Butch Christmas Stuff


ITs common around this time of year to hear partners of Butches – usually in my experience our femme counterparts – ask what to get their badass Butch for Christmas. Of course if they are asking for something specific  or special then your job should be pretty easy.  You just have to figure out if it’s a one gift exchange or if you have in mind maybe an assortment of smaller gifts which will take her to open on Christmas morning and will be much more exciting and pleasing for about any Butch I know.  Maybe you just do stockings filled with little gifts and maybe some of their favorite candy.  Whatever you choose as your tradition is cool…but make dampened sure that your Butch partner is on that same page!  One thing that we tend to hate are surprises.  Don’t say you only want one gift and then present your Butch with several from you.  Because we do listen at this time of year.  We secretly want to please our girls and make the move us more.  So make sure that your Butch knows what you want too!  
Ok now I like the multiple present kind of Christmas if possible.  And I love just thoughtful small gifts.  I’d rather get things that I need and will use or wear rather than get something I won’t use and don’t really need or want.  

Here’s a suggestion list of small gifts you are sure to please just about any Butch with a at Christmas.  Of course this is just a list of things that I am ways happy to receive, but I am a typical Butch with typical masculine tastes. I like to get lots of little things that I use everyday. so here’s my list I think you’ll find it might be helpful in making your Butch happy this Christmas.

  • Pocket knives — every Butch lives a good pocket knife or 3.  
  • Ties and belts.– just be sure you know your Butch’s tastes in these kind of articles, like I like black belts with my black shoes and brown belts with my brown shoes. And I like my ties to be fairly thin. if you know your partner well then  you’ll know what she likes.
  • Good pens — we can never have too many good pens especially as writers. if you want to make it extra-special have her name engraved on it or a nickname.   Like I’d love to have a pen that said “mainelybutch”
  • Watch or bracelet — just remember don’t make it too girly we like thicker things, heavier things.  Rings are cool too.  Just make sure you know what type of metal to shop for. I E. Does she like gold or silver?
  • Her favorite cologne or aftershave.  Just make sure she hasn’t got a full bottle in back up.  We don’t wear much of this stuff and usually only on special occasions.
  • Good hair gel.  I recommend “Sebastian Liquid Steel”  It is awesome stuff and spikes up a crew cut like nobody’s business!
  • Small electronics like a wireless speaker or a nice set of wireless headphones.
  • Hobby gear.  If you are significant other likes to fish why not buy her a fishing license for this next season. you can generally get them at any sporting good store in your local area. If she likes video gaming then maybe the latest video game she’s been raving about would be the ticket.If she likes to ski for half the lift ticket for the two of you for a nice weekend would be a good present.  You get the idea you can pander to her interests. 
  • Then there is ways clothing that we need yearly to react the stained or worn out old stuff like new plain white t-shirts, boxer briefs, and good socks.  Personally I always like that stuff.
  • Good hard bottom slippers.  Just in case we have to run outside and chase the dog.early in the morning before we get our boots on.!
  • Gift certificates — to the barber shop, movies, bookstore, Sears (they have nice tools), sandwich shop, coffee shop, etc.  

So that’s my simple list of little things that will please just about any Butch on Christmas morning.  It’s really not that hard or expensive to make us smile.  

I hope this helps some of you as you go about your Christmas shopping.  And if you are Butch let me know what I missed here!  I’m sure this is,a list that can be expanded in many ways.   PEACE. ~MB

Advertisements

Last of November

It’s that last day of November, wow has this month flown by!  It feels like just yesterday it was early September.  It’s raining here in Maine and it’s cold.  I am just thankful that it’s not snowing!  I know that snow is inevitable but the longer we go without it the happier I am.  

I’m off from work today and not positive of what my day has in store just yet.  It’s very early and I just got up about an hour ago.  Yes, I am a very early riser!  My body just won’t allow me to sleep past 5am. Sleep is overrated in my opinion anyway.  I feel like I am wasting time if I sleep too long in the mornings.

I have been watching the news reports of Trumpy’s cabinet choices and nominations.  It’s been a virtual who’s who of straight white men parading across his golden carpet.  Sickening  to think that the alt-right is going to gain so much MORE power in our country.  It angers me and makes me want to find a group of like minded people around my area to gather and discuss strategies for us all to be of support to each other and to react to the outrage I am sure is yet to come.  I feel the real need to be prepared to protect myself and others from things I can only imagine are in store for us all.  

