Almost…

Today was a really tough day. For the first time in a really long time I had cravings, really bad cravings. Actually scared myself I thought I was going to use, the idea was in my head, but I fought it hard.

Good news is I did not use. I talked it out with a friend, then with another friend, and I work through it.

Yeah… It was a really tough day.

Peace. ~MB

A Very Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas Eve….it’s been a truly beautiful day in my world.  Tonight I am winding down and feeling very lucky and happy about everything.  I have been trying to get a post up on this blog all week, but most are half written rants about politics or other topics.  Tonight I just wanted to stop in here and wish all of my readers a very Merry Christmas, for all who celebrate, and a Happy Hanukka to my Jewish readers.  Whatever your holiday, I wish you the VERY best of peace and love!  It’s an amazing time of year where we all put love and family ahead of most everything else.  Too bad we don’t do it more often!

I made my Christmas very differently this year.  I decided back in October that I would celebrate and enjoy my holiday season this year.  I did not want any negativity – despite what is happening in America – and I refused to let it affect my Christmas festivities.

I decorated my house nicely; put up a sweet Christmas tree in front of the big bay window in my living room.  I put the little green fireplace next to it and sat a cute little Santa sculpture on top.  I placed a poinsettia in the kitchen.  Put up a card tree and strung it with a mini-string of lights.  Yes, I really did it up this year.  And it felt terrific!

I managed to do my shopping over the last several months, picking up a gift or two here and there when I had the money.  That way I wasn’t stretched too thin close to the actual holiday.  I got something for each person on my list, and even stuffed a stocking for my bestie.  I got the dogs both a few little “dog gifts” and everything looked wonderful all wrapped and under my tree.

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Today, Christmas Eve day, I got up and made some coffee and fed the dogs.  After they came back inside from their morning romp in the backyard, I got them all excited to open their presents.  They had a blast!  Two little wiggly dogs, all full of excitement and helping me rip the paper off their presents.  They got balls, a new bath towel, a new food mat, half a dozen new “stuffies” each and treats galore!  Spoiled rotten they are!

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This afternoon I took my bestie’s gifts over to her, she was home sick with a really bad cold.  We hung out for a little while, and I invited her over to supper.  She took a nap after I left, but did manage to make it over.  I got her settled on the other couch and took care of her for a couple of hours; making her dinner and setting her up with a new regimen of vitamins and supplements to try to help her feel better.  She’s been contending with some depression and is really having a difficult time lately.  We are both in recovery, and sometimes I think she struggles with that more than I do.

She told me she hasn’t been coming around because she’s been so down and out that she didn’t want ME to feel that way too!  Problem is that when she does that I think she’s blowing me off…and that’s not good.  I appreciate her trying to protect me, but I want our friendship to be one where she feels comfortable being around me no matter what’s going on with us.  We both have our struggles, and we should be able to talk about anything as friends.   We talked a lot about this today and I hope we have cleared it up and things will be better between us.  She really means a lot to me; it’s like we are sisters.

Tomorrow, Christmas Day, I will do the early morning shift at work.  It will probably be pretty slow as most people will be home with their families having Christmas morning.  I only have to work 4 hours, then I will change clothes and head up to spend Christmas Day with my family at my parents’ house.  I’m aiming for a political conversation free day; hopefully no one will mention politics.  My family is divided over these issues, so it can get a bit heated in that respect.  Most all of my family will be there, except my youngest brother and his wife and kids, who have gone snowmobiling and rented a cabin down Maine.  Nola and Lulu will unfortunately have to stay home tomorrow, and I am feeling a twinge of guilt because of that.  I will try to be home by 3pm-4pm for them.  By that time I will have had plenty of family time and Christmas festivity!
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Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Night!

Peace.   !MB

 

 

I’m In a Festive Mood! Christmas 2017

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Fa La La, La la, la la laaaa….Yes, the Christmas season is in full swing, with Christmas day now only 2 weeks away!  I am completely into it this year, and loving every minute!  I got my tree up early, and have been decorating a little more every day.

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This afternoon I added a pretty silver wire, spiral Christmas card tree, to which I added a string of pretty colored lights!  I have that in the middle of the dining room table now, and it’s already got a few sweet cards on it!  I love getting Christmas cards almost as much as I love making them out and sending them — which will be part of tonight’s activity!

Today Nola and Lulu received a “Bark Box” in the mail.  I found it on the front porch in front of the door when I got home from grocery shopping and getting my haircut.

