Flirting…the Art

Flirting:  Flirting is shining your light via your words and deeds in such a way that people are irresistibly drawn to you.  

Let’s talk about flirting.  I am having trouble lately wrapping my mind around how to flirt as well as who to flirt with!  What exactly is flirting anyways?   Is flirting used when you want to show someone you are interested in them?  It can be sexual or non-sexual I suppose, depending on how you flirt.  I don’t feel that I am very good at it, although I have been told that I am a wicked flirt when I turn on the charm.  When I am interested in someone I seem to stumble on my words, not know how to act and usually fuck it up royally.  When I am super interested then I want to be around the person all the time in however form I can be.  With the introduction of the internet into my life (I suppose into all of our lives) dating has changed so radically and thus so has flirting and how it’s done nowadays.

Flirting is about making someone feel good, making them want you around, complimenting them and making them blush sometimes.  I tend to be a comedian when I get nervous, for some reason I resort to humor for a few things.  I can be sarcastic, or I can just be playful in my humor.  I use both types when I flirt.  I want to make you laugh.  Laughter always breaks the ice for me.

I have a bit of trouble distinguishing between if a woman wants to get to know me better by flirting with me, or if she’s just being super friendly.  So sometimes I goof.  I’m thinking one way when she’s thinking another thing entirely.

Today I mostly meet women on line and yes, I flirt with some of them.  I’ve run into all kinds of women, those who want to just have fun and flirt with me of course causing me to flirt like crazy back at them.  I’ve met those who just wanted the attention and liked the compliments I gave them.  Hell I’ve even met some who just want to sext, starting with an innocent flirt but quickly gravitating toward the sexual.

I can also become very shy at times, thus flirting is sometimes difficult for me to get to if I get shy or embarrassed.  I don’t know why I clam up when I am having a shy moment.  It’s cost me believe me.  I also am heavily guarded around women lately.  I just don’t trust very easily and I think it’s a left-over from feeling burned a couple of times in the last couple of years.  Women can be so catty.  They are all bubbly and flirty, but can turn very catty and lash out if they feel they aren’t getting enough attention.  That has been my experience at least.

I’ve got a few years of experience with women and flirting.  I’ve always been pretty damned good at it and never have seemed to have any trouble conveying my messages of intent or desire to a woman who I am interested in. I’ve met a couple who were thick as bricks and just didn’t get it but for the most part a woman knows when I am flirting with her and what I am after.

When I was younger I was a big flirt.  I would woo the girls on a regular basis at the bars and clubs.  Never did I have any problem in those face-to-face situations.  I think that flirting in real time is much easier than flirting via text or email.  But I can certainly do both.  Now on the telephone I get shy, I am not very good at flirting on the phone.  Although I do try!

Wikipedia says: 

Flirting or coquetry is a social and sometimes sexual activity involving verbal or written communication as well as body language by one person to another, suggesting an interest in a deeper relationship with the other person. In most cultures, it is socially disapproved for a person to make explicitly sexual advances, but indirect or suggestive advances (i.e., flirting) may at times be considered acceptable. On the other hand, some people flirt playfully, for amusement. People flirt with others for a more deeper relationship and to make the guy/girl interested in themselves.

Flirting usually involves speaking and behaving in a way that suggests a mildly greater intimacy than the actual relationship between the parties would justify, though within the rules of social etiquette, which generally disapproves of a direct expression of sexual interest. This may be accomplished by communicating a sense of playfulness or irony.Double entendres, with one meaning more formally appropriate and another more suggestive, may be used. Body language can include flicking the hair, eye contact, brief touching, open stances, proximity etc. Verbal communication of interest can include the vocal tone, such as pace, volume, intonation. Challenges (teasing, questions, qualifying, feigned disinterest) serve to increase tension, test intention and congruity.

Flirting behavior varies across cultures due to different modes of social etiquette such as how closely people should stand (proxemics), how long to hold eye contact, how much touching is appropriate and so forth

So, my dear readers, what kind of flirt are you?  Do you consider yourself a flirt?  What do you think about our Wikipedia definition here?

Peace!  ~MB

 

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3 Replies to “Flirting…the Art”

  1. I am careful not to flirt when I am not romantically interested in a person. But I am attentitive when people talk to me and, unfortunately, that has been misconstrued by them on rather a lot of occasions as my being romantically interested.

  2. I am super friendly and I like to flirt too … of course .. it inspires my daydream. It´s nor forbidden, or illegal .. it´s mostly harmless and not always innocent …lol 😀
    When I was younger a flirt was always a predictor of a relationship … nowdays it is mostly wellness for the soul ..even if I´m in a reliable relationship !
    Written words can even stroke warmer than a hand ever could do …
    It´s only my modest opinion 😉

    I hate flirting on the phone too … I´m too shy and surely too old for this garbage … L O L 😀
    While writting I am keeping a “safe” distance that makes me feel comfortable.
    If I don´t like what I read, then I stop writting and that´s the end of that … it´s that simple ! No one gets hurt, or offended, unless you admit it, right ? 😉

  3. Good topic.

    I usually don’t flirt with women I don’t really know. I think it at least partially has something to do with part of the definition you provided:

    “Flirting usually involves speaking and behaving in a way that suggests a mildly greater intimacy than the actual relationship between the parties would justify…”

    I also feel like there’s very little difference between flirting and just coming out and letting someone know you are interested in them, at least for someone who is scared of rejection. This is probably why when I do flirt with women I don’t know, it usually is when I have zero interest in them–I will not be bothered by rejection or lack of returned interest. In those cases, it’s more for fun. I’ll usually flirt and then go away or she’ll try to move things along and I don’t go along with her–it’s probably really confusing for some women, but I don’t do it often at all. In the situations where I know the woman more and we communicate regularly, I usually flirt when I sense she is interested. In that case, it is to signal interest and I’m not as worried about rejection.

    As for what you wrote:

    “I’ve always been pretty damned good at it and never have seemed to have any trouble conveying my messages of intent or desire to a woman who I am interested in. I’ve met a couple who were thick as bricks and just didn’t get it but for the most part a woman knows when I am flirting with her and what I am after.”

    When I’m being flirted with by women–not so much by men–I usually either don’t “get it” until after the fact or I do get it but am not interested in her, so I act like I don’t by ignoring it. In fact, more than half of the times I didn’t “get it,” I wasn’t really that interested in the woman anyway. So, I don’t know if there’s some correlation there. I have been pretty thick in the past, but I have gotten a lot better at getting it.

    And as someone who is thick, I will say that 1) I am the type of person who is always very focused on my purpose or task, so if you flirt with me at work or when I’m on my way somewhere, I’m probably not going to “get it” at that moment; and 2) I don’t understand why someone would be interested in me, so others flirting with me doesn’t make sense to me–my default interpretation is not going to be “this person is flirting” for that reason. I don’t think I’m physically attractive, and, though I think I have a lot of great qualities, I also tend to think these are qualities most other people don’t value or don’t value enough. I will brush flirting off as not possibly being flirting, and then when/if I realize it was flirting I will be like, “I don’t get it.” I think a lot of people go through something like this.

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