Some Days

Some days are just fucking hard.  That is life.  Some days are easy. Some days I am busy, some days I am not.  Some days I want to jump off the high level bridge, but I don’t because nothing is worth that.  Some days I want to run on the beach with my dogs.  Some days I want to hide and not talk to anyone.  Some day I will have someone who understands all of these angles of me.  Some day I will be understood and loved.  It’s not that hard, I am an easy going Butch in reality.  Some day someone will see that great side of me and love me for who I am – for both the good and bad, through thick and thin times –  and not for who they want me to become, but for who I truly am.  Some day I will be enough for someone.  I am not at all a “fair weather” kind of Butch; my life is not all roses and rabbits, it’s more complex than that I am afraid.  Some days I am a bit moody, and some days I am just fine.  Some day someone will hold me in their arms and tell me that it’s okay to be just me, that I am good enough; that no matter what my mood she will still love me.  Some day I will hold her and tell her the very same thing.  Some day she will walk into my life and never want to leave, no matter what.  I will wait for that some day because that is what I want, true and honest words and feelings; a strong woman of substance and who is confident in herself and in me and my love for her. Some day I will find someone who will fight to keep our love alive and well in the moment.  Some day I will have exactly what I need and want.  Some day when she looks into my eyes directly I will know her feelings without words, and she will know mine.  Some day I will have true love again.  I am waiting patiently for some day.  Because that is how I want to be loved.

I am feeling kind of off today, but I will be okay I am sure.  I just need to understand that the world doesn’t always go the way I want it to go, and that not everything is in my control.  Luckily it’s a slow day for me, I am not doing anything special – or have no plans to do anything as of yet today, thank God.  So I can take it easy, just chill out at home with my loving dogs and do some thinking and writing.  I hope everyone else is having a good Friday and is ready for the weekend.  ~Peace~  MB

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