Tomorrow is World AIDS Day 2016 around the globe.  The theme this year is Hands Up for #HIVPrevention. I was reading that the new push for self-testing will help to give people better access to testing and information on accessing treatment and prevention.  I don’t know about self testing…mitt seems to me that having a test done by someone who understands the ramifications should that person test positive.  And taking someone with you when you get test results is a good idea.  I went alone 25 years ago.  I remember it like it was outlast week.  It was the day I felt like I had an expiration date stamped on my forehead.  I didn’t hear mush after the woman who told me I was positive told me.  I started immediately to think of how I was going to ever tell my girlfriend and my loved ones. And I asked for a retest on the spot.  I had to make sure that there was no mistake. But there was no mistake and I have been living with this virus in my blood for over 25 years now. In the first few years I did a lot of outreach and prevention work trying to get others to not make my mistake and to protect themselves.  Nowadays I keep up on thing and concentrate on keeping myself healthy and happy with my second chance at life.   Before the availability of the medications that I take every day to stay healthy and virtually HIV free, I lost a lot of friends to AIDS.  At the height of the epidemic there was no good  oh gmail like there is today. If only we had moved faster when this started they might all still be alive.  I’m one of the lucky ones. I managed to stay alive, suffer through many failed treatment options and live to see this day where we now have the potent drugs needed to sustain a healthy life living with HIV.  

SO…I am truly thankful for my life and for all of the support I have in it. I feel like I am certainly blessed in so many ways.  Tomorrow I will pause to remember those who weren’t so lucky and those who we have lost, but I will also remember that this fight isn’t over until we find a cure and make it accessible to all of those who need it.  I shall light a candle of remembrance.  And I will thank God for giving me a second chance and a chance to make a difference in the world.  

Purging before Christmas

I spent about 2 hours tonight rifling through the in-box of my email account.   I then deleted the entire in-box contents…after discovering that I had saved emails from people who I don’t even know anymore.  Disturbing to see them still. But all the emails are gone now, and my in-box is clean as a whistle.  Yay!  Feels good to have a fresh slate there.  I think I’ve been purging some pent up feelings lately, and doing that was just part of me getting rid of stuff that I didn’t need to be keeping for any reason whatsoever.

It was a good day to be Butch.  I raked leaves for 2 hours this morning and bagged them for curbside pick up.  I then hauled everything out of the shed (because I couldn’t get in there!) and neatly put it back in – after sorting through thing and making 3 piles, one for donation, one for keeping and one for the trash.  Then I reorganized things and got the stuff taken to it’s proper places, i.e. donations and trash.  I felt very accomplished after getting those two big tasks done.  And I worked alone today because I needed to do these things myself.  I needed some alone time, and I needed to exert myself physically to work off some pent up rage.  It worked, I am cool as a cucumber tonight.  My world is organized and I feel good about it.

I’m all ready for the holidays I think.  My tree is up and decorated real cute.  I spent some time by myself on Sunday after work decorating it.  Nola and Lulu just watched from their designated couch spots and thought about how insane I was being to be decorating a tree in the house!  haha.  I chose all of my favorite ornaments and then sorted the rest and donated what I no longer wanted to the Salvation Army store with the rest of the stuff I purged.  I have been working through my address book and writing out Christmas cards.  I find that to be a cool thing because it makes you think of every person who is in the address book for a few minutes, where they are in your life and what they mean to you.  It’s a good exercise I believe.  Of course there’s always the line through those who are no longer around, because of death or just plain ghosting (those that just disappear from your life for one reason or another).   2016-11-27-17-12-14

I need to look back through my blogs here and do some study on which posts garnered more views than others.  I would like to up my readership and need to figure out how.  I know these posts about my general life aren’t that interesting and it’s hot topics that seem to get more hits here.  Thus I am thinking of doing more blogs about those things and perhaps just a weekly update about life in general.

I watched a TED talk about How to Speak Up for Yourself by Adam Galinsky.  It was really a good talk and I highly recommend it to everyone, it’s a 15 minute long piece and the time will be well invested.  Personally, I learned that I need to have more self-confidence if I am going to stand up and ask for that raise at work that I feel I so deserve.   Perhaps today is the day I will find the confidence to ask for it.

