fucking insane world we all live in. I’m choosing to continue on the adventure to see what I can see – as MUCH as I can see! And to have a peaceful heart. I’m making a choice to speak out against my own government; to speak truth to power, and to do my part in the resistance. And I’ve made the choice – or the discovery – that you really are only as happy as you want to be in reality.

“You’re the only person who can decide when you want to fail or succeed, to be happy or sad, to get up or stay down. Choose wisely and live without fear.” Ray Rodriguez

“When all else fails and there is nothing left, how empty the cup is. Looking for the fountain to fill with joy yet, no fresh springs are tapped. Just remember one thing that struggles can and will be more fulfilling rather than an instant gratification that will simply fade away. To be able to smile at the mistakes made, laughing at how small the giant elephant in the room seemed, is a true gift.” Will’s Words

I’ve been do a ton of reading as well as watching quite a bit of History and NatGeo channels and my brain feels a bit like a sponge. Probably just more useless factoids that I learn from the shows or book. My latest concentrated interest has been in the Viking world. Been watching as much history and culture videos as I can get my eyes on and doing a good amount of web research. The whole topic just fascinates me. I’d actually do cosplay if I could be a Viking warrior – maybe a slightly slower, older warrior…hehehe. I’ve been fascinated by Viking lore since I was a kid, always loved it and sought out books about it quite often. I have a notebook of my Viking lore stuff and a list of the settlements and warrior graves. I want to visit that area so fucking bad! It would be THE coolest kind of adventurous vacation.

Am I the only one who likes a little adventure in my travels? I’ve definitely made it a point throughout my life to do some cool shit in places I’ve visited or spent any amount of time in, and it’s definitely one of the most memorable parts of those times throughout my life. From listening to the Saguaros “sing” on a breezy Tucson night under the stars was something I could never forget, definitely very cool to a couple of nights hanging out around the old Stonewall bar in NYC and attending World Pride that year on a trip to NYC. THAT was a fucking blast!!! Smoking weed out front with cops continually walking by, they were more worried about fights than weed it seemed.

Ok, I was literally in the middle of writing this last night, thinking about the things that I want to have in my life and working on manifesting them, when my phone dinged with a text from someone I really wanted to hear from and who is on my mind constantly, but who I haven’t had the pleasure of any contact in about 5 weeks…yes, I do believe that there is something to this “manifesting” way of living and thinking. With the changes I have been instituting in my ways of thinking manifesting my desires fits right into my new attitude.

Anyway, it made my heart stop momentarily, my brain sort of short circuited, and I had to work to breathe…but it was woth it, worth any and every feeling that shot through me in that moment. I have no idea what it means. I am not going to assume anything. I am not going to become derailed in any way. I am just going to keep smiling, growing, learning and enjoying the little things in life. If anything should come of it in the future – which would be great – I will be in that moment and enjoy it if it happens. It’s not going to worry me now.

I had to deal with 9 inches of fresh snow this morning, and we have another predicted 10″ coming tonight thru tomorrow. My back is okay at the moment, but after the next clean out it will most likely be sore. I am going to book a chiropractor appointment for later in the week to help with the discomfort, plus extra Aleve, ice, heat and stretching will all be in order. Tomorrow I will wear my back support belt while shovelling… I forgot that today. I was too preoccupied with applying the proper layers of warm clothing and just forgot the belt. It’s not too bad tonight despite the forgetfulness.

My snow depth stick I made yesterday.

Ok, if to sleep…take care my friends and readers! Get ready for the new year that’s fast approaching!!

Be Kind. — MB