Holiday Blues

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. I got up and didn’t even want to go out of my house, but I managed to get myself ready and off to spend part of the day with my family. It wasn’t a good day for me. Lots of feelings of loss and sadness. And this morning, the same. Maybe a little worse. My heart hurts.

I’m trying not to let this be the case, but this holiday season is going to be really hard for me. I miss her and the kid still so fucking much. There are these holes in my life. I had to tell someone that I am just not ready to date anyone else yet, I can’t with while I have these feelings still so strong in me. Actually, I think it will be quite a while before I am intimate with anyone else, if ever. Maybe that’s going overboard, but it’s how I feel right now.

I held myself back – just barely – from texting her and wishing her a Happy Thanksgiving yesterday. I wanted to do it so bad, but I was afraid I’d get a “fuck you” text back and I didn’t want to ruin my day any further. I just fucking miss her. I wish there were a way around this for us.

So, Thanksgiving yesterday and a funeral today. Great. I really hate funerals, but I need to attend this one. It’s a guy who was very close to my whole family, so I must pay my last respects properly.

It’s a beautiful day. We’re due for plowable snowfall on Monday…fuck. That mean shoveling and snow removal. My least favorite outdoor task. I’ll get ‘er done though, you know I will.

I’m going to work on a new video intro for my YouTube channel tonight. Trying to keep my chin up and keep my heart patched together.

I hope you all had a fantastic Thanksgiving.

~ MB

My Brain on Over-drive

November 2019

Thanksgiving is tomorrow. Fuck. It kind of crept up on me this year as I wasn’t really paying attention. I’m not looking forward to tomorrow, yet it will be somewhat good to spend a bit of time with my biological family. They all mean well and I do love them dearly – most of them. I only hope that the blue / red division won’t come into play. I hope no one is out to trigger anyone else with political bullshit. I hope it’s peaceful, loving and fun. No drama. And I hope that for ALL of YOU out there in the world!

This is so true of my feelings for sure! MB

I woke up this morning feeling a little out of sorts, confused and anxious. I don’t see my doctor until a couple of days before my birthday in January. I think I need a med adjustment, or change, something just isn’t working any longer. I’ve been doing some research and I think that I will wean off of the Wellbutrin and increase the Cymbalta dosage. I did pretty good on the higher dose of that previously, without any other anti-depressant added. I want to go back to a single anti-d med. So, yeah, that’s my plan. I hope my new doctor will hear me out and help me make that change.

I believe that in 2020 the injection for HIV suppression will be available to those of us living with this fucked up virus. I am on my doctor’s primary list to be given this injection as soon as it’s available to us. It’s been super successful in trials and is almost there with final approvals by the powers that be. I’ll be happy not to be taking pills every morning to maintain my zero viral load status!

With only 5 weeks left in 2019 I have begun to put together some plans and ideas for 2020, from books I want to read to places I plan to visit. I’ve just begun the process. I’m starting a vision board and I just started a new adventures notebook to memorialize the year. I don’t like to do much for “long-term” planning, so I keep it simple. I don’t plan out exact dates or exact routes, motels, or make any type of itinerary for an adventure. That’s why it’s an “adventure” and not a planned out visit. My ex-wife used to actually create and print out an itinerary for every trip we took together – and there were many! It drove me crazy, but I smiled and went along with it generally. One trip we took I actually threw the itinerary out the car window in the middle of the mountains in Arizona…she wasn’t pleased, but she already had it memorized anyway. That trip was awesome as fuck and I have tons of great memories from those 10 days.

A few of my ideas/plans thus far are:

  • Four road trips, one during each season of 2020 to be planned around the weather and conditions at the time and in the places I’ll be cruising. Some are going to be Minnesota, Utah, Florida & Texas. Plus a trip across Maine on Old Canada Road, Rte 201.
  • Two long hikes. This I’ve already started gearing up for. I need to be in better physical condition and healthy as I can be when I embark on these adventures. One will be part of the Appalacian Trail, which I have done portions of in the past and loved it. Both are planned to be 3 day adventures.
  • One adventure to Canada. I think I will enter at Niagra Falls (for convenience) and head to Toronto. I have a couple of LGBT friends near Toronto who I would love to see in 2020.
  • Museum of Natural History in NYC, I’ll also go to Ellis Island and visit Ground Zero.

I just had a shitload of work done on my car – not fun – so I know it’s in top shape for long runs. I’ve set up a special account for saving funds for these things, which is going well thus far. The car repairs set it back a bunch, but it had to be done. The car is overall in good shape albeit high mileage at 204K but the mechanic looked it all over thoroughly and he says she’s fine for long distance cruising. Unfortunately, one cannot avoid those kinds of things that seem to happen when you can least afford it – car, furnace or other big expense home stuff. I usually manage somehow, this time was a bitch but I pulled the fucking rabbit out of the hat once again. Thanks to side hustles and Yankee ingenuity.

