hunger

I do not think I have EVER read a more descriptive and precisely accurate piece about “fem hunger” in my life. This is fantastic. I urge anyone in or interested in the Butch-femme dynamic to read this! This woman is one terrific WP blogger!! And I THANK her for this piece, from the bottom of my very Butch heart! ~MB

persistently fem

yum2 photo by Morgan Gwenwald


“What an experience making “the femme tapes”! Our mutual hysteria at finding someone else who recognised that hunger, that desperate need, the desire to be “fucked senseless” and to know that we have, would and do put up with some incredible shit to get it.”
Madeline Davis, “A Letter to My Femme Sisters
The Persistent Desire

“She bought me crotchless panties and untied the bows like I was a present that had been wrapped just for her, and before I melted into mindless throbbing waves of orgasm I had a political epiphany: Women who decried being objectified had never had the opportunity to feel like this.”
Carol Queen, “Why I Love Butch Women
Dagger: On Butch Women

fem hunger is the desire to be a fem for a butch, a woman for a dyke, an object of desire to the women…

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3-24-2018 The Wave of CHANGE Has Begun.

 

It was an INCREDIBLE day in America.  March 24, 2018.  It will go down in history as the largest, best organized and most peaceful protest march and/or events of all time.  Trump’s inauguration PALED by like 25 less times the attendees as the March for Our Lives 2018.  I add the year because I know there will be a yearly march until this issue is solved.  Not only specifically the gun reform issue, but the entire mess of NRA purchased politicians and lobbiests in Washington DC.  This new “Generation of Change” is growing stronger by the day; today being the beginning of the fight, not even close to the end.

Watch Emma Gonzales in her speech at March for Our Lives 2018 here.

I was brought to tears by the speeches, especially that of Emma Gonzales.  Everyone knows her because she’s got a very Butch haircut, and the lobbyist from Maine who was running for office called her a “Skinhead, lesbian” on National TV and made her a big item in media reporting.  Emma didn’t ask to be famous.  And she didn’t want to bury 17 people she knew and loved to be famous.  Emma is the victim of the Parkland shooter.  The emotional scar on that kid is tremendous, and she and all of her classmates and school mates will forever be altered in personality, emotion and reactionary senses.  They did not ask for any of this.  But, since they were forced into this situation by our lack of sensible gun laws, our lack of action, the greed of politicians, the NRA and a boy who bought a weapon of war legally on the streets of America.  They didn’t ask for this, but they got it.  Now they are going to bring in into the light full force.  Change is coming; it’s coming on the back of Emma Gonzales and every other shooting victim in America, their friends, relatives, associates and colleagues will all join the fight…Emma is going to inspire America, and CHANGE will happen.  I am certain of it.

Change that happens slowly is a more difficult kind of change to endure; no one “likes” change but there come times when it’s not only necessary, but it’s going to happen, so you try to get out in front of it a little bit if you can.

Our country is broken right now.  It’s shattered into a dozen pieces, and each has it’s own personal war with the government.  Being an out Butch and part of the LGBT community I have already felt the creeping dread and fear for what this “Regime” and it’s “Dictator” have in plan for me and my kindred spirits.  I got myself a bit wound up about it the other night, and thought about it far too deeply.  But with all of the erasure of the gays and lesbians from the public sphere, ie the US Government website took down the page on LGBT Americans on the VERY FIRST day of Trump’s presidency – Jan. 20, 2017.  And from THAT day forward it’s been downhill for our equality in this country.

This last Friday Trump’s people drafted and sent out a memo basically banning all Transgender people from serving in our Military.  It also means that anyone who is already enlisted is in eminent danger of being thrown out.  There has been talk of the fucking “death penalty” for being gay…in America!!!  WTF.

Mike Pence is openly hostile in his very conservative, evangelical views of the LGBT community.  And we have ALL witnessed how emboldened Trump and his cronies have made some very sick, al-right people to openly discriminate, segregate and humiliate people who are “different” from their idealistic Anglo-Saxon images.  We’ve seen a steep up-tick in hate crimes across this country since 1/20/17…it’s like the country has gone crazy.

