How to love someone properly is a wide topic. Everyone needs and desires something different. Everyone has had different experiences in the love department throughout their lives. Maybe some are so scarred from those experiences that they carry those scars on into the next “relationship” that they attempt to have.
I am not one who carries a whole lot of the negative things forward in my life. I have learned that this is useless. It only detracts from what you are doing NOW to live in the past and keep thinking about “oh if this one did this, then that one will too” Like people who say “everyone always leaves” that is a very negative thing to have to deal with when you are one of the “everyones” that they are referring to.
I make mistakes, I goof just like the next person will goof, and I do things that aren’t perfect in everyone’s eyes. That’s all just part of being a human being, of being an individual person. Not everything we do will always please other people, and if we live our lives trying to please someone else all of the time then we are missing out on living a very happy life.
When I want to date someone I want them to understand that we BOTH have pasts and we both live with some amount of scarring from past relationships. Just because your ex did something you didn’t like doesn’t necessarily mean that I will do it. Just because she left doesn’t mean I want to leave too.
When you push someone away with bringing up all of their mistakes repeatedly you should accept that you are pushing them away, and figure out why you are doing it. Nothing is irreconcilable Things can be fixed, and relationships can continue despite mistakes. Especially if there is any amount of love involved. Love should know no bounds, it should be forgiving and reassuring. If I have to live in constant fear, like walking on egg shells, with a person then it becomes very uncomfortable and I become very agitated. No one should be forced to keep paying for mistakes they made in the past forever, and when you end things that is forever.
I loved someone very deeply. I would have done anything for her, but she could not say the same for me. Thus it’s ended. I am still very upset and sad about it. I wanted us to work it out and have a real relationship, but this person seems incapable of that. She has no empathy for how I feel, I don’t think she understands what empathy is and how to be compassionate and considerate of another person’s feelings. It seems that she is very into just her own feelings and doesn’t realize what that does to me to have my feelings glossed over and ignored.
I became very attached to this person. My life revolved around our talking, texting and Skyping every day. I realize she’s quite different from some people. She has to have things a very certain way, and in dealing with me ONLY in an internet way it made her feel somewhat safe. She never talked about wanting to see me in person, never suggested that we spend time together in real life. It’s like she never even thought like that, but thought that the online thing was good enough. But she didn’t want me seeing anyone else either
She is a nice person. She’s very pretty and I was super attracted to her, hell I fell in love with her and we talked for close to a full year. She will never understand how I feel because she can’t understand it. She doesn’t want my love, but she wants my attention and doesn’t want me to have other love in my life. That seems really weird to me. She told me she loved me a couple of times, but I am not sure what she meant by it. Maybe she just loved me as a “friend” and that’s it. I didn’t want to be “just friends” and I didn’t spend a whole year working on being just that to her. I wanted – and want more with her. I love her as far more than a friend. Now we are ex-friends I guess.
After yesterday’s text exchanges I feel bad. I was in no mood to be woken up to her reminding me that it was all my “fault that she feels like she does”. I knew that already, she had been quite explicit with her full description a couple of weeks ago of why she would never be available to me, I took it hard then and it still bothers me now. How can it not bother me? To be listed out all of my shortcomings in one very long paragraph on text. I realized at that moment that anything that I thought or felt was nothing to her. She wasn’t intending to make me feel good, or to give me any kind of hope, reassurance or support. She was intending to send me away like a dog with my tail between my legs. Her last words were “don’t ever text me again”…and I obeyed. Until yesterday when she started texting me.
I wish we could have a civil conversation and not talk about all the past mistakes. I wish she could learn to forgive and forget. I am sorry for anything that I did in the last year that hurt her and I have apologized many times for each thing. I don’t even remember half of what she has on her list. It was that incidental to me, and she did things / said things that hurt me as well, but I don’t hold grudges about things, so I have left any of that in the past and don’t even think about it. She obviously thinks about all the things I did “wrong” to her and cannot let any of it go.
I hope she is happy, and that she doesn’t hold my mistakes over into her next relationship. She deserves to be happy, but she’ll never have good friends if she can’t learn to forgive things and move on. Holding on to grudges does nothing but take up valuable space in your brain that could and should be used to learn and grow and have better experiences. I hope she can become more open minded and learn from this.
I know that I deserve to be happy too. And I deserve someone who will love me through good and bad, who can handle my temperment and who understands that I am not fooling around when I say I love you…I don’t say it very often and when I do I mean it with all I have got.