Nola and Lulu have been great. Lu is silly as usual and going through one of her twice yearly sheds right now. She looks like a pretty ugly long-haired Chihuahua right now. I give her hair and skin supplements and it should grow back in very nicely – it did last time! But in the meantime she’s looking awkward to say it mildly! Nola is just Nola. Stodgy old gal she is. I got this awesome photo of them which I am having framed once the print arrives. Going to do an “assembly” buy at Micheals, it’s way less expensive than just ordering it to be framed. My sister the photographer clued me in on this method. So, I get the frame, matt and photo then take it all to the framing counter and ask for them to assemble it. They do it beautifully I am told, with a nice backing and including hanging hardware and it’s half the price. Here’s the picture…it’s my favorite shot ever taken of them together. Nelson Linscott, very kindly, digitally enhanced it for me.


October 2019

Gummy production has been going spectacular. I couldn’t be happier about that little endeavor of mine. My awesome recipe is all the rave with my customers. They like it way better than last summer’s first round try – which came out awesome and was a great first round learning experience. Someone else actually did the cooking last time though, and this time I did it myself with the new method and recipe. I educated myself in depth about how to make them commercial grade, less sticky, and the right milligram desired. And this batch, instead of translucent, is solid colored and much softer, more flavorful. And they are not sticky. I also learned not to keep them refrigerated, it’s not necessary unless you use real fruit juice, in which case they will mold. Keeping them sealed and in a place that’s just room temperature is fine. This batch here is lime. I am set up to manufacture both orange and cherry flavors this weekend, with another supply of product grown myself.

It’s been a hard fall losing friends unfortunately. On this last Monday my old friend Tractor Bob, who had been sick for years battling cancers, died peacefully at home. I used to call him a “hosta” because nothing seemed to phase him or kill him off – and he went through some pretty traumatic crap during the last years of his life, but he kept on getting back up and fighting. I’m going to miss him, but I am relieved that his pain is gone and he’s at peace.

I also lost another couple of old friends / acquaintances to drug overdoses, which I see as so uselessly tragic. I’m so glad that I got out of that whole scene a few years back now and I have no inclination to return to that crap ever. I’ve made it through some very difficult things without reaching for dope to deal with it, so I ‘m pretty proud of the strength I have in me now. It’s also thanks to some very good friends and my mom’s support and encouragement that I’ve stayed clean, that’s a fact that is not lost on me. I lost my best friend even to that crap. I had to 86 her from my life on July 3rd and while I hope she’s doing okay wherever she is now, I just can’t be around people who use like that anymore. Too bad, 2019 was a year of some pretty painful losses for me, but I survived and I’ve learned. It’s all about the lessons I suppose. (That’s bullshit).

I have to go get myself looking decent now for a pre-game get together tonight. Often a few of us get together the night before Thanksgiving. Although my brain wants to just stay home and write more tonight, I need to go and be social. I’ve been hiding from people far too much lately and I realize it, so I need to fix that right away. At least I’m not reconnecting with toxic people – aka my ex-bestie – which is always a risk when a person in recovery gets lonely. I’m not THAT fucking lonely! hahaha. I get out a lot, just not to hang out with anyone in particular. Generally it’s to the beach or Vaughn Woods to hike with my dogs, or to town to do errands, but that doesn’t count as “socializing” I am told! So, off i go! Hope you all have an enjoyable T-giving eve! Take it easy on the wine and spirits, and have a great time! Hugs to all.

Gobble. ~ MB

Brain Lock

In-valid. Of no value. No longer valid.

When she said that word to me it struck me. Why would any woman refer to herself as feeling “in-valid”? I thought about this for a while here today. I find it a disturbingly interesting reference to her feeling about herself. I need to know more; I want to know more.

It’s an interesting kind of word “invalid”, in the sense of not feeling valid. It seems that lots of us see some sort of validation that we are someone who means something, is something, stands for something or offers something unique to our community or to the world. Humans want to be needed; to be loved and to be valued. It’s an instinctual part of survival of the species if you want to be scientific about it. For one to feel “in-valid”, or not valid, is not only a very depressing feeling, but it clouds how you see yourself and ultimately others.

