Let’s talk about being friends with an ex. Can it be done?
Autostraddle did an article about it today, the question being asked was when you constantly fight with an ex after you’ve broken up, and are trying to be “friends” is it worth it? I think it’s like letting them live mortgage free in your heart and life without the commitment of a relationship. Most of us need a clean break when we split up with someone, that way the hurt is left in the past and it’s easier to get over. Remaining friends can be very very tricky, and if you are still fighting over things that happened before then maybe it’s not completely “over” because it takes some passion to fight, and if that passion is still there then how can it be over?
I know that I have always tried to be on good terms with my ex’s, not always easy in the beginning to do, but I can say I have not made any enemies. I don’t keep them as close friends, I refer to them as more like people I used to know. I don’t have regular contact with any of them. If I did it would be because I was still interested in pursuing a relationship, and generally when it’s “over” for me, it’s over. I don’t care to keep them in my life more than absolutely necessary. We split for a reason, and that reason has never been to just become “friends” for me.
I have a couple of ex’s, on is my ex-wife of almost 14 years, that live relatively close by to me, and I do not see, call or text them at all. If we run into one another somewhere I am corial, polite and it usually is just a quick hello and how ya doin, then we go our normal separate ways.
To me friends are people in my life that I never wanted to have more intimate relations with, if I did then they were “more than friends” to me, and that’s very different. I can’t really see being close friends with someone what I had a more intimate relation desire with, no matter how far it went – or didn’t.
I think that I have always treated my ex’s decently, with respect and have let them get on with their lives as they have let me get on with mine. I don’t recall any that I have ill feelings for, I’ve dated some really awesome women, and had the priveledge to really love a couple beyond words. Those were the hardest ones to really remain friends with, I think when a relationship is over for me that moving on becomes a priority and to do that I need space and time to myself to process the thoughts, put closure on things and look to the future.
What do you think about ex’s becoming friends? How close is too close? If you are fighting after the break up, are things really “finished” completely? Where does that passion come from?