Long Haul

These last 3-4 weeks have really been a bitch.  I’m much better now, guess the daily shots of antibiotics, bed rest and taking it easy for a while have paid off, as I am feeling much, much better tonight. I spent 8 hours at the hospital today doing tests, getting my stitches out and doing more tests, but I feel like I am getting my strength back, I’m not walking like a fucking drunk, staggering and falling on my face like I was a few days ago.

The hospital and a great team of doctors have been right on top of my case.  I had what I hope was my last blood draws today.  They’ll now compare and analyze the multiple draws to see where the problems lay.  The vertigo is most likely coming from my ears, which I had been complaining that they hurt like hell for a couple of months.  I wish we had caught it a bit earlier.  I will be seeing an ENT specialist in the next week who will look into that angle.  All I know is that I have never been so damned sick, and for such a long period of time.

Living with HIV is scary.   You never know if the little cold you have is going to turn into PCP pneumonia or what could happen.  I had let my immune system sort of go for a while, like I said in my last blog, I quit taking my meds…big fuck up.  My counts went wacky and then I got really sick. I hate living with this disease.  But hey, something is going to take everyone of us out of this world at some point right?  I figure the proverbial bus is just waiting.

I want to thank everyone who has writing me encouraging notes and comments.  They are very much appreciated. It’s amazing to me that people I have known only through the internet (albeit some for years now!) can care and take the time to let me know they do.

I cured my computer issue.  I bought a new computer. Yeah, it was a splurge, but I was so sick of the issues my Toshiba was giving me that I gave up.  I did make sure that I saved all the pictures and documents from it, backed it up, updated my DropBox and didn’t lose anything vital before I neatly packed her up and put her away.  One day next winter I am going to set up and go through every picture I have….there are some I should definitely not have and should delete.  There are a lot of duplicates and just junk pictures, stuff I don’t care to keep or that I don’t remember.  I have YET to figure out how to organize pictures on my computer, although DropBox does help.

I’m trying to catch up on news and events, I haven’t been watching too much television lately actually.  The political antics make me sick.  This country is going to implode at some point here over all this bullshit. We are so divided it’s not even funny.  If it was 1800 we would be at war already I swear.  I need to catch up on my blog reading tonight and see what all of you have been up to and writing about.  I feel like I am a bit out of the loop here.

Got some new jeans and a nice new button down short-sleeved shirt at Aeropostale and Old Navy.  For some reason Old Navy’s jeans fit better or are sized more accurately.   OH!  I had to have some new boxer briefs, in fun summer surf style patterns even!  I’m going to a party on Saturday and wanted to look good.

Work called me today, I’ve been out battling these medical problems for a month now. I am feeling like I need to go back and I suggested next week, but my boss said take another week to get good and solidly on my feet.  So I’ll return to work on the 20th.  I’ll be glad to get back to my regular schedule once again.  All I want is for my world to be right and back on track again!  No more shots, IV’s or surgeries.

So what do you do when your whole life gets blown out of the water like mine has been the last month?  How do you cope?  How do you put things back into order and do you make new goals with a fresh slate?  Or are you happy if they just go back to what they were?  Personally I need to make changes….good ones.

 

 

 

 

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Author: MainelyButch

I am a pretty relaxed, proud, Butch and a native Mainer who enjoys reading, writing, blogging, vlogging and social interaction. I live in southern Maine, near the coast with my 2 small dogs and I hail from a very large, loving family that is historically rooted here. I write about my life, my experiences, living successfully with HIV, my YouTube experiences, and just about anything that piques my interest. This blog may contain profanity and sexual situations, and is not intended for younger audiences. Read at your own risk. At 54 I see life as just beginning a new chapter, and have decide this is the time that I need to write the stories that got me to this point. I believe we live our lives in chapters, changing, evolving and moving continuously with the times. I love to laugh, have discussions, debates and even the occasional nonsense conversation! I generally enjoy people, but not drama, hatred, ignorance or those who choose to feel they are somehow elite or superior to another simply due to their mere existence. I try to be very conscious of the health of the world around me - environmentally, socially, economically, and ethically. The people who are dear to me know me as having a tough exterior, filled with marshmallow and crunchy peanut butter. I continually strive to be the best I can be, especially to address life head on...always.

6 thoughts on “Long Haul”

  1. I got no advice for you but I know that sometimes good things can come from bad things. Now that you’re on the mend is a good time to reevaluate your life. I’m glad you’ve gotten good care and you’re feeling better now. Take care.

    1. I feel like I have been given a second chance to make things a little more right in my life. Yes, sometimes bad things have to happen to open one’s eyes and make us stand up and say WTF am I doing? This is the case here with me. My life will be very different, in slow steps, but different. I see the lesson in the ordeal. Thanks for commenting.

  2. Now this blog sounds more like MB! So glad that you are bouncing back. And I hope you are taking your meds. As for your bout with vertigo…welcome to my world…only problem with mine is the fact it is always with me.
    What do I do when things go wrong? Simple..nothing. Ang, some day I will tell you about my life…its anything but pretty. lol. So I am rather use to bad situstions. I use to eat my problems away, until I found myself weighing 400 pounds. Losing over 200 of it was miserable, but I did it. Now on good days I write instead of eating, it works for me.
    You have something special, a good support system to back you up. Don’t dwell on negatives and surround yourself with positvity.
    We all have baggage, some more than others..trick is to not let that baggage consume you.
    Always here
    Bert

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