It’s the middle of the night…I reach for my phone…has she messaged me? Did I miss it? Damn, I never want to miss her messages, her texts, videos, pictures…I don’t want to miss a thing.
I’ve been sort of walking on clouds…and eggshells simultaneously. I’m falling very hard for her and I know I can’t hide it. She’s in my thoughts and in my heart constantly. I have kept myself very guarded; not letting anyone into my heart, for a very long time. I’ve been keeping people at arms length for so long that it is like a whole new thing to let her in; to let her past those walls and to reveal my vulnerability to her.
I don’t want to scare her away, and I also don’t want her to get away! I have to be patient and focused. I’ve been given another chance at real love – and that doesn’t happen too often, so I don’t want to fuck it up in any way.
She’s different from the other women I have been with…and she deserves to be honored and respected for her uniqueness. She’s teaching me, and I am teaching her. This is a new world and a learning curve for both of us. Our histories are similar, yet very different at the same time. We’ve both been in places that we didn’t want to be in, yet stayed for all the wrong reasons. And it’s a tender walk out of that dark forest, a very tender walk. But putting the past behind us so that we can build on our future is important – and doing it right is as well. I want her to do things in her own time; at her own pace and for the right reasons. Just as I have to do, too.
Yeah, so I think I have found the woman who can handle me. Who wants me no matter the scars and the baggage that I carry and she’s willing to take me as I am, no demands and no requirements in advance. She gets me. She really does. And I love her for that.
I can’t change who I am, and I don’t want to have to ever do that. This woman isn’t wanting me to change. She gets that I am Butch and stuck in my ways. She understand my dominance and my quirks. She’s my Rock star.
And she is awesome.