Take a Better Look


Another blogger, Fandango and a blogger he follows, Efisoul63, came up with a series of “getting to know you better” questions that I thought were kind of interesting. And knowing how eager all of you want to know MainelyButch better, I decided to post my answers.

What keeps you up at night?

Mostly the political news emanating from my country, the USA, right now. I am very concerned about the leader of the country possibly being a Russian agent and systematically destroying the tenants of our country. I am very worried about the rise of hatred, discourse and increased poverty that is happening here. It feels so strange feeling so insecure about America in this way. I’ve never worried about our democracy like this before in my 57 years on this planet – until Jan. 2017, the day the world order changed for all of us.

What’s the most surprising self-realization you’ve had?

That I really am enough. I fought to figure out who I was for decades in my youth; struggling with drug and alcohol abuse which I used to hide my insecurities about who I am. I wasted time trying to be things that other people wanted me to be, instead of just being my authentic self. Once I came to grips with this and worked through some of the specifics I found myself far happier and more contented with my life.

What’s the most illegal thing you’ve done?

This is a dangerous question! I have on both sides of the law for much of my life. Today I stay on the right side, out of trouble and safely within the legal zone. Any illegality I was into involved illicit drug procurement. I never did anything that hurt anyone else, no thievery, damage, harm or hurt.

What lie do you tell most often?

I don’t like lying at all. I work to be very honest in all of my affairs, so I am not aware of any lie that I tell – especially one with any consistency.

What do you regret not doing?

Sometimes I regret not making the military a career and in until retirement. I was a damned good soldier and I liked the lifestyle – except the part where I had to deny my sexuality as a lesbian, that is why I chose to eventually get out when the time came for me. I would have loved to have stayed in the Army and done more traveling and service to my country.

What gives your life meaning?

The love of my family and my girlfriend. I am so lucky to have all of their support behind me in all that I do, and I will never forget that for a second.

What do you most often look down on people for? What do you think other people look down on you for?

I’m not sure I’d call it “looking down” but I really question the intelligence of anyone who is a “Trump follower” and who actually believes his rhetoric and the hundreds of lies he has told. I feel that people choose to not seek out the facts or fact the reality of things, instead they blindly follow his lead – which they will eventually come to regret.

As far as others “looking down” on me…maybe because I have not always lead the most exemplary life; not always done the “right” things according to the views of others. Not that I really care about those opinions now, but there was a time that I let those things affect me in the worst of ways.

What bridges do you not regret burning?

All of those connections I previously had to a darker side of life.

What are you most insecure about?

Sometimes I wonder if I am really on the right path, doing the right things for myself because at times I feel I have grown a bit complacent with life. Finances have been a point of insecurity for me so I have been trying hard to rein in things and live well within my means by making smarter and better choices with my money.

How do you get in the way of your own success?

I am a great procrastinator. I often wait too long to pull the trigger. It’s a hard habit to break. In fighting depression I often am lower energy, which just adds to the procrastination factor.

What’s one thing you did that you really wish you could go back and undo?

Life happens but armed with the knowledge I have today I wish I hadn’t dabbled in the darker world of drugs for so long or so deep. That’s my only real reversal wish.

What are you afraid people see when they look at you?T

That I am much rougher looking than I really am inside. I may look tough, but I have a big heart and am a kind person. Looks can be deceiving.

Well, this was kind of fun. I look forward to doing more of these types of questionnaires as they come across my reader list. Hope you all enjoyed this! Maybe some of you would like to give it a shot too!

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