General Blips

Just a Ramble of Sorts…

Well now, summer is finally over and I’m super ready for fall. The morning air is so much more crisp and chilly, mid-day it’s warm but not overly so, and by evening it’s been an almost perfectly temperature day in my opinion.  I could repeat days like this over and over forever as far as climate is concerned. I just love Autumn.  I love the smell of fresh cut hay in the air, and freshly turned soil as the farmers prepare for the next season’s crops.

Then animals are all growing their winter coats, thick and fuzzy, while shedding out that thinner summer time stuff.  Birds and butterflies are all flocking to take their trips to the southern regions of the globe, like Mexico for the Monarchs and the southern US for many of our regional songbirds. Squirrels and chipmunks are stuffing their little cheeks full of nuts and berries, which they carefully deposit in their chosen hiding places around the yard for retrieval at a later, more hungry date.  It’s all pretty amazing to sit back and watch sometimes.   I just plain enjoy this change of seasons, from hot and clammy weather to the cooler, dryer and sometimes downright frigid days!

The dogs have migrated to sleeping as close to me as possible in order to suck up some of my excessive body heat – which I seem to have a good amount of to begin with.  Anyone who sleeps with me comments the next morning that I am like a small furnace in the bed.  And it’s not unusual for me to wake up sweaty or with a damp t-shirt and hair.

I was thinking about letting my hair grow out a little bit longer this winter just for the hell of it.  Haven’t had it longer in quite a number of years now and am wondering how much gray I have mottled in there now.  Letting it grow is the only way to tell I guess!  I won’t by any means let it get TOO long, but maybe just past my ears and below my collow in the back.

…wow, I wrote the above a week or two ago and never published it.  Then was without this computer for the last 2 weeks…

It’s October 29th and very near Halloween.  My house is decorated and I have candy at the ready for trick or treaters who may visit me.

Things with me have been really out of kilter lately.  I’m falling into a depression and I don’t like this spiraling feeling.  I was seeing my doctor every Friday and medicating with methadone to try to level things out a bit, but it’s just not working for me.  I’m not sure what to do.  I skipped this last Friday’s prescription refill visit, so am going to go it with nothing but my regular meds.  I need to just chill out and stay calm.  I can work through this, and with winter coming I have to also be aware of the weather affecting my depression, which it can do if I let it through.

I’ve been trying to think up some new things to make or do here at home.  I was thinking about sub-letting some sales space in one of the thrift shops and putting the things I’ve bought for resale in there on consignment.  There is one place, a friend of mine owns it, it’s a pawn shop basically, but he has a LOT more than your normal pawn items in there.  He just bought the building and threw everything from his old shop in there, and he’s a bit on the lazy side with organizing it, I was considering offering him my time and labor to help get it organized and get things moving a bit faster in there, it could also benefit me with some space to place my own sales items.  The place is quite large, and he has a LOT of good stuff for resale.  He just needs to lay it out nicely and clean it up; display things properly and make use of his outside space for signage to attract more attention of potential buyers. I don’t know what he will think of my offer of some help in exchange for a small space in the shop, but it’s worth talking to him about at least.

This year has  been a fast one, parts of it have been pretty okay and some of it has been a little on the rough side, but over all I think I’ll end it on a pretty decent note.  Not everything has gone as planned or as I wished, but hell that never happens anyways.  Things always change up mid-stream it seems.  I need to get back to being more proactive and more of a planner and doer like I was, I seem to have lost some of that drive this year.  Sometimes I think it’s just pointless, but I know if I continue to think that way that I’ll just make it so.  I’m working on a much more positive attitude in this respect.

I am really anxious to have this election over and done with. Although I really seriously fear the end result.  I don’t believe it’s going to be looking very good for the country.  This could be a real fucking mess.  If Trump gets this election we are all going to pay dearly.  If Hillary gets it it’s going to be a battle royal.  I feel like the country is basically perched on the tip of the pin right now….wobbling and not sure which way it will fall.  The polls are so close that it’s just too close to call.  I’ve never seen anything like this in my life.  The hatred is palpable.  I just really am appalled by the whole thing from beginning to end.  I fear what impact the result will have on all of our lives here in America.

Well, that’s about it.  I know it’s not so interesting, but I use this as more of a place to vent sometimes and just write out what I am feeling.  This is one of those kinds of entries.  Hope everyone is doing well and Happy Halloween!!!  🙂    ~MB


General Blips

Hello Readers

I have been absent from the internet for some amount of time now and haven’t been writing or posting anywhere save for the occasional Facebook entry. I feel like I should apologize here to my followers.  I have several explanations for my absence actually.  Right now I am using my Acer tablet to write this blog as my computer is in the shop at the moment and has been for over a week. I am planning to pick it up on Wednesday of next week if all goes right.   I miss it terribly and don’t care for typing on the tablet or the phone very much but I wanted to post at least something here tonight.  That’s one reason, another is that I have been kind of in a weird place with the direction of my life lately.  I sometimes deal with depression and I have been fighting that off like crazy.  I don’t need a bout of that right now at all.  When I get depressed I tend to isolate myself and not talk to anyone much .  That is no way to live let me tell ya.  I hate it.  I also get super anxious and irritable and can have a quick temper.  Not fun for me or anyone who’s dealing with me.  I have been doing all that I can do to not go into this crap right now.  I been focusing on work and hanging out with my good friend Linda most days.  Work is going good.  My schedule has changed a bit.  I am off on Friday and Saturday now and working the other five days of the week.  I bust my ass at that place and deserve a raise right now, but I need to step up and ask for it….something I am not great at doing for myself.  So that makes me resent work somewhat.  I’ve been there almost a year now and know I need to speak up for myself soon if I am going to consider staying on with the company.  Obviously they aren’t going to come to me and offer it up.

I’ve been feeling like my life is changing in some ways and I’m not sure how exactly to deal with the changes.  Getting older isn’t all that much fun.  I am facing the big 55th birthday soon….I’m not looking forward to it at all.  At least I am still in decent physical health and am fairly stable.  It just scares me to be this fucking old. I’ve been dealing with weekly doctor visits and counselling sessions.  Trying to keep a grip on my sobriety and cope with an addictive side of myself.  It’s not working fully yet but I am on a good path I think.  Trying like hell to keep myself together.

The dogs are doing real good.  They are well adapted to my work schedule and they love my friend Linda whenshee hangs out with us.  I love their company and companionship.

OK….it’s time to get some rest.  I’ve been trying to keep a schedule of going to bed early and being well rested as I get really out of sorts when I am tired or run down.  Tonight is the debate….I MAY watch some of it if I can stomach it.

Good night and peace to all. MB