Little Things and Memories

It’s the littlest things that bother me, water on the floor, toothpaste squished wrong, and bugs in the house.  An unkept house, dishes in the sink, and mad piles of laundry will send me into a fit.  I like things to be clean, neat and organized.  It’s simple to me.  It’s easy.  I keep my space clean and neat and don’t see how it’s so hard for some others.

I’ve been going through all of my pictures in my computer.  Man, there are thousands. Some I know can go in the shitter, they are either people who don’t talk to me anymore or care about me in any way or people I don’t care to associate with any longer.  Then there are the “goof” pics, mistakes.  I am finding that I use photography for a range of things.  To document something like the blooming of the Asian Spider Lily or construction of the new bridge.  I also like to take pictures that represent where I live, lobsters, lighthouses, beaches, etc.  I never seem to print many out though.  So yesterday I spend some time printing a few select photos out. Some I will send to people, and some I will frame.

I’ve been fighting the system lately.  They’re trying to take away my insurance benefits which I NEED badly to help pay for my slew of HIV medications.  It seems that the job I have is interfering in that I was making too much to qualify for the benefits.  I have a case worker who visited me on Friday and she is going to try to intervene on my behalf

I have to say I am very healthy once again.  The scare I had in late May into June was a real wake up call for me.  No more drug holidays or illicit drug use.  I’ve managed to survive for 25 years now with HIV and HEPC in my system.  It’s through the wonders of modern medicine that I am alive and well. I have a great support system, good family, great friends and superior doctors and medical team.  I’m lucky and blessed.

I’ve been focused on staying healthy.  My weight is down around 125 now and I feel good at this lighter weight.  I’ve had to sort through my clothing because alot of it didn’t fit anymore.  I bought some new jeans the other day that do fit and feel right.  I am still the most comfortable days in my jeans and t-shirts at this time of year.  Occasionally I will wear cargo shorts if I am feeling froggy.  I’m just a simple kind of Butch, one that doesn’t need a lot of pomp and circumstance when it comes to clothing.  I like well made jeans, like Aeorpostale, Hollister, Levi’s and soft cotton t-shirts.  Finished off with a good pair of work boots, I am ready to roll.

It’s another really hot day here.  It’s been in the 90’s lately with very high humidity.  All you do is sweat when you go outside.   I’ve been hibernating a little bit in here with my air conditioning.  I have two units in the house, one in the front of the house cooling the living room and kitcen and one in the rear cooling my bedroom and office.  Plus I have a fan going here in the office.

When it cools down a bit here, probably toward late August at the rate we are going, I am going to be doing some major work in my outside shed.  I have drawn up plans to build a nice work bench for gardening and woodworking and am going to put in shelves and the such for storage.  I am anxious to get to the project, but the weather is just too damned hot right now.  I did have a yard sale last weekend and got rid of most of the junk and stuff I didn’t want that was in there.  So I have plenty of space to work now.

The garden has gone insane.  It’s producing all kinds of stuff.  I have zucchini, summer squash, cucumbers, basil and tomatoes galore.  There are pumpkins growing and the water melon plant is growing but struggling, and has yet to indicate that it is going to grow a water melon.   Charlie picked me one of the blossoms from the Asian Spider Lily, it’s in a cup of water here next to me in my office.  The fragrance is so light and pretty.  Such an interesting lily it is.  Delicate.  He’s going to give me one of the bulbs from it, which I hope to make grow.

Wow, it’s just been a boring and lazy day. Writing this blog has seemed to have taken me all day, I have just been poking at it when I felt like it.  I’ve spent a good part of my day here in my office puttering with things, doing paperwork and organizing. I just find myself really bored lately.

Next weekend is the annual Tractor Show at the Raitt Farm in Eliot.  I enjoy going to that every year and seeing all the tractors, the parade, and the vendors.

I was thinking today, as I browsed through some of the photos of people I have known in my life that it’s a good thing that memories fade.  The hurt fades and you get over it.  I came across a couple of photos of people who I had seriously really cared for deeply and who I was hurt by in the end.  Now I don’t even recall that hurt, other than I don’t want to feel that way again.  I’m sure I wasn’t entirely innocent, I’m sure I said things that were not called for too, but it’s just a good thing that the brain makes these things fade away and become non-issues at some point.  Into the trash folder those pictures shall go.  If they don’t wish to continue to be in my life on any platform, then so be it.  I don’t need the memories.


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