Patience…

Flannel season has officially begun.  My minimized closet, which has been minimized due to my packing to put everything but the bare necessities into storage, holds all of 5 flannel shirts and 2 cotton button downs for those dressier occasions should they arise.

This time of year is my favorite actually.  I love my flannel shirts, my dungarees and work boots with thermal socks.  I love the layers of clothing and feeling warm and snug. I’ve even had to wear a jacket a few times lately, it’s been getting just that cold.  I love waking up to the crisp clean Autumn air, rustling colored leaves and pretty blue skies that seem to be just a bit brighter with their fluffy white clouds around this time of year.  There’s just nothing like Fall in New England in my opinion!  Nothing like it!  It’s just a truly beautiful time of year.

Nothing has been going right lately.  I’m packing all of my belongings into a storage unit in Portsmouth.  I still have no place to live as of yet.  And my life feels like it’s in total limbo.  I’ve been hanging in there by a thread, feeling a little bit lower every day.  It’s just not what I am used to.  I’m so much more organized than this usually, having everything around me in utter chaos feels very wrong.

I have to be out of here by the end of the month, and I will stay with my parents for a short while, and maybe with my cousin for a while if I don’t find anything suitable for the dogs and me soon.  I’ve never had this issue, the being sort of homeless issue that is, as I have always known where I was going to go to next, either to a new home, apartment or whatever.  This just feels real disconcerting to be in this sort of limbo.  The dogs are worrying me too.  I have to take care of them and their needs as well. They will stay with me wherever I go, but it will be a time of turmoil for them too.

My truck, which I just dropped a boatload of cash into fixing a couple of months ago has issues again….if it doesn’t rain in my life – it pours!  Just what I needed right now when things are so incredibly financially tight because of my moving and storage and the whole housing thing.  Seems that I have a major power steering line leak, and on a GMC Envoy those lines are long and wrapped all up under the engine, go to a small cooler and back to the pump (which is new).  The line leak is causing me to have to add a pint of fluid a day to the system.  Replacing these lines is a major deal, I was quoted the top end of $1400 for the repair – worst case scenario – today.  I can’t afford that.  Just not going to happen. So I will keep adding fluid and limping it along.  I really need to get rid of this SUV and get something else – like another small beater pick-up truck.

So, as you can tell I am in a deeply frustrating point in my life right now. With everything going on, I am just not sure which way to turn, or what to do.  I try to go patiently through my days and maintain my cool.  I realize that there is only so much I can do right now and that everything is going to take time.  I just hope that I can continue to have this patience and not go crazy in the meantime.  🙂  haha

I haven’t been doing much socially lately, haven’t been online much or been very talkative with people.  I just have too much on my mind and haven’t felt real good about my whole situation lately.  It’s not like I am doing a whole lot that gives me much to talk about besides just packing stuff, hauling stuff to storage and waiting for whatever is next in my days ahead.

Been doing a lot of reading online and watching of Youtube videos lately.  Just for entertainment mostly. I have Netflix and am about the dive into the current season of Orange is the New Black, a series which I just love.  Tomorrow I plan to tear down my aquarium and clean it up.  A friend of mine is taking it to set up at her place.  I am going to give the fish to the lady up at the pet store, she can quarantine them and then add them to one of their tanks up there.  If I get another aquarium set up in the future I am going to go with the “slim” tank version, it’s really cool looking and saves a lot of space.  I saw a nice one set up at Mainely Pets.

