Flirting…the Art

Flirting:  Flirting is shining your light via your words and deeds in such a way that people are irresistibly drawn to you.  

Let’s talk about flirting.  I am having trouble lately wrapping my mind around how to flirt as well as who to flirt with!  What exactly is flirting anyways?   Is flirting used when you want to show someone you are interested in them?  It can be sexual or non-sexual I suppose, depending on how you flirt.  I don’t feel that I am very good at it, although I have been told that I am a wicked flirt when I turn on the charm.  When I am interested in someone I seem to stumble on my words, not know how to act and usually fuck it up royally.  When I am super interested then I want to be around the person all the time in however form I can be.  With the introduction of the internet into my life (I suppose into all of our lives) dating has changed so radically and thus so has flirting and how it’s done nowadays.

Flirting is about making someone feel good, making them want you around, complimenting them and making them blush sometimes.  I tend to be a comedian when I get nervous, for some reason I resort to humor for a few things.  I can be sarcastic, or I can just be playful in my humor.  I use both types when I flirt.  I want to make you laugh.  Laughter always breaks the ice for me.

I have a bit of trouble distinguishing between if a woman wants to get to know me better by flirting with me, or if she’s just being super friendly.  So sometimes I goof.  I’m thinking one way when she’s thinking another thing entirely.

Today I mostly meet women on line and yes, I flirt with some of them.  I’ve run into all kinds of women, those who want to just have fun and flirt with me of course causing me to flirt like crazy back at them.  I’ve met those who just wanted the attention and liked the compliments I gave them.  Hell I’ve even met some who just want to sext, starting with an innocent flirt but quickly gravitating toward the sexual.

I can also become very shy at times, thus flirting is sometimes difficult for me to get to if I get shy or embarrassed.  I don’t know why I clam up when I am having a shy moment.  It’s cost me believe me.  I also am heavily guarded around women lately.  I just don’t trust very easily and I think it’s a left-over from feeling burned a couple of times in the last couple of years.  Women can be so catty.  They are all bubbly and flirty, but can turn very catty and lash out if they feel they aren’t getting enough attention.  That has been my experience at least.

I’ve got a few years of experience with women and flirting.  I’ve always been pretty damned good at it and never have seemed to have any trouble conveying my messages of intent or desire to a woman who I am interested in. I’ve met a couple who were thick as bricks and just didn’t get it but for the most part a woman knows when I am flirting with her and what I am after.

When I was younger I was a big flirt.  I would woo the girls on a regular basis at the bars and clubs.  Never did I have any problem in those face-to-face situations.  I think that flirting in real time is much easier than flirting via text or email.  But I can certainly do both.  Now on the telephone I get shy, I am not very good at flirting on the phone.  Although I do try!

Wikipedia says: 

Flirting or coquetry is a social and sometimes sexual activity involving verbal or written communication as well as body language by one person to another, suggesting an interest in a deeper relationship with the other person. In most cultures, it is socially disapproved for a person to make explicitly sexual advances, but indirect or suggestive advances (i.e., flirting) may at times be considered acceptable. On the other hand, some people flirt playfully, for amusement. People flirt with others for a more deeper relationship and to make the guy/girl interested in themselves.

Flirting usually involves speaking and behaving in a way that suggests a mildly greater intimacy than the actual relationship between the parties would justify, though within the rules of social etiquette, which generally disapproves of a direct expression of sexual interest. This may be accomplished by communicating a sense of playfulness or irony.Double entendres, with one meaning more formally appropriate and another more suggestive, may be used. Body language can include flicking the hair, eye contact, brief touching, open stances, proximity etc. Verbal communication of interest can include the vocal tone, such as pace, volume, intonation. Challenges (teasing, questions, qualifying, feigned disinterest) serve to increase tension, test intention and congruity.

Flirting behavior varies across cultures due to different modes of social etiquette such as how closely people should stand (proxemics), how long to hold eye contact, how much touching is appropriate and so forth

So, my dear readers, what kind of flirt are you?  Do you consider yourself a flirt?  What do you think about our Wikipedia definition here?

Peace!  ~MB

 

Weekend is Here!

Yay!  It’s Friday!  I have a new fondness for Fridays as it’s the last day of my work week.  The job is going well, I’ve adjusted to the schedule quite easily – so have the dogs. It’s a pretty easy schedule of getting up at 5am and making sure that I go to bed at a reasonable hour at night so I’m not sluggish in the AM.  It’s a no-brainer pretty much.  But it’s quite the change from not having a real schedule to having the days laid out for me.  I’m definitely liking the job and having a place to BE days where I feel useful and am doing something other than being bored.

