Some Days

Some days are just fucking hard.  That is life.  Some days are easy. Some days I am busy, some days I am not.  Some days I want to jump off the high level bridge, but I don’t because nothing is worth that.  Some days I want to run on the beach with my dogs.  Some days I want to hide and not talk to anyone.  Some day I will have someone who understands all of these angles of me.  Some day I will be understood and loved.  It’s not that hard, I am an easy going Butch in reality.  Some day someone will see that great side of me and love me for who I am – for both the good and bad, through thick and thin times –  and not for who they want me to become, but for who I truly am.  Some day I will be enough for someone.  I am not at all a “fair weather” kind of Butch; my life is not all roses and rabbits, it’s more complex than that I am afraid.  Some days I am a bit moody, and some days I am just fine.  Some day someone will hold me in their arms and tell me that it’s okay to be just me, that I am good enough; that no matter what my mood she will still love me.  Some day I will hold her and tell her the very same thing.  Some day she will walk into my life and never want to leave, no matter what.  I will wait for that some day because that is what I want, true and honest words and feelings; a strong woman of substance and who is confident in herself and in me and my love for her. Some day I will find someone who will fight to keep our love alive and well in the moment.  Some day I will have exactly what I need and want.  Some day when she looks into my eyes directly I will know her feelings without words, and she will know mine.  Some day I will have true love again.  I am waiting patiently for some day.  Because that is how I want to be loved.

I am feeling kind of off today, but I will be okay I am sure.  I just need to understand that the world doesn’t always go the way I want it to go, and that not everything is in my control.  Luckily it’s a slow day for me, I am not doing anything special – or have no plans to do anything as of yet today, thank God.  So I can take it easy, just chill out at home with my loving dogs and do some thinking and writing.  I hope everyone else is having a good Friday and is ready for the weekend.  ~Peace~  MB

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Author: MainelyButch

I am a pretty relaxed, proud, Butch and a native Mainer who enjoys reading, writing, blogging, vlogging and social interaction. I live in southern Maine, near the coast with my 2 small dogs and I hail from a very large, loving family that is historically rooted here. I write about my life, my experiences, living successfully with HIV, my YouTube experiences, and just about anything that piques my interest. This blog may contain profanity and sexual situations, and is not intended for younger audiences. Read at your own risk. At 54 I see life as just beginning a new chapter, and have decide this is the time that I need to write the stories that got me to this point. I believe we live our lives in chapters, changing, evolving and moving continuously with the times. I love to laugh, have discussions, debates and even the occasional nonsense conversation! I generally enjoy people, but not drama, hatred, ignorance or those who choose to feel they are somehow elite or superior to another simply due to their mere existence. I try to be very conscious of the health of the world around me - environmentally, socially, economically, and ethically. The people who are dear to me know me as having a tough exterior, filled with marshmallow and crunchy peanut butter. I continually strive to be the best I can be, especially to address life head on...always.