Just a Ramble of Sorts…

Well now, summer is finally over and I’m super ready for fall. The morning air is so much more crisp and chilly, mid-day it’s warm but not overly so, and by evening it’s been an almost perfectly temperature day in my opinion.  I could repeat days like this over and over forever as far as climate is concerned. I just love Autumn.  I love the smell of fresh cut hay in the air, and freshly turned soil as the farmers prepare for the next season’s crops.

Then animals are all growing their winter coats, thick and fuzzy, while shedding out that thinner summer time stuff.  Birds and butterflies are all flocking to take their trips to the southern regions of the globe, like Mexico for the Monarchs and the southern US for many of our regional songbirds. Squirrels and chipmunks are stuffing their little cheeks full of nuts and berries, which they carefully deposit in their chosen hiding places around the yard for retrieval at a later, more hungry date.  It’s all pretty amazing to sit back and watch sometimes.   I just plain enjoy this change of seasons, from hot and clammy weather to the cooler, dryer and sometimes downright frigid days!

The dogs have migrated to sleeping as close to me as possible in order to suck up some of my excessive body heat – which I seem to have a good amount of to begin with.  Anyone who sleeps with me comments the next morning that I am like a small furnace in the bed.  And it’s not unusual for me to wake up sweaty or with a damp t-shirt and hair.

I was thinking about letting my hair grow out a little bit longer this winter just for the hell of it.  Haven’t had it longer in quite a number of years now and am wondering how much gray I have mottled in there now.  Letting it grow is the only way to tell I guess!  I won’t by any means let it get TOO long, but maybe just past my ears and below my collow in the back.

…wow, I wrote the above a week or two ago and never published it.  Then was without this computer for the last 2 weeks…

It’s October 29th and very near Halloween.  My house is decorated and I have candy at the ready for trick or treaters who may visit me.

Things with me have been really out of kilter lately.  I’m falling into a depression and I don’t like this spiraling feeling.  I was seeing my doctor every Friday and medicating with methadone to try to level things out a bit, but it’s just not working for me.  I’m not sure what to do.  I skipped this last Friday’s prescription refill visit, so am going to go it with nothing but my regular meds.  I need to just chill out and stay calm.  I can work through this, and with winter coming I have to also be aware of the weather affecting my depression, which it can do if I let it through.

I’ve been trying to think up some new things to make or do here at home.  I was thinking about sub-letting some sales space in one of the thrift shops and putting the things I’ve bought for resale in there on consignment.  There is one place, a friend of mine owns it, it’s a pawn shop basically, but he has a LOT more than your normal pawn items in there.  He just bought the building and threw everything from his old shop in there, and he’s a bit on the lazy side with organizing it, I was considering offering him my time and labor to help get it organized and get things moving a bit faster in there, it could also benefit me with some space to place my own sales items.  The place is quite large, and he has a LOT of good stuff for resale.  He just needs to lay it out nicely and clean it up; display things properly and make use of his outside space for signage to attract more attention of potential buyers. I don’t know what he will think of my offer of some help in exchange for a small space in the shop, but it’s worth talking to him about at least.

This year has  been a fast one, parts of it have been pretty okay and some of it has been a little on the rough side, but over all I think I’ll end it on a pretty decent note.  Not everything has gone as planned or as I wished, but hell that never happens anyways.  Things always change up mid-stream it seems.  I need to get back to being more proactive and more of a planner and doer like I was, I seem to have lost some of that drive this year.  Sometimes I think it’s just pointless, but I know if I continue to think that way that I’ll just make it so.  I’m working on a much more positive attitude in this respect.

I am really anxious to have this election over and done with. Although I really seriously fear the end result.  I don’t believe it’s going to be looking very good for the country.  This could be a real fucking mess.  If Trump gets this election we are all going to pay dearly.  If Hillary gets it it’s going to be a battle royal.  I feel like the country is basically perched on the tip of the pin right now….wobbling and not sure which way it will fall.  The polls are so close that it’s just too close to call.  I’ve never seen anything like this in my life.  The hatred is palpable.  I just really am appalled by the whole thing from beginning to end.  I fear what impact the result will have on all of our lives here in America.

Well, that’s about it.  I know it’s not so interesting, but I use this as more of a place to vent sometimes and just write out what I am feeling.  This is one of those kinds of entries.  Hope everyone is doing well and Happy Halloween!!!  🙂    ~MB

 

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Author: MainelyButch

I am a pretty relaxed, proud, Butch and a native Mainer who enjoys reading, writing, blogging, vlogging and social interaction. I live in southern Maine, near the coast with my 2 small dogs and I hail from a very large, loving family that is historically rooted here. I write about my life, my experiences, living successfully with HIV, my YouTube experiences, and just about anything that piques my interest. This blog may contain profanity and sexual situations, and is not intended for younger audiences. Read at your own risk. At 54 I see life as just beginning a new chapter, and have decide this is the time that I need to write the stories that got me to this point. I believe we live our lives in chapters, changing, evolving and moving continuously with the times. I love to laugh, have discussions, debates and even the occasional nonsense conversation! I generally enjoy people, but not drama, hatred, ignorance or those who choose to feel they are somehow elite or superior to another simply due to their mere existence. I try to be very conscious of the health of the world around me - environmentally, socially, economically, and ethically. The people who are dear to me know me as having a tough exterior, filled with marshmallow and crunchy peanut butter. I continually strive to be the best I can be, especially to address life head on...always.

1 thought on “Just a Ramble of Sorts…”

  1. Well now, good to see you posting more. I find your “ramble” as you call it to be interesting and I look forward to each post even though you seem to be a bit down. Depression, how would we manage without it? I often wonder if I ever had a time in life without it. Perhaps when I was two…no, that’s when my bio mother placed me in a foster home and took off with another man…there was always a man, waiting. I agree with you, the weather does play a big part when it comes to the state of our minds. But its a battle and we cannot let depression win.
    Your idea of renting space from your friend sounds good. Keeping busy will keep you from dwelling on things. Stay positive.
    Election, more like a curse. I fear what is to come. There is such unrest in this country it feels like we are in a pressure cooker that is ready to blow. Our neighborhood is now 75% non American with more benefits than the natural citizens. I now feel like a true minority. lol

    Take care of yourself and keep the faith. Be good to yourself Ang.
    Bert

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