Greetings Readers! I am wide awake here at 3:10am and I have been thinking about doing some writing quite a lot lately. I just haven’s done it! I’ve been really super out of my element, with this move and all that it entails. I’m more than freaking ready to finish up the paperwork and get my ass moved into the place, it’s just the paperwork holding me up…and there’s not a whole lot that I can do about it to speed it up, the lenders take their own damned sweet time! I wish that the timing were better all around…with the holidays coming up, and snow in the near future (…that could happen ANY day now!) I am really ALL OUT OF WACK!
Now this could be a very boring kind of blog…I just need to write to help to keep my thoughts neatly knitted together inside my head! Writing, as I have probably said a million times during the life of this blog! is my stress reliever, and keeps me semi-sane!
It’s actually a very very very good thing that I don’t drink anymore! Haha! I’d be a blithering mess by now. I’ve been seriously cutting back on smoking cigarettes and I have quite smoking weed completely – hell, I did that months ago. It just made me sleeping and rather stupid acting, so I saw no need for it. I’ve indulged in the 420 since I was a teenager – back when you could get GOOD weed like Columbian Gold, Panama Red and Semsimelia just to name 3 popular ones. You can still get really super good weed now, but the prices are astronomical and it’s a bitch to go through the whole process of the buying…anyone who smokes knows what I mean, I ‘m not going to go through the illegal explanation of how to buy drugs – although I’m sure someone has a blog somewhere with exactly that type of content…and it would be alot of good fodder for the writing. But I think I will just keep those nasty old habits lost in my mind somewhere.
See? I am bored and while I want to write and feel the relaxation that it brings to me, I am a little lost on what to write ABOUT. So much is going on in my life…yet I am bored (it’s a technical thing) and things seem to be going in slow motion. Plus there is alot going on in the world I could comment on, lots in the news, lots of other blogs that could inspire me to write my thoughts on other topics…yet I cannot figure out exactly where to start. Let’s see what happens if I just write….
Moving: You all know that I am moving and have been in this process since mid-September when the home I had went on the sales block and sold in 3 days….an unexpectedly FAST sale. Unfortunately I didn’t have a new place lined up yet, kind of like I put the cart before the horse in a major way. Of course I didn’t think it was a big deal, hell at least things were moving in the right direction, but it was much more difficult to find a place in the neighborhood that I wanted to live in – a little neighborhood called Yankee Commons. It’s a highly sought after mobile home neighborhood. People like me who are looking for mobile homes, like me, really like that neighborhood because it’s very well organized and kept up by the property managers for the park. Plus it’s not infested with too many children or unruly type pets, and they really keep people respecting the rules, which means it stays nice. I didn’t like my old neighborhood because the property owner who leases all of the lots to the homeowners, didn’t take any pride or take care of the property at all. The roads were all dug up from an old sewer project he had to do like 4 years ago, he never mowed the common areas. He didn’t enforce any of the park regulations, so it was basically anarchy. The place was a big mess. I loved my home, just not the neighborhood. This new neighborhood is only 5 miles from the old one, and one town over. So I am even CLOSER to the beaches and the parks! Right off of a main road so I can be anywhere I need within minutes.
So I am trying to manage staying with my cousin at the time being. She’s been great. It was difficult to find a place that would allow me to have 2 dogs…I had to jump through some hoops to get approved for 2 at the Commons too. But they at least met the dogs, saw how big – or rather LITTLE – the are and approved them to be in the park with me. I was NOT going to give either one of them up for anything. It would break my heart and would not be fair to them to make them go somewhere strange. I can’t even bear to think about it!
I put all of my things into 2 storage unit, one 10×20 and one 5×10 at the end of October, so everything is neatly packed up and stored until I can move it into the new place. I have the dogs, 2 boxes which have dog food and my basic needs for clothing in them, my meds, my computer, a small TV and the basic necessities for living for the time being. Remember how I said I wish I could go back to those days of living where you could fit everything you own in the trunk of your car? Well I no longer wish that anymore!!! I miss having all my stuff around me, I hate living out of a couple of boxes and a laundry basket. I will be so damned happy when I get that closing date!!! This will be the very last time I ever move. I am almost 54, I figure I got about 20 years left in me, and I don’t plan to use any of that time moving ever again!
The dogs have been stellar in their behavior throughout all of this. I am quite proud of them both. They love being here in the country. Lulu has even become fully house broken in the process. I used to keep wee-wee pad down on the floor near the door incase she had to go and I wasn’t either paying attention of not at home. She was great about using the wee pad, and would go outside whenever I took her. But here she’s elected to go outside all of the time, and has gotten great at holding her bladder. Hey, this is a BIG deal to us dog owners! Laugh! But it’s a thing of beauty when you can say your dog is housebroken! (Right my fellow dog people?) Hahaha!