It’s been interesting being around all the truckers and seeing people that I haven’t seen in years come in there.  It’s a pretty local joint, so everyone stops in for something – generally gas and coffees are big sellers, especially with gas prices being so low right now.

Today we had a customer cause a huge gas spill at the pumps.  This guy driving a cargo van set the pump to fill without him holding it and left the vehicle to come inside the store.  While he was away from it the gas began to overflow until someone came running in to tell us that it was pouring out all over the pump island…Sarah, one of my co-workers who has been there a long time, went racing out and shut it down.  It was quite a large spill, probably about 75 gallons of gasoline.  Get this…the guy comes to the counter for a receipt from me and Sarah comes in and asks what he’s hauling in the van, his reply – Oxyogen…yes this moron – and Sarah called him a fucking moron right there, left a truck full of oxyogen tanks filling with petroleum without being attended to.  He is a fucking moron.  We could have all been killed.  Luckily, no one was injured.

The guy just got his receipt and drove off.  He didn’t say anything, not “I’m sorry” or anything, he just left.  I suppose he FELT like a loser after doing that stupid thing.  He put many people in some serious danger and he had to know that.  It took our crew of 5 people about a hour to get it all cleaned up.  They had to cover it all with absorbent stuff kind of like kitty litter and shovel that all up into a bin to be disposed of.

It caused quite a ruckus at the station for a while.  We had a bunch of people hanging around watching the goings on, laughing and shaking their heads in bewilderment. Especially at the beginning when he was just getting in his truck and leaving without saying a word.  (I still can’t believe he said NOTHING, just acted like it was an every day happening, got his receipt and drove away).  The cops showed up to check the spill and I am sure that our manager had to write a report on it.  I stayed in the store with Tommy  (another co-worker) and I stayed in the store running the registers while everyone else was out in the lot tending to the mess, so luckily I didn’t smell like gasoline but everyone else sure did by the end of it all.  We are just fortunate that no one was seriously injured or killed!

Saturday, Jan. 30, 2016

I overslept this morning…now THAT is a rare thing for me…I never over sleep when I have something scheduled to do.  I had a hair cut scheduled for 10:30…yes, scheduling is how they do it in “salons” which I rarely frequent but had to this time for my month’s hair cut.  Luckily the woman who did my hair cut let me reschedule for this afternoon so I still got it done.

Johnny, the barber that I’ve been going to and raving about for a long time now – didn’t renew his license to cut hair in NH and so he’s not working right now.  Thus, I had to find someone else to cut my hair.  I happened to know someone who I recently met that is a stylist.  So I bucked up and scheduled an appointment with her.  When you go to the barbershop there is no appointment, it’s a walk-in and scribble your name on the board and wait in line kind of deal instead.  Going to a stylist at a salon is a whole different kind of experience; you have to make an appointment and be there at a certain time.  And I haven’t gone to a salon in forever, so it felt very weird to begin with, but I did it, the cut came out good and I survived.

My friend did a very good job of shearing me down to my crew-cut length.  I am pleased with the cut and I would recommend her to friends.  But I still missed my barber and the whole barbershop experience; the bad jokes, loud TV and sound of many pairs of shears all going at once as 2-3 barbers were working on various guys cutting hair or giving them a shave, and the smell of aftershave in the air.  It’s totally different in feeling from that of the salon visit.  The salon, by the way, was very nice.  I didn’t even know it was there, it’s called EClips and is super nice inside.  It’s hidden in the old button factory buildings in Portsmouth, down off of Islington Street. Those old buildings are so cool and now house many smaller businesses.  The people at this salon did a super nice job with the interior of the place; it’s very comfortable and welcoming.

I overslept this morning because last night I stayed up late watching the movie “Straight Outta Compton” on pay per view.  It was pretty good.  You had to pay close attention to follow the story line though.  But overall it was a pretty decently made film.  Those sure were some wild times for rap music and the NWA group.  Intense and scary that it’s all a true story.  I’m not a big movie theater goer, I’d rather rent movies and watch them in the comfort of my own living room instead.  Then you can pause it when you need a break and control how you watch the movie.  Plus movie theaters, no matter what they do to them, are just never comfortable to me.  Only thing lacking at home is the big ole popcorn machine!

Don’t know what I’ll do with the rest of my weekend.  I do need to do some shopping and I need to do a good house cleaning too.  Perhaps tomorrow I will do those things.  For the rest of today I think I am going to do some reading and just relax and chill.