The ups and downs of emotion can be exhausting. I really, really like things on a nice even keel, not major emotional swings, no hiccups. Having been through a very emotional experience myself in the last few months I can say with authority that feelings of inadequacy and rejection can really screw with the head, and not in a fun kind of way. Once I got to the point where sensibility kicked in, I said ok, this is insanity feeling like this and I put the effort required in to breathe deep and let it go. No use in fighting it any longer. Easy? Oh Hell no, but I’m trying like fuck to let it go and continue on this unknown, crazy, exciting journey called life. Looking ahead is so much less painful they say…I don’t believe that for a second, but I’m trying. It’s taken me some time to get it behind me, I admit. I fine though, life goes on.

Trying not to think about something or someone when you know, sensibly, that you should not be looking back is a bitch to do. Fucking grief, the love with no place to go, no way to it’s intended destination. I hate it. I had to remember that it wasn’t me that changed. I didn’t ask for this, and surely didn’t want to be thinking about her in hind-sight for sure.

I used to operate under the rules of keeping my brain trained to control every emotion; stay locked inside and not let my true feelings or worries ever show. Use my military mind training to control my personal, intimate life. I always lived by the Butch codes as well. Then a couple of years ago I decided to take a chance; do things differently, give it a try they said…wtf… If I didn’t take the chance I would have never known – and also I wouldn’t still be grieving the loss. Fucking grief, the love with no way to reach it’s intended destination.

Thanks to a little bit of therapy, some really good buddies, a bit of femme sweetness and a lot of reading I feel at least loved and wanted in the world. I’m back to my smiley, goofy, often stoned self. on those days that I get that “something’s missing” feeling I do my Butch best to stand taller and shake it off. Remembering that my life is here and it’s all good, I’m still feeling good, staying healthy, and having fun – rock on life! And now believing that the real work of the human heart and mind is learning to hold complicated feelings simultaneously. So it’s all good, except for the coming snow…that is not good….

And I’m finally finding that brain lock once again. Reinstalling that motherfucker and throwing away the pin number! Using past experience to enhance present life, that’s my plan. I was talking to a buddy down south earlier and we were discussing meditation and THC. He’s got a unique take on the topic and I’m going to give his method a try. THC relaxes me overall and sometimes makes me goofier and I laugh like crazy at everything. Some strains make me clean the whole house, others I get couch-lock. I like those mid-level buzzes best, where I can still function fully and yet be happy in my head. The buzz where no one else even has to know you’re buzzed buzz. hehehe

Funny buzz story…I got up this past Saturday and did my morning routine, but added a 20mg wafer. Then, forgetting I ate the wafer, I drove over to Savers to d donate some boxes of stuff. I knew it was time to go back home when I handed the guy the box, turned around and tried to get into the passenger seat of my car…yeah, I went straight home. The buzz hit me like a brick wall as soon as I stood up and walked to the rear of my car to get the boxes…then I remembered the wafer. It was pretty funny. I was alone, but I still had a good laugh on the way home. I generally do NOT drive stoned. No lectures please.

I am trying out a new social news network. There are a couple of new ones out there now. Along with some new, much safer browsers. I listened to a Maine public radio broadcast today about cyber security for individual specifically, and they were talking about how some of the more common hacks are done. Turn off your blue tooth people, unless you are at home. It’s very easy to get within 30′ of you and hack your phone with the bluetooth on, especially if you’re in a car. Anyway, the new networks are offering less advertising and more security from bad actors. Don’t forget about those fucking Russians! HA!

I’m trying to stay away from TV for a couple of days. The hearings were brutal. I know my other politically aware and active friends understand what I mean. It brought out all the anxiety and angst of the situation the country is currently in, and that was hard. I’m glad we in a hiatus from any more of those hearings, I couldn’t take another one. Yeah, the country is in trouble. WE all have to buck up at some point here and do something collectively about it. That time is coming. I hope we’re not all too fucking tired or disillusioned at that point…we gotta fix this shit!

So, during my break from TV I am trying to focus on my blog and I MAY even get around to revamping my Youtube channel. I know it needs to be done but it’s a really daunting undertaking. It’s going to take me a few days of reviewing, deleting, changing and refilming. I’ve been asked to do some new topic specific stuff. I have an article to write due at the end of next week, and I need to go to the beach!!! Haven’t been in 2 weeks because of weather.

Tomorrow I’m headed out early. Haircut then Post Office to mail some boxes out. Then over to Portsmouth for coffee in the square and a walk in Prescott Park – weather permitting. It’s supposed to be a bit nasty the next few days, but I believe tomorrow morning will be clear. Thursday being Thanksgiving many people are travelling and the bad weather is going to be an issue for sure. Snow moving in on Wednesday afternoon most likely…I am not looking forward to snow at all.

