General Blips

Bored…and waiting

I’m about to go stir-crazy insane!  I’m so bored just hanging out waiting on the date that I can move into my new place, the time is draggin on and it’s just driving me nuts.  I read, I write, I color my mandalas and I watch TV…it’s about as boring as it can get.  I’m staying at someone else’s house and it’s quite a ways from my normal “stomping” grounds. So the normal people that I see are quite a ways away.  I’ve been h anging out with my cousin quite a bit, going to Christmas fairs and penny sales.  Who knew about these penny sale things…it’s quite a process.  I had never attended one before, and I find it fascinating to watch people buy the tickets to “win” the prizes.  Most of the places that do it are doing it as fund raisers so the money goes to various good causes. Right now it’s mostly for the kids for Christmas.

I’ve been struggling a bit with my addiction issues.  Recently I was taken off of my long term opiate pain killer regimen…because I tested positive for things I should not have had in my system and the practitioner didn’t like that.  So I am struggling with pain issues, plus the mental and physical effects of withdrawal from the opiates.  I’m considering investigating the suboxone/subutex treatment for addictions. But it’s really hard to think about going to a doctor and saying “hey, I’m an addict and I don’t want to be using illicit substances, so can I get something to curb that craving?”  At one time in my life I was pretty much an illicit substance addict and I don’t want to go back there, but without my prescription meds I have that craving and need all the time.  It’s something that’s been an issue for several weeks now, and it’s really bothering me.  I think I would be a good candidate for the suboxone treatment and I understand it can be a long term thing which is okay with me as long as I don’t have to fight these intense cravings all the time.  I am so afraid of falling back into old bad habits…that would just suck.  It’s not something I am proud to talk about, but it’s a very big factor in my depression and in my life right now.

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Bored…and waiting”

  1. The past is the past. Leave it there. Moving forward I hope you do go see a doctor and take care of yourself so you can be free from addiction and pain. Good luck.

  2. Hi Ang, you sound really stressed….deep breath and exhale. Truth time. I usually do not tell my story to some one I am not close to, but perhaps this will help you or give you a reason to pause and think. I am an addict, clean and sober for over 40 years. But its a struggle everyday to remain that way, especially now. But it is possible to stay away from those things that can pull you back in to the insanity of addiction. I know my triggers and I know what I can and cannot expose myself to. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that one time of using is okay…its the hook that plus you in. You’ve come so far make that count. Don’t give up on you..you count. I am only an email away when you feel the walls closing in on you.
    Bert

  3. Hi Ang, you sound really stressed….deep breath and exhale. Truth time. I usually do not tell my story to some one I am not close to, but perhaps this will help you or give you a reason to pause and think. I am an addict, clean and sober for over 40 years. But its a struggle everyday to remain that way, especially now. But it is possible to stay away from those things that can pull you back in to the insanity of addiction. I know my triggers and I know what I can and cannot expose myself to. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that one time of using is okay…its the hook that pulls you in. You’ve come so far make that count. Don’t give up on you..you count. I am only an email away when you feel the walls closing in on you.
    Bert

  4. Like Roberta, I seldom tell my story, and when I do, it’s not even half of it, but I too am a sober addict , 28 years sober, I at one time was hooked on Heroin , it is a part of me that I try to keep buried in the past, as Lesboi said.. the past is the past and it should be left there, I certainly am not the same person I was back then, addiction is rough, prescription addictions are equally as rough, my sister is addicted to various prescriptions , it saddens me , but it is her life all I can do is love her and be there to help her if and when she decides she has had enough.

    Boredom is really rough especially when you are trying to kick it , perhaps now would be a great time to focus on those paracord bracelets you spoke about a good long while ago? , it can be hard to keep busy and keep yourself steadily occupied while the withdrawals run their course, I have found sleeping a great deal, be it power napping or dead sleep helps greatly, I know you are extremely intelligent and do not have to be told not to try the stuff you were once hooked on … not even once , you know where that leads and look how hard you have worked to better yourself since those days … hit the ground running my friend and never look back , our demons will chase us until the end of our days , but you are smart and you are strong , you can stay ahead of those demons and keep them in the past where they belong .

    Hang in there.. it will get better.
    Your friend always
    Butch.

  5. I think it’s difficult to say ‘leave the past in the past’ when every day is an opportunity to move forward – from the past. I’m not sure I’m making sense but my message is simple – hang in there, you’re made of strong stuff and when you have those moments of craving or doubt … Find something that helps get you through … At times like this it’s easy to forget how powerful you are X

    1. Yes, I have been trying like hell to stay busy. The moving into my own new space has helped to keep me occupied and to keep my mind off of things that it shouldn’t be on in the first place. Thanks for the encouraging words of wisdom. Peace. ~MB

Leave Your Feedback!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s