Peace.  ~MB

 

 

 

 

 

Monday Thoughts

The big east coast blizzard missed Maine…amazing and super duper great in my book!  I don’t care for snow…no I HATE snow is more like it.  Once the dastardly shit is on the ground you must move it….THAT is what I hate about it – the shoveling and moving of the masses of snow.  It’s beautiful to look at and makes the landscape extremely pretty, but the fact that it gets in the way of moving about and must be shoveled away from driveways, paths and roads must be plowed just sucks.  The only time I like snow is when I have the opportunity to go snowmobiling – which is fairly rare these days.  My cousins up in the woods of Maine all have snowmobiles – it’s basically standard issue Maine gear to have one, you need them up there.  Occasionally I will make a winter trek up to the Rangely area to visit with family there and to partake in the craziness of snowmobiling. It may be a cold weather sport, but it sure is some fun!

Jpeg
Lulu making a “nasty” face.

I got a great shot of Lulu making her “nasty” face.  She makes this toothy smirk whenever she encounters something she doesn’t like the smell or taste of.  I was luckily in the right spot yesterday with the camera on her when she got a wiff of some smoke that she didn’t care for…thus the “nasty” face ensued.  I think it’s hilarious and just had to share that with you dear readers.

The job is going well. I’m getting used to the schedule of getting up at 5am to spend a couple of hours here preparing for my day, feeding the dogs and making sure they are all set for the morning while I am gone, and drinking my coffee.  I must have coffee in the morning or my day just doesn’t start out right.  And it’s some damned strong coffee to boot!  I usually leave here around a quarter to 7 and am at work in less than 10 minutes.  I like the schedule that I’ve got, working weekdays from 7am to 1pm and having my afternoons and weekends off…couldn’t ask for better hours or days!  I guess I just got lucky with the timing of getting hired for the position.  I enjoy the people, the atmosphere and still have plenty of daylight when I get out to do all of my other business and take care of things around here.  So, it’s going well all in all, and I hope it stays this way.

I’ve been feeling pretty good.  I’ve got a check up with my hiv specialist in February and have to go get blood work done this week in preparation for that appointment.  I have been doing pretty well though, even the depression isn’t as bad as it used to be, I think I have that under control much better lately.  I do think that working is helping that because it gives me a purpose every day and I’m not allowing myself to get bored.  I have gone through some med changes recently and that may play into feeling better too.  Either way, my moods are great lately and I feel pretty strong and healthy.

I cannot believe that the end of January is this weekend.  It seems like this month has flown by!  Pretty soon it will be spring and I’ll be out working in my gardens making the flowers grow once again! Yay!  I really look forward to this Spring in particular because it’ll be the first one here in my new home.  The former owner was a gardener too and she’s got a lot of perennial flowers planted already that will all come back up every year.  I am going to wait and see what comes up before I go digging around and put any new stuff in there.  I’ll be sure to post some pictures of the outside of the place once I have some good ones.  Right now everything is pretty dreary, snow on the ground and no color.

Time for bed.  I find that I need to make myself go to bed at a reasonable hour now that I am working.  No time for those late nights of staying up on the computer working on writing or whatever now.  I need that 8 hours of sleep.  Hope you all are doing well.

Do you like winter?  Snow?  What do you do to keep busy in the slower months of winter?

Peace!  ~MB

 

Great week…

I’ve made it through my first full week of being back in the working world, and I am no worse for the wear.  I actually had a really great week.  I got up 2 hours early every day to spend some time with the pups before I left…trying to get them used to the new arrangement of me not being here mornings anymore.  They seem to have adapted quite easily and are waiting anxiously when I come through the door after my shift.  You’d think that I had been gone a week the way Lulu tries to turn herself inside out with glee at seeing me again!

Work has gender neutral restrooms thank goodness.  So no cringing as I usually do when frequenting public restrooms.  Makes for a much more relaxed piss.  Ha.  At least I don’t have to worry about getting yelled at for going into the wrong restroom!

I’ve been “sirred” a few times mostly by the truckers, who I don’t know if they are being sarcastic or are just genuinely seeing me as male.  I don’t really care, it doesn’t bother me.  I can tell that it does bother some of the people that I work with though, and one spoke up to me the other day saying that even with her huge chest that she gets it too.  I think that sometimes some of the truckers are just rude.  It’s all that alone time spent in those huge loud trucks!

Today I had a recovery day, I think that I expended a lot of mental as well as physical energy working all week.  It’s not something I was used to, so I was pretty tired come today.  I slept most of the day, did some grocery shopping and just spent time relaxing around home.  I like being at home alot, it’s just a place where I am most comfortable and feel I can be myself thoroughly.

Spent some time talking to a new friend on the phone tonight.  It’s nice to connect with new people, learn about them and to laugh.  I am so shy sometimes, I must force myself to break out of that shell at times.

