I know I’ve been writing about a lot of different things lately, like my political rants and things like that, so I thought I would write you all a personal note tonight, to say #1, I am very very appreciative for all of your presence here on my blog. Thank you for your readership, comments, conversations and support. It means a lot to me, I mean it.
On more personal notes, I’ve been doing quite well lately. I’m strong in my recovery and have been attending Groups: Recover Together meetings every Wednesday. It’s group therapy for opioid addicts, primarily heroin and oxycodone. We meet weekly, voluntarily are tested for substances abuse, see the doctor once a month and pick up our Suboxone prescriptions. The Suboxone is a life saver. I haven’t felt this good about my recovery ever. The suboxone kills the cravings for the drugs. Flat out. It’s a miracle drug in my opinion. I had previously tried detoxing and maintaining with methadone, but I found that it made me high just like the heroin did and I didn’t want the “high” feeling. With the suboxone you don’t get that, you just don’t have the craving for the opioid at all. Don’t know why, but it works the balls! I highly recommend it as part of your recovery program if you are an addict.
Also, the group therapy piece is important too. It gives me a place where I can bring up subjects and talk about things that are challenging during this process, with other people who are in similar situations with their addictions; a place where I am not ashamed and can actually be proud of my accomplishments and have someone understand that pride.
Around home things are going really well. I did run out of heating fuel this weekend, which was unfortunate. I didn’t want to pay for an emergency weekend delivery so I borrowed two 5 gallon diesel fuel containers from my brother and hauled 20 gallons of diesel over (2 trips to the station) and put it in to burn until I can get 100 gallons of heating oil. The hardest part was getting the furnace running again. I had never had to do that before, so I watched a YouTube video on it, tried to bleed the line and get it running myself…no luck. Several tries later, I conceded my defeat and called my heater technician. He came by and was here all of 12 minutes, got it going and walked me through the entire procedure so that I can do it myself next time. I just have to get over to Home Depot and pick up a jumper wire, which will help me to get it going in the future if this ever happens again. I’m going to be a bit more vigilant now and not let it run out! I did calculate and figured out that I am burning approximately 50 gallons of fuel mix per month, in the dead of winter, to heat this place. That’s not bad! And knowing this will give me a better idea of how to budget for next winter’s oil deliveries. Live & Learn.
I have been uploading new videos to my YouTube channel. It’s been a struggle to get back into the swing of doing videos. Plus, of course, I have changed a little bit in the last couple of years, and the world has changed too. I’ve gotten older, perhaps a bit wiser, and definitively more comfortable with myself. It’s fun to go back sometimes and watch the really old videos of my younger, cockier self. I feel like I am much more conscientious of what I am saying in my videos now. I am more aware of my own internalized phobias and prejudices to begin with, and I fight to change those. I never realized that one could have those types of things. I like to think of myself as open minded and educated, but I had to admit that I, like most every person, also have my baggage and am not perfect in my thought processes. Like today for instance, I was reading about the Russian people revolting against Putin and the powers that be in Russia where they suffer under his rule. It occurred to me that while I hate Putin and Russian politics, I am not a hater of the Russian people, and I hope they over throw that demon. Formerly, I would say I hated Russians…but it’s not exactly that way, it’s more a hating of the authoritarian rule of Russia and a healthy fear of it as well. Am I making sense?
The first day of Spring was last week, but it still is very cold and wintery here in southern Maine. I am really looking forward to some warmer weather, sunshine and the greening up of the landscape. Right now everything is brown and dead looking, with smatterings of snowbanks that haven’t yet melted. It will be good to see green grass and buds on the trees soon. I always fight my depression more in the winter too. Although this winter seemed to be a bit better on that front. I had my best friend Linda around a lot and she helped me snap out of my moods quite often. She wouldn’t LET me get sullen and depressed; she would refocus me on doing things to keep myself busy and not give me time to get bored, which often brings on the depression for me. I really thank my lucky stars that she is there for me. I’ve even come to depend upon her in many ways, which takes a large amount of trust for me to do. She’s shown me real friendship, and for that I am grateful.
The dogs, Nola and Lulu, are doing great. Of course they have been cooped up a lot with the inclement weather of winter too. I try to get them out of the house any chance I get, taking them with me in the truck whenever possible. They love to ride in the truck and are just as happy to wait for me in the truck when I get out to go into any place we stop at. Thankfully they are good dogs, don’t chew or destroy stuff and can be trusted to wait patiently while I get things done. As the days get warmer we will do more outings like going to the local beaches and parks for walks and outside time. They also have a nice pen outside of my house that they can safely be outside in during good weather, and to do their business every couple of hours. That pen is a lifesaver. I built it right out my back door, so all I have to do is open the door and they can scoot out into their yard, which is like 20′ x 40′ in size.
So, there you have it. A basic update about me. No politics. No deep questions. Just a little window into my more personal side. I’m healthy, happy and doing well. And I hope all of you are too! Peace! ~MB