Truck: This is a very stupid story. I bought my SUV, a GMC Envoy, 13 months ago. It was used. Had 141K miles on it but good shape looked good and all. I’ve done nothing but pour money into it for the last year. Not only did I take a 4 year loan on it, so I have monthly payments, but I have done things like replaced the transmission, the power steering pump, the radiator, tie rods, wheel bearings, and other minor things. When I got it the dealership put a sticker on it for the safety inspection that was good for a year. I just took it to get it inspected because the sticker was expired, and it won’t pass inspection – because the frame is rotted out. It’s all I needed. I have payments now on a useless vehicle that can never pass an inspection and is also due for re-registration and renewal of insurance – which I shouldn’t even do because it’s not going to pass a road safety inspection ever! I got screwed when I bought it. I took it back to the dealership and told them I wanted to trade it in, but they won’t even give me what I owe on it…after only 13 months, and 18K miles, and all the work I did….I am at a total loss as to what to do. I am sure if I had the money I could sue them, but that would take forever and cost way too much. I just want a decent vehicle to get around town on and that is safe to drive, has no major mechanical issues and I can afford!!! I feel so stupid about this because I didn’t pay enough attention to the guy who told me it had some “rust” underneath when I had the tranny replaced…I should have asked “like how much rust?” or something. The mechanic who did the safety inspection told me he wouldn’t put “one dime” more into the truck, that it wasn’t repairable and would never pass an inspection. I almost stood there and cried. I’m not sure what I will do at this point. I have 34 more payments left on a useless vehicle, and it’s due for re-registration and renewal of insurance now too. I shouldn’t do anything more to it. I need to find me a nice beater truck, something to just putt around town in that will take a sticker and won’t give me any problems. Something cheap. Somehow I need to find a way to save enough money to find exactly that, a beater.
I’m holding it together emotionally which is amazing all in itself! I’ve learned to have TONS of patience, and I was a fairly patient person to begin with! These experiences lately have taught me even more patience. I am wanting to go back to work very badly and hope that the housing issue is resolved soon so that I CAN. Right now I have my 2 dogs and am staying at my cousins, so I can’t just leave the dogs here while I work right now. If it were just Nola it would be different, but the puppy is a handful and has to be watched like a small child most of the time. It wouldn’t be appropriate to leave her at someone else’s home and not be here to watch over her. At least not in my world would it be appropriate.
So as soon as I am settled in the new place I will pick up a part time job right away. That will really help me out as long as my back can hold out. I am going to look for something that’s not too hard on the back, it just can’t take any more injury or stress. I recently have stopped taking the heavy duty pain killers that I was on for it…that’s been a whole other issue on top of everything else! Now that I am off of them I am going to try to just maintain with over the counter stuff and perhaps a muscle relaxer. I still have to discuss this with the doctors and figure out what’s best.
What else is going on….let’s see…I think this is probably enough of my boring stuff for right now. I’ve been doing some mentoring with younger Butches, and managing to keep up fairly well during all of the chaos here. I really enjoy their email exchanges, and getting to know what these younger people think about today’s world, what they know about how we all got where we are today. I had one remark that she was at a Pride event and admired how many older Butches were there representing surviving the difficulty of times behind us. I was impressed that this young Butch took time to think about how difficult it was being Butch in the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s…and how it wasn’t really until after 2000 that things really started to change and we began to see progress in equality and recognition because of the hard work of many LGBT people and activists through the previous decades. I remember how difficult it was just being Butch in the 80’s…I can only imagine how much harder it was in the 60’s when I was just a tyke. I think a good blog for the future would be a Q & A between Butches young and older addressing what it’s like or was like when each was in their 20’s…the formative decade that often follows our “coming out”. I came out at 18, in 1980 and it was pretty rough; eing lesbian wasn’t looked upon very kindly, and being Butch wasn’t popular even with the LGBT crowd to much extent. The 80’s were a hard partying decade of sex, drugs, night clubs and bar scenes. Gay bars were far more popular then than nowadays.
Ok, I must end this , I’m over 2100 words now and I haven’t really said very much. Just lamenting the same basic situations and hoping that things start to pick up and look up very soon. I’m counting on it. Hope I didn’t bore anyone too much. And if you think you’d like to join me in a Q&A blog let me know. I am formulating questions now, and also would like to know what questions you would ask or want to be asked. Feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org anytime. 🙂 ~Peace~ MB