Ok, I am off to do my nightly reading and petting of the pups!  Take care!  Peace!  ~MB

 

MainelyButch Goes to Work…

So I have rejoined the workforce of America.  Yeah, I got a fucking job.  It’s about time huh?  I know I’ve been not working for too long when I am even bored with being bored!   Anyway, started working, got through the training and started on the front end counter today.  It’s nice to be around so many people; to see people I know from around town who come in and to meet so many new people as well.  And the crew that I am working with seems to be a pretty good bunch too.  I know most of them a little bit from my own frequenting of the store prior to getting a job there.  That’s basically how I got the job, I would go in there at lest once every day or two for something and I kept seeing the “help wanted” sign so finally I asked one of the guys I knew who already worked there and he took me and introduced me to the manager, who granted me an interview and offered me a job.  I love how connections and networking can lead from one thing to another, and you never really know where you’ll end up sometimes.

So, I like the job, it’s actually quite entertaining in some aspects.  I love interacting with people and believe me at a large convenience store/truck stop you find all different kinds of people frequent it.  I love to people watch (thumbs up to my Vancouver friend who also loves to people watch, it makes me think of you!) and there’s plenty of it to do at this place.

Today after work I stopped at Old Navy and bought a new pair of pants – pants now, not jeans – for work. I had to get some tan khaki pants.  The uniform at my new job is the company’s signature red polo shirt with the company logo on it and issued to you when you are hired, and either black or tan pants/jeans.  If they are jeans they have to be pitch black and not faded or ripped up.  I happened to own a nice pair or black Levi’s already which I have been wearing and washing every night to wear again the next day.  Now that I have another pair I can alternate and get away with doing laundry every couple of days.  They gave me 3 polo shirts, so once I pick up another pair of pants next pay day I can stretch the laundry out to twice a week.  Logical thinking huh?  *smirk*   Anyhooo…the pants are quite comfortable as I got the Broken-in Straights type so they’re not all stiff and stupid looking.  I’m so used to wearing blue jeans that this is all quite a change for me.

Nola and Lulu have settled in pretty much already to me being gone all morning.  I’m working the 7am to 1pm shift, only 6 hours a day, Monday through Fridays.  It’s a great shift, busy enough to keep me happy and the perfect hours for me to have the rest of each day to do other stuff, make appointments as needed and take care of other business.  Plus I have the weekends off – which is always a bonus!   I suspect that the dogs just sleep all morning but I leave the TV on for them just in-case they want to watch GMA (Good Morning America) hahaha.  I do miss that morning show, but I been getting up at 5am to catch the morning news and have a couple of cups of good coffee before I shower and head out the door for my shift.  When I get home they come bounding off of the couch to greet me at the door, all wiggly-giggly at my feet.  They are definitely happy to see me.

So that’s been my last few days, just getting used to this new endeavor of working once again; settling into a new schedule and enjoying it.

It’s been some fucking cold – and I mean it, FUCKING COLD – here in the Northeast lately.  Today the wind howled like holy hell, whipping the snow into a frenzy of dust storm proportion. It’s drifted the snow everywhere, especially into my previously shoveled driveway and walking path to the house.  I am hoping that the wind and temperatures will be better in the next 2 days so I can get it cleaned up once again before the storm rolls in this weekend…yes, we are predicted for a good sized storm this coming weekend.  I suppose that it was bound to happen, winter was bound to catch up to us. We’ve been extremely fortunate up til now with not much snow and actually very mild temps.  It  was just a matter of time before the real winter weather kicked in.  I am figuring that we’ll probably get beat on from here on out til late April…unless we get some kind of lucky!

I’m off to catch up on some reading here on WordPress, I see some of you have posted since I was last able to sit down and really do some good reading and I want to try to catch up tonight.  I hate falling behind on my blog reading and my news reading.  I always enjoy reading all of your blogs and am trying to keep myself up with comments and responses like I said that I would.

Peace!

~MB

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Finally it’s Friday!

Starting my new job today.  Just a clerk job over at the truck stop, but it’s a job and I need to be getting out of the house and working. So I took it when it was offered.  I think I will like it; getting to interact with various people, meeting some new people, etc.

I spent today doing a lot of catching up on paperwork, making phone calls and attending to various other slices of life’s business.  I also did a good amount of reading.  OH! And I ordered a recommended book on Amazon – Chely Wright’s “Like Me”  It came to me as a recommendation from a fellow blogger.  So I finally ordered it and should have it in 4-5 days.  I’m looking forward to reading it. The book is basically about a country western singer who is lesbian and what her life was like before and during her coming out.  It’s supposed to be a very good book..we will see!

