Just a mere 3 hours into this New Year and I am looking over my shoulder and waving good bye to one hellish year of 2015. I’ve had a rough day, a rough month and a somewhat rough year. I’m glad that it’s over. Isn’t it funny that we have these “beginnings” and “endings” to our years and that we seem to think – or rather want to believe – that there is some magic that occurs when we hit midnight on December 31st every year.
2015 wasn’t the worst year by any means. And it had it’s very bright and happy moments as well. It really feels almost like I am looking back at a blur of time, that the pace and confusion of some stuff really is just a blur. Especially the end of the year, it really went so quickly from September to now. I am sure that is because I was balls to the wall with moving and changing my whole life around.
Yes, 2015 will be a year that I will remember for some things that stand out prominently, but most of it will be lost in that blur.
- Lulu arrived in April
- Moved to a better place in December
- Fell in love
- Developed deeper trust issues that now must be dealt with properly
- Experienced heaven receiving some new angels…people and pets
- Made some good new friends and met good people
- Got my heart broken
- Watched as a raging, bigoted idiot tries to become our president
- Shook my head at the stupidity of some people
- Made some mistakes, we all do I am sure
- Celebrated Nola’s 7th birthday with our annual McDonald’s outting
- Didn’t get away enough
- Woke up and smelled the coffee….every day so I am damned lucky!
- Stayed relatively healthy, thank God
I’m sure there are other things I should mention but it’s 3:24 am and I am sleep deprived and groggy. I have a headache on top of it all, I took something but it’s not helping.
I wish for 2016 to be a better year. I don’t make resolutions, as I have said in the past, but I do have wishes and goals. Some carry over from previous years and some are new.
- Find a love that is mutual and will last through good and bad
- Be more aware
- Spend more time out doors and fishing this year
- Make a point to smile every day when I first wake up, sort of start the day in the right place.
- Become more social and say “yes” more often
- …and as always, take better care of myself physically as well as mentally. I got to get a grip on this one right off.
I have a doctor’s appointment scheduled for the 7th. Really need to go into some deep stuff with the doctor and get myself back on track. I’ve been slipping on my medications, not taking very good care of myself and generally feel really depressed most of the time. Something has to give. I am just not a happy camper. I don’t need to be joyous all the time, I just want to not feel like the world is crashing in on me all the time; and like I am worth something. I know this is probably all related to my depression medications and they need to be changed up for sure…but some of it is just stuff I need to sort out and be very clear about.
I spent my NYE home alone with my dogs. I did spend the last hour of the night on the phone with a very good friend who’s call could not have been any more timely. I needed someone to talk to bad and then she rang my phone and our conversations made me feel much better. It’s always good to have someone to talk to about things. I am not one to open up much to anyone, it takes me time to trust that that person is not going to reject me or make me feel worse, so I take my time with people. I am a good friend, and loyal as fuck. But if you piss me off or give me reason to not trust you then we have a problem.
I caught most of Pit Bull’s NYE celebration show that he did in Miami tonight. It was pretty damned awesome. I am so sick of the old Dick Clark NYE thing with the ball in NY City so the change up to watching Pit Bull’s show was very welcome. The guy is just a class act, he’s got his shit in one sock for sure. I really like his music, his personality and his way with people.
Alrighty, it’s time to try to sleep again. I can hear the little dogs snoring in the other room from here. They are just zapped tonight and passed right out after midnight.
HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of you my dear readers. May 2016 be all that you wish for and treat you well. Peace. ~MB