It’s Sunday and I’ve felt really down and depressed all damned day. I just re-blogged a post from Sam Dylan Finch of LetsQueerThingsUp.com, and he really nails it with some great advice and suggestions on how to help yourself when you’re feeling out of whack like I am today. I even checked out the tele-therapist he suggested, TalkSpace and had a short conversation about rates with them….it’s basically $156 a month for the plan, or $39 weekly billed by the month. Too rich for me today, I just finished paying all my bills and bringing things current so I don’t have much left to be spending on tele-therapy this week. But, I will be considering – and probably subscribing – this in the future. I have a difficult time making my weekly appointment with my face-to-face therapist, I’ve missed the last 3 weeks actually and need to give her a call soon.
I’ve been going to my Groups: Recover Together meetings every Wednesday (except when I was away) and I depend on that group therapy and the Suboxone script every week. I am switching up to Tuesday this week because my best friend also attends Groups and I am having a hard time really focusing on my own personal recovery while worrying about her. I also find that I can’t really share like I should with her in the same group. As things stand right now I haven’t heard from her in about 3 days, which makes me very suspicious that she’s fallen back into using. I tried calling a few times and it went to voice mail after a half dozen rings, so then I started texting but got no reply. I’ve tried every day, but no response. That makes me super upset. We are very close – or we were and we even got clean together a year ago on her birthday. She is usually part of my every day, we talk or text several times daily. So her ghosting me is a bad omen.
Now there’s been another mass killing, this time in a Baptist church in Texas. Twenty-six people dead and many injured. THIS kind of shit has GOT to STOP! America is becoming very known as the land of mass murder. Our gun laws are ridiculously lax and our government is control by the NRA (National Rifle Association) and their massive money. This latest shooting, while it’s horrible, hasn’t been on the news much. We’ve become complacent, it’s become part of the fabric of life here. And it’s very sad, and angering.
I must get some sleep. It’s been a truly troubling day. I’m hoping that some of the stuff that Sam Finch brought to my attention with his blogs and website will be helpful, but right now I am too tired to do any more today. I am hoping for a good night of deep sleep and to rest my tired brain.