Ok, off to sleep. I was up watching the AMA show last night…Taylor Swift killed it! And Billie Eilish was great as well. I almost want to say it was the best AMA show I have ever seen, but having a bit of a fan crush on Taylor Swift I would definitely be prejudice. Of course seeing Green Day was a great bonus!

Rock on. ~ MB

Massive administration plot centering around our entire federal White House occupants and his shady administration officials.

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Cyber Influence’s Aims & Weekend coming!

Trump has been a major advertiser on Facebook. According to a Guardian analysis, his campaign has launched 5,883 different ads since news of the Ukraine-call whistleblower broke on 18 September, 40% of which mention impeachment.

One of the ads raised concern for being deliberately misleading. It claimed, wrongly, that Biden “promised Ukraine a billion dollars if they fired the prosecutor investigating his son’s company”. CNN declined to run the ad, saying its assertions were “demonstrably false”.

Today, in front of every TV camera in the fucking world, Fiona Hill warned the Congress and the American people that accepting this corrupt type of behavior from this entire administration that is unwilling to appear before that Congress and the people, will invite the Russians to drive on with thier 2020 election interference plans. I actually am starting to think that that is what they want, so they can blame Trump’s future on the Russians and not on their blind allegiance to the Trumptator.

Tonight, the GOP is hunkered down in the White House having a big-ass pow wow about their “strategy” for fighting the eminent impeachment. The House will impeach on at least two things, bribery and obstruction of Jusice…and possibly, abuse of power. Leaving no room for any mistake, there aren’t very many ways to “label” what he did – he basically sold us out to the Russians. They are more active tonight than any other night in history, spinning and twisting video footable to fit their message that our Democracy is in the throes of death. Several investigative reporters have who have been following this Russian interference in our up-coming 2020 elections are all on high-alert and are seeing alarmingly high rates of propaganda and false narratives on everything they can figure out to further divide us as American people. It’s an all out attack directly on the American Pubic and her allies to drive a wedge -rather many wedges – of lies, scandals, manipulation and hatred, between us all and down our throats!

And for the first time in my lifetime I feel honestly unsafe from foreign influence not only in our elections, but also in every policy that protects or benefits us as citizens, changed or altered to do the opposite of it’s intended purpose of protection or is tossed out altogether. We are currently very unsafe from the spewing of hate filled propaganda leading to darker and darker days ahead as the bad-actors of the globe see it as open season on poisoning America – mind by mind., attitude by attitude as we becomed dumbed down to the rhetoric.

It’s started, intelligence says, and it’s going to be a vicious cyber attack on all of our platforms, leaning heavily on Twitter and Facebook as one may expect. Minority and fringe communities as well as communities of color will be heavily attacked and weaponized by our nay-sayers.

It’s up to each of us to be vigilant about our online absorbtion – avoiding untrue, fake or fabricated news, check our sources and the resources, check to make sure things are true if they sound unbelievable, they p .robably are…although in today’s climate, that may have become irrelevant. Please, just don’t spread stuff if you don’t know where it came from – maybe even where it originated. The USA is now 24 yrs behind China in AI research and development…if that doesn’t scare you, or at least give you get a shiver, I don’t know what will. Protect yourself, use malware, spyware and a good security system on your network. Malicious actors, bots, and stolen identity accounts will be lurking among us thicker than usual. Back your shit up and while you’re at it pack a go-bag, just in case.

Today’s personal notes….

I adopted a couple of guinea pigs just recently. Click and Clack, the Tappit brothers, of coarse, Thanks to my love of their show Car Talk on NPR, schedule of episodes here. The GPs came with a brand new, gorgeous cage/habitat. I stopped at Petco today to get some shavings for them and I saw the cage there…at $189.99…wow….It’s too bad. The little girl who had them had wanted them, saved up her money then after a month decided they weren’t all that fun anymore and didn’t want them. I know kids want things, but before you EVER buy ANY kind of pet you should be SURE that you can provide a safe, loving, long-term, lifetime home for it. And rather than “buying” a pet, please try to adopt one waiting in a shelter first!

On another note, I’ve been journalling quite a bit and this is one of the methods that I kinda use, Bullet Journalling. I like it, you can tweak it a bazillion ways, make it your own and enjoy journalling, no matter what your style or topics. I tend to keep several notebooks handy each designated for a particular topic or part of my life. This is a quoted entry from the creator of Bullet Journal. It resonated with me for sure.

“That’s what Bullet Journaling has helped me realize. It’s not about making sense of every little thing, or getting it all right. ADHD or not, no one can do that. It’s about putting in the work to understand why you’re doing what you’re doing.

It’s not about catching the rain, it’s about becoming aware of why you’re standing in it.

