Sigh….

Some say I am coming off negatively….wtf.  I give the fuck up on trying not to appear like a total loser here.

I didn’t mean to be negative.  Here’s the truth. After much negotiation and her making an additional 7 hour drive, I met with her.  In Boston.  For 2 hours.  Period.

My impressions?  The chemistry between us was thick and good.  I really like her, but that’s so obvious already.  and I think the feeling was pretty mutual.  We spent a good amount of time touching and hugging….which was awesome.

She’s awesome.  Just as good looking as I imagined and gained from our Skype sessions, and just as nice as she always has been with me on Skype, and she has the most awesome eyes….

Cons?  She lives 3487 miles away (you translate it to kilometers, I don’t know how).  She might be dating someone else.

What you say?  How could that be so fast, her dating someone else?  I asked the same question.  In my heart I can feel that she is still attracted to me and wants to have contact with me daily as we always have had in our 10 months together, but it looks like there is a 3rd party that may have some interest…like I fucking care.  I don’t.  Whoever the 3rd party is is not my concern at all.  I am only concerned with her and I.  Cuz that’s what it has been over the last 10 months.  I don’t believe that she can just forget what we have and pick up with someone new so quickly, she’s too shy for that and too reserved.  It has taken me months to get to know her….not something that can be done in a few days.

Should I see someone else?  I don’t know.  I have someone I would like to see actually, if this doesn’t work out with her and I.  But honesly I want things to work out.  I want to be involved with her and her alone.  yeah, even after all the shit that has gone down, I am still wildly attracted to her and want her in my life….and as my girlfriend, not as just a friend.

She says I only write the bad.  I guess she’s right.  Well, it was great to get to see her in person.  She’s beautiful as ever and her hugs are just as sweet as I imagined.  It was all I could do to keep myself from kissing her, but I did not.  I figured it was better for me to act like a gentlebutch and not go where I wasn’t wanted.  Then she tells me she wishes I had kissed her….oh be still my beating heart.  Damn, I wish I had listened to my instincts.

So what now?  I don’t really know.  What I want is for us to continue to talk and to see each other again soon.  I want us to spend some time together and see if this is truly what as good as it felt when I saw her in person.  I may have that chance again in a couple of months, I pray I do.  Until then I will just play it cool.  Let her lead the way and see what happens between us.  It’s hard not to get my hopes up, but I am trying very hard to keep calm and collected, but it’s not easy for sure.

Tonight I had to attend the base 157th Air Refueling Wing’s change of command ceremony at Pease Tradeport.  My brother in law is int he Air National Guard and just assumed command of the 157th tonight in the ceremony. It brought back memories of my days in the military, and the pomp and circumstance that went along with promotions and the such.  It was fun to stand tonight with 1000 soldiers and airmen in formation and listen to the speaches. And to see David handed the company guideon (flag).  He’s a good guy, he’ll make a fine commander.  I am proud of him.  After the ceremony we went to Mission’s End pub for drinks, and snacks.  Then I went downtown to my favorite waterside dining establishment, the Ferry Landing, and had more drinks and some dinner.  I had shrimp and portabello mushrooms stuffed with seafood stuffing….damn it was some good!!!

I love living in southern Maine most of the time (we will exclude the winter months when it snows). It’s close to the ocean, close to some awesome cities and towns and close to the mountains.  There is just no other place that offers as much diversity, and I like that.   I am looking for a new place here, but it will be here that I stay for now.  Peace!  ~MB

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Author: MainelyButch

I am a pretty relaxed, proud, Butch and a native Mainer who enjoys reading, writing, blogging, vlogging and social interaction. I live in southern Maine, near the coast with my 2 small dogs and I hail from a very large, loving family that is historically rooted here. I write about my life, my experiences, living successfully with HIV, my YouTube experiences, and just about anything that piques my interest. This blog may contain profanity and sexual situations, and is not intended for younger audiences. Read at your own risk. At 54 I see life as just beginning a new chapter, and have decide this is the time that I need to write the stories that got me to this point. I believe we live our lives in chapters, changing, evolving and moving continuously with the times. I love to laugh, have discussions, debates and even the occasional nonsense conversation! I generally enjoy people, but not drama, hatred, ignorance or those who choose to feel they are somehow elite or superior to another simply due to their mere existence. I try to be very conscious of the health of the world around me - environmentally, socially, economically, and ethically. The people who are dear to me know me as having a tough exterior, filled with marshmallow and crunchy peanut butter. I continually strive to be the best I can be, especially to address life head on...always.

1 thought on “Sigh….”

  1. doublesigh … seriously … :/
    and then .. ?!? .. 3487 miles away … you are going to see each other not more than twice a year .. unless she is rich and can afford to pay more fligths … but .. will she … ?!? …or is she playing games … ?!?
    How old is she .. ?!? .. maybe you have already told … I don´t know … I guess young enough to behave like she does .. :/ … 35 ..?!? … 25 .. ?!?
    What does your gut say … ?!? what does your heart … ?!? .. Hopefully, you won´t regret it , later on ..it would be such a shame .. !!!!! 😦
    I´ll keep my fingers crossed 4 u (just 4 u .. ) !!!!! 😉
    what doesn´t kill u only makes u stronger ! 😀
    Anyway … thank u for blogging again … !!!! 🙂 .. u r back .. and that´s great … !!!! 😀
    PEACE 🙂

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