 

The Truth Hurts Sometimes

I’ve met more than one woman in my life journey that could not handle all of the technicalities of being with me.  I admit, I am not easy to process.  I have a bit of a troubled history.  Don’t read me wrong, I’m a good person with some high morals and ethics, but I’ve taken some forks in the proverbial road of life that others have managed to avoid.  I’ve had issues with drugs and addiction.  That’s probably the one thing that I’ve struggled with most in my entire life.  When I was young I sought out a safety net for myself and found it substance abuse and the people involved with it.  I wised up in my late 20’s and got clean and sober for many years.  I did the typical “mid-life crisis” shit in my mid 40’s and backslid a bit.

I strive to keep that stuff out of my life now.  I stay away from the “friends” that I have that are involved in that world now.  That’s a big part of how I am staying clean and following the good road now.  I tend to let myself be influenced by them if I hang around them, so now I avoid them and I avoid the whole drug scene.

It’s really hard to meet women as you get older.  Being single isn’t easy in your 50’s, believe me.  But add a history of drug addiction to the menu and it becomes even more difficult.  I completely understand that some people do not understand me or understand addictions.  That is just the way that it is.  When I begin to show interest in anyone I make sure that they know 3 things about me right up front – why?  Because I would rather they walk away sooner rather than after I become attached to them – or God forbid, fall in love with them.  what are my 3 things?  1.  I am Butch and that will never change.  2.  I live with HIV infection, which is under control but it’s a fact of life for me….which leads me to #3…I am a recovering drug addict.

Those 3 facts put me into a whole new space with people.  Either they are able to handle it, and give me a chance, or they are not, which is completely okay.  I get it.  Those are 3 major pieces of who I am.  I can’t hide them very well.   And I don’t want to pretend that I can.  Those 3 things are only a small fraction of what I am made of, but they are important if you are going to be involved with me – or even be a friend to me.  It’s important that you understand that I struggle with all 3 on a daily basis.  That doesn’t mean that I am unhappy – quite to the contrary, I am very happy in general.  But I am well aware that these 3 things make me “different” than the typical 55 year old lesbian with 2 dogs and a college degree.  I bring a whole different scene to the table.

I have lived with my addiction and my HIV for many years.  One lead to the other obviously.  Yes, I was an IV drug user and this is how I contracted the virus.  I’ve been clean for many years, fell off the wagon and got back on a few times.  So what is involved for me is knowing what triggers me to fall off and avoiding it altogether.  I’ve gotten pretty good at that, and I am proud to say that living clean and right is what I strive to do every day now.

It’s not easy being with someone who has addiction in their history, and it’s even harder when you add HIV.   I know the precautions to protect my partner from HIV but there is no protection from addiction.  No guarantee that I won’t relapse again, except for my sheer determination to stay on the straight path.  I don’t know how to reassure someone that I will stay on this path.  I guess they either have to believe me, or not.  There is no magic bullet or cure – for either condition.

I don’t want to pursue anything beyond a basic friendship with anyone who can’t deal with the baggage that I carry.  I know everyone has their struggle in life and their burdens to bear, mine are just a little more difficult for some people to understand, and that’s perfectly fine.  There are zillions of other people out there to be involved with, I am just one.

I have been fortunate to have been involved over the years, with women who gave me the benefit of doubt; who trusted me and tried to understand my complications.  I’ve sincerely appreciated them.  I’ve been lucky.

Right now I am trying to deal with quite a full plate of issues in my personal life.  I’ve avoided bringing anyone else into my life for this reason.  But I so want someone special in my life on a regular basis.  I would like to let down that wall that keeps me by myself.  I’ve punished myself for the past 2 yeas now and I’m sick and tired of it.  I’ve seen people who say they care disappear more than once.  I built a wall around myself, insulated myself from hurt and despair.  But it’s not a happy place all the time.  I want to learn to trust again, and to love again.

I’m a good person, I am strong, sensitive and caring.  I deserve to find someone good who can deal with life with me and who won’t be afraid of my past.  Someone who sees me for who I am now and not who I once pretended to be.  But how can anyone believe in someone who has such a history?  I don’t know if it can be done, which is exactly what I fear the most.  (although my ex did it for almost 14 years and never let it sway how she felt about me…so perhaps it could be possible again.)  I long for a good strong relationship that will endure.  Something beyond “just friends” –dammit, I want to be loved and understood.  Maybe it’s just too much to ask for at this point.