When you start asking why, you begin to look at your responsibilities differently. You filter out distractions that serve no purpose. With fewer things to do, you have more time to focus on the things that light you up. Despite my diagnosis, I’ve found that motivation and focus come naturally when you believe in what you’re doing. It may not make things easy, but purpose provides the tools I need to persevere.

I created the Bullet Journal because I needed a way to weather the storm. But life shouldn’t merely be weathered. Without the storm, there is no lightning. I continue to Bullet Journal, because it allows me to channel the storm waters to surface and nourish the lightning seeds- those tiny mysterious sparks of clarity so easily lost in the day. These are the things that can bloom into one of countless wondrous reasons that make this thundering life a gift.”
Quoted from Inside ADHD

The weekend approaches…dun, dun, dun…I figure I need to finish raking, one final round the house and clean up. After this it will have to wait til Spring in my opinion. I may hang decorative lights outside this weekend because its going to be a warm 50 degrees and I want to take advantage of the weather break and get them up if I am going to do it this year! I want to, so I will make time one day this weekend. I feel somehow guilty if I don’t get at least one “must do” chore done a weekend, somehow feels more productive and that keeps the stress a little bit at bay.

I also plan to make a trip to the beaches — Yay! Picking my car up tomorrow! — probably make the “loop” from here to Seapoint, up along 103 to York Harbor, then Route 1A along the shoreline in York Beach….nice fucking ride, even better if you continue on up to Ogunquit Beach. It’s always been my personal favorite beach loop. Maybe on Sunday. My dogs need a good couple of hours at the beach sniffing junk and I like walking around looking for shells, seaglass, cool rocks and whatever else may catch my eye. Even Lu has started enjoying the beach visits more than she did, the more we go the more she seems to be becoming accustomed to the wind and sand, not so prissy anymore. And good ole Nola just loves it as usual. That dog has always loved any walking, hiking or long ride adventures. She’s a decent co-pilot.

So, I guess it will be mostly an outside weekend, which is just what I need after a tense week of watching the Congressional hearings looking into the possible impeachment of Trumpinski…let’s fucking hope that’s the outcome, we cannot go much longer under the influence of this corrupt tyrant and Russian sympathizer. He needs to go!!! Resign! Just walk away! Before he gets thrown out or voted out in a shameful election where the results will never be satisfactory. It was so sickening to watch the GOP behave like a bunch of mafia thugs and flat-earthers. It’s bizarre and just NOT normal political behavior or protocol that is being exhibited to America by these so-called “leaders” who are supposed to be protecing our country with their service. This is more like a bunch of oligarchs snarling over how to divide the bounty after a successful raid. UGH, need this shit OUT of my headspace!!! Glad it’s the weekend!!!

Hope you are all weathering the shitstorm!

~MB

On a personal note…

“We’ve become less tolerant of alternative viewpoints as media has become more polarised,” Ms Skewes said. “The more narrow it gets, the worse off we are as a democracy.”

The GOP and Trump are up in arms because they got caught in the act and exposed. They’re trying to defend the defenseless, saying he can’t be impeached for being so stupid about extortion. It’s pathetic how the GOP representatives are behaving in these hearings.

And this morning we heaer Fiona Hill, “Our nation is being torn apart” by Russia. She also warned Americans to be aware of Russia’s intent on destroying the US Democracy and that they are actively doing so as these hearings take place. Americans need to wake the fuck up!

Trump and the GOP have been punked by Putin. They need to now own it and end this charade. He needs to resign, along with the whole lot of his corrupt counterparts. Let’s get back to being more protective of our country and more ethical in our business around the world.

On a more personal note….

I’ve been having some kind of “off”days lately. The memories just keep coming back and reminding me. Yeah, I still miss her like fucking crazy, I admit it. There’s just this very empty spot in my heart that yearns so much simply for that connection to her. I am trying like a motherfucker to move on, but I feel stuck and I can’t get the feelings out of me. I hate that I can’t fix things, make them right again. I can’t seem to convince my heart to stop feeling and I can’t convince my brain to stop thinking about her. Damn, I wish this were very, very different and I wish I could go back in time. This is not a very happy place to be mentally. I dreamed that she showed up here, wanting to see me…damn, I hate dreams….although sometimes I want to live there.

I get my car back tomorrow. That will be nice since I’ve been without it for over a week now! I had the strutt and tie-rod replaced and the rear directional unit replaced (it was broken), and got my inspection sticker updated finally. It was a task, but I made it happen like I usually do! I did manage to get the cost down slightly, but it was still wallet shock that will take me a few weeks to recover from, but no worries, I got this!

