I now have empathy for what it’s like when someone is not there for you – even for one day – I am sitting with that feeling myself now. It’s not nice, I wish I could find the right way to repair this and move forward.
If life is really better and happier without someone you love in it then you just have to do what is best for yourself. The other has to accept that decision. No matter what. And if that is not the case it should be remedied.
I had a really good person in my life, one with her own deep struggles, who I love beyond words, despite any difficulty we ever had together. I know I’m also not always easy to be with and I have my own flaws and struggles that have made me who I am today. I try my hardest to be the best person, the best partner, the best loving and caring person I can be. Sometimes it’s just seems to not matter. Yet, I am willing to try and work at it even harder given the chance.
I am realizing that there was nothing I could have done to stop the choices made. Love is scary at times, we encounter unforeseen obstacles in life, we question the motivation of others, we doubt ourselves, we doubt what is good and right – all out of fear of love and being loved as the other is able to and wants to love us.
There comes a time when you must forgive yourself, forgive others and let things go before they destroy you or the good you have in front of you. I don’t want to continue to feel this way. I am trying hard to just be. Of course, part of me is still wanting to repair this and hopes one day soon the phone will ring.
I am also worried about the floods in Houston. I’m unaware if they affected anyone I know, I just hope they did not. I think I worry too much sometimes. I saw the horses being rescued at Cypress Creek Stables…it made me very afraid and worried. I hope all is okay there especially with those I love.
It’s a gorgeous day here, sunny and 75…perfect. I have much to do and am staying focused and calm. I’ve been doing a lot of reading and contemplating. Nothing is ever easy if it’s worth it’s salt. I’ve encountered one of those things for sure. One thing I know for sure, I miss her incredibly. Everything, I miss everything.
Have a great day!