I always feel terrific after a good haircut!  It wasn’t out of control, but it needed to be tightened up some, and edged out nicely.  I had it done today at Supercuts, by a woman named Cathy.  She did a pretty good job and was very pleasant while doing it.  It wasn’t my favorite barbershop today, but it was fine and I’m pleased.  I really didn’t have time to drive all the way up to the Boston Barber’s barbershop that I usually use, plus it was starting to snow, so I went to the back-up – Supercuts!  They’re priced reasonably, and they also do waxing so I am able to get my eyebrows done at the same time.  That is one service that the barbershop doesn’t offer, that they should!  It’s the only way to keep decent looking eyebrows!

I also picked up a couple of new button down shirts and two new ties today.  I have a couple of Christmas parties coming up and want to look half-way decent for them.  I’ll be going stag of course.  Although, you can’t say I didn’t try, I did ask a woman to accompany me to one of the parties, but it doesn’t look like that will pan out.  She lives a bit of a drive away from me (about 3.5 hr drive), and she’s nervous about coming up.  While I would have really loved to have her company for the party, and perhaps the weekend, I get that it’s a long drive to be around people she doesn’t yet know.

That particular party is at my youngest brother’s house.  It’s generally family and friends of the family, as well as personal friends of him and his wife.  It’s a pretty big party, and we have a massive, rousing game of  Yankee Swap!  I always enjoy the party because it’s a lot of great food, really cool people, and a very festive atmosphere.  Sets the holiday in the right light for me.  I generally will go and stay for about 2 hours, then go and drive around a couple of the local towns to see the Christmas lights, culminating with a ride by the Nubble Light House in York Beach…which is just stunning, as you can see by the photo below.

Nubble Christmas 2017

Next Saturday is the Wreath’s Across America event here in York.  We are laying 1100 wreaths on veteran’s graves at the cemetery in York Maine at 11:30.  I am volunteering, as are many other locals, especially veterans.  It will be an honor for me to participate this year.  I am looking forward to it.  Below is a photo of one of this year’s trucks hauling wreaths through here to other cities south of us….they all originate way, way up in the top of Maine and distribute the wreaths to cemeteries across the country.  It’s a huge undertaking and a wonderful Christmas memorial for our veterans.

(Photo: Beth Delano, Kittery, ME 12/9/17)

Wreaths across America pic

Today, other than getting my haircut, I got my grocery shopping done and gassed up the truck…storm coming, those are things we do before a snowstorm here in New England!  It began to snow around 1pm, just before I got back home with everything.  Tonight, after I get this blog posted, I am going to begin wrapping gifts to put under my tree.  I get small presents for my nieces and nephew, and for my parents and siblings.  I have a really large family, so it’s quite a stretch. I have managed to get imaginative, and I think I have everyone covered.  I’m surprised I have it most all done and it’s only Dec. 9th!

After wrapping I am going to sit down at the kitchen table and make out my Christmas cards for 2017.  I love doing cards, and try to get them out before the 15th.  I’m right on schedule, and barring any unforeseen interruptions I should get them done tonight and into the mail on Monday.  I really love Christmas cards and hope they do not ever become completely obsolete.  It’s fun to get them; and its fun to send them!  If you would like a card from me send me your name and address via email and I will get you on my list!  Deal is you have to send me one in return!  🙂

OH, and I have put myself on restriction from posting anything about politics for the next 30 days…on Facebook at least.  That may not carry over to here, but I am going to try my best to stay away from political upheaval for a bit.  It’s really stressed me out and what’s happening just makes my blood boil.  I need a break from it – hell, we ALL do.  So, I have to do this.  I think it will be a good thing for me!  Too much stress during the holidays makes it less fun, and this is one stressor I can control for now.

Off to wrap and do cards…you all take care and drop me a comment…what’s your favorite parts of Christmas?  Or Hanukkah?  Or whatever winter holiday you celebrate?

Peace.    ~MB

 

 

My Pure Anger and Outrage

Yes, I have been messing with the theme and settings on this blog once again.  I am just not happy with the way it looks.  Grrr….  And I’ve tried the building a web page thing, it’s just too complicated for me. I just want to write and have it presented decently.  What I need is an editor!  Someone to direct me, and to see to the necessary web stuff.

Today, Dec. 4, 2017, has been a VERY aggravating day for me.  As an America citizen I am fucking ANGRY and outraged at my government and the asshole occupying the Oval Office in the White House.