I also ordered some new address tags today, I am tired of writing my return address on everything I send out, so I got some of those stick on return address tags custom made by Vistaprint.com.  I have used their printing services before and find them to be the best priced, have the widest variety of products and of good quality.

I got to reading today, some of the replies to my blog on politics that came by email rather than as comments – due to length I think – were really good.  I think people are paying attention.  And the closer we get to these primary elections the worse it is getting here.

Here is one VERY interesting and thought provoking piece that I found – and REPOSTED on MY own Facebook page:

An Open Letter to My Friends by Jeremy Nix on Newsvine

It was INCREDIBLY well written and really lays out what is going on and why Trump is so dangerous to this country; how thinking like he is and following him is just basically saying that you too feel like he does and thus you must be just as bigoted and crazy as he is.  Jeremy Nix says it all so eloquently in this piece. You must read it to understand exactly how nutso this Trump dude really IS.   Can you tell that I personally am right there with Jeremy in saying that I too am cool with it if you remove me from your friends list if you don’t like this post because I too can’t understand why anyone would support someone as hateful, sexist, racist and ignorant as Donald Trump.

Ok, enough of that for today, man, I can get myself so irritated when I start thinking of some of this stuff.  And I need to be calm and chipper to go to work.

I’m off…take care my WordPress friends.  Peace!  ~MB

Politics…Obama’s State of the Union

I just watched the President’s State of the Union Address, his 7th and last address of it’s kind to this congress and the American people.

I personally like Obama and I think that our country is in a better place than it was 8 years ago, under Bush Jr., for sure.  Economically it’s a no-brainer.  Unemployment has been cut in half, and we’ve had steady job growth.  Problem is that wages haven’t been that great and thus the average 40 hour a week employee is actually making about $4000 less than they were averaging in 2004.  With inflation and lower starting wages, a minimum wage that is utterly ridiculous and huge corporate land-slide profits across the board, it shows us that there is still much work to be done in the American job sector.

This president has had the privilege of trying to handle a country; the most powerful country on this planet, as the world is going through extraordinary changes at a pace that will only accelerate from here.  When he took office there was barely any technology in the White House.  Now it’s so much a part of our everyday lives that even us citizens depend on it to get through our days.  When Obama took office Facebook was in it’s infancy, it had only been offered to the public for a mere 2 years and we all know that story – because most of us are part of it!

Along with this extraordinary technological growth for the good that has taken place during Obama’s presidency, we have to remember that much of this technology can also be used for purposes of not only good, but evil as well.  Thus he has had to combat this rising tide of ISIS and other terrorist groups.  Their technology and ability to use it for evil purposes has also grown by extraordinary proportions in the last 8 years, don’t you think?  It only makes sense.

I feel a little for this guy, he’s really been up against a proverbial wall during his time in office.  Maybe I will catch hell from some of you for supporting him as president.

I wrote a blog earlier today concerning being authentic. Well, I am authentically a Democrat.  I believe that we need to work harder as American citizens to correct this political mess that has been created in Washington DC and in most state capitals across the country.  Yeah, it’s a fucking MESS.  Our forefathers must be rolling in their graves about now.

I haven’t spoken much about my political views until recently.  I have been inspired to blog more about it because it’s most of what is in our daily news feed online, on TV, on our phones, and everywhere we look here in the USA.  Trump is making it into a comedy show and the rest are just flabbergasted at what to do about Trump!  It’s seriously a flawed situation.

I’m not sure who the candidates for the Democratic or Republican parties will be, although I think the Republicans are even petrified that it will come down to Trump and I don’t think they are even very happy about that.  I don’t think they want to align themselves with his rhetoric and rancor.  Wherever it comes from, we should all reject politics that disrespect race and religion and that spew hatred for an entire population of people because of the actions or views of a very few.  Trump wants to forbid any immigration of Muslims and he wants to send those that are here back to wherever they came from.  He’s got some really hateful ideas and I think he likes to spit them out just to get people riled up so they won’t forget his name on voting day, and so that he can inject fear into people and play on that fear to get them to vote for him.  He’s great at diving people that’s for sure.  And we do not need more division in this already divided country and it’s broken political system.

Democrats have little choice either.  We have Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders.  I think that Bernie isn’t a strong enough character to be president, and I worry about his longevity. Hillary has a lot of political baggage, like most everyone in Washington does.  I need to personally research both candidates more and see who I am going to align myself with  personally.  Hell, maybe it will be some liberal…haha.