Trump has instigated people to choose sides, pick battles and fight against each other.  Murder has become just another normalized daily blip on the news…along with corruption, lying, cheating, extortion, embezzlement and outright corruption.  America is being held hostage, and I do believe that the Parkland shooting will be forever known as the “turning point” in REAL CHANGE in American politics and government.  It’s time for change, and it’s now going to happen.

Civil rights marches, led to Vietnam war protests, to Gay Rights Marches of the 90’s, and the Million Man marches, Marches on the United Nations, and today we witnessed and participated in the March for Our Lives in 2018….Change has come from protest; prolonged repeated protest works best…followed by VOTING for CHANGE.  David Hogg, 17 yr old Parkland student and witness to the deadly shooting of his classmates, said today that it comes down to 3 things.  Register to Vote.  Educate and inform yourself, and VOTE.  

Vote for Change.  Vote for a good kind of America, where people care and we get along.  Vote to get dirty money out of our political system, to keep a separation between church and state, and to protect our children from suffering the horrors of weapons of war.  Vote for sensible gun reform.  Call your state senators, legislators, representative and every politician you can reach and urge them to either get on this band wagon or face a very sure public down vote at the polls.

And…THAT’s my 2 cents for today.

Rock on Parkland Florida.  Go Eagles!!! ❤

 

It’s All in the Cards

Leaning in the doorway, having my morning wake-up smoke, I watched as Nola scrounges around the front yard; first checking the chipmunk’s front door – which is a hole in a stump in my front yard…I call it the chipmunk “fairy hole” – as she goes into a full on “rodent rage.” Rodent Rage is when her whole body tenses, head lowers, eyes fixed and dialated …as she lowers her hind end a half-inch and jettisons herself forward with all the fire and fury one little Chiweenie dog could muster! Chipmunks are VERY fast and it escapes easily, but now here adrenaline is pumping. It’s basically become our morning ritual since I go to smoke out on the front porch mornings.

I was recently asked “What’s your number?” while in the conversation of sex and women. You know I gulped hard, every fiber in my neck became tight…fuck. I am deathly afraid of this particular question. This is, of course, referring to what my number of women I have been with is. I don’t even like to think about my years as a shooting star Butch, wooing and wrangling the young ladies of my day. My flame burned steadily until I was around 30…ya know, the old “chapters and moments” thing, from my previous blogs. Life happens in chapters, when I turned 30 it was the beginning of chapter 3. (I’m still astounded by how fucking TRUE this has panned out to be!)

So..numbers. I don’t keep them, never was one for putting the notches in the belt or bedpost. But I once sat and thought about exactly this “number” thing and I took out pen and parchment and began a list. Try it. It’s definitely NOT cathartic. Seems I’ve steadily racked up membership cards in 7 catagories, and been chosen for rewards cards by 4.

I got my Butch card pretty early. Growing up as a tomboy and wishing like fuck that I could pee standing up. Until I was in 2nd grade I had to wear my hair long…the summer I was allowed to cut it was blissful. I’d come one step closer to feeling like my authentic self.

Mile High card can be one of the earliest specialty cards I got. At 18 I flew from Newark to Frankfort Germany…young and thrill seeking I might add. This particular card can take you places. (couldn’t help the pun!) and can be used repeatedly throughout your entire life. Physical prowess and brittle bones

The good ole hot tub card – with that one you get a sticker for skinny dipping after midnight.

The Back Seat card with several punches for beachside action. A particular favorite of mine. I have the optional lifeguard tower rider. Low tide is best, bug free nights are highly recommended. And bring water.

The Parents’ House card can be on the more difficult side to obtain. It’s a scary one. Parent’s are always a sensitive, navigation specific type of approach. And you get bonus points for doing the deed during day-light hours when everyone in the house is awake and possibly moving around. There are also times when you just can’t cash in on this one…with some it’s a hard No. But then it becomes a game to tease and provoke.