On just this ONE day alone the Moron has managed to destroy a couple of national monuments in Utah by opening them up for possible oil and gas drilling, coal mining and other nastiness. Whether he is in his legal right to do this is still in question, because according to our Antiquities Act he cannot do this!  He didn’t consult the people of Utah, hold any debates, no hearings, or consider anyone’s opinion, he just DID it.  And no one seems to be stopping this moron from doing anything he’s not supposed to be doing.  He does as he pleases.  He IS the dictator of America.  Don’t be fooled, we are no longer a democracy.  We are an autocracy.  His word is the only one that matters anymore.  No politician will stand up to him.  He does anything he likes, and he even tells us that he will do as he pleases and we cannot touch him.  Like today, he insists that he “cannot obstruct justice” because he is the “head of justice in the US” and he reports to no one.  This fucker forgot he was “elected” and he honestly doesn’t care.

I, as a single citizen, am fucking so angry at every politician that is allowing this asshole to ruin our country.  I want them all to drop dead.  I know, that’s awful to say…but it’s true, I cannot see any other way that things are going to stop or be saved, or changed, other than the dying off of these OLD, NASTY, WHITE people called “politicians”, our “leaders”, our “representatives” (who represent NO one except the RICH), and all of those who so blatantly support their EVIL deeds.  It’s awful to think that we have to wait for all these stupid fuckers to die off before we can FIX all the idiotic shit they have DONE in such a short amount of time – less than a year!!!

I know I am not alone in my thoughts.  I am not alone in my wish for the end of the Republican party, the Trump administration and all the paid lobbiests that hound them and bend the to do their will; to submit to the desires of the most wealthy – their “donors” who they are so fucking afraid will not fund their next campaign or fill their coffers so they can continue their over-paid, overly extravagant lifestyle at the cost of US taxpayers and on the backs of US citizens.  No, I am NOT alone.  Millions feel JUST like I do.  But TOO FEW are standing up, finding their balls, and speaking out against all this corruption.  At some point we will all be sorry for not taking extreme action much earlier.  This country needs a coup.  NOW.  We need to over-throw the current administration, put in an emergency government, hold special elections and get our country back to order.  Right now it’s headed for complete disaster, including an end to our Constitution and our Bill of Rights.

I don’t know what to do.  I don’t know how to make more people aware of how bad this crisis REALLY IS right now.  Am I one of the few who SEE this so plainly?  Am I delusional?  Is it me?  Am I wrong, is this all really “normal”?

I truly fear for my country.  I fear for my own safety and well-being.  But I mostly fear for the well-being and safety of the ones I love; particularly my aging parents.  Unfortunately one of them is a #45 supporter.  He is blind to the evil; he believes the daily lies that come from DJT and his representatives.  If this idiot continues; if his “tax scam” passes into law in this country, it WILL hurt most of us – especially those on fixed incomes (like myself and my  parents) and on medicare insurance (also, me and my parents).

I fear for the future of my nieces and nephew, and for their future children.  I fear that they will be the ones cleaning up all these messes and repairing the destruction – possibly even rebuilding the country after World War III.  THAT I really fear.  It’s so not fair to give them a deficit that is TRILLIONS of dollars deep, and expect them to pay for the GREED of Trump and his cronies.  It’s just NOT FAIR.  The “tax scam” he is trying to put into law here is a real “declaration of WAR” on the middle-class and struggling of this country.  Families will be devastated by it; torn apart by it, and may not survive.  No, none of this is right, or fair, but it’s our reality at this moment.

Sadly, the only thing that Trump really knows how to do is sign his name.  And he is so enamored with his own name that it’s all he wants to do – sign it and put it on buildings, bills, and laws.  He does not have the capacity to “govern” his way out of a paper bag.  He’s a reality TV personality – who is in love with himself.  I bet he jacks off and screams out his OWN name when he cums!    It’s SICK how he thinks he’s the best thing since sliced bread, and that everyone should worship him.  He even tells people to worship him, and they DO, because, as he told Billy Bush – “you just say it and they do it”  He believes that his followers will believe ANYTHING he says, and they DO, SADLY!!!  It’s sick, he’s like a disease on America; a kind of rotting of the soul – he contaminates minds and poisons souls.  He is pure evil.

I don’t know what to do.  I don’t know what is going to happen to America.  I know our reputation with the world is in the shitter – it’s not our fault, it’s Trump’s doing.  The American people are good, caring people – at least 75% of us are.  The 25% supporting this asshole are just confused and blinded by shiny objects…his “distraction technique” that he bends them to his will with.  It’s SAD.  It’s horrifying.

We really need to be marching in the streets.  We need to be banging on the office doors of our representatives and screaming for them to act now to stop this man before he goes any further.  I truly hope that these things will happen.  And I will participate when they do….or maybe I will start just doing it myself…and encouraging others to join me.  In the meantime, I will continue to write, to write letters to my representatives, to Tweet the asshole, and to fight for what I think is right in any way I am able to do so.