Change to our political system has to be done by the American people.  We really need to get back to a of, by and for the people type of democracy somehow.   Obama spoke of this tonight in his address.  We need to stop letting money and power rule our system, and we need to stand up and accept our duties as American citizens; vote, speak out, stand up for other, and stay active in public life with these daily acts of citizenship.  We need to live by the power of example and fix our political machine.

So these are my thoughts on tonight’s speech and my opinions on today’s political scene.  I’m sure I’ll inject more in other blogs as we go through this painful election process here over the next 9 months.  It’s going to be hell, just hell I say!

Peace!

~MB

 

 

 

 

 

Authenticity

Authenticity comes in many forms.  Lesboi wrote recently about Authenticity and asked what it is for us.  I found their post to be extremely timely, for I am one who tries to be my authentic self always, and Lesboi brings up some very specific points about it:

This morning I found myself watching this video by uppercaseCHASE1 about how being your authentic self isn’t just about being trans and it got me thinking pretty hard about what living an “authentic life” really means for me.  I talk about living authentically a lot.  It’s a huge motivator for my transition.  It’s what pushes me through the hard stuff about all of this.  But, as Chase points out, authenticity is bigger than just being trans.  There’s so much more to each of us than our gender and our sexuality.  There are political beliefs, personal preferences in clothing, books, movies, music, chores, where we live, who we live with, how we spend money, how we do our hair, how we speak, what cell phone we carry, etc. etc. etc.  The list is too huge to list it all.  All of these things, plus our history and our future goals and dreams help to make us who we are. -Lesboi, Another Authenticity Post

This says so much about how I feel.  Being authentic is important to me, it’s part of being honest about myself, and to myself. There were times in my life where being my “authetic” self was more dangerous to me, as being Butch was a dangerous way of life during those times. So one had to “tone it down” a bit, not being one’s authentic self, in order to not stir the pot too hard and cause an upset. Or better said to not get your ass beat to hell for being too bold as to be your authentic self.

I don’t think that being one’s authentic self has only to do with our sexuality, gender identity or personal preferences because – as Lesboi points out and as uppercaseCHASE1 points out in his video linked by Lesboi here – there is a LOT more that goes into our personal make up than just those superficial things.   It’s not about how Butch, femme, trans or gay one is.  It’s not about being enough of one thing or another, it’s about being enough for yourself.  It’s about being authentic to yourself and living life for yourself and no one else.  When you are doing that then I believe you are being truly authentic.

We’ve talked alot about being “enough” in our vlogs and blogs. People want to set these rules and guidelines for being a certain way, i.e. trans, butch, femme, genderqueer, etc.  They want to define the words and set all these boundaries behind them that makes people think they need to be a certain way to be “enough” to claim their own identities. When you are being your authentic self you don’t need to live up to anyone else’s expectations or determining factors.  You make your own rules; set your own boundaries and live the best life you can for yourself.  That’s being authentic to yourself.

Being one’s authentic self doesn’t have to revolve around any one specific group, like for Chase it seems his experience has it’s roots for him in his Transgender identity.  For me when I speak of my authentic self I see the strong Butch that I am.  For the fantastic femmes out there I am sure it’s got some to do with their – well – fantastic femme-ness!!!  Whatever being your authentic self has it’s “center seed” in for you, is just for you to decide!  That is part of being one’s authentic self!

My own version of my authentic self, when I think about it, is somewhat about me being able to be out and proud, and Butch.  But that’s only a small part of my true self.  True self to me has to do with many other things as well; it’s in how i treat other people and how I expect to be treated in return.  It’s in my honesty and my loyalty.  It’s in my fearlessness about being who I am and my expectation of just being respected for that.

So that’s my take on it for now.  What does being one’s “authentic self” mean to you?  Where does that authenticity show up most in your life?

 

 

 

 

 

Politics..My Opinions

I have personally tried to ignore all of the political ruckus that has infected the USA.  I have never in my 54 years seen anything remotely like this kind of politics.  The field of candidates is piss poor to put it mildly.

Of course this is all just my opinion and I am sure some of you are Trump supporters…and am sure you know I am going to talk about the weird man too.  How could one discuss politics now a days without him being front and center on is little show boat.

When I was in the 4th grade there was a Presidential election cycle taking place.  Richard Nixon and his running mate, Spiro Agnew were running on the Republican ticket and Gov. George McGovern with Sargent Shriver on the Democratic ticket.  Nixon eventually  won every state except Massachusetts and DC…something pretty astounding and that has only every been matched by Ronald Reagan in ’84.   I guess that is my first memory of politics and how we got our country’s president elected. I had to choose a candidate and sort of “campaign” for him as my class assignment.  I still have the final report that I did on him oddly enough.  It’s full of articles that I got out of Time magazine and News Week.  I don’t recall who my parents were voting for that year, I would have to guess it would have been Nixon.  This was very much toward the end of the Vietnam war, and that was the biggest issue in the election.  Nixon swearing he would end the long war, and he did so by pulling our troops out of Saigon shortly after he was elected.  There is a whole other story here, but for the sake of brevity here in this blog I am just going to say he pulled the troops out and our involvement in Vietnam ended.  Whether that was the right or wrong thing to do still remains to be seen today.

