Questions from Cyberspace

I did a video blog the other day and got several questions back from viewers, I’m going to do both written and video blogs in response to those questions.

no1uknow asked this question:  “So my question is… how young were you when you knew that you were attracted to women/girls? To me, it seemed very natural to be attracted to boys. I wonder if my nephew knew at a very young age, too, that he is attracted to males. I do not think being gay is learned… I think it is in the dna. What do you think?”

Well, I do think it’s in the DNA myself.  As far back as I can remember I have been attracted only to girls/women. Even in grade school I knew, but somehow I also instinctively knew that I had to hide that attraction and could not act on it.  At around 10-12 I started to become even more aware, and more self-conscious of my feelings.  I never acted on them until I was 18 and away from home, but even then I was scared of what other people would think of me.  I had my own internalized homophobia that had been taught to me.  I was taught it was wrong, and that it didn’t happen in good families.  But I knew that I was lesbian the first time I ever looked the word up in the dictionary.  Thankfully after I did come out to my family they were very accepting and loving, and have always been very supportive of me.

So I think that being LGBT is something we just ARE and not something we become some how.  I think it’s something that we are predispositioned to be when we are born.  And I think that no amount of conditioning can either make you gay/lesbian or break you from being gay/lesbian.  It’s just part of who we normally are as people.

I believe that some people fight the urge, and some choose to stay closeted for various reasons.  I did not because it was so blatantly part of who I am.  I wear my Butch badge on my sleeve, to be seen with me is to be seen.  I can’t really hide my sexuality like some can.  I tried that in the beginning, then I got drunk one night and kissed my girlfriend at the time in front of all my straight friends….and I was outted on the spot.  And I’ve lived as an out Butch lesbian ever since then.

fin1964 asked “thanks for posting  may be talk about  your Tats  alway like ink stories”

I did a whole written blog on my tats here at this link:  December 30, 2014 blog on Tatoos.

I have to say now that I am getting older I do wish I had not gotten some of the tats that I have, and I am going to have some work done to cover some of them in the future.  The kanji work on the inside of my right forearm for example is going to become a long eagle feather.  It currently says “love conquers all” in Kanji, and was a sort of spur of the moment addition that I had done in Dover NH a few years back.  And the stars behind my right ear need to be cleaned up a bit and perhaps I’ll even add a few.  I have a Jolly Roger (skull and cross bones) on my right shoulder blade on my back that was a very regretful get.  I dressed it out into a flag a while back, and put a rose vine climbing the flag pole to remind me that love can be very prickly sometimes.  No one ever sees it, so I don’t think about it that much.

I got quite a few comments on the recent vlog, and I thank everyone for saying hi.  I haven’t really thought much about returning to Youtube to vlog again, but I will consider it.  It used to be really fun back in the old days of doing conversational vlogs with other Youtubers, but it’s become so commercial now and I really haven’t been in a place where I’ve felt comfortable doing them nowadays.

That’s all for now!  Peace!  ~MB

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