I’ve been getting settled in for a long winter here, got the leaves cleaned up except where left to protect plants and insects that are needed, winterized the house and stocked in a tank of oil. I also managed to get the shed reorganized and cleaned out – that was one helluva task! And got my office back in order. Everything looks pretty damned good around here now. I’ve been staying busy as I can. Once I have the car back tomorrow I will be able to get back to work. The downtime did give me good time to work on and implement some other productive money-generating things, which is good.

Both of my parents had successful surgeries this month, thankfully. Although, I worry about them, they’re still so very active and I like that they can be! I’m lucky to still have them both, family is important to me. I will see the all at Thanksgiving Dinner next week, that will be nice. And I get to see my nieces next month. It’s the only good part of the holidays, seeing those you love.

I have Rachel Maddow’s book Blowout and I am after Anonymous’s book now. Reading relaxes me. Although the topics are tough. I’m after a few other books on different topics that will be much more fun to read. Trying to keep a sharp mind.

The weekend is almost here…yeehaa. I need it.

Later. ~MB

How Did We Get Here…?

Friday. At 9am I began watching the congressional hearings about Trump and his actions and direction of others to act on his behalf, in Ukraine. Today they quesitoned Masha Yovanovich, the former ambassador to Ukraine. Trump was watching and he hates strong women so much that he couldn’t help but tweet disparaging and intimidating words at her DURING her testimony. He is so threatened by strong women AND the TRUTH that he just can’t stay quiet in a moment when it was imperative to his defense that he do just that.

As George Kent, a top State Department official, put it in his own testimony on Wednesday, “You can’t promote principled anti-corruption action without pissing off corrupt people.”

Trump isn’t concerned with corruption in other countries, that’s bullshit he spews to keep reminding people that HE wants them to think that Biden was corrupt because his son took a job in Ukraine during his vice presidency. Let’s unpack that a little. The CIA and FBI have determined – through their own independent investigations – that there was nothing corrupt about Hunter Biden takeing the job in Ukraine. While it may have been poor judgement, it was NOT illegal in any way. VP Biden himself insisted that a corrupt prosecutor in Ukraine be fired and replaced with a good prosecutor to directly investigate the company his son was working for. That’s not corruption, that is good policy, anit-corruption policy.

Yet, Trump, of course, LOVED the corrupt prosecutor and claims Biden had him replaced to benefit his son, when that is quite the opposite of his intention. Trump was happy to KEEP corruption in the Ukraine government, contrary to what he claims to the public. It’s simple, corruption works for #45, and anti-corruption efforts – in any country – are adverse to his personal gains and goals. He himself has made that abundantly clear to America.

He and his family’s corruption is long standing and rampant across the globe. They have no ethics and refuse nothing – even corruption and illegal activities – in the name of making as much money as possible, amassing millions in hidden offshore bank accounts. Take this report from Newsweek about drug cartel money being laundered at Trump’s Panama hotels, directly managed by his children. This is just ONE example, I can show you reports on dozens of other questionable “deals” this crime family has made or is currently involved in around the world. The Russian Mafia and Putin are generally involved in some way in every one of these transactions, in an on-going basis.

As Sen. Angus King of Maine recently wrote in a Newsweek Op Ed, “We believe that sunlight is the best disinfectant and salute those whose conscience guides them toward ethical behavior. If we are to continue to benefit from their courage, we must reassert, here and now, that centuries-old American value that speaking truth to power is not a right; it is a duty.

AG Bill Barr is hiding. Trump is now trying to say the AG said this was all good back in April, the man is insane. His mind can twist a pretzel !~

Meanwhile, Russia is setting up bases closer and closer to the US. Look at this one in Turkey, formerly – like a month ago – a US Airbase…Putin is pleased as punch about the impeachment because it distracts from him strategically repositioning his military might around the world.

Stephen Miller’s 938 racist emails to Brietbart were revealed this last week. All of his ideas are based on whites being superior to non-whites, using the old, debunked science of eugenics and 100 yr old information to base this fake fact on. Miller is one of #45’s top aides, specializing his focus on our immigration system. He is a no-joke, die-hard white nationalist. His personal views and policies influenced by him directly are resulting in infants being taken from immigrants at birth, disappearing and possibly being adopted out to American families. This is only one of the atrocities committed by America due to a Miller designed immigration policy put in place by Sessions and Trump. Miller is a racist. Miller is a despicable waste of flesh and hair and needs to be removed from his post.