They used to campaign on the issues, such as the wars, economic stability, health insurance, criminal justice, etc. etc, and less about things like sexual scandals, bad hair and all the weird stuff that seems to permeate this current election cycle. Personally I could care less about DT’s hair or the funny faces he makes, I want to know what he brings to the table as far as governing a country like ours.

How does he intend to fix all of the troubles we are into?  Where does he stand on the war in Afghanistan and Iraq?  Exactly what will he do about ISIS? I’d like to know why and how he’s going to build a wall between us and Mexico.

I am sure there are diplomatic solutions to the Mexican immigration problem.  How about helping the Mexicans make a country that no one wants to or has to leave? I can only assume some things are pretty bad there if people are willing to risk life and limb to cross a border to come to this screwed up country, where they are not really welcome either.  Many, many of them, men, women and children die trying to make the journey to cross that border near Nogales. I think if we were privy to the real story of what it’s like to live and survive in Mexico under the iron rule of drug lords and weapons dealers, facing things daily like human trafficing, kidnapping, brutal murders, beheadings, and other ghastly goings ons.

When we book a “fun” trip to Mexico we don’t see this stuff.  We are shown a very sanitized place, not normally advised to travel outside of the walls of whatever compound we are vacationing at.  It’s not an advisable place for LGBT folks to vacation regardless, it’s not looked upon as a favorable lifestyle in Mexico.  Myself, I wouldn’t go back to Mexico.  I’ve been to the border towns, Juarez, Nogales, and one other I cannot recall the name of.  I was far younger, stupid and didn’t know or hadn’t seen what I do know and see now.  I was also with a large group of other GI’s and we stuck together for safety on those mescal infused nights. My visit to Nogales was accidental..I was driving the back roads around Huachuca and ended up across the border.  When we realized it we immediately turned around and beat feet back to the US side.  But what I saw in that short time was a very sad and impoverished area. It’s one of the main hubs for illegal border crossings I guess.

There’s a miliatary fort, Fort Huachuca right there next to it.  Huachuca is about an hour south west of Tucson, AZ.  I love that part of the country, Arizona, New Mexico and Utah and west Texas.  I could easily live there and be quite content.

One thing I noticed when I spent time there was how great the star gazing is at night.  There is not much “light pollution” so you have a velvet pitch black canvas to see the stars on at night.  I did some service time in White Sands New Mexico and saw more shooting stars than I could ever count.  I remember laying in my sleeping bag in a foxhole and watching the stars; totally enamored by them.  You could literally pick out every constellation and seen most all of the visible planets.  Plus a big part of the Milky Way’s swirl was quite evident.  I had similar star gazing experiences in the Suguaro National Monument in Tucson, and in the Zion Canyon in Utah.  I love to look at the stars, and if I have a telescope with me it’s even more fun, but when you get to a place in the world where there isn’t light pollution from the city lights and you can see so clearly there is nothing like it – telescope or not.

I’ve read in a couple of post on Facebook where people said that “2015 was a year of people being offended by everything”.  I think it’s partially true.  There were lots of things to be offended about!  Mr. Trump himself was  – in my personal opinion – very offensive to many people, groups, and races over this last year. He has a very unfiltered mouth on him; he says it like he sees it and usually that is pretty bluntly offensive.  He tends to lump all of one group into one chunk, then make some rather negative statement about them all.  Such as saying all Muslims are terrorists.  His idea of deporting all Muslims from America, not allowing any Muslim person in to America, etc.  Is just one example.  He also lumps all Mexicans into one group labeling them as drug dealing murders and thieves.  To me his rhetoric is very dangerous.  I should be studying what he has had to say about LGBT people, I’m sure he’s got us all lumped into some fucked up catagory.

Other candidates have said some pretty screwed up stuff too.  Ben Carson isn’t really endearing himself to anyone, he comes off to me as a fairly stupid man.  I know he’s a good guy, that he’s a renowned surgeon and is tops in his field. But what experience does he have in politics themselves?  What has he done outside of his work to help his community/country move forward?  Does he even understand who ISIS is?  I don’t think he will make it as a candidate, so I am not really worried about him truthfully.  He’s just too ignorant personally to hold the office of President of the United States.

