Today I woke up to the first day of my 56th year on this big blue marble. Yes, I turned 55 today, completing 55 years here. I realize how very lucky and blessed that I truly am. I never thought I would live into my senior years — yup I said it, senior years. I am getting older and while I think things should be differnt in many ways, I am very accepting of things being just what they are for me. I am fairly happy, very healthy and lucky to have the love and support of a super family and some awesome friends. Life is good. Even on a bad day I have little to comlain about, if anything.
Winter is especially difficult on me psychologically. I tend to get depressed more easly, my emotions are thin and oten show when I do not want them to show. I tend to personally spend more time alone, preferring to be miserable by myself. I always have the sweet company of my little dogs, Lulu and Nola But I think that even the sense my offish attitude and the lack of enthusiasam in me. They do quietly snuggle up to me on the couch and watch endless hours of televison. Lu is currently laying in my lap while I type here. She is just so content to just be with men o matter what. And when I am feeling down she tries to comfort me in her cute little ways.
I believe that my January moods are results of several things. I am always feelin a bit let down after the excitement of the Christmas and New Years’ holidays. The exciting lead up to those holidays and the preparation for them is always fun and awsome for me. When it is over there si some what of a void; a let down from the fun and excitement. Then there is my birthday, basically 16 days after Christmas. I wish it were in a different time of year, but I was born a Capricorn and there is no changing that. Anyone with a birthday or special day so close to the bg Christmas holiday knows what it’s like. Often people are burned out from parties and celebrations, they are trying to get back into the swing of work, school and other normal activities. So without a facebook reminder my birthday does not always get remembered. Now at 55 it is not such a big deal….or is it?
Tonight my family had a small birthday party for me. We celebrated with some appetizers, salad and pizza from the local pizza shop which we had delivered. My family was all there, save for my younger brother Paul, who never seems to pay any attention to family events anyways. They collectively gave me a gift certificate for the Merrel Rovers that I have been wanting and needing. I am hoping to go get them in the next few days. I am off from work until Friday. And I am excitd to get those shoes! I really appreciated that they listended to what I wanted and didn’t get me things I didn’t need.
It snowed a little the other day. So we have about 3-4 inches of the white, dry fluffy kind of snow on the ground now. It’s supposed to warm up considerably in the next few day. My feeling is that any day without snow falling from the sky is a good day, and a day closer to Spring. I am just not that enthused about winter weather. But I live in Maine and this is a part of life here. I love it here in general, and I have no plans to move away from here now or in the future. My roots are here, and my aging parents are here, my extended family is here and it’s really a great place to live in my opinion. I have the ocean, the mountains, rural living and cities close enough at a short drive away. It is very diverse living geographically. Plus I have a cozy home that will serve me and the dogs for many years to come. What more coul I ask for ? The only thing that I wished there were more of was a more solidified LGBTQ community. And maybe a good woman to love me. But I can certainly live without those things, I have up until now, so I will just keep on living my happly little solitary life.
So what does 2017 and my turning 55 bring me in the coming year? What do I really wish for and want to happen in my life? I’m not 100% sure, but I want it to be good things this year. Last year really sucked for the most part. I will no remember 2016 with any kind of fondness at all. I am hoping that this new year will show me some kindness, that I will connect with more great people both in person and online. I’m hoping to maybe meet that “right” woman who will light my world on fire and who would need me as much as I need her. I know she is out there, we just need to find each other and connect. Yes, finding her would be a great thing to happen for me in 2017.
Obama is giving his final speech as our President. I am really worried about what follows in the next few weeks. With the inauguration of DJT on the 20th I believe that our world will change. I am scared; afraid that we will enter a sort of “bully culture”. I will be attending the local march here in Portsmouth NH on the 21st to show my on anger and dismay at Trump and his wacko choices for cabinet positions. I will be there to show my solidarit with like minded people who want to see this country be a kind and sensible place; a place of love and equality for all. I feel more need now to be participating in anything that leads us all to only good things in America.
We need to really watch what this new President does, especially in his first 100 days of office. We need to make sure that he is doing things legally and above the board. We need to speak for transparency. He has been appointing some very shady and dangerous people to his cabinet positions. It is obvious that he intends to rule with an iron hand. He thinks he is now untouchable and has complete power. I don’ t think he realizes he is a president and not a fucking King. I bet the bastard would wear a damned crown if he could get away with it.
I do think that it will be very interesting to see what happens. I believe we are in for a good long period of unrest and volitility. We cannot let Trump dismantle our government as he intends to do,it will be devastating and will hurt all of us. We must all stand up and fight for that which we believe is right, and for the constitution of the United States.