Trump has dismissed a request for the FBI to assist with a full investigation of Saudi Arabia in the slaughter of Jamal Khashoggi in the Saudi embassy in Turkey. He says “..it’s already been heavily investigated.” Meanwhile, the Senate last week voted to block the Trump administration selling arms to Saudi Arabia, seven Republicans joining Democrats to pass the measure. Trump has pledged to use his presidential veto and push on with the sales. This is just another blatant example of his over-reach and abuse of power, corrupt dollars for Trump and sons. They are surely getting a back-channel payoff to have the US gov’t provide these weapons. We are funding the war on Yemen, where the Saudi complicit in the slaughtering civilians, men, women and children, daily. The USA is supplying the weapons and ammunition to continue this vicous attack and genocide

The Kurds are being wiped out. Genocide supported by the United States of America, per order of Pres. Trump. You’ll find a Reuters article here detailing the latest from Northern Syria. The attrocities being committed could have been 100% prevented, but Trump order our soldiers out and to turn their back’s on their former allies and friends in combat. Leave them to die.

Here in America we have a vastly out of control humanitarian crisis on our southern border with Mexico. Children are being taken from parents and never returned, adopted out to American families for profit. Medical care is not being provided even though these people are being kept in tight, cramped quarters suseptible to contagions and injuries. No vaccinations – even for children, inadequate medical treatment, if any, and a shortage of sanitary supplies of all kinds. These people are being kept like caged animals, at the direction of our mighty king Donald.

We have wildfires ravaging the west coast. He blames Californians for not “raking” their forests, when 67% of the forests in CA are federal lands, and 26% privately owned. The state owns a little, which is maintained nicely from what I have seen on my hikes in CA. I’m sure we could do better, but that’s NO reason to withhold funding for battling the wildfires and helping the victims of these outrageous climate change related disasters.

Under the Trump regime our farmers are going bankrupt at an average rate of 11 family farms per day – of course being sucked up immediately by BIG CORPORATIONS, many foreign owned. And the corporations are getting the “subsidies” provided by US taxpayers, per order of #45 and his gang of thugs. Food costs, if you hadn’t noticed lately, have risen over 30% in the last month -almost everywhere in the US. Gas is ridiculous, we get it right here in this country, WHY are we continuing to suffer the costs of the world oil markets? Makes no sense.

Jobs in old industries, those going by the wayside due to technology and human expansion sucvh as coal mining – bad stuff, pollutes in lots of ways, we don’t need it anymore because we have many other fuel avenues that are much cleaner, more efficient and less costly now.

We’re buying most of our steel from Russian factories now. Ha! It’s true. Along with most of our clothing, electronics, auto parts and home appliances.

Our national debt is approaching $2Trillion. Hello, Republicans, what happened???

Our infrasture is failing across the country. Rail systems out-dated, airports lacking, roads are treacherous in most places and bridges like to just fall the fuck down whenever they get tired.

China has us by the balls with cheap labor and illegal practices that enable them to produce products faster and cheaper – not very ethically, but Trump doesn’t give 2 shits abou that! He’s mad about the money we lose, IF it affects him. Because it’s not hurting him just yet he’s letting this one float. He’ll keep his tariffs and he’ll keep getting illegal patents for his daughter – again, illegally and against his oath of office and our US Constitution.

As long as you’re employed in a service related industry that requires your actual presence your job will be outsourced, sent over-seas via the internet, given to China by some idiot in the system for a quick buck. We have to get back to private ownership, make the big corporations pay their fair share, follow the environmental regulations set by decades of research by the world’s finest scientists, and we all got a little more conscious of buying locally and US made we could have an impact…but we ALL have to be involved in the outright effort.

ALL of this shit pisses me off; makes me angry as fuck. This is SO WRONG, the whole fucking gaggle of bullshit is just WAY out of WHACK. The political vibes around the world are getting louder. Wars are starting and the people are starting to stand up to abuse of power, government corruption, corporate greed and for democracy. Look at what’s happening today in Hong Kong. The police have amped up their viciousness. In Paris more tear gas, fighting and protests. Iran is up in arms with their government. Isreal is still dealing with Netanyahu’s corruption and link to Trump. It’s a fucking world wide MESS. And it’s directed by these thugs, mafia style, authoritarian leaders – including our OWN leader of the USA.

These castles need to be toppled. Sharpen your swords.

Stand Strong. ~ MB

Impeachment is Inevitable

A third-grader can tell you that lying is wrong, that bullying is wrong, and that you have to follow the rules, or there will be consequences. Yet, #45 and his cronies are working hard AF to convince American citizens that this unethical, immoral and criminal behavior/actions is “perfectly fine” for #45 to do because HE does “not” have to follow ANY rules, laws, customs, treaties, etc due to the fact that he has deemed himself, with their blessing, the King of America. Even his lawyers have gone to court and defended this position of complete, ultimate immunity. The judge was even perplexed. There has not been a ruling in that case yet.