Now Hillary Clinton…oh Hillary.  You know this is who I want  to vote for, but she has a lot of explaining to do, a lot to prove to me still and she has to endure the scathing whoopings that Trump is going to unleash on her.  Is she strong enough?  Can she do it without breaking down?  If the election comes down to Trump vs. Clinton it’s going to be one very nasty and fractional battle.  It will cause a huge divide in the US…I predict.  You have the extreme right wing (Trump) against a true left-winger (Clinton).  Many issues from both extremes will come to light.  People will fight more about this election than any in the past I believe.  Trump is teaching people to speak with unfiltered mouths.  He’s saying to people that it’s okay to insult others if it gets you what you want along the way.  He has no professional manners or ways of conducting himself at all.  That’s really apparent.

So, like i said at the beginning of this I haven’t been paying as much attention this election cycle. I must change that immediately. I need to study up on the candidates and think about who I will be supporting.  My one little vote may not count for much, but I believe it counts because if we all vote then we can exact change.  If we all think that it doesn’t matter and we don’t vote then we are allowing those who do vote to dictate where our country is going without any feedback.  It’s important to exercise your constitutional right and vote.  Hell, you can even vote from home with an absentee ballot if it’s too hard to get out to the polls!  Please vote!!!

I am sure that Donald Trump will pretty much buy his way into this office.  If that is possible he will do it.  I worry about that.  He has more money than God…I’m sure he’ll use that to his advantage.  I can’t imagine him living like a president, in the white house….oh what will he do to the interior decorating?  Will it be all gold leaf and ornate objects?  Maybe make it look like Trump Plaza?  Will he actually LIVE there?  It would be a far cry from his extreme penthouse digs for sure.  I don’t know if he could take sleeping that close to the ground!

Soooo…this is the start of my ramblings on the political picture.  I am sure as I research, understand and formulate more opinions here that I will have much more to say.  These are all just my musings and my opinions on this topic, everyone is allowed to have their own, and if we can’t agree we can always respectfully disagree.  I have to say I can see where Trump would be very attractive to a good number of people, he has his base for sure.  It will be interesting to see what happens in the primaries coming up soon.

Comments and input below welcome!  Also if there is anything interesting that you think I need to read/see please forward it along here or to my email address at mainelybutch@yahoo.com  I’d appreciate it immensely!

What do you think is going to happen in the primaries?  Who do you think our candidates/choices will eventually be?  

 

Slow starts…

Talk about a really slow start to a month, let alone a whole new year, I find myself damned near moving backwards.  I have not enthusiasm for this year at all.  My fear is that it will turn out to be just like 2015…a year in which I endured a lot of ups and downs and spent more time questioning my own choices and hurting from them than anything else.

I have a really critical visit with my doctor tomorrow.  I’m frightened about it to put it mildly.  I have to talk to her about some really difficult things that are going on and affecting my health in negative ways. I’ve been avoiding the doctors and cancelling appointments for the last couple of months, just not wishing to have to deal with any of this.  We are going to talk about addictions and medical maintenance of such.  Something I am not thrilled about at all; and something I am pretty ashamed of as well.  My case worker from the Frannie Peabody Center up in Portland is coming down to go with me on the appointment.  A very good friend of mine suggested I take someone with me for moral support, and then the case worker called and volunteered to accompany me which was very sweet of her and spot on time.

I also have a job interview tomorrow afternoon.  It’s for a job at a truck stop working in the store.  Just a little part time position waiting on customers, stocking shelves and doing whatever needs doing around the place.  I don’t see any problem in getting hired.  And I can really use the job and the extra income right now badly.  Convenience store work isn’t really appealing to me, but I need something right now and this is what is readily available.

It’s been bone-biting cold here the last 2 days. I’ve only gone out to do errands when I have had to!  Like to the drug store and for dog food.

I wish I could rewind 2015 and do it all over again.  There are so many things I would have done differently; so many things I would not have done at all.  it was a very heart breaking year for me, and I still miss her so damned much.  Yes, this still bothers me, I know one cannot “rewind and go back in time” but people can start over from here and move on forward…if they want to do so.  I only wish there were some way to convince her to start over again with me.  Thoughts of her are constantly in the back of my mind, I am always wondering how she is, and if she ever thinks of me anymore.  When she has texted me is sort of in this passive aggressive sort of way, and that just frustrates me.  Those are not the words I need and want to hear.  I hope one day I will get by this.  Or she will want to try to work it out a different way.

I’m off to do some reading. Bloggers have been active lately, and I am enjoying the reading.

Have a great evening!  ~Peace.  ~MB