Ok, let me close this up before my mind explodes.  I am trying so hard to just be cheerful for the holiday season, and to keep on keeping on.  But tonight I was reminded of my flaws (see above) and it stung hard.  I am hoping for the best, but prepared for the worst – as always it seems.  Sometimes the truth just hurts.  There’s no way around it.

Peace.  ~MB

Some Photos & a Blurb….

Some photos of my simple life.  My dogs, Lulu the teacup Pomeranian, and Nola the Chiweenie, me and my Mom and my Christmas cactus which is in bloom this morning.

I’m off to pick up the new pedestal bed I bought for the spare bedroom and to do some other errands today.  It’s looking like it might snow.  I hope not!  I have to check on Mom’s dogs a couple of times today as they are driving up to Strong to a family funeral and I elected not to attend this time.  I just attended one up there 2 weeks ago, it’s sad that we’ve lost 3 extended family members in the last 3 weeks, back to back losses.  Very tragic turn of events for my family up in Strong.

It’s my Saturday off.  I love my days off.  Decorating for Christmas is in the plan, of course, and getting ready for my Scentsy party which is a week from today.  I have quite a few people coming over to the house for that party. I’m pretty excited about having everyone over.  Scentsy is a seller of scented wax warmers and scented waxes, for those who are unfamiliar.  The stuff is just awesome.  I use my warmers all the time to keep it smelling nice in the house.  Right now I have a lavender wax in the bedroom warmer and a eucalyptus mint in the one in the kitchen/living room area.  I really like the homey smells.

I’m trying hard to digest the news lately with a grain of salt.  While I am vigilant and dedicated to working toward peace and progress, I need to take a break once in awhile.  So I am focusing on the holiday season, preparing for upcoming parties and on myself.  I’ve been chatting with Beach Girl a bit.  I really like her and hope we can meet in January, after my birthday week.  Yup, I am going to turn the big 55 in January!  I can’t believe I am this old!  I think I am going to have a party for this one.  At least I want to, but being born after the holiday is hard because people are just partied out by January.  But I may have to force my family to have a party for me anyway, LOL!

Ok, I must start my day!  I hope you all have a very nice Saturday!  Peace!  ~MB

 

 

 

Thanksgiving Day

Today is Thanksgiving in the USA, a holiday for most of us.  For me it’s a day that I spend with those closest to me, those who I love and care for deeply like my family and close friends.  I had to work today before going to dinner at my sister’s place.  I didn’t mind really because I went in early in the morning and got out at 1 pm.  People were generally nice as they came through the store and truckers who were stuck at our location all seemed cheerful.  Many came in for liquor for their parties as we are an agency liquor store as well.  Buying liquor always makes people cheerful I have found.

Many of us working poor had to work today. We often do jobs that are needed everyday of the year, like cashiers, housekeepers, hotel staff, waiters, coffee servers, etc.  My store is open 24/7/365, never does it close.  The convenience to the public by us being forced open is something most people take for granted.  They don’t always stop to consider that it’s he employees who work the odd hours and sacrifice their own time with family on holidays who pay the price.

My best friend works for Dunkin Donuts –which is open very long hours and everyday of the year.  Today they closed at 1pm so people could go be with their respective families.  It was a great gesture to close early.  She told me that they were slammed all day right up til noon.  Then she told me a horrible story…of a man who obviously is a very big bigot.

Seems he came to the location and found the door !locked and several employees inside finishing up before going home.  The man was a white man in his 60s and he had a virtual temper tantrum outside the locked glass door.  He began shouting g through the glass and kicking the door violently.  He was screaming and red faced because they were closed early for the holiday.  He continued, banging the door with fists, his feet and even his head.  Swearing at employees about him having to drive 2 more hours and his need for coffee.  Reluctantly the manager, an Asian woman in her mid 30s let him inside.  Once inside he continued to throw a fit because he had to wait while they brewed him a special pot of coffee.  They had cleaned up everything and were preparing to leave when he showed up.  He was livid that it wasn’t immediately ready for him and he proceeded to belittle the manager, calling her a “gook” and swearing at her to no end.  My friend stepped up and confronted him finally saying enough is enough, and telling him that his behavior was unacceptable and offensive then he turned his aggression to her, belittling her and calling her names.  All of this from a 60something man who chose to act like a denied child.  When he got his coffee he took it and refused to pay for it and left the store.  I only hope that whoever made it spit in it before putting on the lid.  He deserved to wear it in my opinion and I am glad that I wasn’t there, I would have dumped it in his lap.  Quite a story huh?  Nice way to treat hardworking people on a holiday.  I know I was really upset and angry when I heard the whole story.  He sure showed his ass and his high and mighty white privilege.  I’m betting he voted for Trump and feels righteous in calling people!e who don’t fit the upper class white profile names and berating them.  Disgusting.