So, physically I am doing pretty well, mentally and emotionally I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown, but I’m hanging in there.  I hope you are all well and enjoying this beautiful time of year!  🙂  ~MB~

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Author: MainelyButch

I am a pretty relaxed, proud, Butch and a native Mainer who enjoys reading, writing, blogging, vlogging and social interaction. I live in southern Maine, near the coast with my 2 small dogs and I hail from a very large, loving family that is historically rooted here. I write about my life, my experiences, living successfully with HIV, my YouTube experiences, and just about anything that piques my interest. This blog may contain profanity and sexual situations, and is not intended for younger audiences. Read at your own risk. At 54 I see life as just beginning a new chapter, and have decide this is the time that I need to write the stories that got me to this point. I believe we live our lives in chapters, changing, evolving and moving continuously with the times. I love to laugh, have discussions, debates and even the occasional nonsense conversation! I generally enjoy people, but not drama, hatred, ignorance or those who choose to feel they are somehow elite or superior to another simply due to their mere existence. I try to be very conscious of the health of the world around me - environmentally, socially, economically, and ethically. The people who are dear to me know me as having a tough exterior, filled with marshmallow and crunchy peanut butter. I continually strive to be the best I can be, especially to address life head on...always.

4 thoughts on “Patience…”

  1. Hi MB~ Was just thinking about you. Sorry things are going rough for you. Like you when it rains in my life I can expect it to pour. Just keep good thoughts and breathe deeply. No breakdowns allowed.lol Enjoy each day and no regrets….ever. Hugs to Nola and LuLu
    Bert

  2. It seems like you’re in a really tough spot. Cars exist to take all our disposable income (and that from a car salesman’s daughter). I’ve only come across your blog recently, so by no means am I in a position to be sure how to sincerely and respectfully reach out. I live in Minnesota, so I know what the onset of winter is like. It can be beautiful and bracing, but if you’re down, it can be a real bitch. I’m glad you have the dogs. It’s important not to let your struggles cause you to become isolated. Here in MN, we moan about high taxes, but what we get in return is a reasonable expectation that when we need help, we ought to be able to get help. Garrison Keillor’s book, Homegrown Democrat, does a great job of describing our attitude(s) about not turning a blind eye to others’ distress. I strongly encourage you to read it, to the extent that I’ll send you my copy, if you like. With those things in mind, I hope the following questions/suggestions are received in the spirit of helping, in which they are offered. Maine has that “self-reliant Yankee” reputation to me, so maybe the state is useless when it comes to social programs. But if not, your county offices may be able to help with housing, and maybe even with your transportation problems. If not your local government, local NGOs (non-governmental organizations, otherwise known as charities) may be able to help. In MN, we have a “First Call for Help” phone line for people who need help but don’t know where to turn. Maybe Maine has something similar. You’re a veteran, and I know the VA comes in for heavy criticism, but they may have resources you can draw on. (Can you tell I work for the guvmint?) You mentioned family resources. I declared bankruptcy a few years back. I thought I had made clear to my family that I needed help, but they didn’t see it that way. Does your family clearly understand the extent to which you need help? It may be that living with them for more than a few weeks would not go well, but do they have other resources that they could bring to bear — like a car that’s not getting much use that could be sold to raise cash? Last year, I gave my nephew a car with nearly 200,000 miles on it. It wasn’t great, but it was better than what he had, which was a bike (in snowy Montana). Somebody followed him home and mugged him after he flipped them off for driving too close to him when he was on the bike. He needed the car much more than I needed it to sit in my driveway. Don’t leave people saying, “I didn’t know” — they may step up if you really need them to. My family eventually did. But they need to know clearly that you need their help. If any of this is out of line, I apologize. Most of all, I want to help the only way I can, and this is it. Best wishes for a good outcome, or at least improvement, soon. Don’t lose heart!

    1. It’s not so much a money issue right now, I am limping along okay with my income, but it’s just that so much is happening at once. I had my new place all lined up, but the financing is the issue right now, the banks are so slow and they aren’t working with us like we would like them to. I am going to stay with my parents for a while, they are aware of my struggle at the moment, and are very supportive. My truck…well, it’s got issues, but I keep it ticking along and I keep making the payments! I just feel like I can’t get a break lately, but I know if I have patience that all things will come together as they are meant to. Thanks for taking the time to give me all this information. I appreciate it. And thanks for being a reader! 🙂 ~MB

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