We currently have NO way to hold this president and his cohorts responsible for all of this corrupt and just plain BAD conduct and illegal actions. They continually defy legal Congressional subpoenas and claim everything #45 is doing or has done is “normal” and “perfectly fine” for him to do. They ignore the law, the US Consitution, and the voices of their constituents that do not mime their own. The more they are permitted or allowed to “get away with” the MORE corrupt they appear to become in words and deeds. There seems to be no guardrails to maintain any sort of respectfulness or integrity in our government – and this trickles down to state and local levels. As elected or appointed officials in all parts of the government or any position of power in America see this coming from the top they are emboldened to adopt these practices themselves falsely believing they too are “above the law” as long as #45 is in charge. Thus they LIE and CHEAT to ensure that they are able to KEEP him in office, regardless of the harm and destruction he continues to do to America and the world at large.

I believe that all of this will get worse and worse until the citizens of the United States stand up and put a stop to it. Politicians are not going to stop this themselves or at least not without the anger and outrage of their constituents aimed directly at them like and M-16. The voice of the citizens HAS to become loud and clear in all of this chaos. We must retake our government, defend and protect our Constitution and uphold the rule of law so that NO ONE is ABOVE THE LAW – including the sitting president and his cronies. NO ONE.

Blatant evidence of deep corruption inside of #45’s campaign, staff, aides, family, and friends is outrageous and incredible to witness. WHY and HOW are these specific people seemingly immune to obeying ANY and ALL laws of the United States? If any one of us citizens ignores a subpoena there’s a warrant for our arrest issued immediately. I thought that was the LAW…I didn’t know you could pick and choose when you wanted or didn’t want to obey the law. This is currently the model for the Trump administration across the board. He’s even claiming his family and friends are immune to all prosecution…ALL prosecution – including murdering someone in broad daylight on 5th Avenue. Nope, can’t even take the gun away or investigate the crime at all until he’s out of office. Does this make ANY sense to ANYONE out there, other than whatever kind of weird sense it makes to Trumpers?

Trump and all of his GOP supporters in various positions of power have now been “outed” for the corrupt bribery of Ukraine. The evidence is overwhelming. The people testifying are pristine in character and are well regarded top-level government employees. Trump and his cronies have no defense because the FACTS are publically available, so instead they are trying their damnedest to discredit “procedure” used, to tarnish the reputations of people involved in telling the truth (which they thus far have been completely unsuccessful in doing) and using “schmear campaigns” against ANYONE who dares speak against Trumpy. He calls everyone – particularly the “never Trump” republicans – human scum. Yup, human scum. Nice huh? That’s what the President of the United States has called citizens of his OWN country, people he is supposed to represent, protect and make proud. IF Trump stays in office long enough he will make it illegal to speak against him and he will stifle our freedom of speech – just like EVERY murderous dictator he so admires. The man is a tyrant in training and he is becoming more dangerous every day he is allowed to remain in the White House.

The 25th Amendment MUST be used NOW. Especially if McConnel refuses to allow him to be removed after being impeached for some of his more recent crimes – both high crimes and misdemeanors – which is exactly what McConnel is saying he is going to do! I am SURE the Trump Foundation will reward him generously for his cooperation and compliance with Trump’s wishes and orders. Trump is hugely unfit for the office he holds. It’s obvious to everyone with a brain, conscience, and pride in this country.

There now is incontrovertible evidence of at least “some” of his corrupt orders, gross abuse of power and outright lies to Congress and the American people. From the Mueller report, we also know he has done all of these things in the past as well. Yet, if we just deal with staying specific with the corruption of Ukraine bribery deal, which is out and on the table now with many highly credible witnesses, there is plenty of reason and evidence to impeach and remove him from the office right now.

I believe that a president who is under criminal investigation or who gets impeached should NOT be allowed to run for re-election. Period. There are plenty of witnesses to the call and the events before and after, to impeach him now. We don’t even need Bolton or any other testimony, truth be told. The impeachment, which will be broadcast live on national television, will be a real eye-opener for many people living with their heads in the sand. How anyone can NOT be concerned about this is beyond my understanding. This is super important and vital to the survival of democracy in the republic of the United States of America. Not removing him says to all potential future leaders that they can defy a co-equal branch of government, there will be no oversight, and that they can use whatever means they choose to ruin our country; no holds barred. Just imagine what that will mean for our country. Just fucking imagine.

Those are my thoughts and observations. Give me ONE good reason WHY not to remove this idiot…there isn’t even one. Good or bad for the country right now, we HAVE to do this! We have to do this for the coming generations, for the children of today and the grandchildren of tomorrow.

Peace. ~MB