First Girl Kiss Card is a difficult one to set up initially because Butches LOVE the sleepover idea, yet dysphoric fear can hold one in it’s grip. Usually obtained by accident when you’re a kid. Yeah, teenage kids have fun on occasion – far more frequently than most parents believe. The ideal scenario for me when I was growing up and engaged with other girls was that I was always the boy in any game played, house, cowboys, kings and queens, etc. And my playmate would be the damsel in distress. Worked like a charm for getting to kiss girls. This card could even get you nominated for a Sleepover rewards card. Warning: Do not punch this too many times with the same playmate.

Elevator cards are more for city folk. But if you’re travelling anyplace that has elevators – Vegas comes to mind rather quickly – you should get this one for the hell of it.

Rewards cards, just to get a discount usually. Generally the benefits of each o these far outweigh the cost of getting some of them. You will highly benefit form any one of these, and multiple can give you Butch booster points for sure.

  • Military Service
  • Mechanical Aptitude
  • Fishing – hook baiting rider
  • Pick up truck
  • Motorcycle
  • Leather / lace. You know who you are.
  • Cool Toys

I had a lot of fun thinking about this. My brain goes to the strangest thoughts at times. Never know what’s next. I love fun and joker type of stuff.

Catching up.

I’ve been meaning to take the time to drop a few lines here for my readers to catch up on the latest here in Butchville. I’ve been feeling behind – like many – with the time change and our weather has been less than conducive to staying in an upbeat mood.

My country is falling apart. My government’s come unhinged has being led by a moronic asshole, accompanied by a true anti-gay vice-asshole. It’s becoming really dangerous to be here and live is an openly gay person, especially for those of us who are masculine of Center, Butch or Trans. It feels really scary to live in such a hostile world. Our government is busy erasing us, and teaching hate against us. Personally I’m not really sure what will happen futuristically, but I really don’t think it’s going to be good at all. It may be time for many of us to leave this country. Maybe.

I had a really great time with the woman that came to visit me back at the beginning of March. She’s really awesome and someone that I could get very used to having around. But life is always complicated. I’m not sure when I’ll see her again but I really am hoping it will happen. I feel a really deep connection with her and I’d like to pursue that, but I’m not sure what is possible, so I’m trying not to become too invested. And that’s pretty hard sometimes. I do like her an awful lot.

Remember when I talked about going after the unattainable? I may have managed to do that again. Fuck. I seem to always go after women or become interested in women who are either not good for me or are unavailable for some reason. Bad habit I guess. Or maybe it’s Karma’s way of insuring I stay permanently single. Who knows.

Everything else is going fine. I’m still working, still in recovery and still just doing what makes me happy most of the time. Life is good, in general.

Share Your World…SYW

Cee’s share your world challenge

https://ceenphotography.com/cees-challenges/share-your-world/

I’m participating occasionally in Cee’s blogging challenges, this week it’s “Share Your World”  The questions are her’s, I am going to attempt to answer them with the most honesty and intelligence I can muster at that moment!

  1.  I inherit $50K from Uncle XX, what do I do with it?
    1. Pay off bills
    2. Buy a new truck
    3. It’s then gone….but I’m less stressed, right?

   2.   What sound do I love?  I love the sound of birds in the morning, the happy chirping; hungry screeches, and shrill twitters.  It’s an awakening sound, it wakes me up and makes me LOOK at the world outside.  I also love the sound of hard rain, especially accompanied by a mega thunderstorm overhead, on the roof.  Tin roofs are the best, but low shingles work well too.  The sheer violence with which the rain aggresses the rooftop just does it for me.

3.   What’s my middle name?  Why?  It’s Sue, it really has no specificity to it.

4.   What did I appreciate, or what made me smile in this past week.  This is a fully loaded question!  I had a super great last 5 days, 4 of them spent with my girl who was visiting from the mid-west.  We spent a good amount of time admiring the beach, lighthouses, waterfront, and the scenery of southern Maine…as well as doing some mutual admiration. 🙂

We did some shopping in cool shops and ate fun deep fried food, Moe’s subs, and CAKE!!!  Yeah, it was fan-fuckin-tastic.  I appreciate the fact that she came in on the coattails of a Nor’Easter and managed to get out of town just in the nick of time before the next one arrived!  And she weathered the snowy climate and my quirks just fine!

Yeah, that made me smile…really big.

Peace.  ~MB