Passion Rules…

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

It’s dangerous to fall
For a thing like me
A feral Oracle
a carnal romantic
I can torch 
Your soul
With a kiss
Transport you
to places
You’ll never forget
I can summon
the wild
Within you
Command
Scratches down my back
Your tongue
And fingertips
I knew your name before I spoke it
It was carved into my heart
I can prove it
Within our shaking stares
I’ll recite the sacred lines to
Ignite a heroic flare
With bitemarks down
Your neck
And thighs
We’ll share
All of our secrets
In a single breath
Fall in love and never relent
And you’ll think of me
Every time you dress
And you’ll know
We were always meant to be
And you’ll know
Why they name storms
After things
Like me

~otep

I am not afraid…I was born for this…

Happiness and Dreams…

Dreams are so fucking strange sometimes.  This morning I fell asleep on the couch and had the strangest dream about being part of this really screwed up sort of “intervention” bunch.  But no one would listen to common sense.  And it was going really badly.  Then the phone rang and woke me up.   Now my day is off to a later start than I wanted…grrr.

It’s Tuesday.  July 24th, 2018.  l

We all have life stories.  We have what happens to us; what we tell ourselves happened to us, and what reality says happened to us.  We can deny the story, but if we accept it then we are given the gift of being able to change the ending for ourselves; by our own rules and ways.

I heard from someone who I care very deeply for today.  She had many words of wisdom for me, telling me to ignore some of what the Russian Puppet Cheeto is doing to my country at the moment and take the time to find happiness in my world – which now includes my girl and her daughter, the loves of my life today.  I was quite touched by her choosing to reach out to me to say those words.  Very touched.  I appreciate her so much.

I’ve got the house all set up for the extended stay of my girl and her little princess.  The little girl has special needs; rett syndrome, which is really heartbreaking, but she’s such a happy little tyke.  Just gotta love her.  It’s so incredibly hard on my girl though, I feel so helpless for her sometimes.  It’s frustrating, it makes her super angry at times – just the fact that this is happening to her little girl.  Rett impairs fine motor skills and walking is something they learn usually very far down the road.  The baby is 3 now, she chatters but doesn’t form words, she cannot walk or feed herself.  There are treatments for this type of genetic disorder coming down the road, but the wait is horrible.  This is also why I am so pro-science and modern medicine.  We need genetic research and development of genetic modifying therapies. I just want a therapy now that will unlock the world for this precious little kid and others like her.  Rett is pretty rare, only about 300K and is mostly seen in girls.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what the world must think of America right now.  It’s really just off-the-charts craziness happening here in our White House.  Trump is a tyrannical bastard, and a moron to boot.  He’s slowly ruining all of our relationships with our allies, and shooting firey texts at our enemies.  Yet, he’s also coddled up to Putin like a purring kitten in Putin’s lap.  It’s sickening.  It’s wrong.  It’s NOT normal!!!

I’m like any other concerned American.  I watch the news, try to stay up on what’s happening – which is insanely hard as he keeps throwing new stuff into the mix to distract us from the real deals.   He’s gone after Iran with words to provoke them this week, he’s got new “tapes” just released with him discussing payouts to porn stars for sexual favors, and he’s now threatening to decimate our Endangered Species Act, putting many animals and wildlife in danger of extinction. He’s also threatening politicians; if they are not swearing absolute loyalty to him he is pulling their security clearances.  He is turning into a TYRANT.  He thinks he’s fucking King of America.  I don’t know what the answer is other than to somehow get this guy out of the office of President and behind bars where he and his corrupt family belong.

It’s become a little different, more strained and scary living here and being openly Butch lesbian these days.  I find myself more conscious of my surroundings once again.  I’m more tuned to peoples’ reactions and the verbage used when speaking to me.  I do get “sirred” quite often – at least 10 times a day at my job.  Working at a truck stop it is inevitable that I am going to be mis-gendered by mistake, hell I look a lot like a guy with my flat chest and crew cut…and I never correct anyone, just take it in stride and shrug it off.  I guess I’m just used to it.  I’ve noticed an uptick in hostility towards anyone “different” than the fucked up redneck, white guy and his pollyanna wifey.  I’m sick to death of reading about active Nazi groups, and white supremacist rallies around the USA.   Today we read in Newsweek that Sean Spicer reveals that Trump’s embracement of the LGBTQ community during the 2016 Russian election was false and misrepresented intentionally to garner votes.  Fuckin Liar.