Peace.  ~MB

My Weekend…good and bad

Greetings!  I want to write but don’t even know where to start…so much has been going on – both in my life and in our US news, as most of you are probably aware!

Personally, things are going very well.  I’m excited for the Christmas holiday season, and entering the New Year.  I’ve got my Christmas tree up; everything is festively decorated and it’s kinda cute.  I did it alone, as I figured would happen, but it was actually okay.  Me and the dogs had a nice day last weekend of decorating and being silly.

I adjusted my work schedule down a few hours.  I felt that I needed that mid-week day off to balance things out a bit.  And to stay good with my health and program.  Work is very accommodating and being that it’s winter here now they were fine with me dropping Wednesdays from my schedule.

Yesterday my bestie and I drove up to Portland, Maine and shopped at the Burlington Coat Factory store there.  We had a terrific time.  The drive was beautiful.  Maine really is a really beautiful state!  The store was incredible.  We don’t have one nearby, thus the drive to Portland.  I managed to get most of the rest of my shopping done, and didn’t break the bank!

The drive up and back gave me and my bestie, who hasn’t  been around much, a lot of good quality time to talk, something we really needed to do.  I’d been feeling a bit neglected and lost without her company lately.  Maybe I wasn’t being realistic, but I was feeling kind of wounded.  She just started a new job, has been working like 60 hours a week and had trouble with her phone for 3 days…so a combination of things came about that put some time between us.  We hashed it out, and everything with us is fine.  I really enjoy the support of having a best friend.  She’s a straight woman, but that hasn’t made any difference in our relationship as friends.  She gets me and I get her.  Both being in recovery, we also understand each other in ways no one else is able.

We even took Nola and Lulu for the drive to Portland.  They loved it.  We made sure to take them out of the truck a couple of times to walk them and let them stretch their stubby little legs.  All they wanted to do was BE with the two of us.  They both adore Linda as much as I do, especially Nola, she’s quite attached to her and sat in her lap the whole ride, while Lulu bounced all around the truck.  From my lap, to LInda’s to the back seat, to my lap again….she LOVES to ride in my lap, or curled up in the crook of my right arm as I drive with my left.

Today I got up and took the dogs for a nice walk.  I had plans to clean house, relax, cook and wrap some gifts to put under the tree.  Shortly after 10am my plans kind of changed.  My cousin called and wanted to hang out at my house.  So, he came over.  Well, it turned out that he needed company – and badly.

Today was the anniversary of the death of his girlfriend of 3 years.  Two years ago today she stood in front of him when he came in his front door and shot herself in the head.  Right in front of him.  He’s so tortured by it still.  He obviously has some serious PTSD and emotional agony from witnessing her take her own life in such a bloody, messy manner – in their apartment.  The poor guy spent some time in the hospital afterwards, of course, trying to cope with it.  But today really set him off…his PTSD was super bad, and he cried, got angry, blamed himself (it was his personal gun she used) and tried to justify his feelings — all at once…I cannot even IMAGINE the agony going on inside that poor young man’s head.  He’s just turned 30…too young to be so screwed up by something like this.

He puts on a valiant show, tries to not let people know it’s getting to him like it is, but today he broke down…and I felt helpless.  I wanted to “fix” it…but of course, I couldn’t.  All I could do was let him know he’s loved, that I love him, and others do and that it’s okay to be sad, angry and confused, it’s fully understandable and no one thinks less of him for feeling these ways.

I get it when people want to end their lives that they will find a way to do it.  But doing it in front of someone, just to fuck up their lives too, is just ultimately CRUEL.  Her family blames him for owning the gun, but I told him she would have found a way with or without the gun if she was really bent on completing the task.  He cannot be held responsible, he treated her excellent and he thought they had a good relationship…he had no clue she would do such a thing – and to do it in front of his face, well….what can I even say?  She didn’t have to do it THAT way.

So, we cooked chili and talked all day.  Many rounds of crying and anger.  I tried to be the cool one in the room, maintaining a loving stance and attitude.  Trying to console the inconsolable.  He left, after he fell asleep in the chair in my living room for about 45 minutes, and went home…I pray he’s alright tonight.  I love the guy, and he’s a good man.

I’m tired now from the day.  Going to go curl up in my soft bed – new sheepy flannel sheets even!  And get myself some rest.  The dogs will cuddle me, and tomorrow will start a new week.

Peace.   !MB