Even on holidays you can’t ignore racism, sexism and male chauvanism.  My friend tried to stand tall and tell him to ease up that he was offending people and he blatantly declared she was white trash and should just shut up.  He’s very lucky she acted professionally and didn’t kick his fucking ass, which she very well could have done.  I am proud of her.

On a happier note, the day was very nice for me.  I only encountered one asshole at work and I got to leave at 1pm to go be with my family.  I had a really great time and a delicious turkey dinner, completed with pumpkin pie for dessert.  We had holiday celebration “poppers” which when you pulled the ends out straight would POP and spray confetti all over you.  Inside was a funny crown to wear and a little trinket as a prize.  We had a blast with them!!  Everyone around the table was wearing crowns and had little turkey and pumpkin trinkets hanging from their ears, yeah we were a silly bunch.  AND politics never came up, much to my delight and relief.

Tomorrow (Friday) I work the morning shift, get off at 1 again and am going to bring all of my Christmas decorations in from the shed in preparation for displaying them and decorating the house and free.  I was planning to put up the tree on Saturday night while listening to Christmas music and getting into the mood.  But I am thinking that I may do it tomorrow night instead, as I really have nothing else planned.  Linda is going to join me for the decorating festivities. It’s really great t Ave her company t do this like this with.  I love having such a good friend.

I hope every one had a great day no matter where you are or if you had a holiday or not. Peace.   –MB

Thanksgiving and Politics

I am becoming more alarmed as the days tick by…soon enough Trump will be sworn in as POTUS and I fear that day.  He’s surrounding himself with white nationalists, known racists and Nazi sympathizers.  As I heard today ” they’ve gone from wearing white hoods to business suits.”.  Which is exactly what I am seeing.  Emboldened by their new “leader” these outspoken haters are poised to basically take over in January.  I am very concerned and worried about what this means for all Americans; for civil rights, women’s rights, the LGBTQ fight for equality as well as just for living in the US at all.  I’m seriously afraid that our country will be commandeered by the alt right and a truly hate filled agenda.  How can I not be afraid of this when every days events happening around Trump are so bluntly indicating that this is the direction that he is determined to take us?

My best friend is sick of hearing about it.  She says she’s tired of watching it on the news.  She’s a straight white woman in working class America who’s upbringing was southern based.  She obviously sees this a bit different from me. It upsets me that she feels so overwhelmed by it all that she wants to play ostrich and keep her head in the sand.  But she is entitled to think for herself and to do what’s best for her.  Personally I need to KNOW what is going on so that I am semi-prepared for what is to come.  I watch the news and various commentary to stay well informed.   Because I think it’s important to be well informed.

I am going to meet later today with a couple of people from the LGBTQ community who are trying to organize groups around the country of people to sort of gather, support each other, to speak out and to fight for what we believe in .  The idea is in its infancy but i believe it’s a great idea and want to be involved.  I hope we can build a community that transcends the brewing hatred and bigotry and becomes a force with a voice.

The holiday is on Thursday this week and I am — like many others out there — trying to plan my personal strategy for dealing with my family if politics comes up, which I am most certain it will.  There are Trump supporters in the mix and they know I am a liberal and hate the man.  If things go as they have in the past someone will start making little snide wise cracks about the “tree hugging liberals” and I will begin to silently fume.  I have tried to educate in the past to no avail.  I am preparing myself for what could be a very aggravating day.  My only hope would be if my Mom declares it a politics free zone…even then they will gloat.  I know other people will have it even more rough.  One woman on Facebook was saying her parents told her she could not park her car at their house with the HTC sticker on it on Thanks giving because they believe that sodomy is an abomination and they won’t have it at their house.  She’s an ally, and the parents are evangelical in nature.  Yup, it will be a hard day for many I am sure.

I hope that YOU have a wonderful holiday.  I’m going to try to make most of mine enjoyable by focusing on love and tolerance.  Are you going to be dining with people of opposite views this Thanksgiving?  How do you handle it if a controversial subject comes up?  Does your family try to understand your views?

Much thanks to you, my dear readers.  May the force be with you .  Peace.  –MB