The LGBTQ community has always come up strong.  We’ve fought some pretty fucking courageous battles along the way.   From Stonewall forward, it’s been an uphill battle, and now we have a big fucking orange Cheeto pushing us back down the fucking hill.  Yet, we will continue to press on and live the lives we’ve been given.  Live our truth.  Live our way and flip off the world. It’s awful that I’m made to feel that I am somehow inadequate in my society; that my being Butch lesbian somehow makes me less-than and thus the object of ridicule, harassment and sometimes violence.  Our society just isn’t right.  To object to and fight against the power of love and human compassion is to truly be a tyrant.

I read where Ivan Coyote got called a “dyke bitch” up in Moose Jaw Pride Festival in Canada.  That’s so typical in today’s world for many of us more Butch lesbians and FtMs I believe.  I’ve been called the same before.  It’s something stupid people choose to say to me and guys like Ivan.

I’ve been trying like fuck to recover from laryngitis and it’s been almost 3 weeks now without a good voice.  It flakes in and out and is very raspy and hoarse, so I try not to talk as much.  And when I do talk it’s a real strain on my vocal cords.  I’m on prednisone and a major antibiotic for it.  Yet, nothing seems to be happening with getting my voice back…and there’s no other discomfort or pain.  Just no voice.  Huh.

I emailed my doc today, hoping for maybe more tests or to see another specialist.  I think I’m going to call the ENT tomorrow and try to get back in to see him quicker for follow up.  In the meantime, I’m seeking alternative remedies if anyone has anything to share for antidotes to help.

Thursday, early morning….very fucking early…

I’m up; awake and raring for the day to get started.  My girl arrived last night and I’ve been on cloud 9 since.  It will take us a couple of days to settle into a comfortable routine together I think.  We have little trips around the area planned; day outings mostly.

We picked a couple of pints of blueberries off of my 2 bushes last night together.  I now have a freezer full of frozen berries off of these bushes to use in recipes over the fall and winter.  My blueberry bushes did SO GREAT this season!  The harvest has been epic!  And with just TWO bushes!  It’s freakin amazing!

I have to work for 4 hours this morning, then we don’t have any real big plans for today.  My girl and her daughter need a nice day at home to rest, they’ve been vacationing in Bar Harbor for the last few days and have been on the road quite a lot.

Have a GREAT Thursday!  I hope you go out into the world with open minds and happy hearts today!

Peace.  ~MB

Just the Good Stuff…

I realize that sometimes I get focused on the tougher areas of life such as politics, struggles and the such.  Today I will talk about the GOOD stuff; those moments that make my heart sing and my brain explode in wonder.

My girlfriend is here for a month, and I am so stoked!  Somehow she managed to arrange to be away from her clinic for a month and packed her daughter up and came up to New England to be with me…THAT, my friends, is some serious love in my book!  Yep, she loves me! ❤

When I met Bones she and I started the conversation as just a friendly thing.  It somehow morphed fairly quickly into a mutual attraction – one neither of us sought or saw coming. We met just before Christmas last year.  So it’s been about 7 months now that we’ve been getting closer and closer, building on a long-distance relationship with some pretty good success!  This is her third trip to Maine to spend time with me.  And this time is for a nice long period of days!  I’m just so incredibly lucky!  She’s a really good, smart and beautiful woman and the light of my life.  I’m super glad that I met her and that the attraction blossomed into something really special for both of us.

I’ve actually learned a lot from this woman in the 7+ months we’ve been together.  I’ve learned patience, to not let my thoughts get carried away with me (because that just makes me look a fool and feel stupid), and I’ve learned to live more in the moment and less with banking on futures.  Bones got dealt a raw hand with her daughter having Rett syndrome, and in watching her with Miss D, her daughter, I’ve come to realize that you have to take things one step, or one moment at a time.

The beauty is that Miss D is a happy and sweet kid, and while she struggles with her condition – which manifests in her showing frustration at times – she is loving and you cannot resist loving her back.  Rett is a fucking awful condition, she has trouble with fine motor skills, such as hand coordination, swallowing and talking – she isn’t talking but is quite verbal with making sounds and expressing herself.  I – and her parents – are hopeful for a gene-based treatment that is coming in the future that will reverse this condition as well as many others like it.  Yay for modern science and medicine.

