Butch Stuff, Lesbian, life stories, Living in Maine, Personal Thoughts, Sexuality

Depression, Meds, and Life Stuff…

It’s the end of July 2017…it’s a cool, rainy day here in southern Maine.  I am wearing a long sleeved T-shirt and jeans because it’s too cold for anything less!  I’ve got the windows shut (most of them) and the doors closed today.  Brrr.  This weather is just strange for this time of year.  Normally it’s 90 and humid as fuck.

Well….that got me far…I started this days and days ago.  Just never got back around to finishing it up.

I’ve been in a serious funk for about a week.  I’m in the midst of switching up my anti-depressant meds, for those of you who can relate, it’s not a fun time.  Your brain gets to depend on those chemicals to stay in balance.  So when you remove them things get a bit haywire.  I’m just lethargic and without any kind of will to do anything.  Living is a chore.  But, I’m not one to quit, so I’m hanging in and waiting on the new medication to be approved.  Fucking insurance companies.  They hold our lives hostile at times.  Evidently this new medication I am going to be taking, Trintellex, has to be pre-approved by my insurance company.  It will be a week tomorrow that I have been waiting.  And 3 weeks with no anti-depressants in my system.  Depression takes different forms for each of us.  With me it’s the lack of desire; the lack of enjoyment of life that really manifests.

I have a ton of shit to get done around here.  I’m behind on my gardening and the lawns really should be mowed tonight.  It’s 5:30pm now, so I am thinking that I will get ready and mow the lawns around 6:45 when the sun is setting and it’s at it’s coolest – and yet still enough daylight to see.  Normally I do enjoy mowing and grooming the yard.  It always makes me feel good to have it looking neat and tidy.  It also gives a temporary sense of accomplishment and well-being.

The veggie garden is going gang-busters.  It’s producing lots of nice cucumbers and zuchinni squash.  Tomatoes are green still, but will ripen soon (I am personally NOT a fan of tomatoes, but I grow them for others).  My herbs are really growing well.  I am not sure how to dry them, but I am going to research it and dry what I can for future use.  I have basil, rosemary, mint and others.  Damn, see I can’t even remember simple words at the moment, I had the list of herbs in my head and I cannot bring the names of them to the forefront of my brain to type here….another side effect of depression and lack of medication.

I have been researching some herbal anti-anxiety remedies, since I am banned from any benzos now.  I can no longer get the lorazapam or xanax.  So, I found two that are of interest to me.  Here are two pics of the bottles that I took while I was in Walgreens waiting for my weekly script.

I think I’ll get both of these products this week when I stop in there again this Wednesday and try them out.  Herbal is better than nothing I suppose.  And the valerian root extract that I tried made me kind of sick.  I didn’t get the relaxing results, but I sure did get a stomach ache and headache.  If you know of any really good ideas for anxiety reduction – besides meditation and reducing stress – those things are a given, and it’s not that I want to be under stress any more than anyone else does, but in order to live this weird thing that we call life you must be under pretty much constant stress.  You have to survive, and that in itself is stressful.

Ok, I’m off to mow those lawns….rawrrrrr!  Peace!  ~MB


One thought on “Depression, Meds, and Life Stuff…

  1. boi-princess says:

    yes Depression is a b!tch, I been off my meds for a week, I take a derivative of Wellbutrin and the headaches are brutal from the lack of chemical, I don’t know lots about herbal stuff, umm St. Johns Wort is a herbal anti depressant, I have used it, doesn’t bring rapid relief like medications, but after a week on it, it is built up in your system and will help, it works about half as well as prescripts, but any relief is better than nothing.

    as for calmness, try chamomile tea … you drink coffee by the gallon lol, have your cup of coffee in the morning then try the tea for the rest of the time before and after your afternoon coffee… and about an hour before you want to sleep start drinking sleepy time tea or celestial tea (same thing)… yes even Butch people drink tea! ahahahaha…

    Ginger based teas can help with over all wellness, and mint teas relax too and use honey not sugar with your teas or you will be flyin on the sugar and not be relaxing or sleeping.

    meditation helps, you can always kick back with some nice classical music (Choplan, Mozart, Wagner, Beethoven, Tchaikovski, and to a lesser degree Vivaldi << bit upbeat when trying to relax, light a few scented candles … lavender to relax, and have one of your cigars while sippin tea n relaxing to the music… jus sayin.

    wanna swap weather?? it has been brutally hot here 38 degrees Celcius!! that is 100 degrees Fahrenheit *blinks*… I am Canadian, Canadians die in that heat … 25 is a nice I can live for more than 20 minutes if I go outside weather. sheesh!.. heck I suntan at 15C thats about 60F, it hits 65F (your temp) I will burn after n hour outside, 70 and I am a lobster in 15 minutes, 80 I pass out.
    so yes, if you are cooler than 100F I will happily swap weather, and if you get rain, send that too, been 50 days no rain here ( not normal)

    you grow tomato's huh? good thing your 3000+ miles away, I'd drive 500 miles to do a good garden raid Mwahahahaha… you can keep all your stuff, but your tomato's would be missing, I eat those like apples,, just pick em n eat them, I love them, my garden died in the heat, between that n the darn skunks they got all my taters, lil b*ggers!! and they were the good purple taters too. yes I could have watered, I have a 20,000-gallon cistern underground beside my house, all rain and snow water, however, I have to crawl down in there with a ladder, n stand in almost waist deep on the latter, to activate the pump… there are things living down there… ever have a salamander crawl up your arm? or a poly-wog brush against your leg? and lets not even get into the spiders down there… so no, no I haven't been watering, I see no reason to p!ss of the spiders, argue with the salamanders or deal with poly-wogs touching my legs… (cuz I am a chicken sh!t) so I will just buy my veggies and hey, who needs green grass? its all tan now and no need to mow so it evens out.

    anyway you take care, and you get lots of rest, freaks me out when you get that sick.

    lesli 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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