My own health is holding out pretty good.  I’ve recently learned that I have some things going on with my kidneys and my liver.  Nothing overly major at the moment, but things that need to be attended to and treated if possible.  After finding out about these issues I was a bit depressed and pissed off.  Then I moved into my “indestructible” phase (as my bestie calls it) where I decide I’m not letting this take me down either!  I’ll do all the necessary testing and do what I need to do to take care of myself.  And I’ll soldier on.

It’s summertime here in Maine and the weather has been great.  Albeit a bit humid but still pretty damned wonderful.  It’s been a great season for growing in my gardens. From flowers to veggies, everything is lush and beautiful.  I decided to grow a couple of my own marijuana plants this year.  I bought some female clones and planted them smack-dab in the middle of my veggie garden where they now are thriving and almost 4 feet tall and 4′ wide!  Some fat and happy plants.  I haven’t done anything special to them, just planted them in well-tilled, well-fertilized soil and make sure they have plenty of water and over 12 hours of sun daily.  The success with these 2 plants has made me consider doing an indoor grow this winter in my back room.  I’ll be looking into the proper equipment to do this in the near future.

My dogs, Nola and Lulu are doing spectacularly.  They love just hanging out with me or going for car rides.  Lulu went through a major shed out this year.  She shed out all of her undercoats, so she’s looking even tinier!  If that’s even possible!  I’m sure when it chills up here in September she’ll start growing it back.  I think the excessive heat and humidity had a lot to do with it, plus I just had her spayed so the hormones are different for her now.  They are happy, healthy and well-loved!  They do get a little jealous of Bones when she’s here, they’re not real keen on her touching me at first.  Nola made it known last night that she objected at first.  But she settled in.  And Lu is just so happy-go-lucky she doesn’t mind as long as she’s in the mix too!

Sunday:

The rain has set in.  Supposed to be rainy and blustery for the next 3 days.  I’m working tomorrow and off on Tuesday and Wednesday…and my girl is returning here on Wednesday…we had a great lobster and steamed clam dinner together here at my place last night…ohhh what a great, super, awesome, sexy night it was!

Monday:

The week has begun.  I worked this morning and have the next 2 days off.  Getting ready for almost a month with my girl and her daughter here in Maine.  I’m so excited!

Hope you all have a great week.  Don’t forget – Be kind.

Peace.  ~MB

Mid-July Update

I have several blogs half finished.  So fucking much goes on that it’s hard to get one out before something else goes on and distracts me.

Let’s do the updates:

I’m doing pretty good.  I currently have laryngitis.  Went to the ENT doctor today and had my throat scoped to see what’s going on.  He says inflamation.  DUH.  I could have diagnosed that one myself!  Anyway, a course of antibiotics and prednisone, and hopefully I’ll have my voice back!  Other than that I am feeling strong and good.

My gardens are thriving.  Everything is producing!  Blueberry bushes out front are loaded with ripe berries that I’m picking as fast as I can!  I froze some today.  Going out to pick more in a little while.  I have two types of bushes, both high bush types.  One is a super fat berry, the other is a regular wild blueberry strain.  Oh, and my weed clone is doing well too, as you can see!

The dogs are doing great.  Lulu shed in a major way this year. She looks so different !  Shed out her undercoat, it just came out in fist fulls.  I attribute it to her being spayed recently, the hot, hot weather and it was just time to shed!  She’s perfectly healthy.

Nola is doing great too.  She’s in her glory on her daily squirrel hunts.  If she ever caught one I don’t know what she’d do! In the pic above she’s diligently on guard at the bird feeding station.

My girl and her daughter will be here in a few days.  They’ll be staying with me thru mid-August.  I’m very excited to have them here, and for a good long visit!  I’ve got a few outings planned for us, like a trip up to the White Mountains, a picnic day at the lake, fishing locally, a trip to York’s Wild Kingdom (zoon and amusement park), day trips to the beach and go-carting.  I’m sure we’ll all have a blast.

The long-distance relationship thing has been working out pretty well for us.  We talk daily, text alot, and Skype frequently.  It takes energy and commitment, but I believe we’ve both got that.  This woman treats me like gold, it’s just awesome.  I completely adore her.  And I’ll do whatever it takes to keep us happily together.

Those are the personal updates…you all know I am active in politics…and I am so ashamed of the performance that Trump put on in Helsinki with Putin.  He’s a traitor.  That’s all I have to say.  I only wish he were treated and persecuted as a traitor, as he should be right now.

It’s a gorgeous night, I need to go enjoy it.  You all take care.

What’s been the best part of your summer thus far?

Peace.  ~MB